What Is Heck Is Wrong With You English?

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When I graciously let my brother and his English wife use my house for one day, they used 16 teabags.

Now I'm watching Vera Drake and they keep saying "I'll just put the kettle on" over and over, like some it's some parody of Ionesco.

What is it with English and tea?

― Good Dog (Good Dog), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:10 (twenty years ago)

It's a sex thing.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)

tea is good but they do go a little overboard.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:16 (twenty years ago)

what is it with americans and coffee?

― stockholm cindy's secret childhood (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

That's different.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

For one, coffee is awesome.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

And Canadians and maple syrup?

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

When a friend of mine moved here from Finland she was all: "Oh my God, it's true, I thought it was just a stereotype, but you make tea for every event."

No one understands us, this septered isle, this tea potted land, this jewel, this England.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

In England anyone caught without a cup of Earl Grey in their hand at any given time is beheaded, then served before the Queen who takes a few gulps of P.G. Tips (handed to her by chimps) before booting the head over an enormous rugby goal, to the stiff upper-lipped delight of the repressed, fumbling masses.

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

I thought it was Canadians and Kraft Dinner?

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

i have a cup maybe once a month on average. i are anarkeist.

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:22 (twenty years ago)

What is it with those Hawaiians and their poi?

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:22 (twenty years ago)

What is it with Australians and koala tacos?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

The tea high is more subtle and rewarding than the crude coffee pick-me-up.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

What is it with ILXors and stupid, repetitive jokes?

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

tea? i don't keep it in the house.

― NRQ, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

When a friend of mine moved here from Finland she was all: "Oh my God, it's true, I thought it was just a stereotype, but you make tea for every event."

This especially funny because Finns are the biggest coffee consumers in the world, but I guess when it's your own culture you don't notice it.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:26 (twenty years ago)

What Is Heck Is Wright With Finns and Nokia?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)

When I worked in a tea room actual tea sales were tiny compared to coffee sales. Only the mental gowned academics drank tea. Only one drank Lapsang. He wore a cloak and smoked dungy cigars and apparently was into choirboys. He was proper creepy. Me, I prefer Rose Pouchong.

― alix (alix), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:31 (twenty years ago)

What is it with you Indians and ghee?

― Huey (Huey), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:32 (twenty years ago)

lapsang is... an acquired taste. i still haven't acquired it.

― stockholm cindy's secret childhood (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:32 (twenty years ago)

It's like ashtrays.

― alix (alix), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

Hm, and I was under the impression that ashtrays were somethings that one - not "acquired", but - was born with, rather... :(

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

It's lovely! (Although if you leave it to brew for too long you do get faint saddle soapy overtones.)

This has made me crave tea. I will be drinking china tea with jasmine from a china art-deco style cup. Perhaps I will eat a ginger snap too.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:39 (twenty years ago)

Ashtrays only happen to the lucky ones.

― alix (alix), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

No-no-no-nooo! - Ashtrays happen to you when you're busy making other plans (Like, quitting smoking)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:06 (twenty years ago)

WHAT IS HECK SI IT WIHT YOU ASIANS AND JACUKLATE ON THERE FACE AND HAV RAPE REFANTSAY

― RANDOR, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:15 (twenty years ago)

tea makes me barf.

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:17 (twenty years ago)

Barf makes me tea.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:18 (twenty years ago)

Also, what is it with the English and Cheerios?

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

what i find particularly cute is the habit (shared by many english folk that i know) of putting the kettle on after coming in from a night of heavy drinking knowing full well that the resulting tea won't actually be consumed, rather sit there until it's cleaned up the next morning/afternoon.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

ten cups a day maybe - i'm not english though.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:22 (twenty years ago)

never drank tea till i went to russia....could it be a bigger tea drinking country than england? there were some stats bandied about some time ago.

― ambrose (ambrose), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

i love a good stats-bandying

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:02 (twenty years ago)

What is with my fellow North Carolinians and their moonshine? :(

― Mickey (modestmickey), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:06 (twenty years ago)

TEA. EARL GRAY. HOT. MAKE IT SO.

(though I guess Picard was "French")

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

I don't drink tea btw.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

Taking sides: "Want to come in for a coffee?" vs. "Want to come in for a cup of tea?"

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

"And Canadians and maple syrup?"

Of course, that's a sex thang too.

