Here's Something That Takes Balls

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http://www.thisislondon.com/news/articles/16449119?source=PA

Yikes!!

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:38 (twenty years ago)

I didn't get past the headline, sorry!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

You mean "takes away".

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

"It was reported that the man told his friends: "If Wales win I'll cut my own balls off." After the 11-9 victory in the Six Nations clash, the man is reported to have gone outside and severed his testicles before bringing them back into the club to show fellow drinkers."

I'm trying very hard to imagine what his friends said.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:44 (twenty years ago)

A local was reported as saying that the man was on medication and should not have been drinking.

NOW you care.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:45 (twenty years ago)

I was expecting this thread to be about one of two things:

a) someone removing their own testicles
b) a device that removes testicles via some vacuum intake device

I was really hoping for b) because I would purchase said device and use it on the crowd for the Patriots parade.

I'm trying very hard to imagine what his friends said.

"CHEERS MATE NEXT PINT'S ON US! Daffyd, could you ring casualty?"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:46 (twenty years ago)

Thanks, Sean, now I have that Berlin song stuck in my head only the lyric is now, "Take my balls away".

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:46 (twenty years ago)

http://www.anver.com/images/components/clamps/cli_new/clamp-p-open-shut.jpg

"Here's Something That Takes Balls"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

http://www.lawson-his.co.uk/images/Numatic/george.jpg

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

http://www.microsoulv3.com/paris-hilton.jpg

― LIKE YOU DIDN'T KNOW I WAS WORKING UP TO THIS JOKE (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

a device that removes testicles via some vacuum intake device

Like some kind of Balls-B-Gone.

― Masked Gazza, Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

The Caerphilly Choral Society is now one baritone short and has one soprano too many

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

Paris Hilton, GET ONE SANDWICH

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

Dan, I like how, even with all her money, she still has to use her finger to keep her little brain from oozing out.

xxpost

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)

Like some kind of Balls-B-Gone.

EXACTLY!!!!!!! I would chop off my own balls for a Balls-B-Gone.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

Thank God you're not Welsh

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

http://members.tripod.com/djo_aus/diplomacy/d467/gm.gif

"She's not Welsh, is she?"

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:57 (twenty years ago)

I imagine his future offspring would have only grown up unhappy anyway, possibly in a perpetual cycle of rugby related genital self-mutilation.

There was a story in the Sun recently about a girl who had a domestic tiff with her man because he brought a bunch of people back for a barbecue instead of fucking her, and she ripped one of his balls off singlehandedly, after which somebody apparently picked it up and said 'is this yours, mate?'. There was a picture of her with the caption 'Debbie: ballbuster'.

― Michael Philip Philip Philip Philip Annoyman v1.0 (Ferg), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

That's one bet he should've welshed on!!

― Rickles (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

after which somebody apparently picked it up and said 'is this yours, mate?'

"You've dropped a bollock, mate"

― Frogman Henry, Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:06 (twenty years ago)

Thread of the day already.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:06 (twenty years ago)

... it would have been a better story if she'd lobbed it on to the barbecue and served it up to him on a bap, Titus Andronicus-like

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:07 (twenty years ago)

I knew I should have posted this to its own thread, not the rugby thread. Sniff.

― beanz (beanz), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:07 (twenty years ago)

Oh, balls!! Sorry beanz.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:08 (twenty years ago)

how literally was "single-handedly" meant in that story?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:16 (twenty years ago)

Well she asked for help but, in my experience, there's never anyone around to help you rip off someone's testicle

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:18 (twenty years ago)

she could have used both hands though at least.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

She was probably busy with the barbecue at the time - a woman's work is never done and all that

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

I think I said something else before but realised it was inappropriate sounding and changed it to that. I can't remember what it was because I'm monged.

Anyway, it was all uh, unaided, which was a pretty impressive feat, according to the Birmingham University academic whose comment was included in the article. Something to the effect of 'whoah, she'd have to have been really strong to do that. What a crazy bitch.'

