Out At Night

Try to look confident (head up etc) but be aware of who is around you. Also, be aware of where you are & keep to well lit areas. Don't wear headphones either. You could get yourself some kind of alarm too Archel.

go with a friend.. avoid desserted/dark places. don't carry a laptop with you.

Try to build up your confidence by being out late in busy areas and alos wth friend and maybe try to gradually get used to being out alone again. You shouldn't push yourself too quickly. I know it's annoying but you've got to give yourself time to re-adjust.

Maybe going out for some jogs might help? You'd be out and about but moving quickly and without a bag...

think about all of the many times you've been out at night and nothing has happened. envision yourself walking to your destination safely and confidently. i know that sounds sooooo lame, but it works. i had to do a lot of visualization after i was mugged, or i would never have left the house. also, a lot of it is just the passage of time. you'll probably be really jumpy for a while, but it will get better. you might remain a bit more cautious than your friends who have never experienced a mugging, but being careful isn't a bad thing.

use your hearing and peripheral vision -- if you're walking on a lonely street and you sense someone behind you, let the person walk past you. if you see someone dodgy-looking down the street, turn the corner and take a different route.

walk confidently (but not too quickly) and don't exert any signs of fear. act like you belong there. if you can, wear something conservative and relatively unisex so you won't be instantly identified as A WOMAN.

Thank you everyone! Really good advice from all. I will try.

One problem is striking the balance between being very aware of what and who is around me, and being totally paranoid. I am erring on the latter side at the moment.

boo, poor archel!

if you don't have time to do a self-defense course, could be helpful to at least read some tips online? i remember a couple moves from a workshop at university (one evening, there could be something short like that near you) that make me feel more brave. should i list what i remember? some sound gross when you explain them, but i feel better knowing them...

guess i will, skip it if you're squeamish.

first, stomp on the toes, with an aim to actually break bones. much harder to run/chase after you with a broken foot.

kick the kneecap out of place by kicking it from the underside. he'll be expecting you to kick him in the balls, if at all, so this should catch him off guard. quite painful, very easy to do, and again, makes it hard for him to chase you.

after you've done something that'll stun him, apparently THEN knee him in the balls, just to make sure he's in too much pain to chase you.

severly gross things about breaking someone's nose with the palm of your hand/ poking them in the eyes, but hopefully it doesn't come to that.

also, if i'm feeling creeped out at all, i walk with my keys between my fingers. and don't worry about 'looking bad' if you want to turn around and look at someone walking behind you, or something similar. make eye contact, and don't be afraid to stop walking so they have to pass you, or pop into a shop or something similar.

sorry if that was too gross for you, i just feel more confident knowing a few moves!

I like that kneecap one - I would never have thought of that!

those are good tips from colette, but in every safety course i've done (a lot bcz i went to an all-girls school) the instructor made a HUGE point of saying that you should never, ever try to hurt your attacker once he/she is already down. if you've got them stunned/fallen over, just run like hell.

Nurture your superpowers and smite any ne'erdowells.

Let the smiting begin. Crap thing is, I already thought I had some moves that I'd use if anyone attacked me, but in the event I just froze up. He was about 6'2" which might have impeded me psychologically even if not physically I guess.

Me and the Mrs were mugged when we lived in Ohio. We were at a drive-thru ATM and a guy came up and stuck a massive knife through the window. For months after that, I could never get into a car at night without constantly looking over my shoulder. The depressing thing is that there is not always anything you can "learn" from these experiences, but the feeling will dissipate with time and your paranoia will cease.

Jeez, that's terrible Archel - hope you're all ok now. When where what how etc??? Other than reiterate exactly wot everyone else has said, have you thought about getting a bike? Granted you do get the odd bit of aggro, but once the rush hour is gone, it's a pretty good way of getting around in the evening. Otherwise, there are self-def classes for women in the Sports Centre, I know that for sure, cos I got a leaflet today. One hour a week from 5-6pm. And if your manager doesn't let you attend, I suggest you start practicing all those eye-squishing toe-crushing ball-buster moves on their sorry ass.

Ooh thanks Nick I might look into that. I do have a bike, though it was given to me and is a bit rubbish - and I don't know if I'm more scared of car drivers or muggers!

Anyway, it happened in Lewes in November - in broad daylight -, he just took my bag but pushed me up against a wall and stuff in the process so I was pretty shaken. There'll be a video ID parade soon.

i walk with my keys between my fingers So do I when I'm frightened. I also carry a long umbrella in the winter. I have been known, on occasion, to act particularly psychotic (off the meds style)when walking through a really sketchy neighborhood. Archel, my smpathies go out to you. I was mugged by, conceivably, two of the most inept junkies ever, several years ago in Paris and one of them kept asking the other whether he should cut me. It was terrifying and yet, somehow hilarious since of all the valuables on me, including my passport(which they didn't find) and my credit cards (which they did), they managed to only get about a forty bucks.

I was mugged years ago in Oxford, and didn't go out at night for months afterwards. I wasn't even on my own at the time, which made it even worse. Even years after the event, the sound of running feet behind me could make me really nervous. But it went away in time, especially when I followed many of the guidelines above (particularly the one about making eye contact with anyone I thought might be following me). Nowadays I take out my mobile and call Bloke while I'm walking, or call someone. Then I'm not really on my own.

But the main thing is, as everyone says, to get out there and tackle it. You will lose your fear.

Eeek, sleepy old Lewes?? Christ. And fuck. Don't know if it helps, but I reckon you were extremely unlucky and the chances of it happening again there are pretty remote. Especially once they nail the bastard who did it (hopefully to something immovable).

Re: bikes, as long as they work (adjust the brakes, oil the chain, pump up the tyres) the shit ones are absolutely the best ones for getting around town. Not as likely to get nicked and if someone does filch it, you won't be too upset. Oh, and those classes - taster session on the 11th. Move sharpish before the s******s get back.

(woah there, x-post)