when the same person keeps calling and calling and doesn't leave a fucking MESSAGE

Last week our 'phone rang out three times in succession. Thinking it was important, I answered it to some bloke from Gallup wanting to do a survey. Cheeky fuckers.

This is why we don't answer the telephone ever. It rings on average about five times a day, and it's almost always some fuck trying to sell something or do a survey.

I had a big problem with my phone being cloned when I was on Sprint, and whomever was doing it was making extensive phone calls to the Dominican Republic, and after I'd get my phone # back working properly, I'd get tons of phone calls from numbers I didn't recognize, none of them leaving me messages in English, except for one, a contractor who screamed into my voice mail about Mr. (Name Removed), presumably the cloner, not showing up to work two days straight. The thing was, it struck me that my voice mail clearly states who I am and I am not speaking a language on it besides English, so I'm not really sure how all of these people still decided to leave messages for Mr. (Name Removed), and continue to call, repeatedly. It was wholly bizarre.

I kept the same # when I switched companies and I got it still, a few times, but I guess they gave up or he told them he "changed numbers".

Last year I got literally dozens of calls from some mad woman who thought I was her babysitter. As the weeks went on the messages got angrier and angrier, because she thought I was standing her up. After a while I answered the calls and told her she had the wrong number, but she kept calling me. In the end I told her in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

it struck me that my voice mail clearly states who I am and I am not speaking a language on it besides English, so I'm not really sure how all of these people still decided to leave messages for Mr. (Name Removed)

Those calls finally fell off after we changed our outgoing message so it explicitly says "If you're looking for somebody named Victor, you have the wrong number."

Hi, Barry?
No.
Can I speak to Barry?
There's no Barry, you've got the wrong number.
Oh. <pause> What number is this?
The wrong number.
Is this 9527...
You called the wrong number.
Yes, but is this 95...
Look, you've got the wrong number.
Oh. <pause> Do you have Barry's number?
<click>

I have no patience for this shit at all. Now I just hang up after the first 'you've got the wrong number'. If they're that stupid, they're not worth my time, especially when they expect me to know what number they should have called. Fuck 'em.

He went away, but alarmingly, was shuffling around the front of the block for a few more minutes before driving off. I was a bit worried I'd been cased at this point.

Then the next morning the fuckin' detectives showed up asking for the same guy (who I happened to know *did* used to live there as I sometimes get mail for him). I told them I assumed he used to live here due to the mail but I'd been here years, never heard of the guy. They took my details and went off.

I didn't think to ask the sherrif lady about the previous morning. I'm now wondering if the "removalist" was a rather shit at their job undercover cop.

Hello is Victor there?
Sorry, you've got the wrong number
Is this XXX-XXXX?
Yep, but there's no Victor here.
Huh. This is the number I have for Victor.
Yeah apparently it's the number he's giving out, but he doesn't live here.
Huh. I wonder why he'd give the wrong number.
I don't know. Are you with a collection agency or something?
Actually, yes. I'm with [I didn't really listen to the name of the agency].
Well, there you go.
<click>

Susan Chang had my phone number before I had it, though I've had it since early 2001. I still get calls from her credit card companies. And oh, how they think I'm hiding something.

Creditor: May I speak with Susan Chang, please?
Me: There's no Susan Chang here.
Creditor: Oh, when will she be back?
Me: No, no, you have the wrong number.
Creditor: When do you expect her to be back?

I took my truck to Precision Tune for an oil change. The guy asks for my phone number. He types it into the computer, and says, "Okay, Mr. Chang, do we have the '87 Honda Civic in for a tune-up today?"

Once I got a call saying I had won free dance lessons (no shit), and I started crying and told the woman that I had no legs.

Sometimes I still laugh about that one.

When the firemen or police or whatever call asking for a donation and won't take "no" for an answer, offer to donate zero dollars. It's so unexpected to them that they usually just hang up after trying to figure out what to say.