― Michael Philip Philip Philip Philip Annoyman v1.0 (Ferg), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

Or her teeth. Like opening an uncooperative bag of potato chips.

xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

Oh, balls!! Sorry beanz.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), February 8th, 2005 5:08 PM. (Hereward)

s'cool, wasn't meant to induce guilt. Glad it's reached a wider audience!

― beanz (beanz), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

haha

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

Only fucking killed the thread though...

― beanz (beanz), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

Not so much killed it as cut its balls off

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

single handedly

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

"Don't make me angry; you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

This thread now makes me think of this other thread:

Mochi - a celebration

As you'll see when you click on it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

Oh good god

― beanz (beanz), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:07 (twenty years ago)

one of the most delectable of sweetmeats

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:14 (twenty years ago)

So clearly the original article was discussing the Welsh oyster.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:29 (twenty years ago)

http://www.thornhamoysters.co.uk/images/welsh.jpg

Cook the oysters in cupped half shells for one minute under a grill. Add Parma ham, cheddar cheese, Guinness and Worcestershire sauce. Grill until cheese browns.

What a waste of oysters.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:32 (twenty years ago)

http://www.thornhamoysters.co.uk/images/welsh.jpg

"Is this yours, mate?"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

"I thought you might like it better cooked with some ham and cheese on it."

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

And now a new choice in energy drinks, Red Ball.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

Here's Something That Takes Balls (And Puts Ham And Cheese On Them)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:36 (twenty years ago)

(xpost: BAD SPANKING VISUAL OH HOW I HATE THEE NED RAGGETT)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

It makes you balls fly (away).

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

:-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

Red Ball Gives You Nuuuts

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:39 (twenty years ago)

TS: Red Ball vs. Blue Ball

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:41 (twenty years ago)

Testicle torn off by ex-lover

Press Association
Wednesday January 12, 2005
The Guardian

A jilted woman admitted ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her hands after he refused to have sex with her.
Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her former boyfriend, Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party. She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: "That's yours."
Monti, of Birkenhead, Merseyside, pleaded guilty to wounding at Liverpool crown court yesterday and will be sentenced next month.
The court heard that Mr Jones had ended his long-term relationship with Monti towards the end of May last year. The pair remained on good terms and on May 30, Monti drove him to a party and then home again, where friends joined them for more drinks.
Monti told Mr Jones she wanted to discuss their relationship and offered him sex. When he refused, she grabbed his face and a struggle ensued.
Mr Jones threw Monti out of the house. She then smashed a window. Another struggle took place and Monti was knocked to the floor, from where she pulled down Mr Jones's shorts.
Monti initially tried to hide the testicle by putting it in her mouth, but released it. Doctors were unable to reattach the organ.

Wendy Lloyd, defending, said her client did not remember much of the struggle. But she accepted the prosecution's version of events and did not claim to have acted in self-defence.

― chris j (chris j), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 02:23 (twenty years ago)

Monti initially tried to hide the testicle by putting it in her mouth, but released it.

"So how ya doing, Amanda?"

"Murfle."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 02:29 (twenty years ago)

"I'm sorry, Murfle - how are ya?"

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 02:33 (twenty years ago)

"Strange looking olive in your martini there."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 02:34 (twenty years ago)

In another article it mentioned that the Welsh rugby fan had "a history of mental illness." Really? Wouldn't have guessed that.

― J-rock (Julien Sandiford), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 02:41 (twenty years ago)

And now a new choice in energy drinks, Red Ball.

You never wondered what "taurine" is?

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 02:52 (twenty years ago)

i'm reminded of the Mr. Bucket theme song: "I'm Mr. Bucket, put your balls in my top. I'm Mr. Bucket, out of my mouth they will pop"
http://www.hgd.com/goofy/mr/mr_bucket.jpg

― eman (eman), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 02:55 (twenty years ago)

I now have a beautiful image of what all those frat assholes around here are pounding day after day. (xpost)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 02:56 (twenty years ago)

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