Who owns sperm?

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Man’s sperm got ex-lover pregnant, but U.S. appeals court nixes theft charge
CHICAGO (AP) — An appeals court said a man can press a claim for emotional distress after learning a former lover had used his sperm to have a baby. But he can’t claim theft, the ruling said, because the sperm were hers to keep.
The ruling Wednesday by the Illinois Appellate Court sends Dr. Richard Phillips’ distress case back to trial court.
Phillips accuses Dr. Sharon Irons of a “calculated, profound personal betrayal” after their affair six years ago, saying she secretly kept semen after they had oral sex, then used it to get pregnant.
He said he didn’t find out about the child for nearly two years, when Irons filed a paternity lawsuit. DNA tests confirmed Phillips was the father, the court papers state.
Phillips was ordered to pay about $800 US a month in child support, said Irons’ lawyer, Enrico Mirabelli.
Phillips sued Irons, claiming he has had trouble sleeping and eating and has been haunted by “feelings of being trapped in a nightmare,” court papers state.
Irons responded that her alleged actions weren’t “truly extreme and outrageous” and that Phillips’ pain wasn’t bad enough to merit a lawsuit. The circuit court agreed and dismissed Phillips’ lawsuit in 2003.
But the higher court ruled that, if Phillips’ story is true, Irons “deceitfully engaged in sexual acts, which no reasonable person would expect could result in pregnancy, to use plaintiff’s sperm in an unorthodox, unanticipated manner yielding extreme consequences.”
The judges backed the lower court decision to dismiss the fraud and theft claims, agreeing with Irons that she didn’t steal the sperm.
“She asserts that when plaintiff ‘delivered’ his sperm, it was a gift — an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee,” the decision said. “There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request.”
Phillips is representing himself in the case. He could not be reached for comment Thursday.
“There’s a five-year-old child here,” Mirabelli said. “Imagine how a child feels when your father says he feels emotionally damaged by your birth.”

― Huk-L, Thursday, 24 February 2005 18:29 (twenty years ago)

“There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request.”

― Huk-L, Thursday, 24 February 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

How impolite.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 February 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

Haha. Moral: never have an affair with a doctor.

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 24 February 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

"“There’s a five-year-old child here,” Mirabelli said. “Imagine how a child feels when your father says he feels emotionally damaged by your birth.”"

I am thinking that this is the LEAST of that child's problems.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 24 February 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

Considering that his mother is a devious manipulator, you're probably right, Alex.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:35 (twenty years ago)

“She asserts that when plaintiff ‘delivered’ his sperm, it was a gift — an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee,” the decision said. “There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request.”

― Fat Anarchy on Airtube (ex machina), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:40 (twenty years ago)

This puts the lie to the old adage about striking while the Irons is hot.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

saying she secretly kept semen after they had oral sex, then used it to get pregnant

That's some serious cloak & dagger shit.
Did she spit into a test tube when he was looking the other way? How did she explain the need to head straight to the fridge immediately afterward? Did she say she needed a snack?

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

Do you ask a lot of questions when a woman with a mouth full of your sperm walks out of the room, Barry? I certainly don't.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 24 February 2005 19:59 (twenty years ago)

You certainly don't say "HEY I WANT THAT BACK"!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

Certainly, there must be some sort of terms of use clause or something?

― Huk-L, Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

"AH AH AH, YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO ME" *holds out hand, taps foot*

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:19 (twenty years ago)

Do you ask a lot of questions when a woman with a mouth full of your sperm walks out of the room, Barry?

From now on, dem hos had better swallow and show me their empty mouth, like in the movies.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:22 (twenty years ago)

Bukkake Waiver

― Huk-L, Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

Honey, why do you keep all these Tupperware in the bathroom?

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

I thought this was going to be a thread about if anybody owned sperm.

I make my own.

― Ferlin Husky (noodle vague), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Irons responded that her alleged actions weren’t “truly extreme and outrageous”

Easily my favorite part of the story.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140055770/qid=1109277370/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/104-9695661-2738326

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:37 (twenty years ago)

God owns sperm.

