Valentines Day : Rate your chances....

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So, tonight, as we have my wife's sister's family down, we told them "Hey, get yourself out tonight, We'll babysit" to be nice.

So, most prob we'll have an intimate evening in, wine, roses etc meanwhile kids movies on the TV. Plus, we're on the futon. So, chances are low. But stranger things have happened.

How do you think your evening will play out?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 14 February 2005 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Eating junk food, watch telly and fall asleep. Yer typical weekday.

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Monday, 14 February 2005 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Resident Evil 4! Woo. I reckon I'll get quite far.

― JimD (JimD), Monday, 14 February 2005 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Dawn of War SINGLE player campaign.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 14 February 2005 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I am spending most of today cooking a wonderful Valentine's supper for me and The Bloke. I hunted high and low around the wine-selling places of Oxfordshire this morning to get him his favourite wine to go with the meal. I've bought little red heart-shaped fairy lights to adorn the dining table.

He's just phoned (sounding stressed) to say he's not going to be able to get away from work until about 10pm tonight. And he has to be off again early in the morning (by about 5am) so my chances are looking quite slim too.

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 February 2005 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

We had our (anti) Valentine's dinner on Saturday and we are having a lot of work done in the flat on Tuesday, so we're going to have a romantic evening of cleaning our picture frames, disposing of boxes of assorted garbage, and tidying amidst a general background of feline insanity.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

We don't really do Valentine's Day and my girlfriend is sick, so I'm going to play Resident Evil 4 as well.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Looks like a busy night for me:

Might take Katie out first probably to the diner down the hill. After that I'll call round to Denises, and then Barbara, finally maybe even give Helena a ring if it's not too late by then. Michelle dumped me so I don't need to worry about her anymore.

Yep looks like a night on GTA again.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Jessa's ten kinds of crampy and irritable, so I don't see much hot action in my night. That's ok. I'm making dinner, and then tomorrow we're going out to eat somewhere all fancy. Avoid the rush -- go out the day after Valentine's!

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

On one hand, I'm cooking a lovely dinner and opening a nice bottle of wine. On the other hand, we'll eat like horses and get tipsy, which means passing out. So low, I reckon, though that's okay cos the rest of the day'll be such fun.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

My chances: nil. Absolutely.

(am going out to 'orchestra' practice in the evening, then home to bed)

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

'orchestra' practice = busking?

(this example of the famous Farrell charm should make my chances clear, even if I wasn't going home to play Metroid Prime 2. Gamecube - the choice of bitter singles everywhere!)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I asked the magic 8-ball and got the following answer:

"YOU MAY RELY ON IT"

YAHTZEE

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I got..

"AS I SEE IT, YES"

So, MONOPOLY!

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

/ \
/ \
/ DON'T \
/ COUNT \
/ ON IT \
\___________/

Damn straight.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

There will be shagging at casa de Nickalozioso this evening. The way I've been grinning all day is pissing my coworkers off.

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I like that we don't have any plans other than that.

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

tonight: will report on ipso fatso no doubt.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

True Valentine's shagging requires inviting the neighbors to observe and confirm your connubial happiness whereupon you are treated to an hour of Morris dancing and pints of grog

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

a sexy night in working on me various projects beckons. ohhhh baby...

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

'orchestra' = an orchestra with only 7 people in it, playing in the local church hall.

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 14 February 2005 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

More than six = orchestra. You are in the clear.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Chances are nil.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I reckon I might read some comics, or play FIFA 2005.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

chances are 50/50 i would guess. after a weekend of teh sexing for baby making purposes the wife is complaining of soreness.

― Big Baby Bingo (Chris V), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

0.000000000000000000000001%

plus or minus a few zeroes

― o. nate (onate), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm on the second day of a two day hangover. Woman who I go to movies/dinner with and helped move into her new house, told me she is "kinda seeing someone".

I predict many hangovers and no chances in my future.

