So if ilxors sent Valentine's cards, what would they say?

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Michael White might say something like :

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Come round my flat
And my cats will get you!

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

roses are red
violets are hot
i hate all those who diss
but those who like, i shot.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan Perry:

Don't be put off
By my large circular head
I swear I am really
Quite good in bed

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Martin might say :

Roses are red
My humour's laconic
Come on a date
But bring your own comic

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

(sorry, mine was from the random googler)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

AMAZING RANDY'S VALENTINE:

roses are red
violets are nice
HI DERE
WAHT IS IT MAED?

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Haikunym:

Roses are red
haiku writing's a jive.
You just need to count
Five, seven, then five

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
My name is Ned
I've heard it said
That I like bread
Heavens!/LYSOL DOUCHE (choose as appropriate)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

C-Man:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If Geri Halliwell showed up nude with a bag over her head at your door
Would you have trouble masturbating?

― dave225 (Dave225), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

geeta let's meeta
carey let's marry
ned let's bed
wait
they don't love you like i love you
dollar dollar bills yall

― j blount (papa la bas), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned's

Roses are red
My hair is quite long
My Bloody Valentine
Will sing you a song

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, I like it!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm staying home,
You should too,
You're better alone
Don't go boo hoo

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/geek_love_poem.jpg

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
"No, violets are violet
You fucking dumb piece of shit"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

For Valentine's Day
I'll bake you a cake
Or maybe just send you
Some nice bootyflakes.

xoxo Dan Perry

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 14 February 2005 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

stick my dick in your mouth we can call it nachos
my favorite steely dan is the one before gaucho
i deem you my shorty and your ass is sweet
but you got to do something bout them stank ass feet

― i am not claiming this (papa la bas), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

My cats have taken umbrage, CJ. They have initiated contact with feline agents in the UK. You will be scratched/hideously shed upon. I'm very sorry.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan Perry:

Roses are red
My humour is crude
I make people laugh
But one day I'll get sued

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

The length of my dick
has given you angina
I had to put it there
cause you had sand in your vagina

-Dan Perry

― dave225 (Dave225), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

CJ (to the Bloke)

Roses are red, white, yellow and many other colors
When flower shopping, take the car like other fellers
So I can enjoy the petals, the long stems and the scent
Instead of the thought alone, however well meant

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Aww :)

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Blount, that was classic.

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

It was nice of him to show his love for me AT LAST.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

roses are red
visage fade to grey
this rhyme is teh roxor
but u r all gay

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahah

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

<:3
aw.
I pwn you, valentine.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

or not.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
Sometimes I'm quite blunt
I'd post here more often
But C-Man's a cunt

― One of the lurkers, Monday, 14 February 2005 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
For this I can vouch
If I buy you some bleach
Will you sort out Gear's couch?

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Look behind, in a mirror- bodkin to the ground, expose the two lucky pearls, the globes of budock - see your own joy!

My...serene way

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I wrote Milli Vanilli lyrics in my card for Emma!

"Girl you know it's true
oooh oooh oooh
I love you"

And I signed it Milli Vanilli! She didn't fall for it.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

in fifth grade i used to copy four tops lyrics and trace pictures of huckleberry hound and then give it to this girl with the hope that surely this would yield her heart to me

― j blount (papa la bas), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

10 PRINT BE MY VALENTINE
20 GO TO 10

Roses are red
Dead not is romance
I posted a picture
Of me in my pants

Well received it has been
Like Holly Valance
but one question remains
why do Northerners say 'dance'?

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

rose is a rose
this bottle is cokeless
i love you jeanne
like gertrude loved toklas

― stockholm cindy's secret childhood (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
I'm feeling quite fruity
My boner won't quit
Since I saw Luna's booty

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

poses are bred
yet violins rule
like holger czukay
yer all cool in my pool!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

ilx, where the valentines get it on
where ally met tom
where jbr met elvis telecom

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

CJ sez:

Roses are red
Beer's in a pub
I am the most surprising ILE member
Of the Mile High Club

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
But there are yellow ones too
Valentine's Day
Is something I'd scrape off my shoe

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

My one was sweet, thank you :)

(but I don't know why I should be the most surprising Mile Higher. Surely nobody really thinks I am demure or anything, do they? I can be shockingly dirty on occasion:)

― C J (C J), Monday, 14 February 2005 18:59 (twenty-one years ago)

roses are red
my dope threads are fly
ilxor girl will u date me
circle n or y

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 14 February 2005 19:02 (twenty-one years ago)

roses are red
thorns have an ouch
please put a tarp
when you bone on my couch

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Monday, 14 February 2005 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

roses are red
but rosemary's green
my woman's deep purple
like a sewing machine

― stockholm cindy's secret childhood (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 14 February 2005 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
You think you're so smart
I can't make
my face into a heart.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 14 February 2005 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh MAN Jocelyn just won the universe.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 14 February 2005 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

roses are red
like faces they glower
but why feel obliged
to have a puss that's so sour?

― stockholm cindy's secret childhood (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 14 February 2005 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

roses smell nice
but are sure to die sooner
so somebody better get
diamonds for luna

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't think Cupid or Keats
Think Dionysus or Bacchus
on ILX friends will let friends
fuck a rockist!

