Blowjobs: Classic or Dud? [Heywood jabelieve NSFW?]

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They're boring and you know it.

― Snappy (sexyDancer), Friday, 4 February 2005 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Classic.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't remember a single dud one.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Come anticipate Brown Bunny with me

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Are we talking giving or receiving here?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I dunno about that, Martin. I mean, I'm all on the classic side, but everything goes wrong at least once.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Which is why I'm glad this thread isn't a Search and Destroy.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

snappy don't like sunsets either

― noizem duke (noize duke), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

here's a hint for one particular girl I've known in the past: teeth are NOT GOOD and usually = DUD

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

christ, it's not a corn on the cob, goddammit

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Well what is it then?

― Harvey Solid, Friday, 4 February 2005 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll tell you another thing it's not: a goddamned video game system joystick.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, if there's even a remote possibility that your dick could be mistaken for corn on the cob, GO TO THE DOCTOR NOW.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

CLAHHSSIC. Rack me, I'm out. (/T. Kornheiser)

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear is particularly super denarius here.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I was wondering why she used asked if I had any butter. but seriously guys, seriously, teeth are not to be used to nibble on "teh business", right?

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:14 (twenty-one years ago)

might as well cut to the chase and grab a cheese grater. fuck's sake

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I wonder if pepper would make my cock sneeze?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe just a little nibbling.

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

if you chop onions around your cock does it weep

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.stacksandstacks.com/image/10856.jpg

GEAR! LOOK OUT!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

a little bit of nibbling, okay, but when it one gets to wondering if skin has been broken, that's a problem.

OW SON OF A BITCH!

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i can think of a couple duds here and there, but c'mon, classic.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

No nibbling, dammit! Nibble on my nipples with gusto, but keep your teeth away from Herr Glanz.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.screamteam.com/newpage/gnashteeth.jpg

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

eh, pretty dud. used to be classic but i get too self conscious about them. i'd rather have a c on t or a t on c.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Nabisco, I am not denying they can go wrong or be less than good, but I've honestly never received a genuinely dud one, and I have had thousands. I've given rather less, and I can't comment on how they'd score with the recipients, but I had a good time giving them on every occasion.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 4 February 2005 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

classic if the person does it right, dud if they dont.

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Friday, 4 February 2005 23:05 (twenty-one years ago)

gear I'll see your teeth and raise you braces.

― Dude, are you a 15 year old asian chick? (jingleberries), Friday, 4 February 2005 23:06 (twenty-one years ago)

First bj I ever got was from a girl with braces. She was quite adept nontheless.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 4 February 2005 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

thousands!!

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 4 February 2005 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Bear in mind I am old, Phil! That's not so many a year!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 4 February 2005 23:35 (twenty-one years ago)

What kind of person would use teeth (unless asked to, of course)?

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 5 February 2005 03:15 (twenty-one years ago)

the kind of people who've sucked my dick I reckon.

― Snappy (sexyDancer), Saturday, 5 February 2005 03:45 (twenty-one years ago)

sometimes you slip though, and you bite down REAL HARD. by accident!

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Saturday, 5 February 2005 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

man can last a long time in prison with that kind of reputation, I etll you whut

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 5 February 2005 03:50 (twenty-one years ago)

not that I would know

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 5 February 2005 03:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Were you pushing on the back of her head at the time, Snappy?

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Saturday, 5 February 2005 03:55 (twenty-one years ago)

(that's exactly what i mean, pushing on the head is a no no no no no)

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Saturday, 5 February 2005 03:58 (twenty-one years ago)

naw, just checking my watch.

― Snappy (sexyDancer), Saturday, 5 February 2005 04:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Giving, classic. Receiving, well, I don't know if I'd go so far as to say "dud", but it's closer to dud than classic.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 5 February 2005 04:32 (twenty-one years ago)

gays pwn this categorie say I.

― Snappy (sexyDancer), Saturday, 5 February 2005 09:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'll tell you another thing it's not: a goddamned video game system joystick."

