Master Cleanse For Bloated Addicts

Depending on my mood, I might actually enjoy this as a kind of personal expression.

Is one allowed to freebase Doritos?

ahh, george hamilton's secret

My will is strong!

Touche!

To be honest, you never really feel hungry, which is surprising. The first 2 days you THINK you're hungry a little bit, but if you have the drink whenever you THINK you're hungry, you realise that you're really not hungry and that it's more of a mental thing. There are no hunger pangs.

By day 5, which for me was the WEEKEND, you start dreaming about the food you want to eat. I made a list of food I plan to eat as soon as this is over. To my surprise the only junky thing I'm really craving is a pizza roll! Everything else is nuts and fruit and generally "healthy" stuff, I guess.

But, even on the weekend with nothing to do except laundry, it was not difficult to stop myself from eating. I just rationalized: well, I'm halfway there and to stop now would be annoying. Besides, the drink fills me up and I've already lost 10 pounds.

Today, back at work, it's easy as pie to maintain the fast.

One thing I forgot: AMAZING MENTAL CLARITY. I'm pounding out the work that normally infuriates me as if it ain't no thing. This in itself is quite the awesome benefit!

Ha, yeah you're right, yesterday would be no big accomplishment!

Last Monday, as in Feb. 28th.

Well, ideally no.

But, it is supposed to kill your addictions for various substances, including alcohol and cigarettes. I have to admit, I don't crave either.

And beyond that, what the fuck food were you eating that was filled with 'toxins', anyway? Sorry, but eat an apple for christsake. Bah!

Dude seriously this doesn't sound like it's actually good for you if it'd doing this to you.

Could you give a pointer to me?

How you feel after eight days of dieting has little bearing on the actual effects, short-term and long-term, on your body.

Anyway, this is your own body and its up to you all to do whatever with it. I myself am going to go eat something with lots of salt and butter, and have a glass of wine. I biked 18 miles today, and I am feeling quite good.

I still don't understand what the point of fasting is (toxins?), but again, its your choice to try it out. I guess more energy and stuff would be nice.

Mark, fasting is a diet, albeit a short term one. Not sure what you mean by that.

I still don't understand what the point of fasting is (toxins?), but again, its your choice to try it out. I guess more energy and stuff would be nice.

Mark, fasting is a diet, albeit a short term one. Not sure what you mean by that. xpost

Also, there's pesticides, herbicides, preservatives, additives. I'm not trying to propagandize (is that a word) here, lord knows I eat pretty much the worst shit possible, but yeah those are basically some of the toxina

w/r/t miracle diets: bullshit. Why don't you just go get some exercise and eat healthy food?

And before someone chimes in with "but it's not that easy!" I will say this: yes, yes it is.

Plus: exercise. Kind of a magic bullet, guys.

Fluid shedding = yes, obviously. Got rid of the bloated double neck and lovehandles, so that's good, I say.

Working out for muscle gains is not advised since you'll be deteriorating your muscles without any protein to rebuild, but you'll certainly have enough energy to jog your ass off, which is what I've been doing.

And yes, if you go back to eating shitty food, you'll wind up where you started, of course.

But, hey, I'm almost finished so I'll be able to report if I gain it all back by the end of the month or not! I figured that since my results have convinced my mom and girlfriend to try it, I might try to spread the word to other poor bloated alcoholics like myself. Those kidneys need a good cleaning! I don't know if it's supposed to do anything for the liver...

Robin Quivers lost 60lbs. and has been doing this for at least a year now. Obviously, she eats something besides the drink at this point, but she still drinks it a few times a day and is in great health, according to her doctor (and she's a nurse, by the way).

Now, when I was working out all the time and NOT drinking, I couldn't break 170 no matter how long or how hard I tried. So, to the know-it-alls who suggest eat better food and exercise... and especially the dude who says "Yes, it really is that easy!"... your hatin' advice is silly.

