HAHAHAH "Alone in the Dark" the movie! Starring Christian Slater and Tara Reid as a SCIENTIST!

ihttp://www.stomptokyo.com/img-m4/alonedark-a.jpg

also, a BLOODRAYNE game is out later this year, ALSO by Uwe Boll! Featuring the blonde chick from T3 as the main character.

GOD BLESS AMERICAN POP CULTURE!

http://www.penny-arcade.com/docs/1-3-05.jpg

Happen to be doing coverage of this at the mo. Leave them alone, the folks that made it are good guys.

Instant cuh-lassic!

Film Frank, do you spend a lot of time lettin Uwe curl your hair?

choice quotes from the "favorable" review: "There are tons of subplots that are so convoluted and confusing that they aren't worth mentioning, and numerous things that just didn't make sense." "the story is shallow and overly complicated for its simplistic purposes." "the plot is nearly incomprehensible" "This is one of those films that's hard to defend."

Uwe Boll raped my sister.

Far Cry (2006) (announced)
Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (pre-production)
Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

Dr Boll - Absolutely. I have never seen this in any other movie before.

*for those of you who haven't played Far Cry, trigens are the mutants who run around and try to kill you in the 2nd half the gave. Effectively, they're mutanted monkeys, IMPROVED WITH SCIENCE!

is this the name of a game? it made me giggle.

yup. a big-tittay'd vamp chick hunts nazis. Seriously.

http://www.ebgames.com/ebx_assets/product_images/224221.jpg

starring the blonde chick from T3.

www.fearlesstales.com

oh okay, so they REALLY lost their shirt over this one.

good.

1000 people who worked on it get 10 family members and/or friends to go see it, at $10 each = $100,000

12,000 husbands aren't feeling up for Vera Drake, only other thing showing until 7:45 = $120,000

228,000 13-year-old boys hoping to maybe see Tara Reid's left tit again = $2,280,000?

If -- *if* -- we are to take dear darling Calum seriously (and of course he has often said we shouldn't, so clearly every post of his is a lie, including all the above), he nervously yelps about all his 'friends' in an effort to say I don't have any. Apparently the quality of 'friend,' however, is constantly dictated in his mind by how close said 'friend' might be to the industry -- nothing more or less. People should come meet him because of his film fest, not because he's there and might be interested in a meetup outside of that -- because attendance and warm bodies that paid are what matter more than anything else. I apparently am to meet him because I should be impressed by the contacts he has, and that apparently will shame me, when I could really care less. Etc.

But it's so absurd. Networking isn't friendship. Networking can grow *out* of friendship, and vice versa. But the two aren't one-to-one equatable, and Calum fell for it so hard that he hasn't realized he's been played. So he's reduced here to halting statements about how Uwe is a 'nice guy,' because he can't claim to hitch a rising star much at this point.

And that's what's really funny about all this.

maybe people wondered if this actualyl was IN the movie.

or they wanted some archeologist nip slips

XPOST yeah...

I have many good friends both in and out of the film industry and I have people I have a passing acquaintance with.

I have never met Uwe. I have spoken to him, and swapped emails, and he's always been very nice. I can only speak from that.

I have met his producer/ writer Michael Roesch who is a Class A guy. So nice and easygoing, in fact, that I'm really sorry Alone in the Dark has come out how it has and made so little cash for him.

I have met some people in film that are really unpleasant too Ned.

I'd like people to come to the film fest (and for the record, the people I work with on that are friends first and foremost - very good friends) because it will be fun, will be supporting a lot of young filmmakers - some of them my friends - and if anyone wants to hang out then I'm one of the most easygoing people out there.

I find it sad that you confuse a lot of what I post here with a real person who wants to go through life with as little hassle as possible - just like anyone else - and enjoys the good stuff and hates the bad stuff that we all have to deal with. I still cannot help but feel that over a beer we likely would have had a good laugh but you chose otherwise and it's not for me to say you were right or wrong.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/board/threads/

Oh no I have seen the credits of the Bloodrayne movie and see that he casted Michael Madsen. You Bastard! First you took poor Christian Slater and now Michael, WHY??? Du beschissener Mistkerl deine Filme sind zum Kotzen, verstehst du das? Nicht nur das du gute Spiele madig machst, jetzt machst du dich auch noch an meine Lieblingsschauspieler ran. Tuh uns allen einen gefallen und lass die Finger von Sachen die du nicht verstehst wie zum Beispiel Filme machen.

