Bend Over And Open Up For The Stats Cock!!!

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Yes!!! Yes!!!! This board is my bitch! Well, at least until Ally wakes up from her hangover and gets back in the game.

For a few pathetic hours, I get to be number one! It's the first time I've been number one at anything except standardised tests in my entire life!!! Hooray for me!!! I AM THE GREATEST!!!

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I am so pathetic.

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

quntity *is* quality! i guess.

― duane, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Screw quality! On this board it's all about quantity and just for this afternoon, I am Queen of the World! You must all do my bidding!!!

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I bid 2 cents.

― AP, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Two cents? Sheesh, you wouldn't get me for anything less than two shots of vodka!

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I bid 2 beans.

― AP, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

HOw do you check the stats?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Right Here.

And no to two beans, as well. I've told you, I'm not settling for anything less than two double vodkas. With coke.

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I bid 1 cent, 1 bean, and Pete's Idaho-shaped brain.

― AP, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

You move me baby.

― chris, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oh no, Ally is awake and posting. My title is down the dumpster. Sigh. It was fun while it lasted...

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Like anyone can beat me, psh, how many times do I have to tell you people this?

― Ally, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Seconds out. Round One. The battle of Kate and Ally...

― chris, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I have beaten you for most of the day, honey. Why, if I didn't have to get up off this computer and go... ugh... rehearse, I could whoop you all the way back to Queens, see if I don't. Humph!

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Woo-hoo, I'm at the very bottom of the stats pile! (Right, only 700 more pointless posts to go and I'll beat Kate.)

Bill

― Bill, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Buzz off.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Hmm I suck.

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'm still on top. Will continue to be if she doesn't sneak up on me while I'm off making coffee.

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

The problem is that I go MIA on nights and weekends, damnit. If only I worked 24/7....or maybe not.

― Ally, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Yeah, and I go MIA when... erm... I tend more to disappear for 2 weeks at a time, and then come back and find that everyone has moved over on to a new board. My reign will end when I go on tour. And then when I start working again, it will be vastly diminished. (That is, if we don't sell our souls to corporate cocks and have some evil minion of Satan give us a contract between then and now...)

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

corporate cocks...satan...SOUNDS LIKE SATAN"S COCK!

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Ok, stats cock and spatchcock, go to the drunk thread. Buried treasure awaits.

― suzy, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

The drunk thread... is that like the Drunk Suite by Sonic Boom's Spectrum? Coz I'm down with that, clearly.

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Was that part of the Nutcracker Suite? After the Sugarplum dance and tea dance amd Hash dance?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'm totally lost.

― Ally, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Well then, Ally, make haste to your own Je Suis Tipsy thread. I'm spreading LIGHT and HAPPINESS through the power of EXCELLENT GOSSIP. I like applause, me, and I know I'm going to get some.

― suzy, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

No, somewhere between the Smack Suite and the Methadone Suite, methinks. (Ooh, better watch what I say, Sonic Boom has been known to materialise on boards and smackdown people who talk about him and smack.)

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Methadone Pretty? What?

― Ally, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Who's paying my electricity and phone bill, that's what I want to know?!

― Paul Strange, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I will pay it Paul.

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Er I think you are Paul. Which is why you have to work for The Man.

― Pete, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

My trust fund pays it. Mwah hah hah hah hah.

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

On one condition

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

There, another post. I'll quietly work my way along.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Besides, we're on flat rate unmetered for the phone bill. Ptooey!

Electricity... well, I think you'll find that my computer use takes up nowhere near as much leckie as that BROKEN CRAP OLD FRIDGE you used to have! Humph! So our bills should go down.

Maybe we should start to take donations...

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Maybe you should buy a solar dish. Or hook up some pedals to the computer. Did you know that if you press the "W" key it takes up more power than any other key?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Maybe you should buy a solar dish. Or hook up some pedals to the computer. Did you know that if you press the "W" key it takes up more power than any other key?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Good god, look at the time!!!

I surrender my crown because I've got to go to rehearsal. Imagine how embarrassed I'm going to be when I confess *WHY* I'm late, after yelling at the rhthm section for years about their tardiness.

It's the first time we've rehearsed in over a month. I'm scared. What if I get back to rehearsal and find that I REALLY don't like them anymore, and it's not just cause we had a break? Shit, and we've got to get our arses in gear for that gig next Tuesday. Did I hype that enough yet? Are all you Londoners coming?