I wish you would describe the drink's preparation, in more detail, though.

I confess to trying various cleanses and fasts over the years. I'm not overweight and never have been but it makes me think I feel healthy. I'm unsure if it's actually good for you or not, but the idea that you are losing 5 pounds of compacted fecal matter in you colon is worth relishing.

Anyway, my service provider/codependent in all this is curezone, the one stop shop for all your fasting, flushing, cleansing, coffee enema needs.

WRT salt purge:

start out small. If you dont get any results, add a little more the next morning. I ended up doing between 1 and 2 tablespoons.

it isnt supposed to taste good, btw.

I was thinking about trying this, and have (tentatively) decided on Oct. 12-22, as there are no parties or other food/drink obligations that would conflict with the cleanse during that time.

I do have a few questions to those of you who have done it, though:
* Can you go back to eating regular foods the very next day, or do you have to build up to it?
* Is it necessary to fast before beginning the cleanse?

As far as toxins the body takes in, there are tons. Reading Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring" is how I starting learning about them, but I'm sure there's info online.

This cleanse stuff might be good for habit-breaking, but it's lines like this that make me giggle. Where are you getting the water, sugar, lemon, and pepper for your magic drink from? The amazing organic backyard farm where you grow all this stuff and water the plants with only pure glacial water?

My new thing that pisses off my inner pedant all the time is how detox/colonics/health-crazies use the word "chemicals." "It gets all the chemicals out of your system!" I sure fucking HOPE not, because I kind of need OXYGEN to be ALIVE. Will it clear all the HYDROGEN out of my system, causing my entire body to denature and all my DNA to fall apart? I shouldn't eat this storebought bread because it's full of "chemicals"? Well bread from self-harvested organic grain pounded into flour & made like our forefathers did is still full of chemicals, because EVERYTHING is amde of chemicals, you dipshit!

Abbott you sound like my father, a chemical engineer who whenever he hears a discussion of organic foot exclaims "WELL WHO WOULD EAT *INORGANIC* FOOD ANYWAY?"

I am so glad to know I have company in this world!

the master cleanse inspires rage in my inner most being. sigh. so unhealthy. so not about long term effects. and so misleading.

i believe one's kidneys takes care of "toxins"

Is there any actual medical basis for this "cleansing your system" thing, or is it just some new age mumbo jumbo? Are our systems really "clogged" with unhealthy "chemicals"? Don't they just come out with regular shit?

(x-post)

yeah i don't think it's good for your metabolism at all.

Yeah, a bunch of my old co-workers were really into this. One, in particular. And every time she'd lose a bunch of weight, become really distracted and forgetful (which was great for our working relationship for those 2 weeks), and then EVERY TIME would gain ALL of the weight back, plus an additional 5%. It drove me batty. Which is kind of unfair, because if people want to do things to their bodies that I find rather stupid, how does it harm me?

Yes all that stuff comes out with your SHIT, which is why I have no idea why colonics exist. "See all that horrible stuff coming out of your systems? Those are all your toxins." It's also what most people call POOP. It's POOP. You are sucking POOP out of them with your machine. It is just POOP AUKVGDK VWUIGU!!JKVBDUIFY

I had to fast for at least 24 hours at least once a month as a kid...some Mormon commandment...and personally, I find fasting both pointless and irritating.

i agree. i also think master cleanse is what most people call "anorexia" or "starving yourself".

4 REAL

Although most anorexics I know also have a steady diet of "cocaine."

TBH, I'm not really interested in the "detox" aspects of the cleanse, nor do I care for any of the new-age bullshit that the people into these things tend to go for. I see it more as an exercise in self-discipline than anything else, just to see if I can go the entire ten days without eating solid foods. As someone who was raised to never leave any food left on his plate, I can almost see this as a 10-day sort of "reset" before beginning eating anew, but with better nutritional habits, portion control, etc. If there really is "amazing mental clarity" that comes with it, it'd be nothing more than a side-effect. I'd definitely stop the cleanse immediately if I blacked out or felt too listless to go on. In speaking to the few people I know who've done it, none have reported any negative effects other than gaining the lost weight back over time. But that's to be expected, as it's a fast and not a long-term weight-loss solution.