Still only one "not-as-negative" review, out of 92.

Currently has a lower rating than Catwoman, Boogeyman, Gigli, AND BATTLEFIELD EARTH(4%)!

bang! bang! shoot them dark lovecraftian horrors!

1. how not to lock your arms so that the recoil kills you
2. how not to hold a rifle
3. how not to clean your glock so that you have that big a muzzle flash

Alone In The Dark is not a perfect film!, March 12, 2005
Reviewer: Avid Gamer - See all my reviews

Uwe Boll is ahead of the curve. ALONE IN THE DARK's director is reinventing Hollywood on his own terms and he's not taking any prisoners. Don't take my word for it; read the interview with LucasArts President, Jim Ward, in the March issue of Game Informer. Ward and LucasArts are emulating Uwe's strategy. Uwe understands that when a contemporary video game franchise sells thirty-five million copies the marketing inertia for a cinematic tie-in is enormous. Revenue potential eclipses the current Hollywood trend to revive nostalgic comic book superheroes of the baby-boom generation.

Of course, to be successful the movie must be entertaining and ALONE IN THE DARK is! Protagonist Edward Carnby, played by Christian Slater, must unravel the mystery of an evil parallel universe sealed by an ancient Indian tribe. Along the way he discovers the secrets of the orphanage he was raised in as he deciphers the clues that lead him to his true identity. Christian's performance is superb. His subdued, laid back demeanor is a canvas for the melodramatic chaos that engulfs him. Edward's love interest, a museum caretaker played by Tara Reid, is his constant companion, providing a steady supply of eye candy for the male audience. Tara treats us to a competent performance without overacting. The two stars complement each other with a believable chemistry that comes to a head during a sexual encounter that is at once intimate and sensual. I hope this relationship will continue to develop in a future sequel. Nothing is sexier than Tara in jeans blowing away the evil dominions!

ALONE IN THE DARK is not a perfect film. The special effects are top tier while the gore factor is over the top. I understand this is a subjective evaluation and that too much for some may not be enough for others. In my opinion less is more. Repetition diminishes the shock value of outrageous violence. When a head is split in half the emotional impact is unnerving. When the same head is shown a few minutes later it feels like the filmmaker wants props for doing such a good job. Some scenes are overloaded with stroboscopic lighting that diminishes the perception of high production values, while running the risk of inducing headaches.

As I watched ALONE IN THE DARK I paid attention to audience reactions. I was sitting near some teenage girls who were gasping, shrieking, and taking turns hiding their eyes as girlfriends encouraged each other to look. At the same time a group of boys that had entered the theater together and were sitting directly behind me were laughing spontaneously. Diametrically opposed reactions with a common denominator: Everyone was having fun!

Uwe Boll has his detractors, as every artist who pushes the envelope does. However, I don't know of any films any of them have made. I do know that some of the best actors and actresses in the business (including an Oscar winner) are clamoring to be involved in an Uwe Boll project. Uwe's got big balls and he's not afraid to tell it like it is. He's going to make a lot of money and entertain a lot of people along the way. I expect big things from this filmmaker and I anticipate he will deliver and, am looking forward to BLOODRAYNE, HUNTER THE RECKONING, FAR CRY, the list goes on ...

best sentence of any review

http://www.msfhr.org/sub-funding-recipients-profile.asp?award_recipient_id=389

who can out-gongshow Tara Reid easily. Shes actually really brilliant and guileless but on weekends she goes absolutely atomic - I once spent an hour trying to break into a hospital w her at 4am....long story

Boll fumes that Reid is not "losing her bra" in the film. He attributes her modesty to American actresses' reluctance to get naked, but notes that Reid spends half her time being photographed at parties in various stages of undress.

yeah this guy sounds like a real class act!

SCIENCE!

I am SO netflicking this.

http://www.montrealmirror.com/2005/012705/film3.html

....

and Burt Reynolds.

movie poster here

So Uwe's been in Vancouver, filming the shitty adaption to the shittier "Postal", and challenged "5 of his harshest critics" to box him several rounds, footage of which will be used in the fight. Gary Coleman is attached to the film.

One of his competitors is Lowtax from SomethingAwful...

Kick him in the ballllllz!

wow this film sucked!

this is probably the WORST FILM I'VE EVER SEEN.
it might even be worse than Hobgoblins.

still gotta put up an mp3 of my uwe interview