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

i am doing my BSCN all next week, which means i'm unable to attend any of the coming events :(

but i will be able to make triggerfest, whatever that is

― gareth, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I am contemplating changing my e-mail address and dropping out of the stats race, plus my hotmail account is full up and it takes ages to delete messages...

― james e l, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

So now what do we talk about if Kate is going off? *sigh*

― Ally, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I worked hard to push my big cock into the pillows of top twenty flesh. I do not know how you get to be number one. I bow before.

― anthony, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Sigh. I just cracked into the stats at all. Which is fine by me, actually. I don't want to win. I just want to be recognized as a contenda.

― Sterling Clover, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I mourn this thread.

― Ally, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Are we supposed to take the stats cock in the ass? Or is this thread suposed to be for the ladies?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

No, the stats cock is indiscriminate, don't worry.

― Ally, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

The stats cock can go anywhere that it likes. Sucking is usually the best option... oh good god, stop me. I have put a timer on my posting today, so there will be no creeping back up to the number one spot. I have GOT to go to Sainsburys and buy food for the weekend. And I have GOT to clean up the mess in this flat because there are like... people... coming over this weekend to store their gear here, so I've got to get all MY crap out of the way to make way for their crap. Except Paul can take his OWN fucking bags of Oxfam clothes up to the high street. I mean, that's where most of his clothes came from, after all. Oxfam lending library indeed.

No sucking the stats cock today. No.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oh dear, I've been getting into fights and ended up sucking the Stats cock after all. I really really REALLY am going to get off the internet and walk up to the high street and buy groceries now. Honest.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I am in the top ten. I will rule you . Until i start working .

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Skipping 175 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

my key doesn't work anymore

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 13 March 2003 15:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

Pah, Lay You Love On Me was rubbidge.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 13 March 2003 15:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

not for the first time I have fallen off the end of the statscock, possibly never to return. I have a mountain of work today and this situation looks like continuing for the foreseeable future. I used to wonder why I never got mentioned in any most/least popular ilxer threads or won an ilx award or anything like that, and wondered whether i might be some kind of non-entity like John Major prior to the Edwina Currie revelations, then it suddenly hit me - I simply don't post enough to make an impression. Granted I sometimes lurk without posting, but the fact that I feel part of ilx whilst not making an impression in terms of quantity demonstrates how ilx can take over yr life without you even coming close to taking over it.

As I recall, some girls will. Some girls won't. Some girls need a lot of loving and some girls don't.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 13 March 2003 15:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

I don't know whether I'm like Huey Lewis & the News's "Hip to be Square" or the Other two's "Tasty Fish, i.e. just outside at 41, or whether I've not even made the top 75. Maybe one of Graham's whizzy graphs would tell me. Graham?

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 13 March 2003 15:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

oh, I will be the next to reach 10,000, and that's the bottom line.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

I mean, I'm gonna coincide my 10000th post with my birthday. It's already planned..."ah, you all forgot my birthday (this is my 10,000th post btw)." It's not my birthday today btw.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

I peek out in the high forties every so often, take a look around, and disappear into safe obscurity again.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 13 March 2003 18:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

oy vey! I'm number 4.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 13 March 2003 18:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

I can feel Skidmore breathing down my neck on ILE - and its not a wholly unpleasant sensation.

If only I had read this before seeing Pete at last night's FAP - the night could have been very different...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 14 March 2003 18:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

bah 22.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 14 March 2003 18:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Dammit, I'm not even Top 50 any more. Sigh. "Not as good as her earlier posts" etc.

― kate (t), Friday, 14 March 2003 19:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

See what ill effects a job has on you?

Oh how the mighty have fallen. From a thrilling spot atop the statcock to not even rounding it out at 50.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Friday, 14 March 2003 19:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

I have no idea how Ned manages to post more than I do!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 14 March 2003 19:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

Dammit, I'm not even Top 50 any more.

I think Graham has reversed some magic that counted your posts with suzys. Result: you're number 16, suzy down in the relegation zone.

Also, seriously, did you think you weren't in the top 50?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Saturday, 15 March 2003 22:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

Aw, man, and there I was all proud of myself for not wasting so much of my damned life on the internet...