Without generalizing or being offensive, anyone who does this is fucking retarded.

in order to accomplish nothing besides proving my mental discipline I have decided to survive on pale ale & tums for the next 240 hours

YOU CAN DO IT

But it's Oktoberfest! Märzen & tums would be most appropriate.

marzen and cocktail onions was last week

the problem with expelling all them toxins by such methods, I figure, is that you mostly wind up just inhaling them, or forcing them on everybody else you work with

My wife tried something like this last year and she couldn't keep drinking that disgusting juice for more than about 4 days.

this "less toxins" goal is confusing me.

less toxins = more room for other toxins?

ok i can get behind that

I'm all about the keep 'em moving through, make way for MORE.

... but Abbott is right. Pooing is pooing. Thats what it does. It is WASTE. It doesn't stay stuck in you like gum glued to your insides. It doesnt "rot" in your intestines. If it did we'd all be very very ill people indeed.

well this is what i get for not bothering to read the whole thread.

so this isn't all about drinking booze then?

must drink.. and poop.. and drink while pooping..

http://doublehappiness.ilikenicethings.com/?p=1772

yeah i don't think it's good for your metabolism at all.

― bell_labs, Monday, September 15, 2008 3:08 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark

http://www.timeout.com/img/33337/w513/image.jpg

http://www.oilpulling.com/

this is way better!!

I am still in awe of Beth Parker's "like a fleet of snowplows in the gut" comment. It is so inspirational it makes me feel like crying.

Kelly was doing the Master Cleanse diet on The Office last night. That plus a tapeworm.

moved from other thread:

Saw this stuff on sale at Whole Foods for $10/16 oz bottle. Company is massively creepy:

http://blueprintcleanse.com/

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Tuesday, March 26, 2013 3:08 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Don't Panic - It's Just A Healing Crisis!

Before you even ask the question - let's just go through the list and remain calm.

Detox Symptoms may include:

•Fatigue
•Headaches
•Constipation/Diarrhea
•Skin eruptions
•Rash/Hives
•Cold sores/Canker sores
•Dry mouth
•Nausea
•Insomnia
•Runny nose
•A ton of energy
•Increased sex drive
•Overwhelming sense of calm and productivity

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Tuesday, March 26, 2013 3:29 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

my girl-friend and i are on the second day of fasting. our plan is not to eat for 8 days. we drink herbal tea (in the morning mixed with black tea), vegetable and fruit juices. for lunch we have a hot broth. only liquids, no solid food. the most important thing in the beginning is the cleaning of the bowels which makes the body switch from food processing to transforming the body reserves into calories. for that i have used salt (glaubersalz in german) in the past but i don't anymore as it destroys the intestinal flora. now i carry out an enema which basically amounts to filling a liter of lukewarm water into the rectum. it is a very old way to start fastng, there are passages in the bible referring to it. and it works perfectly. you run to the toilet within 10 minutes. for the time being we re doing well. i have a feeling of lightness and clarity. we'll see how this will go on.

Lookee that, not the thing one expects to get printed in Cosmo:

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/health-fitness/a51634/why-your-detox-is-bullsht/

Why do we buy into these things? Misconceptions seem to abound whenever you repeat a lie often enough in pop culture. And who hasn't heard one of their favorite celebrities promoting one of these? Beyoncé allegedly did the Master Cleanse and she looks … masterfully cleansed, right? Kelly Ripa is doing the Alkaline Cleanse and she looks … alkaline, right? Oh dear. But Holly Corbett at Prevention tried the Master Cleanse, including the salt water flush, and reported "killer cramps," "cat breath," and every dietitian she spoke to said it was bad news. There's probably something to that, perhaps a little more than the advice from a celebrity's trainer.