I think you use your hands for a joystick. ;-)

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Saturday, 5 February 2005 09:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone who says recieving a (standard, non-bitey) blowjob = dud are beyond my comprehension I'm afraid. Not always classic, fairplay, but never dud really.

it's not: a goddamned video game system joystick."
I think you use your hands for a joystick. ;-)

That's what he meant, I think. He digressed to the subject of hand-jobs.

― David Merryweather (DavidM), Saturday, 5 February 2005 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

hand jobs are like the rape version of masturbation.

― Snappy (sexyDancer), Saturday, 5 February 2005 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

blow jobs rule.
hand jobs suck.

― Ian John50n (orion), Saturday, 5 February 2005 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

just needs lots of teasing and prep

gonad-licking is particularly ace when done right, ought to make the 'main event' a mere formality, teeth dud obviously

tip: wait 'til he begs

― john clarkson, Saturday, 5 February 2005 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

what kind of handjobs did you guys get?? "the rape version of masturbation"? christ!

A really good blowjob/handjob combo can feel greater than a blowjob alone! I don't think handjobs alone are as exciting, sure, but you guys make them out to be some horrible thing where your partners had tacks glued to the hands!

― donut christ (donut), Saturday, 5 February 2005 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

"partners"

― Snappy (sexyDancer), Saturday, 5 February 2005 20:35 (twenty-one years ago)

snappy otm mostly... pretty boring, and i've had plenty of good ones.

― f--gg (gcannon), Saturday, 5 February 2005 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 55 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

the weird thing about that photo is that there's no surprise to it. it's not like we're thinking "omg it's actually his dick!" as we do with some of the hot-dog-related ones. i mean, with those, at first glance, yes, a woman is about to chow down on a juicy hot dog, wrapped in a bun, but ... wait! with this one, it's like, hi, my cock is standing straight out of a pizza box. and the woman is all, i'm going to lower my head into the box, unlike how anybody actually eats pizza.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:00 (twenty years ago)

to answer the question another thread posed: america *is* on the decline.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:02 (twenty years ago)

If you adjust your brane, it looks like she's puking onto the pizza.

― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:03 (twenty years ago)

i normally hate looking at girls giving head, but this is different. i can't stop gazing in wonder. cock standing straight out of a pizza box wtf. how did they think of that? so awkward.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:03 (twenty years ago)

finally something ilx can all agree on. i always food and sex would be involved.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:04 (twenty years ago)

always knew

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

And in what context is that supposed to happen?

"I bet if I cut a hole in the box and through the pizza and stick my dick in it..."

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

How do pizza blowjobs even get to become a fetish/subculture?

Apparently THE SITE: http://www.bizarre-rituals.com/links/bigsausagepizza.html BIG SAUSAGE PIZZA

― big, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

FWIW, that pizza looks good.

― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:08 (twenty years ago)

That photo makes me queasy.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:08 (twenty years ago)

"Yes, I'd like to order a medium cheese pizza, please... extra pubes."

Thank you, no.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

that pizza looks good

It looks like it might have been good a short time ago, but has now been thoroughly ruined. And a short time from now will be even worse.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

so amazingly bizarre. you get the sense that the people behind this are missing the point of sex somehow. and eating. and everything.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

Remind me never to ask that guy for a donut.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

unlike how anybody actually eats pizza.

It's also unlike how most people give blowjobs.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:13 (twenty years ago)

I like how she's holding her hair back.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:14 (twenty years ago)

she or he? i think it's he. such a gentleman.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:16 (twenty years ago)

A google search for "semen pizza" returns one picture...

― why, Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

her nails are scary long

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:20 (twenty years ago)

actually looking at that picture again i have decided that we've got a "weekend at bernie's" situation on our hands.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:31 (twenty years ago)

How dare you say she's dead.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 21:40 (twenty years ago)

OMG the picture on the Big Sausage Pizza homepage!!!!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 22:20 (twenty years ago)

http://bestmessageboardever.com/uploads/post-862-1118273433.jpg

― CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZAS ^_^ (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 22:31 (twenty years ago)

that is still not as bad as the thug toelicking thing

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 22:34 (twenty years ago)

and both of them combined still cannot top the thought of mark's pringles trick

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 22:35 (twenty years ago)

"thug toelicking thing"? does it involve Karamo?