"Let the heathen spill theirs on the dusty ground.
God will make them pay for each sperm that can't be found."

― Fudamental Christian Nutter, Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:37 (twenty years ago)

Easily my favorite part of the story.

Yeah, I keep thinking that this is from the lost season of "Jem".

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

“truly extreme and outrageous”

Homunculi formed from samples culled from Gear's couch?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:41 (twenty years ago)

(I'm waiting for the horrifying "Who pwns sperm?" picture thread.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:44 (twenty years ago)

It's not so much the sperm as the genetic information contained within. She might have had permission to enjoy the physical object, but to use the information within to create a new life form? That seems like it's violating all sorts of rights.

Also: WTF, he has to pay child support? For getting a beej? I guess it can make babies after all.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:10 (twenty years ago)

"One man gathers what another man spills."

― lovebug starski (lovebug starski), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:13 (twenty years ago)

FLAAA! Jesus!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

WTF, he has to pay child support? For getting a beej? I guess it can make babies after all.

I'm gonna have to stop whacking off in public now, right? *Shakes fist at Dr. Irons*

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:19 (twenty years ago)

The turkey baster on the bedside locker should have been a dead giveaway...

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:21 (twenty years ago)

Girls Own Love.

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Thursday, 24 February 2005 23:24 (twenty years ago)

This is just payback for that scene in Pink Flamingos, isn't it?

― donut debonair (donut), Friday, 25 February 2005 01:13 (twenty years ago)

“She asserts that when plaintiff ‘delivered’ his sperm, it was a gift

I'm thinking about the Disco Bean scene in 'The Search for One-Eyed Jimmy'

― Sasha (sgh), Friday, 25 February 2005 01:38 (twenty years ago)

how the fuck is this even possible?

if i was him, i'd sue her for custody of the child.

― Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyzay), Friday, 25 February 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

I'd sue her for the child support. That's the most offensive bit of this - that he has to pay it.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

I'd sue her for the trauma of having forever tarnished blowjobs with the fear of procreation.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:10 (twenty years ago)

I'm thinking class actions suit on behalf of every single man on the planet for forever tarnishing blowjobs.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

c on the t: only alternative

― Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyzay), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:24 (twenty years ago)

But you still have to watch her like a hawk -- don't let her clean her T's without supervision because she could still be collecting the stuff and putting it in a test tube.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

"Hey! What's this squeegee doing under the pillow? Hu?"

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

Give it away give it away give it away now Ooh... ooh yeah Give it away give it away give it away now Give it away give it away give it away now

― Red Hot, Friday, 25 February 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

has anybody ever tried jizzing on a frying pan and cooking it? i'd imagine those sperms would get pretty much owned there.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 26 February 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

"Your honor, that child was this close [holds forefinger and thumb up to show measurement] to being swallowed! I rest my case."

― eman (eman), Saturday, 26 February 2005 00:13 (twenty years ago)

spwmed, ken, spwmed!

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Saturday, 26 February 2005 00:48 (twenty years ago)

considering that we're now entering the time where human cloning seems possible and likely to happen, we need the law to deal rationally with the the fact that procreation could occur without intent, consent, or even knowledge of the genetic parent. this kind of ruling is pretty short-sighted.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 26 February 2005 04:47 (twenty years ago)

WHO PWNS ME?
http://www.cannabis.net/sperm/sperm.gif

― eman (eman), Saturday, 26 February 2005 04:56 (twenty years ago)

I have some serious logistical questions about this article.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Saturday, 26 February 2005 04:57 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

educatibe stuff:

― Zeno, Friday, 3 October 2008 08:27 (seventeen years ago)

has anybody ever tried jizzing on a frying pan and cooking it? i'd imagine those sperms would get pretty much owned there.
― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 26 February 2005 00:05 (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Ask Steve Jones of the Sex pistols.

Or, Glen. Depends on the question really...

― Mark G, Friday, 3 October 2008 08:38 (seventeen years ago)

five years pass...

http://www.treehugger.com/bikes/the-sperm-bike-carries-donor-samples-to-fertility-clinics-around-copenhagen.html

― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Tuesday, 25 February 2014 19:52 (eleven years ago)

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