― cleveland marriott (lawrence kansas), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is not giving me the horn

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.hatsinthebelfry.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/6full.gif

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.geol.binghamton.edu/faculty/barker/horn.gif

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I find it oddly reassuring that no one (except Nick) is getting laid.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Zero. I will be watching the football on the TV, home alone.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Zero. I am going to be hanging out at my house in sweatpants eating ben and jerry's with a gigantic spoon.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

nick thank you I think.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I find it oddly reassuring that no one (except Nick) is getting laid.

Er???

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 14 February 2005 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

If I'm not going to get laid, then I'd rather no one else did either.

Except Nick.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

chances are 2%. don't ask me how I came to this mathematical conclusion. timing issues, school-night issues, wallpaper-related issues (our living room and dining room are being painted this week, I have to strip adhesive from two more walls yet), and general fatigue are all conspiring against us.

and yet, hope springs eternal. maybe bump that up to 4%.

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I am meeting a girl on Thursday. But not tonight. Tonight I am meating some lamb chops for my dad and myself for dinner.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

First comes loves, then comes marriage, then comes a Feb. 14th where the only sign of Valentine's Day is a quick kiss in the kitchen while warming up some milk for the kid.

Her: "You didn't get me a card or anything, did you?"
Me: "No."
Her: "Good. I didn't either."
Baby: "Gurgle. Goo. Wah!"

As for the chances, these days any available time in bed is spent sleeping.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Tonight I am meating some lamb chops for my dad and myself for dinner.

I read "meeting" which would be... interesting.

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I am having lasagne and watching sad bastard movies. Maybe some cake will be involved.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, what exactly does "meat" mean as a verb?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I could go on a date with Jocelyn.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Mandee, if she is going to be eating said cake with a gigantic fork then you will have to get married.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:44 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a porn utopia
A cornucopia of warm fallopia
Cock Mobster
My dandy voice makes the most
Anti-choice granny's panties moist

I let my hair air dry thereby getting more hair pie
I want to fire blanks in Tyra Banks
I like shorn quim lasses in horn-rimmed glasses
but Cindy Crawford ...offered
I would keep a tidy room for Heidi Klum
I'm immersed in Kirstie Alley's thirsty valley
I would snore or sleep on Laura Prepon.
Shall I keep on? (Yeah!)
I'd feel the pubis of Mila Kunis
I've seen the trim of Tina M.
I'd crunch Thandie Newton like a candied crouton
And I'll disrobe Lisa Loeb
I want a smelly slice of Kelly Price
Plus get with the hairy scar of Teri Garr
Lisa Bonet: I'd like a piece of your day
I would jizz early inside Liz Hurley
I'm a braniac with a veiny sack
resting on the brow of Erika Eleniak (Ooh, wow)
She almost shrank off when I said, "Take your top tank off."
I draw a thousand times better than Robert Mankoff
I'm very p-proprietary with M-M-Mariah Carey
But she wants some silly cut up with Billy Crudup's butt up
I'm the most lonely fella without Toni Isabella
I'm truly the hero of Julie Shapiro
But I'm sure to spill sperm in Laura Silverman
I'm putting taxing long things in Maxine Hong Kingston
which brings in Amy Tan
She said, "Lay me, mon."
Cynthia Ozick takes off her clothes quick and likes exposed brick
I stuck my slim sword in Kim Gordon
Laetitia Casta is easily the boss of ya
Sigourney Weaver has a thrashing horny beaver
I'm having intercourse while listening to Winter Wars
Winona Ryder? Going inside her!
I want to get on the whole width of Anna Nicole Smith
I want Tracy Bingham in a lacey thingum
I made Tahnee Welch punanni felch while her mommy belched.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Would you wear your wolf shirt?

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

As much as I hate that song, that "hairy scar of Terri Garr" line ALWAYS cracks me up.

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, what exactly does "meat" mean as a verb?

FORNICATING!!!