― peepee (peepee), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:24 (twenty years ago)

I don't drink tea and I often feel alienated from social norms as a result. I figure I should just start cos it's not as if it tastes particularly bad or anything, but then I'm not really bothered.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

So what do you have when people say "tea?"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

I just say "no thanks" and they assume I'm being polite and then I say "no I don't drink tea, it's fine really!"

Sometimes they say "a glass of coke???" or something and maybe I say yes if I feel like it.

It's funny when my Grandmother is in the house, she is always trying to get me to drink tea.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 21:12 (twenty years ago)

My English is perfectly good, thank you.

― Aaron A., Wednesday, 16 February 2005 21:16 (twenty years ago)

My mother and her sister make tea ALL THE TIME,if I hear her jokingly say "put the kettle on, polly!" one more time, I'll... be getting another cuppa, I suppose.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 21:17 (twenty years ago)

I never drank tea until I lived in England. There I got into the habit of having a cup around 8 or 9 at night, while reading, or if a friend was over. Once I came back to the U.S., I found it made a good after-dinner drink. But coffee was always first in my life, until a couple years ago, when caffeine stopped agreeing with me. Now I turn to tea like I would coffee -- I don't drink it as regularly, but I'll have a cup to start my workday or to break up the tedium of the afternoon. And I'm particularly fond of robust varieties, to fill coffee's void: the box I have at my desk now is Trader Joe's decaf Earl Grey.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

How has this thread been going for over 6 hours without a tea bagging joke?
DAN PERRY TO THREAD!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 21:25 (twenty years ago)

But Ronan you're Irish. Tea-drinking isn't mandatory for you. Now, if you weren't an alcoholic, then there'd be a problem. They'd probably think you were gay or something.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:03 (twenty years ago)

How is decaf Earl Grey a robust tea?? Shurely an English or Irish Breakfast tea, with caffiene, would have a heartier flavour and more kick?

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:04 (twenty years ago)

Lauren is OTM up there. However, the best cup of tea is always the one you have at 5.30 in the morning at a house party when you've been dancing all night and every drop of booze is gone*, the floor is littered with casualties and someone sticks the kettle on. That is always incredible.

*Except the bottle of strange pineapple and coconut alcopop that no one dares touch.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:06 (twenty years ago)

I was thinking this tread was more along the lines of RANDO'S post - like, y'know, WHAT IS HECK WRONG WITH YOU ENGLISH? WHY YOU NOT GOOD SPEAKING THERE? HOW IS TO GET GOOD SPEAKING? I HAS OPPORTUNITY FROM GREATER TANZANIA FOR INVESTING WITH MONEY? WILL YOUR MONEY COMING TO TANZANIA TO SAVE KING FROM VIAGKRA AND HOTT RUSSIAN MUFF?

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:09 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 33 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Is green tea with brown rice a particularly korean thing?

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:31 (twenty years ago)

Momus, we totally have them in England. When I worked in catering that's what we had the coffee in.

― NRQ, Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:32 (twenty years ago)

I tried to buy one of these in several European countries last year and couldn't find one anywhere. Picture me in John Lewis department store, saying "It's a combination of a kettle and a thermos flask" and them just looking totally blank.

― Momus (Momus), Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:35 (twenty years ago)

So, bring one back from Japan, they must have export models, no?

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:40 (twenty years ago)

Phwoar, that is a cool kettle thing. I just end up refilling my pot of green tea with water 3 or 4 times before I've had my fill. Ah, Sunday afternoon with the papers all soggy from teapot drips. Bliss.

xpost oh no, you mean you can't get them over here?

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:42 (twenty years ago)

Coffee in the morning (before lunch), tea in the afternoon. I have got into this habit over a few years & cannot imagine breaking it now. Coffee in the afternoon seems so wrong. And neither after about 5pm.

Momus is right about people not making tea properly. The water absolutely must be boiling or as close to it as is physically possible when it hits the tea. Americans & French take note.

― bham, Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)

Also

http://www.nisbets.co.uk/group.asp?group=4045§ion=S160

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)

And Indeed:

http://www.ceonline.co.uk/itemdisplay.php3/itemid/801

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:47 (twenty years ago)

These do seem to be made and marketed as 'catering equipment' and not as consumer appliances, though. In Japan and China they're as common as electric kettles, and sold in electric stores to the general public.

