The Australian Open 2005

Lina Krasnoroutskaya lost, though, which was a minor shock.

Oh no! No Lina-K! And K-Lina hasn't been playing that well either! Anyway, given that everyone ever is injured or sick, I'd say this tournament belongs to (tosses coin) Sveta. Fairly easy draw, and all, and it's a toss-up, really. If Mazzy Shar couldn't beat Our Beloved Demented Diva, she can't take out Svetlana.

Davenport is lain low, but if she gets past Conchinta The Eater, she won't be tested for a bit, so if she starts, she's likely to do well.

Myskina is, frankly, useless. Any forehands she hits that go in appear to be purely accidental. She's lucky she has NOBODY GOOD IN HER PART OF THE DRAW, as with her form she's likely to frustrate Leftie Loit to death in round 2 rather than the other way around. When Lisa Raymond looks like the best chance of an upset, things are grim. Though I do think Lisa is lovely.

I wouldn't be surprised if Mauresmo goes out in the first round to Sammy The Stoat, who appears to have realised that her countrymen think of her as the girl on the Uncle Toby's ad and has decided to play like a dead-set genius (she was eerily Davenport-esque in the first set against Schnyder at the Gold Coast final, which was a bloody good match) to make people notice.

Molik (for whom trite nicknames seem too base right now) is playing brilliantly, her forehand right at the top of its powers and serving well. She SHOULD make the semis. I look forward to watching her club that crabby-looking "Weird Jel" Jankovic again in the second round.

Hulk Sr is coming off a final lost to The Diva and has a tricky draw. Shiau Peng could get her in round 2 if she's not careful. By contrast, Queen Rene has the easiest draw imaginable.

As for the men's draw, I predict Federer will win, all the potentially intriguing first round match-ups won't get shown, commentators will annoy me incessantly by parroting on about the fucking Davis Cup and saying Lleyton Hewitt should serve-volley more.

Also, Martina Navratilova won't appear in the commentary box enough. Her calling of the Molik/Peng match the other night was truly delightful - a) she said "BRING IT ON!" at one point, b) she said "Oy Vey!" at another, and c) She hated on the line judges constantly, but did it in a way that was quite hilarious.

Even more unfortunately John McEnroe won't appear at all.

I hope that has nothing to do with his, 'Plug that load of crap? Come on, you guys cannot be serious! That show is just the pits of the world!' performance this time last year, when Channel Brucie tried to get him to put in a good word for a new US import.

Australians, why do so many of your girls only play well in Australia? I can count the number of matches Stosur has won outside of her home country in the past year on one hand, but she's been on fire recently - pushed Molik to 7-5 in the third t'other day. Wouldn't be surprised if Mauresmo went down to her either - even if Mesmo survives that she then has to get past Zheng (coming off her first title) or Little Miss Marat in round two; Ivanovic (coming off her first title), Kirilenko (nearly beat Serena at RG last year), Kapros (notorious Slam upset merchant) or Benesova (the 32 seed) in round three. This just to get to the FOURTH ROUND. Draw from hell.

I think Goddess Of Love will make it past Daniilidou and Peng, but Molik will beat her in round 4 barring a home choke.

Wouldn't be surprised if Sharapova lost to either Karatantcheva or Na Li before round 4. Na Li is the player I'm most curious about in the draw - former good junior, played intermittently and brilliantly for a while then disappeared for two years because of injuries, and not toeing the Chinese federation's line; made a comeback last year and won something like 40 matches in a row on the Challenger circuit and her first WTA title.

I have more faith in Lady Myss Kina than Edward. Who has a softer draw, her or Serena? The odd thing is, swap their projected quarter-finalists around and it's not so easy - Mauresmo always chokes against Serena, and the Demented Diva never even shows up against our favourite sexy space alien vampire. It should be noted that the Diva has not lost a match yet this year, though.

Men - it's all about Federer, still. The only thing which annoys me about this is that I won't be able to see it: Londoners with Eurosport, feel free to offer me permanent residence on your sofas this fortnight. In other news, Coria and Ferrero are due to meet in round three, which would be totally EEK if not for the fact that Ferrero last played well about two years ago.

Safin will lose very very early to pretty much anyone in his section: he's reverted to silly hippo mode this year. Stupid boy.

If the Dickhead lost in round one to Irakli Labadze, that'd make my tournament.

Ehhh... quarter-final predictions, I guess.

Federer v J Johansson (injury pending)
Haas v Moya
Nalbandian v Nadal
Henman v Roddick

Davenport v Molik
Myskina v Dementieva
Kuznetsova v N Li
S Williams v Mauresmo

I've got a feeling Amelie will be gone before the quarters. Which at least means I won't feel compelled to post the lyrics to "Amelie" by Alizee again during her games.