― Aaron A., Monday, 14 February 2005 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 22 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Roses are cool
violets are hot
RIIIIIIIIIIDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― from the producers of The Chronicles of Riddick (nickalicious), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
Yellow is Chickenbear
On this special occasion
HI WAHT IS IT DERE?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 14 February 2005 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are dying
Violets are dead
Oh ****
Did I kill another thread?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 14 February 2005 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Red wine and chocolate
are really delicious
but not nearly as yummy
as our sweet nickalicious.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 14 February 2005 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Distend my tight anus
with your Valentine's jimmy
sip fine cognac from it
we'll call it a Remy

― Aaron A., Monday, 14 February 2005 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

that was gross

― Aaron A., Monday, 14 February 2005 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

you're telling me.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 14 February 2005 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

My bitter joy when you are near
Wound always there
Wound always bare
Time never heals
Death only ends
Time only seals
What life suspends

(George Campbell)

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Go listen to M.I.A. right fucking now

― Matt Chesnut, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 01:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red,
Oyster Cults are Blue,
Valentines kicked ass
In '72

― Stupornaut (natepatrin), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 02:16 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.petgroomercards.com/greetingcardpro/images/Holiday/card-valentine-pug.jpg

― Kingfish MuffMiner 2049er (Kingfish), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are Red
Manatees are blue
Deep in the sea
I will do *you*

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Dr. Seuss sez...

Your labia's red,
my ballsack bright blue
let's hop into bed
and screw SCREW SCREW SCREW!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

alternate:

Your labia's red,
my ballsack bright blue
let's hop into bed
'till Horton Hears Who?
('s your daddy?)

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
My love's like blood
HONOR THE FIRE
OR I'LL KILL YOU, YOU DUD

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
I like Kool Aid
Hey, baby, one question:
Big & Rich: Album of the Decade?

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 04:08 (twenty-one years ago)

roses are red/fuck washing a hat

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 05:53 (twenty-one years ago)

gear's couch is brown
otm is true
i want to pwn
the world with you

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I love you more than everything
And that is just that
So on this special day
Fuck washing a hat

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 10:45 (twenty-one years ago)

roses are red
and blue is this stilton
i've got such a crush
on young paris hilton
tho she may be a racialist

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 10:52 (twenty-one years ago)

bob dylan
he sings off key
dear c-man
a quick bukkake?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
Love has entered my life
So hung up on ILX
I'm now neglecting my wife

― lovebug starski (lovebug starski), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

my balls my sack
lick my choad
and my crack
happy valentines day

― Big Baby Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

'Twas Valentine's Day in the workhouse
The boys were turning blue
That Tessie O'Shea was trying it
Happy Valentine's to you

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Will U B my V?
You can C on my T
And touch me on the B
WTF OMG

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

i'll cut my hair
to look like lulu
if you show me
your GREAT CTHULHU

― stockholm cindy's secret childhood (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

i guess ken chu's
so very cute
when he smooches you
you can't compute

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

When ken chu
woos a wench, you
had better take care
he may seem wacky
but beware his bukkake
it's liable to mess up your hair
style

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh Marcello Carlin
you are my darlin'
if you wrote a book, I'd buy it
so if someone else starts
to mess with your heart
say, look girl, forget it - DON'T TRY IT

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Pashmina, Pashmina
You prog rockin' dreamer
You play with your organ all day
You swell and you blare
For assorted longhairs
And pull out my stops all the way

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Dearest Markelby
To be in the dark will be
No nightmare, with you in my bed
With no light but one candle
That sends beams at an angle
That reflect off the top of your head

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

stevem stevem
you love 'em, you leave 'em
you hug 'em, you squeeze 'em
you thrill 'em, you please 'em
you tempt 'em, you tease 'em
you kiss 'em, you bite 'em
you love 'em, you fight 'em
and so on and so on, ad infinitum

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

C-Man
The he-man
The one the girls adore
He'll ogle their bodies
Then slag off some squaddies
And drool over violence and gore

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan Perry
you are very
very very
funny

Your wit is quick
Your hair is thick
Your countenance
Is sunny

The only snag
Dude, what a drag
You haven't any
Money

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

grill em
bake em
fry em
stevem
waffly versatile

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

that stevem poem of dada's is genius

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

can you guess
what mark s
listened to as a nipper?
well according to this
it was watery piss
like tim rice
and lloyd-webber

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

... sorry that doesn't rhyme and has nothing to do with Valentine's Day

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

(Ronan xpost)

only from a bird's eye view

reverse the words "dadaismus" and "girl" in that poem upthread and you would be more accurate. my door only swings inwards.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned Raggett, you ain't no faggot
You're mean, you're moody, you're magnificent
With your long curly hair
And professorial air
So polite, so courteous, so effici-ent

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

when dadaismus comes down your lonely
chimney with his red nosed reindeer
don't expect him to only
come just the one time per year

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Clang, clang, clang went the trolley
Ding, ding, ding went the bell
Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings
Dadaismus I'll see you in hell

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Roses are red
I'm a lover not a hater
This thread has been locked
by a smooth moderator

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm all Valentined out

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Amazing Randy
makes fun of
Hspencil's pecker
being thin as a blade

it makes me roffeloff
though sometimes a spell checker
can come in handy
when typing waht it is made

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i forgot about the valentine's part of it

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

can i see ken c?
can ken c see me?
if you can ken c
blow a kiss for me

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm getting too good at this shit, I'm beginning to worry myself

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

on valentine's day tuomas can feel
the love that's in the air
so he modelled for the world to view
his tight black underwear
luckily he wasn't ardent
nor was he over zealous
as a picture of his hard-on
would made 99.4% of men jealous

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Tuomas the fun loving Finn
While passing a fjord, fell in
He cried out for help
Grabbed hold of some kelp
And sank right on up to his chin

A passing linguist on the shore
Heard his cries and his hollers for more
"That language I'm hearin'
Ain't Indo-Eur'pean,
It's Finnic or Ugric for sure"

But Tuomas, thank God, was adept
At English or else he'd be swept
Far out to sea
From you and from me
And we all would have broke down and wept

So Tuomas is back from the sea
With photographs for all to see
He'll post them online
And we'll all take the time
'Cos that's what we do on ILE

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

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