Things You Fantasize About Saying Upon Meeting Particular Celebrities

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"Man, you were SO much funnier in a dress!" (Tom Hanks)
"Hey, it's little Opie Cunningham!" (Ron Howard)
"I really loved you in 'Bugsy Malone'. But not in a serial killer way, I swear!" (Jodie Foster)

― Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:49 (twenty years ago)

surely I'm not the only person who abstractly ponders "if I ever meet _____, the first words out of my mouth will be..."

― Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:52 (twenty years ago)

...

― ()ops (()()ps), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:55 (twenty years ago)

okay, I guess I AM the only one.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:56 (twenty years ago)

Halle Berry: "You are absolutely wonderful! I loved you in 'BAPS'! Could you make out with my wife?"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:58 (twenty years ago)

and then do you quickly put on a wig and dress?

― ()ops (()()ps), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 01:00 (twenty years ago)

BAPS!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 01:00 (twenty years ago)

you mean non-musicians, right?

(throws punch) - Star Jones, Barbara Streisand, Lenny Kravitz, Colin Farrell, Nicole Ritchie

"I love you!" - Mickey Rourke, Billy Bob Thornton, Tatum O'Neal, Cheryl Hines, Jackie Gleason, Vincent D'onofrio, David Sedaris, John Milius, the 86 Mets

"My wife loves you!" - John Goodman, Angelina Jolie, Mark Wahlberg (maybe I wouldn't tell HIM that), Dr Phil

― O'erbite, The Roiver Runs Red And I Think I'm Dying (roger adultery), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 01:00 (twenty years ago)

Renee Zellwegger: "Tittyfuck?"

― gramps, Wednesday, 2 March 2005 01:00 (twenty years ago)

musicians are fair game too...

― Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 2 March 2005 01:08 (twenty years ago)

shit, dude, that'd take HOURS and Jim Beam and Band of Brothers and Krispy Creme simply will not wait that long for my triumphant return to the other room

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 01:11 (twenty years ago)

"Jack Lemon! I thought you were... dead... (gulps and tries to scream).."

― andy --, Wednesday, 2 March 2005 01:31 (twenty years ago)

Whoa! (Keanu Reeves)

― Casa... (C---), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 02:48 (twenty years ago)

Alternatively, "Wyld Stallions!"

― Casa... (C---), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 02:49 (twenty years ago)

"I only have a credit card on me" (Pete Doherty)

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 03:37 (twenty years ago)

"You the bomb in Phantoms, yo!" (Casey Affleck)

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 03:38 (twenty years ago)

toby keith--ill bomb yr arse like the americans bomb afghanistan.

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 03:39 (twenty years ago)

But would you hop up on the back of Big and/or Rich?

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 03:41 (twenty years ago)

Beyonce: "Aw, yeah...a little to the left"

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

Juliette Lewis: "So... uh, I heard Brad Pitt popped the ol' cherry, then."

― sugarpants (sugarpants), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 03:54 (twenty years ago)

William Shatner: "Tell me about T.J. Hooker."

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 2 March 2005 20:58 (twenty years ago)

I want to get in like a really horrible car accident with Ashton Kutcher and look at him all like crushed in his little fiberglass deathbox while the firefighters break out the PINCHERS OF LIFE or whatever and say "haha dude, you've been PUNKT!".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:04 (twenty years ago)

The Dell Dude: TASTETH THE BLUNT SIDE OF MY SHILELEIGH!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

Jared Fogel: Dude, way to go with the not being a fat-ass thing!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

When I meet Nickalicious, I'm going to say "So, how's that anger-management class going?"

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:06 (twenty years ago)

I'm no celebrititty!

When I meet Matt, I'm gonna be like:

Remember back when
you wrote haikus all the time?
that was really pimp

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

Keira Knightley: Do Southern accents turn you on? No? How 'bout mantitties?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

Any of the cast of LOST: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL WITH THE HATCH?/BLACK ROCK?/"OTHERS"?!?!?!?!?!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:10 (twenty years ago)

Except for Jorge Garcia: DUDE!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:10 (twenty years ago)

Dizzee Rascal: You're welcome! ("made a album over a hundred thousand people bought it...thank you")

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:13 (twenty years ago)

Nellie McKay: Hey, where the fuck is your DOG, huh?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

Gwyneth Paltrow: Has Apple been eating many sweet potatoes? Cuz her poop, you see, IT WAS ALL YELLOW.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

Chris Rock, I would just awkwardly attempt to fistcrunch, to which he would ashamedly shake his head.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

Fred Durst: Dude, don't be gay.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

and then do you quickly put on a wig and dress?

HELL NO! I give her my wife... WITH SEXY RESULTS!

(nb: If this scenario was to somehow actually occur, I fear the "sexy results" would be two black women beating the shit out of me, which is not particularly sexy for me.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 22:31 (twenty years ago)

William Shatner: "Tell me about Adrien Zmed"

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 22:46 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

Halle Berry: "You are absolutely wonderful! I loved you in 'BAPS'! Could you make out with my wife?"

LOLOLOLOL. Cosign! My wife, I think, would be less enthusiastic.

― Daniel, Esq., Sunday, 27 January 2008 21:10 (seventeen years ago)

"I thought you'd be bigger"

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Sunday, 27 January 2008 22:13 (seventeen years ago)

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