So, why the hell not:

Davenport v Molik (the one I'd be most surprised if doesn't happen)
Myskina v Dementieva (Due to Dementieva's tougher draw and better form, she'll break the jinx)
Kuznetsova v Farina Elia
S Williams v Sugiyama

Agassi... hmm.. if he'd overcome Henman in Kooyong, I'd be more optimistic, but no, I can't see it happening. What about Sargsian to do another deep run? Why not (barring some injury thing I don't know about).

As for the second quarter, I'm tipping Hrbaty, playing clearly the best tennis of his career and being enjoyably plucky to boot, to topple King Carlos. If... he gets past Robin Soderling, who could be good for an upset. The ever entertaining Huing Taik Lee won't give him any stick, sadly.

Hard to see Nalbandian going out too early. Hewitt could go either way. His new muscular arms still look pasted on, so alien! Also, those tie-dye, Hypercolour-esque Nike shirts he's wearing at the moment NEED TO GO ASAP, this goes for you too, Blake and Moya. Hideous, ugly things. I swear I'm not a one-eyed patriotic goon, but he's doing alright. Enough with the bloody double faults, though. Nadal has loads of potential, but I'm sure he's under an injury cloud too, isn't he? Coria will clean up until he gets beaten by Nalbandian, who showed what he does with his fellow Argentinians on non-clay services last week by making Gaston Gaudio look like a useless fly-by-night.

The fourth quarter does seem the most obvious. I never know what to think. While Roddick being out early makes the slam more watchable, the closer he gets and the more he can taste it makes his defeat ever more sweet, and Henman's as good as any to make it happen. Unless he plays in direct contradiction of his current form, which appears to be quite good.

Federer vs Sargsian
Hrbaty vs Ancic (well, we can dream, can't we? dreaming's all I do, if only they'd come true etc.)
Nalbandian v Hewitt
Henman v Roddick.

Tonight Sammy the Stoat (Stosur) takes on the Big A (Mauresmo). I suspect, unfortunately, that is exactly what Sam will have been given by midnight. She will have been preceded on court by fellow Oz and aspiring golf pro, Scott Draper, who has been given a hard downhill putt first-up in 13th seed Tommy Robredo.

Also featured today: Moya, Safin and more 'ovas' than Shane Warne has ever bowled in a day.

(PS: How can a bloke who last played sometime around 1983 (Haas) be seeded at all, let alone in the top-half?)

Anyway - first seed out? I'm going for Gaudio, even if he is playing Justin Gimelstob.

I tend to look for the up-and-comer in outrageously good form (look out Molik!) or the slider. Into the latter category comes JCF, who has gone from top 10 to outside top 30 in twelve months. I'll plump for Juan-Carlos without even researching his opponent, a dutchman called van Gemerden.

She has a break-point.

Meanwhile, Lex's new favourite Russian, Alina Jidkova, is 3-0 up on VRP, and the two Aussies on court at present have both started well - Cindy Watson's a break up and Peter Luczak is giving TJ a few collywobbles.

Wars of attrition breaking out all over - Bally-Sreb, Wang-Zib, TJ-Luczak all offering full value in the first set. Cammy And Her Magic Hairslides are putting up a bit of a fight, but you'd be surprised if it made much difference - she's serving to hold at 3-1 down.

Williams 20-13 in unforced errors, broken in both sets, cruising along in third gear. If Stose takes out the Big A as some are predicting, there is nobody particularly alarming between her and a semi-final spot.

Serena's through with a fair old bit of ease. Hrbaty takes the second set.

SW on second match point. The Pin gives her as a bit of a run-around on last point, but to no avail. 'The Entertainer' does her 'wave to the crowd' thing, exchanges banalities with the court announcer, and exits stage right. Her next match looks no harder than this one.

Luczak's a break up, but Cinderella's suddenly getting cold slippers - Mirza breaks and holds to go 4-3 up in the second.

Linetskaya wraps up Kurhajcova easily as Our 'lena squanders a three game advantage and Ai slips further towards oblivion.

Ai's not finished yet - from 4-0 down back to 4-2, and viciously trading advantage on Sucha's serve. Fabby-O-La's through 6-3 7-5, Fedge strolls through the first set 6-1, Ljubo nearly there against Horna.

Baghdatis 2-1 up on Luzzi in sets now.

Elsewhere Ancic-Hernandez is looking like a formality, and Luzzi and Baghdatis' yo-yo pattern of a match continues - having lost the previous set 6-1, the Italian's 3-1 up and serving in the fourth.

Costa, the Ultimate Clay Court Hack, bows out again in straights. If he's ever on a tennis court, looks down and seens green stuff, his face seems to take on the same hue. Maybe the only was Bert the UCCH can save his career is to somehow chemically induce red-green color-blindness.

ROLL OF HONOUR!