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, Nick. I'm not fond of it either, but Sigourney Weaver's 'thrashing beaver' has the same effect on me.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I would love if "meating" came to be used to mean "the hobby of eating meat"

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 14 February 2005 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Probably around 1%. I'm buying some Wu-Tang solo records after work, then going home and cooking some chicken.

― 57 7th (calstars), Monday, 14 February 2005 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

we're getting Indian food and then going BOWLING! It'll rule. oh, and 100%, natch. 110% if we have an argument first. :)

― Roger Fidelity (Roger Fidelity), Monday, 14 February 2005 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Intimate evening in + wine + roses + unfamiliar bed = low chances???

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 14 February 2005 21:32 (twenty-one years ago)

???

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 14 February 2005 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Btw Ronan we sometimes use the verb "to meat" in our house, often in conjunction with "to drink".

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 14 February 2005 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

my chances of eating pizza are close to 100%!!!!!!!1

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Monday, 14 February 2005 23:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Awesome!

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 14 February 2005 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Scientific estimates put it at about .000000001% as i am on my period. Goddamnit. Ah well. Wouldn't want to call up the fuckbuddy on v-day anyway (that's a faux pas, right?)

― mouse (mouse), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

ha BEST valentines evening EVER. spent all night with my best mate playing CRAZY ASS japanese NEO GEO CRAZY ASS MAD FLASHING GRAPHICS fighting and puzzle games that made ABSOLOUTELY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Ste, if I'm still single next v-day, I'm coming round to yours.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm horribly sick all day, and just woke up for the first time.. it's around 6:15pm.. I think I'll go back to sleep again. Unless I have lovelorn robbers break into my place, I think I have a good idea of my chances for V-day today.

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:16 (twenty-one years ago)

4278 miles away...

Oh, and what with the day being over and all that.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I've changed my mind.. I'm going to doze off while running a marathon of What's Happening!. Rog, Dwayne, and Rerun will be my V-dates.. (I'd include Dee too, as she gets the best lines, but that's a bit illegal, even if this is just a quasi-joke-fantasy predictament.)

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I just watched eight episodes of What's Happening!! back to back.. you start to realize that as the season progresses, Dee gets the best lines and her delivery and deadpan-ness gets sharper.. and all the Rerun = fat jokes (65% of the jokes) come across as noise.

On to Volume 2!!

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Well done, sir. (I am a bit ill as well but I've at least got some e-mails out and plan to do nothing tomorrow but sleep in.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 07:01 (twenty-one years ago)

slim to none, but who cares.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 07:23 (twenty-one years ago)

You'd think a DVD movie, a bottle of wine, chocolate, flowers, an apartment to yourselves, and a three-year happy relationship would = automatic sexy time. I need to learn to say "Baby, why don't we just forget about the *special features* before it's 1am and she tuggers out.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 07:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I have permanently given up any illusions at all that I will become romantically attached to anyone at all, and for some reason it's not really bothering me all that much. I'm perfectly willing to live out life in a celibate, partner-free existence. I mean, it's not like you HAVE to be involved in a relationship in order to have a fulfilled life, right?

Anyway, I think a conversation I had with someone a few hours ago helped me get over at least some of my anti-Valentine's Day prejudice/hatred, so I probably won't have that to contend with next year or the year afterward. Or the year after that. Etc., ad nauseum.

― Surreal Addiction (Dee the Lurker), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 08:58 (twenty-one years ago)

So, I drank some BEER in MIXED company and then went to NANDOS, ate chicken livers, followed by CHEESECAKE for pudding, also accompanied with red wine, knocked back an offer of "you can sleep on my sofa if you want" from someone I'd only just met (hello WTF!) (although to be fair he forked out for the wine despite me trying to give him money), put on Microdisney VERY LOUDLY on my headphones, and SANG ALONG to Love Your Enemies on the streets of SE15. I deserved to have my head beaten in. Sorry to Tim and Julio who may have heard someone screeching "OH LOOK WHAT MY LOVE DID", well, that was me.