― kate (suzy), Saturday, 15 March 2003 22:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

I guess its not counting Kate, Kate The Saint, Kate St Clair, Masonic Boom, SandywichUK, Spirits ualized, Haligonian Man Chowder or whatever your nicking yourself this week as one person.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 15 March 2003 22:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Noodles, your memory worries me.

― kate (suzy), Sunday, 16 March 2003 11:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

I have no idea how Ned manages to post more than I do!

Gives you an idea as to the general nature of my job, doesn't it?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 16 March 2003 16:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Noodles, your memory worries me.

Not as much as my archives of dandyrules@northwest.com should. Though I lost most of it when Hotmail dumped my account.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Sunday, 16 March 2003 16:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

Gives you an idea as to the general nature of my job, doesn't it?

Er, you have v. understanding bosses?

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 16 March 2003 17:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

Having just discovered how to show the whole chart, I can now participate in this nonsense! I am currently number 132.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Sunday, 16 March 2003 22:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

And 237 on ILM.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Sunday, 16 March 2003 22:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

three years pass...

Poor stats cock.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 7 July 2006 23:23 (eighteen years ago) link

six months pass...

Statscock back, it's always the same people at the top.

― Shoes and Shoegazeability (kate), Monday, 22 January 2007 16:30 (eighteen years ago) link

110th!

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:29 (eighteen years ago) link

Number two on both boards. Figures.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:30 (eighteen years ago) link

I've always hated this thread title, it's like, can't I take it in just one hole or the other? No, I have to bend over AND open up for it. This thread is hentai.

― blotter Budweiser Hackeysadk (nickalicious), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:38 (eighteen years ago) link

How the hell am I in the 30s already?

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:41 (eighteen years ago) link

A brand new year and a bright new start.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:41 (eighteen years ago) link

Ned do you regret losing your monolithic 10,000+ post count to the ethers?

― blotter Budweiser Hackeysadk (nickalicious), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:46 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh heck no. That's like regretting sold back CDs.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:50 (eighteen years ago) link

169 - you'd think I have a life or something.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:56 (eighteen years ago) link

britishes be all slacking and reading each others' LJs instead of being part of the community and shit

― TOMBO7 (TOMBOT), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:57 (eighteen years ago) link

159 - I feel like I am here much more than that.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 22 January 2007 18:58 (eighteen years ago) link

hey, I be number 12 and have had a week off.

― Ed (dali), Monday, 22 January 2007 19:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm not even on the list. Not being able to access ilxor at work probably has a little to do with it.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 22 January 2007 19:05 (eighteen years ago) link

BLoody hell I went from nowhere to 34. I'll be back in the top 5 again if I'm not careful. It must be all the ILM rambling I've been doing.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 23 January 2007 07:08 (eighteen years ago) link

what the bleeding fuck, i'm in the top 100. I'm... oh god no, in the top 50. Eek. I was convinced I wouldn't even appear in the top 200. Yikes.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 23 January 2007 07:16 (eighteen years ago) link

That list is so confrontational

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 23 January 2007 08:43 (eighteen years ago) link

... it's like seeing your IQ score or something. (not me though - *throws Mensa hand shape*)

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 23 January 2007 08:44 (eighteen years ago) link

i'm #102 on ILE, #32 on noisebrd.

― calling occupants of interplanetary craft services (get bent), Tuesday, 23 January 2007 08:51 (eighteen years ago) link

#176 on ILM.

― calling occupants of interplanetary craft services (get bent), Tuesday, 23 January 2007 08:52 (eighteen years ago) link

I am top five!!!

― Shoes and Shoegazeability (kate), Tuesday, 23 January 2007 11:32 (eighteen years ago) link

Wow, back in the day I was in the top 30, now i'm down with people I've never even seen post before. I better make more of an effort!

― It's a hard world for little things... (papa november), Tuesday, 23 January 2007 11:52 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...

God. If you add up my usernames i'm 4th all-time.

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 13:11 (sixteen years ago) link

hello down there

― blueski, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 13:19 (sixteen years ago) link

still best thread title ever

― Ste, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 13:21 (sixteen years ago) link

The only time I was ever on the stats board was during that story-a-word-at-a-time thing...

― snoball, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 14:33 (sixteen years ago) link

If other peeps added up their usernames, you probably wouldn't be 4th, T.

― libcrypt, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 15:46 (sixteen years ago) link

too expensive for the server

ha!

― Mark G, Wednesday, 2 July 2008 08:22 (sixteen years ago) link

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