I randomly bumped into a girl my friend is seeing and she dropped the bomb on me, do i tell him?

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she's a bit younger than he (23ish to his 30). she seems to be playing these games with him, but he really, really likes her.

i ran into her at a store and we chatted and she told me that they jumped into things too quick and made it sound to me like she wasn't really into it anymore. she also told me she's moving away (4hrs away) back in with her parents. he already knows she's moving but thinks he can make it work anyways.

he really likes her, but i feel like he should know that it's really not gonna go anywhere. my wife told me i shouldn't be the one to break the bad news to him, the girl he's dating should have the balls to tell him herself. gah, what do i do?

― LaToya JaXoN (JasonD), Saturday, 26 February 2005 23:28 (twenty-one years ago)

sounds like a passive-aggressive thing to me, like she's hoping the news will come out from you so she doesn't have to deal with him again, assuming he won't try to contact her and all that shit.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Saturday, 26 February 2005 23:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd tell him, probably.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Saturday, 26 February 2005 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

gah what a fucking scenario. if i told him, i'd do it really matter-of-factly and not offer an interpretation, lest your friend not quite believe you (he has every reason not to want to believe you, obviously).

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 26 February 2005 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

uh oh!!! is this who i think it is??!?!?!?

― gygax! (gygax!), Saturday, 26 February 2005 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

of course you don't want to jump the gun, because maybe she is going to let him know in the end.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Saturday, 26 February 2005 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

well, at least now you can prepare to be there for your friend when he gets the news.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 26 February 2005 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

i think it's kind of jerky of her to tell you first--i agree that at some level she probably hopes you'll relay the information yourself. but she really should have to do it herself. not that your friend really ends up a winner in either scenario. gah. maybe you should skip a step and just introduce your friend to some cute girl now?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 26 February 2005 23:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't Tell Him, it really isn't your place. She may change her mind and besides she's the one who has to sleep at night.

― Nellie (nellskies), Sunday, 27 February 2005 01:14 (twenty-one years ago)

You could keep this information a secret for now, but eventually, your friend may find out that you knew about this and didn't say anything about it for days or weeks. Then he might harbour resentment against you.

If you tell him now, then who gets hurt? He will -- but he's going to be hurt anyone when she moves away and breaks up with him. Maybe Gear and Ams are wrong about her hoping that you'll do her dirty work by telling him yourself, and if so, then maybe she'll be hurt if you tell him the news before she does. But if she's been playing games with him all along, then my sympathy for her feelings is greatly reduced.

So I would tell him.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 27 February 2005 01:15 (twenty-one years ago)

but he's going to be hurt anyway ...

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 27 February 2005 01:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, I'd tell him too. He might get angry at you but in time he'd realise it was a bit misdirected.

― the other kate (ffs!) (papa november), Sunday, 27 February 2005 01:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Tell him you spoke to her and she said she's got something important to tell him.

― moley (moley), Sunday, 27 February 2005 01:23 (twenty-one years ago)

gygax, who do you think it is? i'm sure you've met him before

― LaToya JaXoN (JasonD), Sunday, 27 February 2005 01:54 (twenty-one years ago)

he already knows she's moving but thinks he can make it work anyways.

So wait a minute, what exactly are you going to tell him that he doesn't already know? This sounds (from what you've said) like a 2-speed breakup IE every breakup ever.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 27 February 2005 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

sounds like a passive-aggressive thing to me, like she's hoping the news will come out from you so she doesn't have to deal with him again, assuming he won't try to contact her and all that shit.

i don't buy this. if you ran into her again, just ask her if/when she's going to tell him. i wouldn't really tell my friend.

― nathalie barefoot in the head (stevie nixed), Sunday, 27 February 2005 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

you should sleep with her.

― shookout (shookout), Sunday, 27 February 2005 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Convince him that she's not right for him and that he should break up with her first. Just kidding. I might not tell him straight up what she said but tell him you got the feeling things weren't right from how she was acting. She should be the one to actually say she wants to break up.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Sunday, 27 February 2005 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

by the way: this person is an asshole. what nerve to tell you what she doesn't have the guts to tell him first.

― shookout (shookout), Sunday, 27 February 2005 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

i dunno, it's a hard thing to do, have some compassion for all sides

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 27 February 2005 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I really wouldn't tell him. He's going to figure it out anyway and might not appreciate you interfering.

― Maria (Maria), Sunday, 27 February 2005 22:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I would suggest that you not directly interfere, but you may want to drop some kind of hint. But only do that if you can do it with subtlety.

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Sunday, 27 February 2005 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't imply that you know anything, just maybe question the longterm viability of his relationship with this girl in some way without being a dick.

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Sunday, 27 February 2005 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Questions are the answer here --> ask question of him i.e. "do you really think she can stick it out, 4 hrs away? do you think you guys can/want to handle that?" --> then he asks question of same question of her, and voila

TELLING ppl things like this never works

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 27 February 2005 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Tracer Hand OTM

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Sunday, 27 February 2005 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

he called my wife today for advice because she's been sort of weird and cold lately, and she tried to do everything she could in her power to tell him it's probably not the best idea to think a long term relationship will work, but he was being really stuborn and wouldn't hear it. he really likes her. i feel so bad, but he won't listen.

― LaToya JaXoN (JasonD), Monday, 28 February 2005 03:32 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry, too many "shes", but you get the picture.

― LaToya JaXoN (JasonD), Monday, 28 February 2005 03:32 (twenty-one years ago)

You are not going to win in this situation if you intervene. The best thing is to stay well clear of it, that way neither party can offload their resentments onto you.

― lukey (Lukey G), Monday, 28 February 2005 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i think (via yr wife) you have discharged yr "friend's responsiblities" now LJ

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 28 February 2005 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"You can go about your business. Move along."

― Stormtrooper #3, Monday, 28 February 2005 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

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