how do you get a friend to get help?

Call him a lot, even when you don't have time, just say wassup and joke around.

Watch Deuce Bigelow with him.

Set him up on a date. If he's undateable, set him up with an expensive, classy, intelligent hooker (or gigolo if applicable). If you don't have the cash, earn it through prostitution. Share problems (if you don't have any, you probably will after the prostitution).

Tell him cutting is for girls.

It is so frustrating when someone has no perspective on themself for long enough to say really terrible blameful things at the closest person, then pretend it's cool, then get mad for everything that happens to them and interpret it as a sign they are being abandoned!! like their deceased parent abandoned them!!... for fuck's sake.

thanks for the tips though. seriously no one has ever made a positive stride in this arena? depressing.

To hstencil, yeah, but even if he knows it on some level he aint doing it. People think that seeing a thepist will somehow make them crazy, or solidify the fac that something is wrong, even though that is more than obvious.

And I should come clean: my friend in question is a female, if that makes it more clear. It a whim of privacy-scaredness I changed only one key identifying feature, but the rest is all straight-up so I figure it doesn't matter now. Which totally validates the cutting is for girls statement proposed somewhere above.

I went out with a girl and her friend was cutting seven shades of shit out of herself. It was because she was lonely and saw everyone else around her with a bf or gf and I honestly think that would have changed everything.

But she was a goth too, so... well...

she: "i need to be part of a couple or i am worthless"
helpful friend: "i agree" (meaning just to the first part)
she: *hears only the second part agreed with*

dating-as-self-validation can amplify toxic neediness: neediness that then drives away potential dates

self-destructive loneliness is sometimes better eased by old friends than new lovers (ideally both but the former have more wiggle room when things get difficult)

but nobody listens to me anyway.

BUT THAT IS COOL. you are all the ones who need someone to hear you.

I can't tell you exactly what to do, obviously, but this sounds a lot like how my brother used to be. The important thing, at least in my experience, is to not try to solve this person's problems for them. If it doesn't work, you'll just wind up blaming yourself. The smartest thing would be to have a sit-down chat, one-to-one, where you give him the number of a counselor or doctor who deals with depression and self-injuring (look in the phone book or psychologytoday.com, which has a national database), and tell him you're concerned and would like him to call. Make it clear that you're not judging — you are his friend, and you just want to see him not in pain. After that, leave it to him to make the decision to call and make the appointment.

After that, make an effort to hang out with him in a positive way; don't talk about negative stuff, and try to focus on good elements in his life. However, I strongly suggest that if he starts doing things that put you in danger, physically or otherwise, that you remember that your first responsibility is to take care of YOURSELF. And you're not being selfish if you do that. If someone chooses not to get help, that is not your fault. Just try not to get sucked in, OK?

Sorry for the long post, but I hope this helps.

I was about to say, taking him seriously as a dispenser of advice is rather unusual.