I am thinking of going to see a counsellor.

he is corporate-owned scum therefore - avoid

Does the company guarantee that what passes between employee and counsellor stay private? Do middle and upper mgt. keep tabs on who uses the service?

It was really a lifesaver for a family member of mine.

I think up until 1999, I was under the impression that I didn't have any problems, or at least if I had problems then i should put up and shut up coz that was the "right" thing to do, I wasn't poor or starving and I didn't live in a war zone, blah blah blah. But then there was a sequence of events which started with my brother-in-law's suicide in December 1999, followed by a long period where I suspected that I'd be made redundant from a job I really enjoyed (we knew that each department in the company would have to lose one person and it was like Russian roulette waiting for th efinal announcment). Then in April 2000 it was announced and I was the one facing the chop and I began to think things along the lines of "What have I done to deserve this?", linking together the two obviously unrelated misfortunes whilst at the same time maintaining a sense of perspective, insofar as I *knew* it was daft to link them together. Then when my father died in March this year I also sunk into a deep despair lasting many months, but didn't really express this openly. In bewteen these two events I was in my longest relationship of my life of about two months which was really dysfunctional and left me feeling really hurt and angry. I rarely, if ever, take my anger out on others, I think it's just not in my personality (with one exception, which I will describe later) - it is either directed at inanimate objects or myself. I'm talking about acts of petty criminal damage or muttering to myslef about things and people I hate, both of which occur after I've been drinking and I'm on the long walk home from wherever I've been to my house. IT would be easy to say that I should simply drink less and that would be fine. But I am dubious about this for two reasons _ I am never drunk to the extent that I don't rememeber stuff, suffer complete lack of control or cannot get up for work the next morning and secondly, I harbour all the feelings anyway at all times of the day...the alcohol just mjakes me express them that much more vehemently.

My desire to seek counselling comes from a feeling that I need to nip these things in the bud before they escalate to the satge when I am seriously harmed, or I harm others around me.

I do have the advantage that I mate of mine and former colleague tells me that his girlfriend (who still works for the company) was really helped by the counsellor in question when her mother died.

I don't think I have any problems as far as confidentiality is concerned.

Then go for it. It's a healthier way to release misery-pressure than the "permission" a drink gives you. Best wishes to you.

i think you should always try things that might help you. the idea that you aren't feeling bad enough or justified in feeling bad is silly. a single person close to you dying can be devastation whereas 100,000 people you don't know is just a sad news story or historical footnote. that's how people are wired, the guilt just adds an extra uneccessary layer of stress and self-hate.

The thing with counselors, as with anything, is it's hard to find a good match. It was 15 years before I found someone that could understand what my deal was and actually know how to help. It's very personal - what works for someone may not work for another.

can you see a counsellor, that is not from work, a separate one?

i think there can be no harm in seeing a counsellor at all, you should give it a go, im not sure i'd want through work though,thats the only thing (but thats just me)

My mum is now trying to tell me that I should go to a counseller. I don't know if it would do any good.

I've done it before, I had counselling for PTSD after an abusive relationship, and I think that it did do a lot of good in the short-term. I think that in a crisis state, then some kind of counselling intervention can really kick you out of a downward spiral and set you back on your path.

I didn't get that one through work, though, but through the NHS. The only time I ever saw a shrink for work (their idea, not mine, for "anger management") he gave me a prescription for tranquillisers which I later found out were intensely addictive, and of course THAT helped. Not.

I think in terms of grief counselling and specific problems, counselling can do a lot of good. They teach you how to wrap things up and get over them. It's when it drags on into years and years of becoming dependent on therapy that it becomes a bad idea.

I think you are very fortunate to work for a company who values its employees sufficiently to provide such a service, Mark.

Why not have a word with your Personnel Manager, to see if there is any way you can get a feel for how this counselling may have helped others in your company already? Obviously the confidentiality issue means that you won't be allowed to know the names of employees who have been counselled etc, but there might be some sort of anonymous feedback which Personnel keep a record of (as a way of monitoring the effectiveness of the service) which might be helpful to you in making your decision. To discover that, say, a dozen people had consulted the counsellor in the past year, and eleven of them had found it extremely useful, might make you more confident in your decision to give it a try.

We all need someone to talk to from time to time about the things which are bothering us, and getting professional input and a different perspective on things is a good idea. Sadly, I think, there is still a slight stigma in the UK attached to seeking counselling - we're all supposed to have that British stiff upper lip, after all - but that's daft. If you had a raging toothache, you'd go to the dentist. If things in your life are making you unhappy, or if you have temporarily lost direction and need to be shown a map to get back on track, then talking to an appropriate professional is the best thing you can do.

I wish you well :)