Men's singles: Marat Safin
Women's singles: Serena Williams
Men's doubles: Wayne Black and Kevin Ullyett
Women's doubles: Svetlana Kuznetsova and Alicia Molik
Mixed doubles: Scott Draper and Samantha Stosur
Boys' singles: Donald Young
Girls' singles: Victoria Azarenka
Boys' doubles: Sun-Yong Kim and Chu-Huan Yi
Girls' doubles: Victoria Azarenka and Marina Erakovic

It's been a great two weeks!

Hewitt should've apologized to the linesman in his speech, maybe? Don't know how bad that was.

Some really great stuff in there - 30-stroke rallies, Lleyt's llobs, Safin's net-touch and it was especially sweet that LH's supreme moment of crowing petulance (the jabbing finger at the baseline judge after his screaming forehand pass to save a foot-fault induced b-p) was actually the beginning of the end for him. Ding-dong MS-RF rivalry to see out the '00s, please.

Best Grand Slam since Wimbledon 2001?

Women's ranks, post-AO:

1. Lindsay Davenport
2. Serena Williams
3. Amelie Mauresmo
4. Maria Sharapova
5. Anastasia Myskina
6. Svetlana Kuznetsova
7. Elena Dementieva
8. Venus Williams
9. Jennifer Capriati
10. Alicia Molik
11. Vera Zvonareva
12. Nadia Petrova
13. Nathalie Dechy
14. Patty Schnyder
15. Justine Henin-Hardenne
16. Elena Bovina
17. Karolina Sprem
18. Silvia Farina Elia
19. Francesca Schiavone
20. Paola Suarez

But notwithstanding that, Lleyton grew immeasurably in my eyes over the first 13 days of the tournament and (strictly as a player) didn't give much ground back on day 14 either. As usual, he found a better man in better form. But these days that takes him twice as long as it used to. His serving has improved out of sight, he has added strength to his speed, and he is hitting the ball harder and working it more.

Safin obviously had a magic tournament and is dangerous enough to have Rodge looking over his shoulder. I doubt whether Hewitt is, improvement and all, and as for the Head, his last set v Hewitt will possibly be either the 'bottoming out' or the beginning of the end. The lack of variety and Plan B in his game needs addressing if there is ever to be a new, 'happy ending' version of that (mildly entertaining the first 100 times) Qantas ad.

Time to get a bit contro; I am understanding the anti-Head general sentiment less and less. It can't be just because he's American because otherwise Sampras, Agassi and Blake and countless others would be in the same black book. Or because he's ugly (he's no worse than Federer, makeover and all) or boring (compared with Henman or Chang or Sampras?) or because he's unsportsmanlike or overseen in himself (as far as I have seen he isn't either).

Maybe it's because he's the Jinx of the Oz. The last three years the beaten finalist has knocked him over on the way through.

Is this Roddick you're talking about?

If he had a more volatile temperament you could make it Rod-Dick-Head-Case I suppose.

plus is it just me or...has he got john howard eyebrows and eyes?

hewett did a footfault and it got called. he won the point and then marched over toward the linesman pointing viciously and looking angry. i dunno what he said. it appeared like just a stupid attempt to intimidate the linesman. the relays showed it was a footfault. he got called on one later too.

Yes. Rod-Dick-Head.

If he had a more volatile temperament you could make it Rod-Dick-Head-Case I suppose.

Wah, I like Roddick, he's nice. Ugly, yes.

Fair does, he's still young, he's got loads of potential. If he hadn't aced himself mental in the first two sets he'd have been all right later on.

But yeah, he plays the one game and does it well, but if someone shakes him he's got nothing to fall back on.

Isn't he 22 or 23?

xpost

Alex and Lex pretty OTM wrt Roddick.

I'd mostly agree that Agassi's up and downs have chiefly been fitness issues. There have been (at least) four phases of Agassi greatness: 1988-90's emergence and the 1994-95/1999-2k/2003 spells at #1. I'd be hard-pressed to identify material changes in his game amongst the last three but he was a much more guileless, one-dimensional free-hitter in his teens.

Also, with those rivalries a different player would tend to have the edge depending on the surface - eg Lendl on clay, McEnroe on grass, and actually Agassi's negative record with Sampras is slightly skewed by the fact that they mostly played on Sampras-favouring surfaces because Sampras rarely got far enough to play Agassi on clay (only 5 of their 34 matches were on the red stuff!). With Roddick vs Federer/Hewitt/Safin... Roddick's best surface would probably be hard courts, which Hewitt and Safin both favour as well; his serve is the most effective on grass, which Federer is pre-eminent on. Players like Ferrero and Coria have more of a chance to win Slams right now, because if Federer/Safin/Hewitt have a weakness it's definitely clay. Roddick, on the other hand, is the most inept top 10 (maybe top 20!) player on clay.

LIKE IT'S ANYONE'S BUSINESS.

Talking of porn stars, this is apparently what Jennifer Capriati has been getting up to while everyone else was playing tennis...

How that can be connected to Jeno deCrappiati I can but guess....

She likes anal?

http://www.girl.com.au/img/beccartwright_wallpaper.jpg