You Would Like To Be The Next M. Night Shamalamadingdong, But Your Blues Aren't Blue Enough And Sarah Michelle Won't Return Your Calls. Quick! What Nursery Rhyme Will You Use In Your Next Highly Deri

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

AND what will your creepy demon kid say in a creeeeeepy whisper when he looks up at the camera for maximum movie trailer catch-phrase gold!

AND what will it be called?

AND what will your craaaazy surprise twist of a mindblower ending be?

AND what other cliches will you use with willful abandon?

AND who will be in it?

This is probably too much to ask. You would have to be really bored.

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 23:57 (twenty years ago)

I love this thread already

― papa november (papa november), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:02 (twenty years ago)

Maria just told me she wants her creepy demon kid to whisper: *there are people in my diaper*

frankly, i don't know if that's gonna creep too many people out.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

We All Fall Down

Based on the ring a ring a rosey rhyme, a mysterious black plague is threatening the township of Durbey, seemingly out of nowhere.

Only one little girl seems to know what is really going on, but is she really who she seems? Who is the strange man in the wardrobe mirror she keeps talking to?

Starring some unknown little upstart girly as the girl who knows bloody everything, and Keira Knightly as her long suffering mother who eventually dies of consumption, or some shit.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

I know that needed more cliches and ideas but I rushed it.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

Sure she didn't say *poopies in my diaper*?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

scott, i love you

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:08 (twenty years ago)

I like the Keira Knightley dying part. Another chance for her to use her lone facial expression!

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:10 (twenty years ago)

Hahah exactly why I picked her! She also has to mope around staring out of windows in frilly victorian nightgowns, worrying a lot.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:11 (twenty years ago)

Also, the twist is that it is actually 20th century New England, and this family think a plague is killing everyone but it turns out the kid is just obsessed with a TV show. Thats sounds about stupid enough.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:15 (twenty years ago)

"Old Mother Hubbard"

*Doggie looks hungry*

'Fetch a bone'

The dog is actually a wolf re-released into some shitty habitat, who pines for the nursery of her youth, wanders back to the city and after having a shitty time is taken up by a crazy old crone who disposes of her enemies by feeding them to the 'dog'. The liitle kid who lives down the block has lycanthropic tendencies, senses the presence of the wolf, is almost killed before he calls it 'poochy', the wolf's name in the nursery. Then the moon comes up, the boy transforms and they make wild, lupine love.

Haven't decided on cliches or cast yet.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:18 (twenty years ago)

How about Bye, Baby Bunting

The big scary whispered catchphrase could be "Daddy's gone a hunting

I think this has potential!

― papa november (papa november), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:22 (twenty years ago)

I know Im actually thinking up some (admittedly very M.Nighteqsue) cool ideas! More in a tic.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:25 (twenty years ago)

okay, my bad, Maria actually originally said *there are dead people in my diaper* which is certainly derivative and has more of a zing. she also thought of a ring around the rosie move too! awhile back after we had seen the ginger snaps movies. cuz, you know, in those movies the girl is named ginger and she does indeed snap. her rosie movie would have a girl named rosie and the nursery rhyme, but i think that's as far as she got.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:35 (twenty years ago)

There would be a virus involved - starts like chicken pox but turns you into an infectious child zombie.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:44 (twenty years ago)

I used to call him M. Night Shamalama but then I realized it's just Sha-ma-lan and that's pretty easy to remember. It's still tough to spell, I'll admit.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:49 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha this thread pretty much sums up every thought I have about that fuckstick 'director'.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

Little Jack Horner

Whispered scary phrase: "What a good boy am I."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 02:17 (twenty years ago)

M . night Shamalama would be an awesome name

― Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 02:59 (twenty years ago)

Night isn't actually his middle name. He should have gone all the way.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:02 (twenty years ago)

Nightingale?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:03 (twenty years ago)

have you seen the ad for hide and seek where de niro whispers scarily: "ready or not here I come". oh, how the mighty keep falling and falling.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:11 (twenty years ago)

Paddycake

"Bake me a cake. As fast as you can."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

God I saw the poster for that and bust out laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee on myself.

― Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

Jack Sprat

"I'll lick the platter clean."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:15 (twenty years ago)

"One. Two. Three. Four. I declare thumb war."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:15 (twenty years ago)

Rub-a-dub-dub
Three corpses in a tub,
And how do you think they got there?
The butcher, the baker, the candlestick-maker --

Starring Andrew McCarthy, Jon Cryer, and Skeet Ulrich

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:39 (twenty years ago)

I used to call him M. Night Shamalama but then I realized it's just Sha-ma-lan and that's pretty easy to remember. It's still tough to spell, I'll admit.

