A Thread for Tasteless and/or Dirty Jokes

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Cause I'm in the mood to hear a few...

― Girolamo Savonarola, Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:18 (twenty years ago)

vadge horror stories

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:39 (twenty years ago)

Now with NEW jokes!

vadge horror stories

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:40 (twenty years ago)

I posted this one on another thread:

What do you call two black guys flying a plane?
(pause)
Pilots,
(pause)
you fucking racist.

― Hurting (Hurting), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:50 (twenty years ago)

What's the hardest thing about fucking 27 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

― Krill, Sunday, 23 January 2005 12:02 (twenty years ago)

Q: what's the best part about taking a shower with a 10 year old boy?

A: he looks like he's 6 when his hair is wet.

― donut christ (donut), Sunday, 23 January 2005 12:15 (twenty years ago)

Q: what's the worst thing Helen Keller has ever read?

A: a cheese grater

― donut christ (donut), Sunday, 23 January 2005 12:16 (twenty years ago)

Q: How do you tell time at the Neverland Ranch?

A: you see when the big hand approaches the little hand

― donut christ (donut), Sunday, 23 January 2005 12:18 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

Q: What's the difference between a thousand dead babies and a Corvette?

A: I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

― Matt Chesnut, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:54 (twenty years ago)

q. why do women watch porn films all the way to the end?
a. they're waiting for the wedding.

― dan (dan), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:50 (twenty years ago)

Ally's "no arms" one is still the best one I've heard on ILX.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:53 (twenty years ago)

A blonde woman walks into a sex shop and announces to the cashier "I'd like to buy the best red vibrator you have." He motions her to the wall filled with racks of vibrators and says "Take your pick." She looks around for a moment and asks "How much is that big one on the wall there?" "Ma'am", replies the cashier, "That's the fire extinguisher."

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Thursday, 17 February 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

so back in the early 90s here in arkansas, there was someone who was posing as a state trooper and pulling women over and raping them. the "blue light rapist." made headlines. anyway, back at the time, first lady h1llary cl1nton was driving through her home state and was pulled over by the blue light rapist.
...
he gave her a ticket.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Thursday, 17 February 2005 17:24 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

ihttp://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/32/London_Underground_Closed.png

They melted London! Those bastards!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 7 July 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

Too soon.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:05 (twenty years ago)

How soon *is* too soon? (I already made a couple of bad jokes in my head about this...but I won't repeat 'em.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:10 (twenty years ago)

Eh, no offense but I'll wait until one of the Londoners complains.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:11 (twenty years ago)

I'm actually glad it's not a heatwave here as that would've made the sitaution with the tubes even worse.

Punchline TBC

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:12 (twenty years ago)

I laughed andrew. :)

― JimD (JimD), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:13 (twenty years ago)

let's wait til liz checks in

― Gear! (Ill Cajun Gunsmith) (Gear!), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:18 (twenty years ago)

Martian, can you quit it with the "funny" remarks, they're not helping at all, numbnuts
-- chris/porkpie/cabbage (ceepeebe...), July 7th, 2005 9:15 AM. (later)

How's that?

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:21 (twenty years ago)

not this shit again

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)

Too soon?

Well, I heared the "dead as a dando" joke about half an hour after the news broke about Jill Dando. On the other hand, it was a long time before 9/11 jokes happened.

Let's not bother, yeah? I hope liz checks in too, but that shouldn't make it the green light for hte funnies...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

right of course, I was noting a reason not to start up, one of many :(

― Gear! (Ill Cajun Gunsmith) (Gear!), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:38 (twenty years ago)

maybe those who don't like tasteless jokes shouldn't open a thread entitled "A Thread for Tasteless and/or Dirty Jokes".

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

Well, I wasn't offended by the tube map funny, more the thought of going "OK, joke time starts" and it suddenly becomes an 'offensive' competition. So far, odd comments on the main thread might make you go 'huh,yeah' or 'oh godsake' but in the context it's fine.

I'm typing too much.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:48 (twenty years ago)

.. such as the thought of this thread title..

Analysis/readtion to official responses to the Explosions in London. [Warning: Contains "24" spoiler]

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 July 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)

I think that was... actually I don't quite know what Hari was thinking when he suggested it, just a total lapse of perspective, I'm sure.

In the abstract, it is sort of awesomely awful, though.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 7 July 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

to be fair, I think that was his point.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 July 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

that is indeed bizarre

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 7 July 2005 14:13 (twenty years ago)

I apologize for harshing the buzz. I was probably just being oversensitive.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 7 July 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

what's the worst part about fucking a seven-year-old boy?

wiping the blood of your clown suit.

ZING! TAKE THAT, AL QAEDA

― matlewis, Thursday, 7 July 2005 16:29 (twenty years ago)

five years pass...

Why can't Helen Keller dance?

'Cause she's dead.

― in an arrangement that mimics idiocy (Michael White), Friday, 24 June 2011 22:17 (fourteen years ago)

How are penises and broccoli similar?

If they were forced on you as a child, you probably don't like them as an adult.

― bill magill (milo z), Friday, 24 June 2011 22:22 (fourteen years ago)

Q, What's better than winning gold in the paralympics?
A, Not being a spaz.

― not_goodwin, Friday, 24 June 2011 22:24 (fourteen years ago)

Dude goes on a blind date for the first time with this girl. it goes really well, he's really excited, but for some reason he has this overwhelming underlying fear that she might really be a man. He tries multiple methods to check for sure, but they are all unsuccessful. Finally, it is time for him to take her home.

As he is driving, his date asks him if he can pull over, as she has to go to the bathroom. The dude pulls over, and realizes this is his opportunity. She walks over behind some nearby bushes, pulls down her pants, and squats, and he sneaks around behind her. Quickly, he reaches between her legs, and sure enough, he grabs hold of something long and slender between her legs, and he shouts "A-HA!".

The lady, stunned, cried "You never told me you were a peeping tom!"

The dude shot back "And you never told me you had to take a shit."

― SBing crosby (Neanderthal), Friday, 24 June 2011 22:24 (fourteen years ago)

six years pass...

is ilx ready for this

― F# A# (∞), Tuesday, 13 March 2018 22:29 (seven years ago)

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