Any amount will help. Even just $20.
I'm really not interested or able to help.
Even $10 or $5 will help us out. Any amount.
Okay, fine. Put me down for zero dollars. I'll donate zero.
<pause>
<pause>
<pause>
<click>

Hi, can I have the number for Kevin's Magical Fairyland?
This is not the Yellow Pages. You have the wrong number.
Oh. <pause> Can you put me through to the Yellow Pages?
No.
And why not??
Because this is not Telstra. This is a private IT company that has nothing to do with Telstra.
But you can put me through to the Yellow Pages, can't you?
No, because this is not Telstra.
I want to speak to your manager.
But my manager has nothing to do with Telstra. You. Have. Got. The. Wrong. Number.
Fine, I'll complain to Telstra myself. <click>

And calls like this:

WHERE'S ME FUCKEN DOLE??
We're not Centrelink. You have the wrong number.
WHERE'S ME FUCKEN MONEY???? GIMME ME MONEY!!!!!
This is not Centrelink.
I DON'T CARE, I WANT ME FUCKEN DO--
<click>

Fuck I hate stupid people.

Me: Good afternoon, (name of company), Ailsa speaking, can I help you?
Old woman: I'm having an argument with my husband, do you know the name of the actress who was in "When the Boat Comes In" with James Bolam?
Me: Er, I think you have a wrong number?
Old woman: That's OK. Who are you?
Me: I work for an insurance company. Who are you actually looking for?
Old woman: You'll do. Do you know who was in "When the Boat Comes In"?
Me: Yes, it was Susan Jameson. But...
Old woman: You're an angel, thank you.

I had hoped she was going to say "And well done, you're live on the radio, here's a holiday for two to the Caribbean", or something. But no, cranky weird woman who calls random numbers out of the phone book to settle arguments with her husband.

Thirty seconds later:

Me: Good afternoon
Caller: Yes, Rick please
Me: Sir, you have the wrong number, there's no Rick here
C: Look, I want to talk to Rick. Now.
Me: I suggest you call his actual number then, this is not it.

However long it takes to hit redial

Me: Good afternoon, G...
Caller: Look, LET ME TALK TO RICK
Me: YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER
C: LET ME TALK TO RICK, HE'S MY BROTHER, I KNOW WHERE HE WORKS
Me: That's as may be, BUT HE DOES NOT WORK HERE
C: Look, I know he's there and avoiding me because he owes me money, but goddammit, put him on the phone, bitch
Me: He's not here. You have the WRONG NUMBER.

Redial

Me: Good aft...
Caller: PUT HIM ON THE PHONE
Me: HE DOESN'T WORK HERE
C: I'M GONNA COME LOOKING FOR HIM
Me: Might I suggest jamming your head up your ass and trying there first?

b-b-but do you see the caller's number on your phone, Jody?
...or is the number "protected"?

Shaniqua don't live here no more
Shaniqua don't live here no more
Shaniqua don't live here no more
Is Shaniqua there?
HELL NO!

Anyway, "Kevin's Magical Fairyland?" sounds brilliant.

Yeah well they have to, I'm busy.

Yeah well they have to, I'm busy.

B-b-but what if I'm phoning you to tell you there's a serial killer in your house? Or that someone is dying and wants to talk to you? Or that an ice cread truck has tipped over down the street and it's awesome?

Leave a message or try the mobile.

It's arrogant of people to call out of the blue and expect you to drop EVERYTHING just to run out of the room and take their call immediately.

I hate seeing people who go completely mental when the 'phone rings, and nearly kill themselves trying to get to the 'phone before it rings out. These people need to try not answering it, just once, and they'll notice the sky isn't falling. It's very easy.

Before I got DSL (and thus my line was almost permanenetly going to voicmail due to being busy from the dialup), people just to used to not being able to phone me (I also have a dodgy mobile) and just emailed meinstead. Very handy, and I always reply very promptly to my emails.

To get away from all this I recommend Walhalla, in the Victorian alps - it is buried so deep into a ravine in the middle of nowhere, there is no TV or mobile reception and very few landline phones. YEAH.

I don't answer ANY calls that don't display a number. I've already had some wanker call my mobile to sell me things. If it's important they leave a message; surprisingly few of them do.

NOOOO! Tell me what you want! So when I don't get you, I can leave a message with the answer!

.. And stop telling me what time you left the message - "It's uh 5 .. no uh, about 4:45 on Wednesday." Just get on with it.

i do this sometimes, but i'm paranoid about leaving long, rambling messages.

I called my mother on her cell phone once, and I could hear weird sounds in the background. I asked where she was.

Oh, we're in the movie theater.

I couldn't believe it. I told her that she could call me back when the movie's over. She later explained, "What if ....?" and my response was WELL DON'T GO TO MOVIES THEN. What would she have done ten years ago? If I got hit by a car, well, two hours ain't going to make such a difference if she's there or not, right?