Eastern Europeans are STEALING our LARD!

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Oh the horror!

Lard lovers face national crisis

Christmas dinners throughout the UK are under threat this year from a shortage of lard as Eastern Europeans stockpile cheap cuts of pork.
Increased demand from recently-joined members of the European Union has led to a shortfall in available pork to turn into lard, retailers say.

New members, which include Hungary and Poland, are buying within the EU to avoid a levy on non-EU imports.

Lard can be used to make mince pies, Christmas pudding and roast potatoes.

Empty shelves

Supermarkets in the UK have already warned that stocks are running low and now there are fears that the shortage could spark panic-buying, leaving empty shelves in the run up to Christmas.

There has been unprecedented demand from Eastern European countries such as Poland and Hungary for the cheapest cuts of pork
Somerfield

Somerfield said it has already been forced to limit the number of tubs of lard on sale at each of its stores.

It had advised shoppers to check their local stores when possible to see if another delivery has come in.

"There has been unprecedented demand from Eastern European countries such as Poland and Hungary for the cheapest cuts of pork to meet their demand for sausages, salamis and pies," said a spokeswoman for Somerfield.

"This upsurge in demand for cheap cuts of pork-meat normally used to make the lard has lead to a serious shortfall in lard production throughout the European Union."

Lust for lard

If the lard mountain keeps melting, professional chefs are recommending that foodies use margarine or cooking oil instead.

LARD FACTS
Lard is made from hog fat
The fat is richer than many other fats
Ideal for flaky biscuits and pastries
Lard has fewer calories than butter
One tablespoon contains 13 grams of fat, 116 calories and 12 milligrams of cholesterol
Cross-channel swimmers cover themselves in the fat to keep warm

The current crisis has probably not been matched since lard rationing during World War II.

Despite warnings about ballooning obesity rates in the UK and a trend towards the use of vegetable fats, many people - particularly the over 50s - swear that lard is lord.

They insist that it makes better tasting pastry, and frown on the use of margarine, which, they claim, makes pastry too short as well as being more pricey.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/business/4012597.stm

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 09:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I love that they're blaming them furren types - blatant casual racism, "ooh look at them and their funny eating habits"...

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

How is that racism? The article is simply stating that eastern europeans are buying more lard because they are now members of the EU so its cheaper for them.

Claiming to find racism in every context is totally boring.

― Mediawhore, Wednesday, 17 November 2004 09:53 (twenty-one years ago)

The Great Lard Famine of '04

― robster (robster), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

That reminds me - must pick up lard for PIE purposes.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 09:57 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe this is where our LARD is going: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/3713028.stm

That Chocolard sounds suspiciously like SLARD (all the taste of sugar, all the goodness of Lard).

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Cross-channel swimmers cover themselves in the fat to keep warm

wonder what this does to their complexion

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:30 (twenty-one years ago)

http://klishis.com/lard.JPG

― robster (robster), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:36 (twenty-one years ago)

is it true that mcdonalds french fries in europe are still cooked in lard?

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:37 (twenty-one years ago)

It attracts thousands of plankton to nuzzle their pores for a full-body salt-water enema.

Margarine makes pastry "too short" ? Is this person actually conjugating the word "shortening" ?

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I wasn't aware anyone actually bought lard, but then again I don't think I had ever thought about it before.

I met a Dutch guy called Lard once. He was a thoroughly nice chap, despite the silly name.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:44 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost there is a term short crust pastry

We've still got half a block in the fridge, thank goodness

― Vicky (Vicky), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh no! SHORT PIE SHORTENING SHORTAGE! Oh NO!

― RickyT (RickyT), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

How is that racism? The article is simply stating that eastern europeans are buying more lard because they are now members of the EU so its cheaper for them.

Yeah you're right. In my head, I think I was adding my own alarmist Daily Mail editorialisation to a completely innocent factual piece. Terrible isn't it, that I can read a piece mentioning People From Other Countries and automatically add a xenophobic slant to it...

xpost phew! all round to Vicky's!

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Eastern Europeans (YOU KNOW, WHERE THE ASYLUM SEEKERS COME FROM)

but maybe they'll bring the Lard with them?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:52 (twenty-one years ago)

How will I make parkin with no lard (with dripping obviously)

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 11:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha Vicky.

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

This is a national crisis on a par with the Branston Pickle shortage of two weeks ago. Have people started panic-buying yet?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 11:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I've only got a couple of ounces left! What will I do after I've used it to make dumplings?! I'll never get around to baking Madchen her longed-for lardy cake now.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 11:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Such is the lard surplus in Warsaw that they are making sculptures with the stuff.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 11:33 (twenty-one years ago)

If the lard mountain keeps melting, professional chefs are recommending that foodies use margarine or cooking oil instead.

glad they consulted the experts on that one.

― hockey family (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Dear ol' Western Europeans,
if the shortage of lard really be a pain, why don't you just ask your ol' special US of A'llies to relieve it?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Lard can be used to make mince pies, Christmas pudding and roast potatoes.

I like that particular piece of side information

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

shouldn't it be "lard is used in the cooking of..." one doesn't make roast potatoes out of lard after all...

also isn't butter a better replacement for lard than marg?

anyway, it's still the shoddiest piece of journalism i've seen for some time...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

there was a teacher in our school who was known as LARD because of the way he said "Lord".

but maybe he was MADE OF LARD?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

if lard is used to make donuts...