Man, cats don't know what it's gonna be
Fuckin with a nigga like me, D-to-the-M-to-the-X
Last I heard, y'all niggaz was havin sex, with the SAME sex
I show no love, to homo thugs
Empty out, reloaded and throw more slugs
How you gonna explain fuckin a man?
Even if we squashed the beef, I ain't touchin ya hand
I don't buck with chumps, for those to been to jail
That's the cat with the Kool-Aid on his lips and pumps
I don't fuck with niggaz that think they broads
Only know how to be ONE WAY, that's the dog
I know how to get down, know how to BITE
Bark very little, but I know HOW TO FIGHT
I know how to chase a cat up in the tree
MAN, I GIVE Y'ALL NIGGAZ THE B'INESS FOR FUCKIN WIT ME, IS YOU CRAZY?!?

― CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZAS ^_^ (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 22:40 (twenty years ago)

his small tuft of chin-hair ruins the picture for me

― Vichitravirya XI, Thursday, 9 June 2005 00:17 (twenty years ago)

http://img124.echo.cx/img124/8149/bigolpizza2jz.jpg

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 9 June 2005 03:05 (twenty years ago)

aka what the cover of Suede's Head Music was really like.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 June 2005 03:07 (twenty years ago)

the sausage concentration is highly undesirable

― rett bratner (deangulberry), Thursday, 9 June 2005 03:34 (twenty years ago)

Wow, Asian = pineapple:
http://www.bigsausagepizza.com/episodes/666/666_main.jpg

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:07 (twenty years ago)

pineapple does not belong on a pizza

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

Not this argument again. (I agree, however, that idea of pineapple rings on a pizza is questionable. They should be diced. The use of the ring as a centerpiece for Mr. Happy there is about what could be expected.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:19 (twenty years ago)

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WILL YOU STOP IT ALREADY

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:20 (twenty years ago)

Pineapple does not belong on a pizza but PENIS DOES? What kind of fucked up things are y'all eating over there?????

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:21 (twenty years ago)

I mean, yeah.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:21 (twenty years ago)

Ingredients for the English pizza -- spotted dick, erected dick

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:25 (twenty years ago)

Well, it's not really on the pizza. It's mostly through the pizza. Besides that, as if it weren't bad enough that these poor guys will become famous for sticking their dicks through pizzas, they're also losing AT LEAST an inch in length and thus limiting their career opportunities further. Hard times, indeed.

― rett bratner (deangulberry), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:29 (twenty years ago)

that looks like total 3am Canadian dollar-slice pizza, to add insult to injury.

― donut e-goon (donut), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:49 (twenty years ago)

crikey. bags never getting a pizza in canada.

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:53 (twenty years ago)

if you get one before 3am, you're safe.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:55 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

christ, it's not a joystick.

― gear (gear), Monday, 25 July 2005 21:31 (twenty years ago)

Nor is it a corn cob.

― moley, Monday, 25 July 2005 21:39 (twenty years ago)

I changed my mind

― Boring Satanic Space Jazz (sexyDancer), Monday, 25 July 2005 21:39 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

this thread is disappointingly un-nsfw, especially given the fact i'm reading it at work in the hope of some added frisson.

― CharlieNo4, Tuesday, 11 September 2007 12:14 (eighteen years ago)

I thought you were talking about these guys

― the next grozart, Tuesday, 11 September 2007 12:24 (eighteen years ago)

they're from hitchin! what're the chances...

― CharlieNo4, Tuesday, 11 September 2007 12:49 (eighteen years ago)

http://oh-porn.com/51031exp/brooke13l.jpg

― and what, Tuesday, 11 September 2007 12:50 (eighteen years ago)

What's Hitchin?

― the next grozart, Tuesday, 11 September 2007 14:34 (eighteen years ago)

my 'ands are hitchin...

― CharlieNo4, Tuesday, 11 September 2007 16:20 (eighteen years ago)

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