― Momus (Momus), Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:56 (twenty years ago)

A little milk and two sugars please. I'm from Northern Ireland so not a rabid tea drinker like the English, but the influence is most definitely there. I only have one or two a day though. My parents are 10 a day people I think.

― Crackity (Crackity Jones), Thursday, 17 February 2005 11:27 (twenty years ago)

Very few people take tea without milk in the UK, but a few do. Black tea without milk makes me throw up, so I tend to have milk with mine.

If you have sugar, you're supposed to use white sugar for tea and brown sugar for coffee. Tea with dark brown soft sugar, though, is delicious.

― caitlin (caitlin), Thursday, 17 February 2005 11:31 (twenty years ago)

I used to have sugar, but stopped at the same time as I gave up fags. I really enjoy the taste. Best drink of the day.

PS - Tony Benn to thread.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 17 February 2005 11:51 (twenty years ago)

"Why do people always drink tea and go 'AHHHHHHH!" afterwards? it's a cup of tea, not a blowjob" (David Baddiel)

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Thursday, 17 February 2005 11:56 (twenty years ago)

True, but have you enjoyed a blowjob immediately after yr partner has had a mouthful of hot tea? That is definitely a Bisto moment.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 17 February 2005 12:16 (twenty years ago)

There is no problem in the world that cannot be solved by the application of a hot caffeinated beverage. This is one of the few things that the English get right!

*Except the bottle of strange pineapple and coconut alcopop that no one dares touch.

Can I have it? Please? I love that stuff!

― Kate Kept Me Alive! (kate), Thursday, 17 February 2005 12:39 (twenty years ago)

That is definitely a Bisto moment.

remind me to never accept your offer of a Sunday roast

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Thursday, 17 February 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

O man I want a denkipot so much. I have a huge huge teapot on my desk and just drink tea all day when I'm working - green rather than black usually as having to go get milk is far far too much hassle. Am trying to work my way through the varieties in the chinese supermarket, too.

Green tea with brown rice == japanese genmaicha; apparently it's similar to Korean health tea?

― cis (cis), Thursday, 17 February 2005 13:06 (twenty years ago)

i think so--some varieties I have seen from Korea and labeled as Japanese genmaicha also have little popcorn bits in them. Very tasty.

― sgs (sgs), Thursday, 17 February 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

There is no problem in the world that cannot be solved by the application of a hot caffeinated beverage. This is one of the few things that the English get right!

No, the English just think that. Tea gets brewed, people get soothed, nothing gets solved and the country goes to the dogs!

― Charles Dexter (Holey), Thursday, 17 February 2005 14:01 (twenty years ago)

Guess what, guys? I like tea.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 17 February 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

The English all talk funny, have bad teeth and bemoan the decline of Empire.

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:05 (twenty years ago)

it used to be a great read tho

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:05 (twenty years ago)

I have another question about proper tea-making. If I'm making one cup of tea with a bag, I always place the teabag in the cup and then pour the water over the bag. Sometimes a person will make me a cup of tea by pouring the hot water into a cup and then dipping the teabag in the water. This really bothers me. Am I crazy?

i think so--some varieties I have seen from Korea and labeled as Japanese genmaicha also have little popcorn bits in them.

That's the rice! It pops.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Thursday, 17 February 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

Americans often talk funny, have florescent white teeth, and should begin to bemoan the decline of Empire. (not to generalize, or anything)

― peepee (peepee), Thursday, 17 February 2005 19:33 (twenty years ago)

walter, I'm with you on the whole pouring the water over the teabag thing. But I'm American, so what do I know?

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 17 February 2005 19:40 (twenty years ago)

Pouring hot water in a cup and then dipping the teabag in the cup is infinitely wrong; it's usually done by people who aren't using boiling water, as well.

(although boiling water with green tea is also wrong. ahh, tea dogmatism.)

― cis (cis), Thursday, 17 February 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

I'd rather be dogmatic about tea than just about 99% of the other crap people get uptight about.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Friday, 18 February 2005 00:14 (twenty years ago)

How come Chris V hasn't found this thread yet?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 February 2005 00:30 (twenty years ago)

FYI, we Americans make GREAT coffee, thank you very much -- if you look past Starbucks and go for coffee in OTHER places, you'd realize that. ;) (Thus says someone who's been running off coffee energy for the past month and a half.)