If you lose weight on these, it's not because it's mastering or alkalizing anything, it's because you're starving. Losing weight and not eating junk food might perk you up temporarily, but these cleanses are not balanced at all. Stop torturing yourself with a trendy diet with a lot of meaningless rules and have a damn salad.

So How Do You Detox?
How are you supposed to stay healthy when your life has you running ragged? This seems to surprise people, but the old advice of a balanced diet, regular exercise, making sure your vaccinations are up to date, and not skipping your annual physical? It's still good advice.

And please, don't spend $9 on juice. Because there's no fairy godmother, no magic wand, and you can't turn back last night's partying after the clock strikes midnight with kale. But you can cleanse your life of bullshit.

and it's not a blanket "fasting is dum" thing - the frenzy people get into about attempting to wash their GI tract clean, as if lemon tea is made of little scrubbing bubbles and it's not a blanket "fasting is dum" thing - the frenzy people get into about attempting to wash their GI tract clean, as if lemon tea is made of little scrubbing bubbles and it's not a blanket "fasting is dum" thing - the frenzy people get into about attempting to wash their GI tract clean, as if lemon tea is made of little scrubbing bubbles

xp: Actually, skipping your annual physical has its merits.

Back to the OP's cleanse, blackstrap molasses is a pretty good source of potassium and magnesium, which given most diets are deficient, likely offers health benefits. Capsaicin, the pungent compound in hot peppers, has gotten a lot more research attention in the past decade. It does indeed increase fat-burning through mitochondrial uncoupling, and consumption of spicy foods reduces mortality in one, two recent prospective studies. The lemon juice probably doesn't have much effect.

Molasses is fine as part of a varied diet. Capsaicin is fine as part of a varied diet. Lemon juice is fine as part of a varied diet. Eating a diet that make you feel generally good over a period of days or weeks, not just pleased at the moment you are eating it, is a good thing. Fasting, if done very occasionally and not for long, is unlikely to hurt most people. Some people feel better afterward because they feel more virtuous.

Engaging in willful, drastic regimes in an effort to 'detoxify' your body in a very short period of time is a stressful, pointless, largely delusional activity, psychologically similar to 19th century doctors who mixed asafetida with their prescribed medicines because their patients believed that the worse a medicine smelled and tasted, the more effective is must be, or akin to penitents who scourged themselves or wore hair shirts in order to purge themselves of the sins they imagined were causing a retributive god to make them ill. It's a common idea that shows up repeatedly in many cultures, but it is baseless except to the extent it acts as a psychological placebo.

Just eat a good diet heavy on fresh vegetables, fruit and whole grains, don't binge on sugary, fatty foods or alcohol, and get a moderate amount of exercise every day, and you'll be ok -- to the extent that your diet can ensure your health, which it can't do entirely. It's not that hard to figure out.

I was thinking about trying this, and have (tentatively) decided on Oct. 12-22, as there are no parties or other food/drink obligations that would conflict with the cleanse during that time.

I do have a few questions to those of you who have done it, though:
* Can you go back to eating regular foods the very next day, or do you have to build up to it?
* Is it necessary to fast before beginning the cleanse?

― sensual harrassment (naus), Sunday, September 14, 2008 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I never actually did this, btw.

I love to do pointless foolhardy crap and therefore really want to do this

This is the drink George Hamilton uses when he's feeling not so great to stay in shape.

i can't stop laughing at this

As great as I've been feeling, I can only conclude that normally we eat way too much food, which makes us tired and perhaps clogs our organs with toxins that never find their way to our rectum.
― Eleventy-Twelve (Eleventy-Twelve), Tuesday, March 8, 2005 5:26 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://i.ibb.co/jMvMVy6/Screenshot-20221006-190948.jpg

gah