Madam I Am...

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So I read Heidi Fleiss' 'book' Pandering last night, and I realized that hey, she's not in the business anymore, LA IS CLEARY A TOWN IN NEED. What should it be called? What do Madams need to know? I promise you all high class hookers at low trash prices.

Help me, ILe, help me start a brothel.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:23 (twenty-one years ago)

This may well be my most ill-advised thread.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:23 (twenty-one years ago)

'madam i am' backward is "Maim a dam!"

and I'm all for pimply duties.

― Remy IS THE Snush (x Jeremy), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Dearth thread.

― Madam I'm A Dam Sexy Beast (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:30 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.antoniofargas.net/pics/Huggy2.jpg

― Remy IS THE Snush (x Jeremy), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:32 (twenty-one years ago)

How come pimps get the cool hats and madams don't?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:34 (twenty-one years ago)

do NOT go to google and put 'madame' (minus quotes) into the image search with safe search turned off.

― Remy IS THE Snush (x Jeremy), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:43 (twenty-one years ago)

well now I have to.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:44 (twenty-one years ago)

and now I wish I'd listened.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:45 (twenty-one years ago)

FUCK.

― Adamdrome Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:49 (twenty-one years ago)

That's some kitchen accident.

― Adamdrome Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:49 (twenty-one years ago)

My advice is to immediately immerse yourself in American "pimpiana."

Get the films of Brent Owens, such as "Hookers at the Point" and "Pimps Up, Hos Down." Read the collected works of Iceberg Slim and Bishop Don "Magic" Juan.

In the teachings of Mr. Whitefolks may be found the truth.

When you become a gentlewoman of liesure, can I stand behind you in a tuxedo and sunglasses and look menacing? I feel like "Hired Goon" could be an excellent second career.

(Note: I refuse to look at anything on google image search described as a "kitchen accident")

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, you may.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Bring Boz. I need Hired GoonS.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Can I drive the car?

― Remy IS THE Snush (x Jeremy), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not goon enough by myself?

*sniff*

Now that you have me thinking about the Ho business, would the "buy ten tricks get one free" card catch on? Would the uglier girls be on the "Ho extra value menu?" What kind of benefits would you offer your ladies, and your hired goons for that matter?

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Well this is what I need to figure out. I figure $1500 per trick, more for overnights and trips, I'll take 40%, and I'll offer dental.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:08 (twenty-one years ago)

And the goons, well those terms are negotiabe, and I may better answer that after consulting with an attorney.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:09 (twenty-one years ago)

(Ho Extra Value Menu just made me lose my shit)

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:09 (twenty-one years ago)

40%?!!?!?!?!?!??!?

You have clearly read the teachings of Bishop Don Magic Juan already huh? I fear for your girls who come up short...Is Luna gonna have to choke a bitch????

Green is for the money, gold is for the honeys

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"Honey, I offer a full range of services: Oral, Genital, Manuel, Anal and ... DENTAL."

― Remy IS THE Snush (x Jeremy), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't play.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I assume you meant manual and weren't compromising the innocence of poor little Manuel?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I am actually sitting here at 2:20AM pondering what the difference between "oral" and "dental" might entail...

Do the actual teeth have a sexable orifice, or orifices, or phalluses attached to them?

I am going to start a band, and I am going to name it "sexable orifices"

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Vagina Dentata, my friend.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I need to read Snow Crash again...

Would you pursue corporate sponsorship for your brothel?

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I wouldn't be opposed to it. After all, running a sex ring really isn't entirely altruistic, is it?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Do the actual teeth have a sexable orifice, or orifices, or phalluses attached to them?

I am going to start a band, and I am going to name it "sexable orifices"

http://www.robertmetzgerdds.com/letterman1.jpg

― Remy IS THE Snush (x Jeremy), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Luna's fine-ass hos, presented by Staples, a free pen with every lewd filthy sex act!!

You need a name, something better than Luna's Fine Ass Hos, though that's not without its charm. You should work on a slogan as well. Something like "Now with more sexable orifices!!!"

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:36 (twenty-one years ago)

This is not an episode of Scooby Doo...

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:37 (twenty-one years ago)

And yes, Luna's Fine Ass Hos does have a modicum of charm, but I was thinking simpler - a 75' pink neon sign that says 'BITCHES'.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahahahahahahahaha, well done.