I used a variation on an old thread (re: a Beulah lyric):

"There never was a party at all" OOOOOH A TWIST ENDING! Call M night Shyamalamadingdong!

-- AaronHz (aaronh...), June 14th, 2004 4:31 PM. (AaronHz)

― Dr. Z Indahouse (AaronHz), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:42 (twenty years ago)

On February 26, YOU'RE IT.

TAG

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:48 (twenty years ago)

that's a good one, Hurting! I would go see that.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:50 (twenty years ago)

Crap. Maybe I should be working in the industry.

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

Actually, I could see a plot about some sort of killer being that inhabits a dead, zombie-like host, who becomes "it" until they find (and kill) another person to become "it".

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:52 (twenty years ago)

"Shhhh, you must be quiet, mummy and I are ever so dead".

that's gonna be the big line in my twee brit ghosty movie starring anyone remotely kidman-esque.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:58 (twenty years ago)

Fantastic

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

Of course, Tag will be followed by a sequel, Freeze Tag.

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

And another sequel: Gutten Tag

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 04:15 (twenty years ago)

Scott's revisionism will extend to proclaiming Darkness Falls the movie of the decade.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 05:40 (twenty years ago)

I've actually been thinking about a ripped-from-the headlines horror pic about the breakup between Woody Allen and Mia Farrow. I'd call it "Mia Culpa" and it would feature a menorah beating. Woody would end the flick singing a version of the Sesame Street theme to himself ... "Sun Yi Day ... " Potential for sequels as

Mia Culpa 2: Let Me Be Frank
Mia Culpa 3: Bride and Previn-ise
Mia Culpa 4: Roman hands

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 06:00 (twenty years ago)

wasn't Tag already done, sort of, with that Denzel movie, Fallen? The serial killer who moved from person to person via touch? Which was, in itself, a ripoff of The Hidden, which is a great fuckin' movie BTW

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 06:20 (twenty years ago)

They mostly come at night...mostly

― lukey (Lukey G), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 09:34 (twenty years ago)

That sounds like a half-hearted apologia for erectile dysfunction.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

Nursery rhyme: Little Bobby Shaftoe
Creepy demon kid's creeeeeepy whisper: "I'll be yours...FOR EVER MORE!"
Title: "Silver Buckles"
Craaaazy surprise twist: The murderer...is Screech!
Other cliches: Cat in the cupboard! Silver spoon!
Who will be in it: Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Lark Voorhies

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:03 (twenty years ago)

I am thrilled and troubled.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:06 (twenty years ago)

Oranges and Lemons
Tagline: And Here Comes the Chopper to Chop OFF YOUR HEAD.
Creepy demon kid whisper: well, the entire rhyme
Plot: Every time the old church clock strikes the hour, someone dies!
Twist: It's really Jack the Ripper come back from the grave to haunt modern day London
Other cliches: It's the Freemasons! It's the hidden royal family secret! It's the man with the really bad East end accent ooh er guvn'r!
Who's in it: creepy little english boy, americans with horrid accents.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

Um, he hasn't named any of his movies after nursery rhymes though! (Please don't take this as a defense of Sham-a-lamb, only a mere observation.)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:20 (twenty years ago)

Little Boy Blue

He sleeps under a haystack in the barn. At night he terrorizes farming families.

Where's the little boy who looks after the sheep?
Under the haystack, fast asleep.
Will you wake him? No, not I,
For if I do, YOU'RE ALL SURE TO DIE.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:38 (twenty years ago)

It could be the ghost of a boy who died in a hay-loading accident. After he died, their once productive, fine farm became haunted. His father became an insance alcoholic and ran off. His mother lives there alone, singing to her self and rocking in a rocking chair. Kids from neighboring farms dare each other to go in the old haunted barn. They wake up Little Boy Blue (whose body looks blue because he suffocated under the hay).

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:41 (twenty years ago)

insance = insane

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:41 (twenty years ago)

Surely anything with 'blue' and 'boy' in it would have to have some homoerotic subtext too, Maria.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

His mother sleeps with him?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 237 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

boondock saints

― gear (gear), Saturday, 22 July 2006 22:47 (nineteen years ago)

the scenes shot during the filming of BS in overnight, with billy connolly in a leather bondage bodysuit studded with guns, really made it look... singular

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 22:51 (nineteen years ago)

i don't wanna see it again sober, but

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 22 July 2006 23:15 (nineteen years ago)

the "Starbucks Hindu"

LeCoq, plz to tell friend Mike he is genius.

