generic relationship advice question

Clear the air. It might be a painful confrontation, but better to deal with it now. You shouldn't be reading her e-mails, but she shouldn't be seeing someong behind your back (I'm not saying these two things cancel each other out, but close enough).

You better hope she doesn't read ILX, by the way.

Au contraire, if she reads ILX the whole thing will be out in the open without any messy confrontation! Plus she will have the benefit of 100% excellent ILXor relationship advice!

my ex-girlfriend figured out my password and read my emails that i had sent to this girl, which were very very flirty, bordering on email affair i or something i guess.

i remember being really quite annoyed about the email reading, dispite knowing that what i'd be doing was worse and more hurtful. But i used the email thing to gain moral high ground and stuff.

my only hope is she isn't anything like me. I was really horrible about that whole ordeal.

i agree with alex -- you're going to have to talk with her about this. its going to be one of the worst conversations you'll ever have but somewhere down the line you'll be glad you said your piece.

also: reading other people's email is creeeeepy, dude!

You're reading her emails because you don't trust her; she is seeing another guy and lying to you about it. I find it hard to imagine that there is a future in this. If you're sure you want a future with her, I think the only thing to try is to open right up. It might not solve things, but I don't think there is any chance of sorting it without more openness.

martin is completely otm about this. If you don't want to stay with her, I don't really see a problem.

If you think you can salvage the relationship, at least as friends (even if you are "morel ike" friends), then talk it out. Don't be mean and don't be a sap. If you don't think that's possible, just walk away and get it over with.

"I don't see why we can't be friends just because I'm...stalking you!"

Don't tell her you've been reading her mail. Just tell her you've found out and see what she says.

To be honest, Martin's OTM here - it sounds like you're on a hiding to nothing if you want to salvage the relationship. You might keep her as a friend if you're lucky, but would you really want to?

Don't tell her you've been reading her mail. Just tell her you've found out and see what she says.
And if she really wants to know, tell her you found out from one of her friends that you really hate.

She's been seeing someone else for 6 months and lying to you about it. She's been telling her friends this other guy is her partner while claiming to want to be with you. You can't trust this girl. End the relationship.

The 'invading privacy' thing is a whole other issue but do you really give a shit given what you found out? Come clean, she'll think bad of you, she'll think bad of herself. Everyone will feel shitty for a while but realise that the relationship ending was the right thing.

Apparently most cheating partners are found out through their emails and text messages these days, so you're certainly by no means alone in confirming your suspicions this way.

While this is probably no consolation to you whatsoever, it has given you the proof you need to chuck her ass and let the both of you get on with it.

Cheating suxxor.

yeah, walk away dude, cut the chord and save a fucking shitload of future pain.

Er, I've been in that situation once. Except it was a diary I read instead of e-mails. I found out what I had already suspected, that the guy had had an affair with a girl. I handled it very badly so I don't really have any advice. I didn't confront him because I felt so bad about reading his diary and I guess I wanted to keep the advantage of being the "righteous" one. Instead I got very very very very very very drunk and shouted extremely rude and mean things about the girl in public. Turned out her friends were there. It all ended in a much messy way. But I knew even before it happened that the relationship was doomed so, in retrospect I'm just glad it happened because it speeded up the process some.

You want to end it, so just end it. It seems to me that if she has been cultivating a relationship with this other guy behind your back, she might not be too upset by the breakup as she has plan B waiting in the wings already.

for some strange reason, this thread popped into my head while i was sleeping last night. i was having a hard time understanding the "advice" part of this thread. from the looks of it, you dont really need any. its quite clear that you wanted to break up with her and with this turn of events, you have even more of a reason to do so.

you asked, "do i deserve this?" the answer is no. no one deserves it. but what this does show is how little trust both of you placed in each other. she felt this relationship was not secure enough and so she sought it elsewhere. you didnt trust that she was being honest and so you turned to her email account, which proved her untruthfulness.

its sad when these things happen but they are a part of life. they are also the biggest, clearest, boldest sign that you should cease being in this specific relationship because you have some soul-searching to do. believing what someone said and then breaking into their email account is not a positive sign that everything sits well with yourself. there's unresolved issues with trust, jealousy and anger that need to be addressed. when those problems have been dealth with in your own life, then its a good time to seek out a new relationship.

girls are fucking scum.

ILSA
You want to feel sorry for yourself,
don't you? With so much at stake,
all you can think of is your own
feelings. One woman has hurt you,
and you take revenge on the rest of
the world. You're a, you're a coward,
and a weakling.

There are tears in her eyes now.

ILSA
No. Oh, Richard, I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
but, but you, you are our last hope.
If you don't help us, Victor Laszlo
will die in Casablanca.

RICK
What of it? I'm going to die in
Casablanca. It's a good spot for it.

He turns away to light a cigarette, then back to Ilsa.

RICK
Now if you --

He stops short as he sees Ilsa holding a small revolver in
her hand. It's pointed directly at him.

ILSA
-- All right. I tried to reason with
you. I tried everything. Now I want
those letters. Get them for me.

RICK
I don't have to. I've got them right
here.

ILSA
Put them on the table.

RICK
(shaking his head)
No.

ILSA
For the last time, put them on the
table.

RICK
If Laszlo and the cause mean so much
to you, you won't stop at anything.
All right, I'll make it easier for
you.

He moves closer to her.

RICK
Go ahead and shoot. You'll be doing
me a favor.

OTM

we'll always have Paris.

i wonder what's happened, in the end, with this.

they had a threesome?