Your most spectacular failed pulling attempts, talk about them here

I managed to get work to change pubs for a while.

it still makes me cringe.

she told me this the next time we met. i didn't remember this. i asked if she bought me the vodka, she didn't. i dunno if it was more a failed drinks begging attempt or pulling.

i havne't really attempted to "pull" that many times since. i'll get back to it.

Fuckwit

I went up to a girl I knew resonably well at my 3rd year university summer ball and drunkenly slurred: "I don't usually say things like this, but you probably know I've slept with your other two flatmates over the past year and I think you should let me make up the set."

I think I might actually have been in with a chance before I said that. Afterwards, I think the guy from the chess club who occasionally shat himself was ahead of me in the likelihood stakes.

so around finals, i called him to see if he wanted to study together, thinking, maybe we could hang out, and if it went well, pick something up after christmas break...but. it turned out that philosophy was his last final and he really didn't give a shit since he was leaving the country the following semester. uh.

i don't know if the first bit was an excuse, but he really did leave the country the next semester, and other than a brief and awkward hello before the exam, i never talked to him again.

maybe i INSPIRED him to leave the country with my amorous intentions.

No I got as far as her front door but then, it happened again...

I have since found out he is an evil specimen of humanity with a fairly serious drug problem and some rather weird political beliefs, so all for the best really.

"Hi."
"Hi!"
"I was wondering.. if you wanted to go out.. sometime."
"No, I'm okay. Sandy was just ringing to see if I was going out, but I'll stay in."
"No, I was wondering if you want to go out with me.
"Oh, no. I'll probably just finish [her dinner in front of telly] and head to bed."
"Nooo, I was wondering ifyouwantedtogooutwithme.
"Ohhhhhhhh"
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), May 5th, 2004.

I'd add "*rim-shot*" but, y'know, that's out too.

Me, lurching over very drunkenly indeed: "So..." *mind goes blank* "I suppose its too late to ask you to dance."

Her, looking like I'd just asked to borrow her grandmother to show my friends: "What?"

Me: "I mean... would you like to... comeannavadrinkwithme?"

Her: "......"

Me: "I mean, not now obviously. Everythingsssssclosed. Sometime soon, though? But, not after tomorrow. I'm going home then. So tomorrow. Yeah. Okay?"

*Continued silence as the bloke she is with, who I had evidently decided to completely ignore, gestures to his friends in a manner going "hey everyone, look at this loser trying to crack onto my girlfriend*

Bloke whose sofa I'm crashing on: "Come on Matt, we'd better go. (I'm so sorry)"

Me, walking away but within earshot: "What the fuck did you do that for?! I was in there!"

The only reason I even know this happened is because it has been relayed to me time and time again, usually in company I am likely to become embarassed in.

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Are you asking me out?
-- n/a (nu...), December 1st, 2004 4:48 PM. (Nick A.) (later)

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Are you asking me out?
I'm asking who you are, yes.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), December 1st, 2004 4:50 PM. (Ned) (later)

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Well, I'm confused.
-- n/a (nu...), December 1st, 2004 4:51 PM. (Nick A.) (later)

UEA had a surprising amount of royalty in attendance! There was some princess or something a few doors down from me.

Also the idea of JW talking to Danish royalty is hilarious.

I don't understand how this could possibly be considered a bad thing.

A long and fulfilling romance did, needless to say, not ensue. We did, however, remain friends.

her, the dental assistant. Very very cute. We had a good conversation earlier about music and such.

ME: So listen, there's this party I'll be DJing at soon, you should come.

HER: Oh, I can't make it then, I'm sorry.

ME: But, I...didn't...even say...when...

HER: Be right back! (exits)

(not quite)

After long crushing on a certain girl, I wrote a poem about her for english class, but too embarassed to read it out loud, I submitted it the day before I was going to be out of town for a day, and asked the teacher to read it to the class instead.

The day I was back again, after English class, the girl mentioned to me that she liked my poem. As I struggled to reply, I backed into the fire extinguisher, knocking it to the ground with a loud clang.

I scrambled to put it back on the wall, and when I looked up, she had walked away.

The flip side is the end of the relationship, when she turned out to be a total three-timing junkie fuckhead and shot up on my floor before half-ODing and puking on my only suit. If the universe were fair and just gave out big statues for Nobel Prizes / MacArthur Grants, it would've rescinded hers and given it to me, and I would've punched her in the butt with it.

Perhaps this explains why I am always single.

(Penelope, I am very impressed that you admitted to that.)

Anyway, said friend of his was way cuter and I ended up casually dating him for months so there you go. Also, arrogant cute guy turned out to be a total "I am an actorrr" wanker so its all good.

Well, 2 years later we got together properly anyway so there it is.

