my night of gay voibes

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so i'm at my usual cafe/bar hangout tonight, laptop in tow, hard at work on a story that's due tomorrow. because it's a thursday night (and virtually the weekend), the crowd is a little more up for it (soused) than usual, but since i'm not bothering anyone, i don't really think of it as an issue. as luck would have it, i end up seated beside a table of five cheesy dudes who spend the night veering between alpha boasts (sample dialogue: "i stuffed her like a thanksgiving turkey") and beery mopes (sample dialogue: "no seriously man, i've had my one night stands, my drunken bitches, my pornographic drunken episodes, but really, love is all that matters"), and as they get drunker and drunker, they proceed to harass me, either with requests to dial up specific porn websites on the cafe's wireless connection (my response: "fuck off") or with random jibes about the fact that i'm working alone in a bar on a laptop on a thursday night. now i'm not scared for myself in any real way -- these don't seem like particularly threatening guys, just total assholes -- and i'm doing a reasonably good job jibing back considering that the count is five to one, but then all of a sudden, the waitress comes to my table with a beer coaster and says "the guy who just left wanted me to give this to you". on the back of the coaster is a handwritten come-on from some dude across the bar who evidently thought i was giving him the eyes all night! of course, the alpha table has overheard the exchange and are all watching me as i read the coaster and set it aside. there's a really awkward silence that lasts for about thirty seconds, and i can tell they're trying their best not to break out laughing. i'm finished my story at this point, so i pack up and take the coaster back to the waitress with a "thanks but no thanks".

the truth is that i get this a little too often for my liking, and it bothers me. it also bothers me that it bothers me! i don't really have a question, i guess i just wanted to start a thread about being misjudged: does it happen to you a lot? has it crossed over from being flattering to being mildly irritating? should i stop dressing so goddamned well?

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 25 February 2005 06:51 (twenty-one years ago)

should i stop dressing so goddamned well?

if you're already dressing well, you're not the kind of person who can just stop doing so, right?

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 06:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Before I got to the end of this I was thinking to myself that you're probably a little too well dressed. Another ilxor I know often suffers the same kind of assumptions, mainly because he's a dapper kind of chap, always well dressed and neat and tidy. I didn't know what the solution was last time I spoke to him about it and I still don't. Sorry.

― the other kate (ffs!) (papa november), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:01 (twenty-one years ago)

If people are drinking take yr laptop elsewhere. Well done for not being scared of some guys.

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:02 (twenty-one years ago)

i wonder if the fact that i was sipping coffee out of a giant penis-shaped mug had anything to do with it.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:03 (twenty-one years ago)

My girlfriend told the story the other night about how when her dad was showing me all the work he had done on the building he bought, I didn't notice woodwork or grout or tools, I complimented the wallpaper. I didn't notice at the time, but apparently he was crestfallen.

She concluded with, "You're a lot less faggy than when I met you, honey." Um... thanks?

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Mind you my husband who is a hairy bearded slob is often approached because he looks like a "bear", which I think is quite amusing.

― the other kate (ffs!) (papa november), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Where was this, if you don't mind me asking?

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:05 (twenty-one years ago)

was he cute?

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:05 (twenty-one years ago)

xxxpost

http://www.sydes.net/jokes/pictures/b/bottle.jpg

― LaToya JaXoN (JasonD), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:06 (twenty-one years ago)

The gay sex, she is really not so bad.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:07 (twenty-one years ago)

barry: at g@tto n3ro on coll3g3 and cr@wf0rd.

phil: i don't know who it was!

jaxon: EXACTLY.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:08 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.eyecandyforthebrokenhearted.com/urinal.jpg

― the other kate (ffs!) (papa november), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't listen to Chris. It's just time for the yearly recruitment drive.

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't pretend like you don't know!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:13 (twenty-one years ago)

So far this thread is batting a thousand with its disturbing photos.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:14 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost

hm. Well. I won't be volunteering at the telethon again this year, at any rate.