I have not yet mastered posting images, but I would respond to your Letterman with the NFL's Michael Strahan.

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:38 (twenty-one years ago)

See, that's why she's the boss.

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:39 (twenty-one years ago)

http://i.cnn.net/si/images/football/nfl/players/2579.jpg

(put an i in front of the url)

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Bitches betta have mah money.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you Luna. One day, I will conquer my fear of reading FAQs...and sexable tooth gaps.

I will test this eldritch "i in front of the url" technique by posting a picture of the aforementioned Bishop Don "Magic" Juan...

http://www.mtv.com/shared/media/news/images/d/Don_Magic_Juan/sq-don-magic-juan-chicago-intvw-mtv.jpg

and since I can't fimd a picture of Mr. Whitefolks, here's a summary of Brent Owens' Pimps Up, Hos Down.

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Looking at that picture, this guy is clearly biting on Bootsy Collins' style.

http://www.mtv.com/news/photos/g/grammy/2003/red_carpet/images/flip15.jpg

That ain't right.

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 08:00 (twenty-one years ago)

her boobs are bigger than my HEAD.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 08:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like this is a secret "West Coast time" thread.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 14 January 2005 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Ash is East Coast. But what's a hired goon to do?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah see now I feel better.

You'll be needing a mysterious "odd-job man" who grumbles a lot, I'm thinking.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 14 January 2005 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Indeed.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 08:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Can I set up the London franchise of BITCHEZZ? I promise to adhere to all your fine business practices, with a quirky British twist.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 14 January 2005 10:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Luna are you high again?

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Friday, 14 January 2005 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

We'll have to talk about that, Liz, but something can be worked out, I'm sure.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Well not now, but last night.. um, maybe.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Right on.

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Friday, 14 January 2005 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Luna would be the perfect madam. If anyone fucked with any of her girls, she'd kill the fool.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Friday, 14 January 2005 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Word, yo.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Mama don't take no mess.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck a $1500 fuck. You promised low trash prices.

― 00ps, Friday, 14 January 2005 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, for my friends. Everyone else pays full price.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Can we talk to them in foreign accents or will the sexing be interrupted by throttling?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 14 January 2005 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I totally thought this was going to be about palindromes. Surprise!

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 14 January 2005 18:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I floated the "Sexable Orifices" band name to my friends at lunch. They looked at me like I was strange...

Luna, if your friends get discounts, won't your ladies resent having to perform lewd acts with them since they will recieve less in the way of compensation? I'm not saying they won't still do it, since your pimp hand is strong, but you have to figure it wouldn't be as much fun if they approached their task angry and terrified.

Food for thought.

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 14 January 2005 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

You are strange, sugar - but it's part of your not inconsiderable charm.

My bitches won't suffer for my charging less - it'll come out of my own pocket, and I expect to be recompensed in some manner by said friends.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

damn, skip the whores, sign me up for the recompensing!

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 14 January 2005 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

There's got to be serious swag in this business somewhere.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Free crabs?

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Saturday, 15 January 2005 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

Really, this could be a career, right?

― luna (luna.c), Sunday, 5 June 2005 03:47 (twenty years ago)

or just a fulfilling hobby

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Sunday, 5 June 2005 03:55 (twenty years ago)

didnt that book cost like 500 bucks?

― anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 5 June 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

No. Anyway, I got it from the library.

― luna (luna.c), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

Shall I operate the Washington branch of this fine service-sector firm? Bear in mind that we need to be rather more discreet in this city, so I was going to name it "INTERNZ."

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

when you said you were thinking about making a career out of organizing parties, this is not what i had in mind.

― oops (Oops), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:04 (twenty years ago)

"Honey, I offer a full range of services: Oral, Genital, Manuel, Anal and ... DENTAL."

Please o please tell me "manuel" was not a typo, Jer =)

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

http://www.danbbs.dk/~erikoest/graphics/manuel.jpg

Oooh! SeNOR!

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:35 (twenty years ago)

before i moved to arkansas i told my work collegues that i intended on opening a brothel called 'arkanswhores'. it didnt really work because they all think i moved to 'ar - kansas'.

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:38 (twenty years ago)

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