Girl, You Play Me Like Nintendo

TURN ME ON TURN ME LOOSE
(COME ON COME ON)
TRY TO HIT IT
IT'S A HASSLE
COME AND GET SOME OF THIS
DON'T FORGET DA INNUENDO
PLAY ME LIKE NINTENDO
NEVER EVER LET GO
SCREAMING SO LOUD
YOU'LL BE HITTING THE CRESCENDO
DOH RAY ME FA SO LA TE DOH

Things a Lieutenant Would Say to His Men Before Combat If, Instead of Soldiers in a Central American Revolutionary Conflict, He Thought They Were Characters in Contra for Nintendo.

BY NICK CONFALONE

- - - -

"Teamwork is what this is all about. Having a buddy makes it, like, infinity times better."

"If you get hit, then you'll die. Most things you hit die on contact, too, though, except for big bosses."

"You can swim in ordinary water in the jungle, but nowhere else. You cannot jump out of the water, but you can drag yourself out of the side. Swimming elsewhere will kill you."

"If you are prone (on your belly) and you jump, you will instead drop down to the next floor. There are some floors that don't let you do this. Also, do not drop if there is anything deadly directly above you. Dropping makes you briefly stand up, and you will die."

"Your Laser (L) produces a column of what appears to be flame. This weapon is the worst for enemy bases where the soldiers are really tiny."

"I should probably mention the energy zone. We don't really know what's going on there, but it leaks like a bitch."

"In the hangar, watch out for spiky walls that pop up in front of you. Step onto new platforms with hesitancy. When under the mechanical arms, DON'T FREAK OUT!!! Just take tiny steps one at a time and you'll get to the alien's lair no problem."

"As you shoot the final giant alien heart, it will beat faster, just like when you shoot giant human hearts."

"When you have finished this mission, you can consider yourself a hero."

"Up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-b-a-start. Live it, love it, learn it."

- - - -

I figured at first that this was probably a well-known song & that someone was going to call me on my lack of music knowledge tout suite, but I'm starting to rethink my first instinct--that this was a local hip-hop group that happened to get some airplay (and now I can't remember if it was Boston or Maryland that I heard it--I traveled a lot as a kid).

I'd think I'd just dreamed it up if I didn't remember listening to the song several times after taping it off the radio on my microcassette recorder. BTW--this was the same way I got into Snow before anyone else. They played a nearly a capella demo version of "Informer" that was much better than the eventual radio single.

Please don't think I'm bragging about this.

Maybe I should post it on ILM?

In Princess Superstar's You Get Mad at Napster,

You play a lot of Nintendo, smoke Endo
As far as men go, when ya gonna hit a crescendo and throw Super Mario and Atari out the window?

What's Endo?

popularized by snoop dogg
"rollin down the street/smokin endo/sippin on gin and juice"