Oh, and while I'm not at all averse to the whole hot tea thing, I just happen to live in an area of the country where tea automatically = iced tea and, since I was brought up to make those associations, hot tea is a bit alien to me.

― Surreal Addiction (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 18 February 2005 02:58 (twenty years ago)

I go through two carafes of green tea a day, plus at least two mugs of black (orange pekoe, Tetleys, round bags) tea, and generally a dark roast Columbian coffee or two. You could say I like my caffeine (I honestly don't know how I manage to fit my substantial alcohol intake in).

And, yes, dogmatically, black tea requires boiling water and green tea needs very-close-to-boiling-although-not-quite water.

― David A. (Davant), Friday, 18 February 2005 06:58 (twenty years ago)

What, nobody here one-upping by mentioning matcha? Well, I won't get snobby about it, but I will say I scatter the expensive green powder on Haagen Dazs vanilla ice cream, mash it up, and enjoy.

― Momus (Momus), Friday, 18 February 2005 07:43 (twenty years ago)

Makes a good milkshake too.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 18 February 2005 08:29 (twenty years ago)

I'm thinking green tea milkshake fortified with vodka might be a spendid plan.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 18 February 2005 08:31 (twenty years ago)

i'm all about starbucks chai tea, now. in fact i think i'm developing an addiction to it, i certainly get cravings for it most days. i tell myself it's because i only get work done when i'm in starbucks but the evidence (e.g. my walking up to kingsway from king's to get one before a seminar) suggests otherwise.

other than that, i only ever seem to drink tea when i'm in s+m cafe, when i always drink a cup of earl grey. although thinking about this has made me tempted to get a cup of earl grey with my lunch (which sadly won't be from s+m cafe).

― toby (tsg20), Friday, 18 February 2005 11:50 (twenty years ago)

now i want S&M too (chortle)

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Friday, 18 February 2005 11:52 (twenty years ago)

My problem with chai tea is pronouncing the damn thing. Me in Starbucks:

(muttering to self): "*ch*ai *t*ea, *ch*ai *t*ea ..."

Staff: "Hi there, what would you like?"

Me: "A tai chi latte, please." GAH!

now i want S&M too (chortle)

Me too, ho ho ho.

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:23 (twenty years ago)

When I was a wee boy I loved drinking tea, so my mum always used to call me a "Tea Jenny", which is cute.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:26 (twenty years ago)

Starbucks chai is good but not a patch on the stuff I had in a tent at 2.30am somewhere in one of the Glastonbury hippy fields. In fact, of all my experiments with chai ever since, none of them have come close to recapturing that initial rush. It must have had speed in it or something.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:26 (twenty years ago)

I am hungry for S&M. Or anything, actually.

― alix (alix), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

From online Scots dictionary:

jenny: Jenny means a lot of or a great number of. A tea jenny is someone, of either sex, who drinks a lot of tea.

I never knew that!

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:29 (twenty years ago)

And I thought it was a mule hybrid type thingy.

― alix (alix), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

mule hybrid type thingys are not allowed in Scotland

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

You're telling me!

― alix (alix), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:38 (twenty years ago)

i've got pretty good at saying "a venti chai tea latte to go, with no water and extra chai syrup, please". sometimes i put the word "skinny" in there, too (usually only if i've eaten breakfast, though). a few years ago i would have thought this was a bad thing, i guess.

― toby (tsg20), Friday, 18 February 2005 12:50 (twenty years ago)

you are a bad bad man, starbucks venti of anything, latte with tea, tea made from syrup, oy veh!

― Ed (dali), Friday, 18 February 2005 13:04 (twenty years ago)

Haha, I wonder where you got that one from? ;)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 18 February 2005 13:07 (twenty years ago)

the chai at the Glaston Tiny Tea tent IS VERY good. my housemate has raved about it since last year's and i am quite partial to the odd mug if she's makin it

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Friday, 18 February 2005 13:13 (twenty years ago)

yeah, i was taught by an expert.

i wonder if you can buy the syrup? and ed, why is syrup worse than your concentrated russian stuff upthread?

― toby (tsg20), Friday, 18 February 2005 14:14 (twenty years ago)

It seems wrong, mailnly because it has come from starbucks

― Ed (dali), Friday, 18 February 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

and syrup suggets sugar which is the enemy of tea

― Ed (dali), Friday, 18 February 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

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