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I had this one guy once totally hit on me. What, just because I'm in a gay bar, suddenly I'm gay?

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:22 (twenty-one years ago)

"Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?"

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 07:22 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, you are so gay. get over it.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 25 February 2005 10:46 (twenty-one years ago)

wow i'd have gone along with it just to make the assholes feel even more envious!! you pulled by sitting alone in a busy bar writing on yr laptop!! who's the alpha now d00ds

obv the story tomorrow might have got a bit mangled in the process

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

being gay is nothing to be ashamed of.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I were gay again. I used to get laid when I was gay.

― the other kate (ffs!) (papa november), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Mark S OTM OMG A/S/L?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, I don't understand the concept of someone find you attractive being a bad thing

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

kate are you hot?

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:21 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah i'm straight but when a guy hits on me there's a surge of self-confience. At least I think it's self confidence.

― djdee2005 (djdee2005), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Sadly no.

xpost

― the other kate (ffs!) (papa november), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:22 (twenty-one years ago)

whatevs, you hot.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Gee thanks.

― the other kate (ffs!) (papa november), Friday, 25 February 2005 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i've gotten far more homosexual come-ons (2) in the last six months than i have heterosexual ones (0). inappropriately, the last one was from my masters course lecturer.

it doesn't bother me. it's kinda flattering i guess, considering i don't dress particularly well.

― jermaine, Friday, 25 February 2005 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

hee hee, "come-ons".

― jermaine perry, Friday, 25 February 2005 12:52 (twenty-one years ago)

this kind of happens me, not that I am hyper well dressed or something. I blame the fact that I look like a soft toy.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 25 February 2005 12:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely the well-dressed thing doesn't matter that much?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 25 February 2005 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

this happened to me once, except the guy came up to me and asked if he could buy me a drink. I said "of course". Took the drink, told him I wasn't gay and walked away.

― Chris 'The Nuts' V (Chris V), Friday, 25 February 2005 13:01 (twenty-one years ago)

fwiw, the well-dressed thing was a joke! i was serious about the coffee mug though.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 25 February 2005 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i guess i just wanted to start a thread about being misjudged: does it happen to you a lot? has it crossed over from being flattering to being mildly irritating?

Yes, it happens more often than I'd like. Yes, it has become midly irritating. Although since I put on a little too much weight around my waist, I don't get come-ons from other men nearly as often as I did in my slim salsero days. (But I'm hoping that's temporary--the weight part that is.) I've mentioned before that I've ended up in some awkward situations thanks to misudnerstandings (up to and including being on a "date" I didn't initially realize was a "date"). If another guy I don't know well seems to be trying to maintain my gaze just a bit longer than seems normal, I tend to look away immmediately.

― RS £aRue (rockist_scientist), Friday, 25 February 2005 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, I get the occasional mock-flirtation from thuggish guys making comments from passing cars. The last time this happend I actually went up to the window and said something like, "That's very courageous of you making comments from the safety of your truck" and the guy looked very nervous. After they drove past the intersection in the opposite direction I was heading, they stopped and waved for me to come over. I guess they composed themselves from the shock that I would actually say something. (I'm sure they weren't actually scared of me kicking their ass or anything like that.) Hopefully they kept driving toward North Philadelphia and shouted some racist comments out their truck window.

― RS £aRue (rockist_scientist), Friday, 25 February 2005 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Curiously, I probably had more gay come ons before Keith the Cop from Six Feet Under entered public consciousness (and David).

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Friday, 25 February 2005 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

If by "come-on" you mean "have had a drunk friend of the same gender corner you in the kitchen, wrap their arms around your neck and grill you repeatedly if you're sure you're not gay while your S.O. of the opposite gender is in the living room deinking cosmos", then yes, this has happened to me.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 25 February 2005 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

If another guy I don't know well seems to be trying to maintain my gaze just a bit longer than seems normal, I tend to look away immmediately.

this sounds a little too familiar.

also, i tend to get a lot of older guys (50+). not sure what that's about.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 25 February 2005 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

i had an older man tell me "oo, you're very pretty" in the (crowded!!) bathroom at a hs football game when i was about 15. he was clearly fucking with me cos i had longish hair and an earring at the time. ugh my hate for that guy still burns, wow, hadn't thought of it in years.

