Dynasty - Classic or Dud?

That theme tune was always irritatingly catchy.

I see that Dynasty is coming out on DVD.

I’ve always had quite fond memories of watching this show – a bit of opulent escapist nonsense during that long, humourless snot of a decade called the 1980’s. My recollection of Dynasty, not having really watched it since its original run, is a dizzy construct of iconic “mental Polaroid” moments. Blake and Krystle smooching by the fire in the study. Alexis and Krystle beating the shit out of each other in the lily pond. Adam’s audacious attempt to kill Jeff by decorating his office with poisonous paint. Steven being injured in an oil rig explosion and returning with a completely new face and personality. The massive controversy over the supposed “kiss of death” between Linda Evans and an AIDS-ravaged Rock Hudson. Trigger-happy terrorists gate-crashing a royal wedding in exotic, far-flung Moldavia. Krystle being kidnapped by her trampy, gold-digging niece Sammy Jo and George Hamilton and replaced in the Carrington household by an evil doppelganger, and the queasy spectacle of her then having to fend off a randy Blake. Nebulous intrigue involving South China Oil Leases. And of course Joan Collins’ Cruella De Vil schtick, perched high in her “apartments” plotting the destruction of her enemies, snarling her way through sub-Noel Coward bitchy witticisms and tortured metaphors, whilst brandishing a cigarette holder and dressed in furs, turban and Erich Von Stroheim stretch pants.

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Admittedly, Dallas was a much better show. Dallas felt more “earthy”, rich and real, more firmly rooted in notions of the family, of tradition and the land. The characters were well drawn with J.R. always trying to live up to the Ewing name and his “daddy” Jock, Sue Ellen’s drunkenness, Cliff being a perpetual loser and Bobby and Pam generally trying to muddle through as best as they could. Dynasty was always just gloss in a vacuum, but I felt that this placed the series in a tradition of stylised, operatic melodrama that could be traced back to Douglas Sirk/Written On The Wind. The first season sans Alexis is actually quite mature and well written, with a moody, melancholy “Rebecca”-like quality as events unfolded through the perspective of Krystle – the “new Mrs. Carrington”.

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But at time went on, Dynasty stopped being enjoyable camp, and came across as irrelevant, shallow and tacky, referring only to itself. Too many long-lost relatives, inexplicable partner swapping, that lame-ass spin-off The Colbys with its UFO abduction climax. Whereas at the beginning, Dynasty had maintained a certain critical distance from its characters, giving the viewers a glimpse into the messy lives of the rich and privileged, later seasons seemed to be celebrating and endorsing that “Greed is good” corporate culture and superficial excess to the exclusion of everything else. It seemed that the series became increasingly arrogant, drunk on its own hype. Dynasty eventually disappeared right up its own arse, perfectly mirroring the decadent narcissistic smugness of the 80’s.

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Has Dynasty ever had a successor on TV that matches its time capsule qualities? A 21st century equivalent? Probably Footballers’ Wives, which offers viewers an arch look at another decidedly unreal decade of inseparable glamour, tackiness and ultimately hollow emptiness.

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FW focuses on Hello/Heat magazine culture and the new British royalty - nouveaux riche celebrities. If Blake and Krystle were the Reagans, then Kyle and Chardonnay are the Beckhams. Unlike Dynasty which was utterly earnest in its representation of big business and bigger shoulder-pads, FW is crap but it knows it is crap. It actively makes no effort to pretend that its characters aren’t anything other than vulgar, shallow and unlikeable; and recognises that the world it portrays is tacky and tasteless.

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