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

.. where would i find the lard of the rings??

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Lard is great. I make pastry out of it.

Apple pie with lard is oh so tasty.

P.S. put in apples as well as lard.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

P.S. put in apples as well as lard.

thanks for the tip!

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

hey pal, take it to i love cooking.

― hockey family (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm an old fashioned type that when someone says lard, I think cooking. Maybe you've got other uses for lard apart from making pastry and using as an aid to swim the English Channel, I dunno.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

The first time I heard about this was when I saw the EMPTY SHELVES in the soopamarket last night. I was gutted, it's put a dent in my plans for mince pies this year (going to try and make them with real mince, for the first time).

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I think pastry can be deemed properly short if it has more fat than flour - is that right? The shortbread recipe I found had 200g of butter and 175g of flour.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

if the shortage of lard really be a pain, why don't you just ask your ol' special US of A'llies to relieve it?

Old Europe? Let them NOT eat cake. [/isolationist fuckwit]

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.totaldvd.com.au/DVDProduct/Images/190x250pxgif/lastTangoParis.gif

was this lard? i forget.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

http://db.bbc.co.uk/radio1/onelife/personal/body_image/images/lard_before1.jpg

"Kiev 912.6 offered me more money so I thought what the hey"

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe you've got other uses for lard apart from making pastry and using as an aid to swim the English Channel

A friend of a friend allegedly worked out that lard is the best snacking food for hill-walking. Their family likes nothing more than to go out hiking across the fells of the Lake District (or wherever) with a big block of lard in their hand, to take a bite out of every mile or so.

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

The fact that 80% (at least) of the attractive women in London seem to be from Eastern Europe - then I say we should be eating more of it over here

― My Son Calls Another Man Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

they're not eating the pilfered lard then, or do you just prefer the larger lady?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

he wants to larger his ladies in tomato sauce

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Lard makes you beautiful not fat

― My Son Calls Another Man Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

apparently in Slovakia they're developing a new car that runs on lard. guess what it's called?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

skoda?

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"Get the butter." NOT lard! Sheesh.

As long as there's no shortage of
http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drc600/c640/c640809k069.jpg

― briania (briania), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

apparently in Slovakia they're developing a new car that runs on lard. guess what it's called?

please let it be....

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

GREASED LIGHTNING!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Lada 2: The Overtaking

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm amazed at all this lard love. Lard... it's made from pig fat. It's kind of disgusting. I don't want it in anything I eat.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 17:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i used to have to dip my hands in a bucket of lard and raisins and pull ouut pound size lumps of it in the bakery.
this was to make lardy cake.

eastenr europeans eat all sort of intesnely fatty foods but dont get fat becasue it is fucking cold for one thing. the other factors that stop them getting fat are a mystery

a compan y in the ukraine bought otu a novelty sweet madde from lard well it was really "chocolate covered salted fat" (salo)

salo is really popular from what i can see over there.

lard is ok, but it feels kinda ssquishy and gritty at the same time if oyu mush it about in yr hands which is a bit nauseating.

― ambrose (ambrose), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Salo is also a really smutty, faggy Pasolini film.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Geez, DV, what's wrong with pig fat?

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

There's some sort of Italian pigfat delicacy that involves raising a hog entirely on apples and walnuts, then butchering it and skimming the topmost layer of fat from the back: allegedly amazing. I think they should do that, and then raise a duck entirely on that pigfat, and then raise a duck entirely on the liver of that goose, and then wrap the duck in its own fat, for an exponentially tasty fattreat.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

That first duck is meant to be a goose, obviously. The point is: fuck the food chain, lets get started on the FAT CHAIN.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 21:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Lard is all
Lard is divine
Lard is control
Lard whips and chains our soul

Lard, We carry credit cards
Lard, We live in fear of art

Lard is the OM
Lard is revolution
Lard is the tapeworm
In the bottle of cheap tequila
That comes alive at night
And sneaks up and bites your nipple

Lard
Lard

― donut christ (donut), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Lardo OTM.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Geez, DV, what's wrong with pig fat?

it's made of PIGS, who are basically people with funny hands.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

IT's funny, whereas Jews and Muslims don't eat pork because it is unclean, I shun it because Pigs are our friends.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I am really confused by this story. IT'S NOT LIKE EASTERN EUROPE IS TRADITIONALLY AN AREA SHORT ON PIGS???? Also, the fact that they are now member countries where they weren't before could just mean that they are buying more of their own Polish pig fat and it's being counted for the first time, statistically! Maybe the problem is that the British aren't making enough pigs for some reason!

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 17 November 2004 23:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Brits! Get thee down the pig factory pronto! We're running short...

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 18 November 2004 07:49 (twenty-one years ago)

apparently the shortage of cheap cuts of pig has meant that the price of sausages rolls has rocketed too.

― Vicky (Vicky), Thursday, 18 November 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Best stick to non-pig sausage rolls then - ie. really cheap Te5co Value packs which contain, like, 3 per cent pig, 45 per cent bread and a bunch of mycoprotein. Mmm.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 18 November 2004 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

what him indoors could tell you about sausage rolls.... But not online, at least until after christmas.

― Vicky (Vicky), Thursday, 18 November 2004 09:14 (twenty-one years ago)

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