First day at a new job... and where is your job?

But if something sounds too perfect, that means it can't possibly be true? Hence the flakiness?

my job is annoying today because i'm running around getting stuff for the AGM in a few minutes, and just busted my boss playing solitaire. so now i don't feel bad about slacking on ILX for a little while. sigh.

Just go in and try and make sense of it when you get to know them better.

I wouldn't write them off yet, esp if they can offer you exactly the kind of working practices you want!

How different does your permanent proposal thing have to be from the one you've already done?

I've just got the fear now...

x-x-x-post

Months later, we're both still here, but I'm on my way out, and she will probably be hired full-time. Her uncle's a foreman, she's a local, and she's cute.

It's the rest of the firm that I'm not really sure about. It's a brand new startup, hence the flakiness. She's only just started there herself, and she kind of said "don't start doing any work for them until you've got a contract signed" which kind of made me nervous, but I understand that, after the last place we both worked for.

Anyway. The ongoing role isn't really much different from what I'd be doing short term, just administering the database and reports that I'd be designing for them short term, plus taking over their website as well, which I'm kind of excited about.

Discovered that they aren't staying in Epsom, either, which is good news, since there's nothing there but a marketplace (no market), a gigantic scary shopping mall and The Albion: Fancy A Fite? Pub.

Permanent roles, I'm used to getting there and them not having a desk or a computer or whatnot, but not even having a *job*? That's a new one!

I had two months of that, back in the city...
The book was a biog of Peter Perret, amongst other things.

And surely, if you work a few days and then there isn't a job, well, you still get paid for the days you did work, no? If all you're worrying about is a few £5 train tickets then it sounds like a reasonable investment in something that could work out very very well.

Stop fretting love :)

If I can't get it documented that I was there, was asked to do stuff, did stuff, and got it signed off, then I don't even get paid for my time, let alone reimbursed for expenses.

I mean surely it's better to fret over something I can control, such as whether I have a job, than things I can't control such as my depressing utter lack of a lovelife or any life indeed at all.

If I didn't give my brain something to chew on, it would eat itself.

Actually, going by your last post, I don't understand. You worked for *someone*, surely??

Anyway... my boss sent through a contract or two, but I'm not sure which, if either, I'm supposed to sign, or what I'm supposed to do with them. I don't even have a printer. Argh.

I went to a meeting with the Managing Director, about the continuance of my role. I thought they were going to offer me the lamest of lame administerial jobs based on the job spec I was given on Friday. But they've offered me, like, the most super-hot-amazing-difficult-complicated Systems Analysis role.

I'm really overwhelmed and a bit scared. This is the sort of thing I've always thought that I could do, given half a chance. I just don't know if I have the confidence to take it on right now. God, confidence, where are you when I need you?

It's an amazing role. I just think it's too good for me. (God, does this sound familiar?) And I'm scared I'm going to f*ck it up.

2. Self-Esteem 1 Vague feelings of inadequacy 0

3. Yes, it does sound familiar. You won't fu(k it up, you're way too good.

I just tongue-tied my way through the interview because I didn't have the confidence to say "I can do this with my hands tied behind my back". But the MD thinks I'm "An Enigma" and that added to the mystery or something. Argh.

F*cking up a relationship because of insecurity leading to physical anxiety attacks, I'm used to that. But f*cking up a job, that's a different story.

Well done though!!

I'm not sure what your thoughts are about homeopathy/alternative medicine, but homeopathic treatment has helped me in the past (specifically with panic attacks) and will be less drastic for your system than anti-depressants.

So, in a weird way, my utter neurosis makes this the perfect job *for* me. Because that is exactly what I do, all the time, is over-analyse, and that's what they need. Someone to over-analyse.

I just wish I could stop the anxiety.

Maybe you're right about other, more holistic sides to it. This being that kind of a company, it might help me out to say "look, in order to understand the program, I've got to *do* the program" and see if there are any obvious solutions there.

my advice is a bit different, and could be read as flip or even rude, maybe. it's not intended like that. but, to the original question about not feeling like you can do it, i guess i say just give it a try, and if you completely blow it, you blow it. there's things about the job and company that you don't love, so if you really can't do this, you're clever enough to find something else. this has the (hopefully) added benefit of taking the pressure off a bit-- if you don't think 'ohmygod, i'm going to f this up totally, and that's the end of the world' you can look at it and say 'this looks fun. and if i break it, i can run away, and i've been at this company long enough that i can still find someone to write me a good reference, and sod them'

see what i mean about it sounding a bit flip? i guess it's just that i'm sure you can do it, if you weren't worrying about it so much. so by making it into not as much of a big deal, maybe you won't worry so much?

i'm possibly not making any sense, hope you get something out of that...

I've just been to lunch with my old boss, and she told me effectively the same thing, even though she's leaving, and I'm actually pretty unhappy about that. :-(

xpost ah. Now that can be better. Taking on a job while the person that hired you leaves = pressure is totally off... for a bit. (This has happened to me)

haha xp

No one on earth is perfect and no one is going to catch everything, but you describe yourself as exactly the sort who should be on the systems analysis wall. Someone who will check things twice and check them again.

You'll be fine Kate.

And then I started to think about it. And thought "Wait a minute... even if I totally crash and burn and fuck up, do you KNOW how amazing the title "Systems Analyst" will look on my resume?" I mean, that's what my *Dad* did.

If nothing else, it's good money to tide me over during a real limbo period. At best, it could actually be a window into the next level up in an area that I find fascinating.

I just really wish I could stop bursting into tears spontaneously when I feel under pressure. That's really not very Enigmatic.

< /emo >

you might be surprised! i found out (ages later) that someone described me as 'that girl that looks haunted and lovely' or something when i was going through a rough patch in chicago-- he *liked* the look of depression in my eyes. freak.

i think you'll do well, and you're totally right about how it'll be great for your cv, if nothing else. sorry that things are still overwhelming, hopefully it's working its way out of your system now.

Barry, maybe you're right. I spend so much time putting myself under pressure and trying to hold it all together, that maybe sometimes I just need to let it all out. So long as I do it at home, or on the train, and not randomly at work.

STILL WAITING AROUND TO HAVE A HANDOVER MEETING!!!

I'm fed up and I've had enough. If they don't talk to me by the end of the day, they don't get a handover.