Yes, and thanks to being such an inept liar I don't have a cute girl either :/

an attractive girl looks my way and smiles.

things you need to know about me at this point: i'm 22, i'm in my first staff journalism job, i'm covering up my myriad insecurities with aggressive over-confidence, and i'm very drunk and stoned. oh: and i haven't so much as held hands with a girl in at least six months.

her: hello. so, are you a friend of [name of male host]?

me: yeh. i know loads of people, me, because i'm great. i know him over there, and him over there, and her over there too. and i'm absolutely fucking great and top, and i work for [name of formerly popular magazine sold by the homeless] and i do all the music and the subbing and no god really i'm desperate i mean you don't have to let me touch them or anything just a look would suffice did i say how great i am?

her: [name of formerly popular magazine sold by the homeless], eh? ooh, i read that every week. and of course you must know [name of irritating club promoter and soi-disant journalist twat]?

me: aye! he's a FUCKING CUNT.

[beat]

her: he's my boyfriend.

In cab transpires girl is quite pissed and tired. Ends up falling asleep on my lap. Am thinking in fairly wasted state that I can get her number before she gets out of the cab. Have arm round her, quite nice - gazing out of the window at the 3AM London night.

However, occasional smell of sick from her. No convulsing though, no movement, no dribbing so as there was both tequila and joints going round at the party assume that she was sick before she left. Of course when she gets out the cab I find, yes, she has vomitted on my leg and the cab... and I found out a few weeks later she had a boyfriend. I had to see the funny side really, but it was... worst cab ride evah.

attempt 1 - "Will you marry me"
attempt 2 - "Will you marry me"

failed both times

third time lucky, maybe.

aim lower

Ooh it's like Ed and Emma in the Archers. That'll probably end in tears too.

I was so right.

i once knocked out a friend and brought him to hospital with concussion to get out of pulling a girl he was trying to hook me up with.

he never did it again, to be fair to him.

Many years ago, drunken backyard party at my house, and I had my eye on a cute bespectacled girl named Julia (eternal recurrence, etc). I had seen her around, but never really had much of a conversation with her. Inside the house, in the hallway, with no one looking, I tried to plant one on her. No flirting, no game, just, "Hey I'm drunk enough to give this a shot!" She pulled back fast and said, "Kenan, no," rather firmly. I said, "Ok, I understand, not now." (Cheeky.) She said, "Not ever," and walked away. I totally deserved that.

Awwww

smooth

i know, right?

good job!

i was at the midst of a chalet party once at a particular music festival in which one stays in chalets, and i was drinking whiskey with this girl for a bit, thought that was cool, then she started talking to this film maker person for a while who was really cool and stuff and this girl was also into films and i know nothing about it so i thought "doh!" but then whilst i was listening to this conversation that i don't really understand, through this whole thing suddenly there was a hand on my leg kind of moving and i was like omg wtf. must have been an accident. but then that hand moved and then back again and glanced down and it was this girl's i was like holy shit. then that hand grabbed my hand and moved my hand to her leg she was wearing a short shirt. all the while she was still having this conversation about films with this other dude all chilled. it was pretty amazing.

well that didnt fail at all

She said, "Not ever," and walked away

Exactly how long was "not ever" in your case?

how soon is never?

haha xxp

"Charlton lost at the weekend, this combined with the failings of the English rugby and F1 prospects has left me moribund. Are you up for some poppage?"

-- Dom Passantino, Wednesday, 24 October 2007 12:44 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

ok fuck

this girl was all over me this evening, being all dramatic, leading me on, licking my ear in the club etc, rubbing up against me, but kept on refraining from a kiss because of the fact that she'd already pulled 3 boys from my school (i only mentioned the fact i'd been at school with the boy she was obsessing over; i certainly wasn't intending on bringing it up). she then teased me for about 3 hours, making continual references to my school and not wanting to 'break your heart like all the others'. i played it very very cool, occasionally suggesting we go back to mine, straight-facedly suggesting that since she clearly wanted me we might as well consummate the whole thing. as it turned out, her madness was mostly an act, as we left the club together and pulled on a side-street, but she didn't want to sleep with me, ostensibly because she didn't 'do that with Wets' any more (the word Wets was used about 200 times, no exaggeration). Actually, I think she just wanted to escort her friend home, and as she left me she said i was 'fabulous' and that she looked forward to meeting me again.

i do feel a touch miffed, but i'm just hoping that this doesn't come back to haunt me. when i say that she had a psychosis about my school, i mean it. a combination of her failing the entrance exam all those years ago and the boys she had pulled before not living up to her standards has ingrained this, i think. for every time i said that i didn't give a toss where anyone went to school, for every time i tried to reason, the more passionate and dramatic (and paranoid) she became, alternately beating/scratching me and flinging herself into my arms.

apparently she also had a nude photo of herself on her phone, which she showed one of my peers.

i think this all amounts to a big fat :-/

amended

http://photos-239.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sf2p/v135/103/125/36910239/n36910239_35340210_8119.jpg

On one drunken freshers night, towards the end of the evening, I loudly commented to a friend that I could do with either a shag or a curry. A rather attractive (as well as I could ascertain with that level of alcohol in me) marched up to me about a minute later and said "Well then, what do you want, a shag or a curry?"

To which I obviously replied "a curry, actually".

Her face darkened and she stormed off. After which, I put my head in my hands and cried "AAARRRGH! She MEANT it!"