Every time I see the phrase "Boondock Saints" I of course sing it in my head a la "UTAH SAINTS!"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 July 2006 04:45 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha me too!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 23 July 2006 05:51 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, so i saw this movie.

it wasnt THAT bad. it's definetly a failure--but it's such a weird movie too that i wasnt ever really bored. i actually like the "made up as it goes along" aspect of the movie. and i really do think it very closely resembles the kind of bedtime story a kid would love because in my experience kids love games and stories with lots of arbitrary rules to discover and learn to have some agency by manipulating them, and i think the movie tries to re-create that with adults.

some nice little touches i thought too, like the kid reading cereal boxes, or people defending themselves with what's at hand, like pool brushes.

yeah tons of eye rolling silliness, but i someday i think he'll make a really good movie.

― ryan (ryan), Sunday, 23 July 2006 06:04 (nineteen years ago)

i guess part of the problem is that the plot developments seem SO arbitrary and just plain willful instead of evolving organically from a coherent fantasy world---but again it's almost as if that's the point....but really it's not a movie worth wasting much brain power over.

― ryan (ryan), Sunday, 23 July 2006 06:15 (nineteen years ago)

i don't see how that's the point, unless his point was to make a totally bad movie.

the kid reading the cereal boxes thing might have been effective if what he was saying had any connection to what was on the cereal boxes (which you don't even say). as such it's just totally arbitrary.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 23 July 2006 13:12 (nineteen years ago)

yeah you're right, since at least the crossword puzzle guy was using what was in front of him.

― ryan (ryan), Sunday, 23 July 2006 13:16 (nineteen years ago)

Crossover with Wordplay!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 July 2006 13:21 (nineteen years ago)

what a weirdass movie. or maybe it's a weird ass-movie, i'm not quite sure!

― give late a bloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 24 July 2006 00:00 (nineteen years ago)

tree monkeys ffs

― give late a bloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 24 July 2006 00:00 (nineteen years ago)

you mean tartulins

(i think)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 24 July 2006 00:02 (nineteen years ago)

Third spot this weekend goes to the troubled Lady in the Water from the even more troubled M. Night Shyamalan. Three months ago, this movie looked like a Signs-level hit. After critics threw a whole lot of rotten veggies during press screenings, I think Warner Bros. will be happy to move on after a weekend gross of $18.2 million. Released to 3,235 venues, Lady in the Water earned a venue average of $5,626. After 2004's The Village burned to the ground ($50 million opening, $114 million finish), Shyamalan needed a hit with Lady but instead laid another egg, riling moviegoers and critics alike. RottenTomatoes gathered 128 reviews, of which only 27 were positive. That's a fresh rating of 21% while a meager 17% of the nation's top reviewers gave this dog a bone.

Did M. Night Shyamalan peak at the box office with 2002's Signs? 1999's The Sixth Sense got off to a decent start with $26.7 million before going on to earn almost $300 million. Unbreakable fed off the success of The Sixth Sense, opening to $30.3 million in 2000, however, word-of-mouth on that film was not great, and it failed to reach the $100 million mark. Next up was Signs, and a large amount of help from Mel Gibson and a crackerjack marketing campaign opened the religious alien saga to $60.1 million before going on to earn $228 million. Then, on Night's name alone, Buena Vista opened The Village to $50.7 million, but again, word-of-mouth was awful and it ended up earning only $114.2 million. With Lady in the Water, the shine is officially off. Shyamalan will either need a better script or a bigger star to open his next film, and even then, his former built-in audience may ignore it.

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Monday, 24 July 2006 00:35 (nineteen years ago)

So tragic. I almost fake-cried.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 01:54 (nineteen years ago)

And BTW, seeing another billboard or big ass poster for this thing EVERY TWO BLOCKS in LA was the only bad thing about yesterday's FAP.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 01:55 (nineteen years ago)

So basically this movie is like one big game of Calvinball?

― nate p. (natepatrin), Monday, 24 July 2006 02:05 (nineteen years ago)

But then there would be cool masks and songs.

On the Super Ex-Girlfriend thread I nearly gave myself a hernia thinking of the terror caused by what would happen if Kevin Spacey starred in M. Night's next epic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 05:32 (nineteen years ago)

So basically this movie is like one big game of Calvinball?

Nice!

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Monday, 24 July 2006 05:44 (nineteen years ago)

its not an awful film per se, but it is a rather awkward one, even for shyamalan. it starts off rather crappy with a bunch of lamely written character exposition and camerawork that feels...off (seriously it feels like the first 15-20 minutes were shot by a drunk gopher). after the first act or so it starts to pick up a little, but it never really gels. it lacks the confidence (unearned or not) shanana's other movies have. ok, except for the *SPOILER, SORT OF* casting of himself as the writer of the book that WILL SAVE CIVILIZATION *END QUASI-SPOILER*

still, it's less insulting and more interesting than the Village.