― Sarah C, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 09:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Giiiiive them everything, GIIIIIVE THEM EEEEVERYTHING!!!

― Sarah C has not learnt her lesson, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 09:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahaha I have finally registered on ILx again. It's interesting to see all these rubbish fake email addresses I have been using. Hooray! MORE STORIES PLEASE.

― Lucretia My Reflection (Lucretia My Reflection), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 10:01 (twenty-one years ago)

We ordered pizza and I played Resident Evil while she did computer stuff, and then she played Harvest Moon while I read. Then I went to sleep, as expected. It was a nice night actually.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Here's a co-worker's tale of last night though:

Incidentally at dinner last night I think I witnessed the Worst Date Ever. So as to complete the Circle of Shame, I’m going to share it with all of you. A woman in her early 20’s, completely intoxicated by the time the food arrived, proceeded to tell her date that:

1)She wasn’t too upset that you’re moving to Chicago because obviously she needed the time for work
2)She actually has a date with someone this Thursday night, how do you like that?
3)She knows you always thought Megan was prettier [this is where I interrupted and asked if it was Meghan with an H]
4)She wonders if you ever really loved her.

Throughout the whole thing the guy just said “Oh really?”, “Is that so?” and “Hmmmm”. Very calmly and without the slightest interest in a thing she had to say. He was like a lump of flesh with glasses. While I wish I could say there was a dramatic end to the story where she threw her drink in his face or woke up and it was all a dream, I’m afraid we left before it happened.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Suspect that despite my hatred of the day I was Stealth Valentined (rice pudding, large spliff, suspiciously tidy house, total refusal of the "I'll come over late if you want to go to the pub with Tom and Dave after football" option).

"Are you stealth Valenting me?"
"No I was just being nice."

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha! When I told another of my coworkers that "we don't really do VD", he tried to convince me that it was a clever ruse on her part. Some sort of trap where young Jordan is supposed to show his quality anyway.

(he was wrong)

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

A chance for Jordan of Gondor to show his quality! Dude!

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I read Street Fighter: Eternal Challenge and watched Bedazzled till my brother phoned me to come down the King's Road and help finish off his birthday celebrations. The girl who has a crush on me is in NYC this week, so that may have altered the shape of events a little.

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm dating someone for the first time in eons, the last 3 weeks. We skipped V-Day, we hate Hallmark.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 17:59 (twenty-one years ago)

(THANK YOU MAGIC 8 BALL)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Ahh. Good ol' dan.

Anyway, (back to post 1) The sister and husband did not go out (couldn't be bothered), only decided that by 9:30, too late for us to dash out. But hey, pressure was off and it was cool anyway.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I ate a milky way candy bar last night.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I got a passport! My valentine is THE FUTURE.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

she came home late from class, enjoyed the roses (we kissed while the kids went 'ewwwwww'), ate the rice with lentils I'd cooked for her, and then went up to watch 'the bachelorette' and work on a 20-page paper that was only supposed to be 4-5 pages while I cleaned up. later, a goodnight peck and I went to sleep listening to john legend on headphones so as not to disturb her, still busily typing away in bed at 2:15 a.m. she only socked me once for snoring.

TELL ME I AIN'T THE MACK

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW le sigh

That sounds close to perfect dude.

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 18:51 (twenty-one years ago)

There was this span of time last night where, one by one, all these different single dude friends of mine or my roommate's would show up with beers wanting to have one of the ol' "woe is me" V-Day men-get-tore-up-and-cathartic sessions only to finally leave once they recognized the crippling pressure of being the SIXTH TOE. Maybe they intended to disrupt the on getting, subconsciously, I don't know. FUCK THEM SUBCONSCIOUSES, THEY DONE FAILED.

So HOORAY, for once I get to be the guy I've hated on the day after Valentine's Day my whole life! It feels good!

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

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