― f--gg (gcannon), Friday, 25 February 2005 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

VOIBES

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 25 February 2005 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I've mentioned before that I've ended up in some awkward situations thanks to misudnerstandings (up to and including being on a "date" I didn't initially realize was a "date").

OTM. I forget the guy's name, but there was a standup comic who did a bit exactly like this - his punchline was something like "That's when it hit me: 'Oh shit - I'm on a date... and I'm the GIRL!'" (He wasn't actually gaybashing, just chuckling at the absurdity of the situation.)

I've always sent out mixed signals without really meaning to. I was a metrosexual (blargh) before there was a word for it, and when I look back at pictures of myself from early twenties I just think "Well, no wonder I couldn't get a girlfriend half the time", because I was just a little too clubby and pretty for my own good. I've become less fussy and vain over time, and I guess this translates as more hetero, because I get way fewer guys hitting on me these days.

Oh, and:

She concluded with, "You're a lot less faggy than when I met you, honey." Um... thanks?

Wow, I thought that only happened to me.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 25 February 2005 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

VOIBES

Yeah, you know, you like a cross between vibes and foibles. You're straight from the fridge, daddio.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I stuffed her like a thanksgiving turkey!

― adam.r.l. (nordicskilla), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:30 (twenty-one years ago)

This is all only making me more determined to hit on straight guys.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd be happy for anyone to hit on me!

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 25 February 2005 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

i end up hitting on straight guys all the time. but they're all nerdy twee indie guys or nerdy techno dorks who all seem kinda gay. i usually end up convincing myself, when i get shot down, that they're really just closeted - then i obsess over it for awhile.

but i never get hit on by guys - only by clueless straight girls. i dont know how this happens

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

last nite one ilxor got asked to jerk off on camera, fyi

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Pfft, story of my life.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

wouldn't that ruin the camera though?

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Not if it was one of those newfangled cameras, you know the kind.

― adam.r.l. (nordicskilla), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, the underwater ones?

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 25 February 2005 19:55 (twenty-one years ago)

YEAH

― adam.r.l. (nordicskilla), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

You like, like how on the bottom of a Dr. Marten shoe it says "Resistant to oil, fat, acid, water, schplunk, and ooze."

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi, there, jaymc.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

You look tense, are you tense?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

How do you feel about indie rabbis, Chris? (I mean - are they hot?)

― adam.r.l. (nordicskilla), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I take my indie rabbis, like I take all men, on a case-by-case basis.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, that just makes me think that a shoulder rub would be fantastic right now.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Or some acupressure!

― adam.r.l. (nordicskilla), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Shoulder rub daisy chain, anyone?

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Gah, that reminds me of my days in the theatre.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

You know, the shoulders carry a lot of tension, jaymc, but perhaps you didn't know that much of that tension is blocked up a bit, ah, lower down the back.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

(he means the sphincter)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

That's right, just relax, this will feel good.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan knows what I'm talking about. Does he look tense? No he doesn't.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

http://members.iinet.net.au/~tiki/temp/backpiece4nz.jpg

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

YOU WILL NOT FOOL ME TWICE KENAN

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

last nite one ilxor got asked to jerk off on camera, fyi

WHO?

oh, me.

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

i took it as a compliment!

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Did you do it?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

no, and i am $100 poorer because of it.

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 25 February 2005 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

We are all a little poorer.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 25 February 2005 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I woulda done it, I think.

― Fish fingers all in a line (kenan), Friday, 25 February 2005 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd buy that. maybe.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 25 February 2005 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

of course you would.

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 25 February 2005 21:22 (twenty-one years ago)

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