― give late a bloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 24 July 2006 05:59 (nineteen years ago)

I for one would like to see Ornaldo Bloomps cast in the next M. Night Shamalamadingdong film.

― fongoloid sangfroid (sanskrit), Monday, 24 July 2006 12:03 (nineteen years ago)

What would the 'shocking' twist be in that one?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

Ornaldo Bloomps is actually a robot.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:32 (nineteen years ago)

I imagine this is what would happen if Kevin Spacey started in an M. Night Scoobydoo Picture:

http://www.fasta.fh-dortmund.de/informatik/pictures/k-pax.jpg

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

a robot who can turn into a tree. x-post.

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

My god, I had forgotten that film existed. And now that I remember, I must commit self-lobotomy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

A robot who can take down large animals hardcore, DAAAAMMMMNNN.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:40 (nineteen years ago)

pay it forward Ned

― fongoloid sangfroid (sanskrit), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:41 (nineteen years ago)

Man, this movie sounds great!

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:43 (nineteen years ago)

pay it forward Ned

*dies*

Man, this movie sounds great!

We're on a roll.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

In the newest thought-provoking picture from acclaimed director M. NIGHT SHYAMALAEJAIJSDAKSLDNMAMD, ORNALDO BLOOMPS

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:47 (nineteen years ago)

In the newest thought-provoking picture from acclaimed director M. NIGHT SHYAMALAEJAIJSDAKSLDNMAMD, ORNALDO BLOOMPS plays a stoic presdetnial candidate who is taught to emotionally connect with the American people by his mysterious new adviser (KEVIN SPACEY). In a shocking twist, it is revealed that BLOOMPS is actually an android sent to dominate Earth by an evil alien (BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD)--and that KEVIN SPACEY represents a peace-loving race sent to stop him! Will BLOOMPS' newfound love of humanity override his programming???

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:49 (nineteen years ago)

Jessie you are a saint.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

Super shocking ending: Spacey turns into a gigantic monster, Bloomps takes him down and proceeds to massacre humanity, FIN.

WHY WORK WHEN I CAN MAKE STUPID POSTS TO ILX.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

Precisely.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:53 (nineteen years ago)

I was thinking something the other day, while re-watching Unbreakable, which I still surprisingly love; if M. Night were to ONLY direct a movie written by a NOT TOTAL DOUCHE, it might not be too bad!

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Monday, 24 July 2006 15:15 (nineteen years ago)

And thus go the post-mortems.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:20 (nineteen years ago)

registration required.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:27 (nineteen years ago)

bugmenot.com your friend

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:45 (nineteen years ago)

i know this is all nerdy but AS A COMIC BOOK FAN i find Unbreakable straight up OFFENSIVE. i hate Night and his "im so badass i can do ANY genre" schtick. did you guys hear his stern interview last week? dood is a fuck. however, pauly giamatti came off as a charming bro.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:49 (nineteen years ago)

someone explain the Unbreakable/Comic book thing to me cuz I've never seen it (and don't plan to as I hate Bruce Willis among other reasons...)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:54 (nineteen years ago)

ehh do you reall need to know

the annoying thing about the comics in unbreakable (and this is a really m night trademark) is that they're so clearly... off in some way. he just doesn't write that stuff well enough. see also: tv announcer dialogue, passages from books, even the m night character's description of the "cookbook" in LITW. it all feels like stuff he meant to come back to and do properly in the next draft.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 23:01 (nineteen years ago)

five months pass...

oh no he is gonna ruin the avatar cartoooooooooon

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117956950.html?categoryid=13&cs=1

QUICK! I started a petition:

http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?w3e4r5t6

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:18 (eighteen years ago)

he needs this cash cow to continue his evil work! i pray we are not too late.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:20 (eighteen years ago)

Guess the twist ending!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:23 (eighteen years ago)

M. Night Shamalamadingdong vs Shilpa Poppadom

― Frogm@n Henry (Frogm@n Henry), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:28 (eighteen years ago)

please sign the petition. i am sending it to nancy pelosi.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:33 (eighteen years ago)

five months pass...

So I don't think anyone mentioned incredibly sanctimonious use of A Whisper in the Noise (complete with CHILDREN'S CHOIR) version of "The Times They Are A-Changin'."

― marmotwolof, Thursday, 5 July 2007 01:37 (eighteen years ago)

(in the end credits. thought it was Coldplay or something)

― marmotwolof, Thursday, 5 July 2007 01:39 (eighteen years ago)

I was just thinking about "There was an early, funny scene in Spanish, the fastest-growing language in America" earlier today.

― aaron d.g., Thursday, 5 July 2007 02:12 (eighteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.