I'll let ILX decide: to have kids or not to have kids?

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I think I'm split exactly 50/50, I just need someone to push me one way or the other.

Pros: A rich part of the human existence, makes holidays more fun, someone to take to the park & zoo, a little version of you to nurture and educate, makes your own life less egocentric, etc.

Cons: Loud and sickly, takes up all your free time and disposable income, could perish in an illness/accident and make you miserable forever, dreary trips to soccer practice, makes you forget about fashion and music, dominates your vacations for 18 yrs., etc.

This won't happen in the next month, but I'll take all your advice under consideration. Thanks.

― andy --, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:45 (twenty years ago)

Have only half a kid.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

Hahahahaha if this WAS going to happen in the next month I'd have to be all "Dude, isn't it a little too late to ask this question?????"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

makes your own life less egocentric

Perhaps, but couldn't one say that the choice to have kids is one of the most egocentric things you can do?

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

Yes (to jaymc's comment, not to the question).

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:50 (twenty years ago)

Pros: Perpetuates the species
Cons: Perpetuates the species

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:51 (twenty years ago)

I wonder if ILX is really a good cross section of mankind...iPod-toting, nightclubbing metrosexuals.

― andy --, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:52 (twenty years ago)

In my case it perpetuates the Perpetuas.

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:53 (twenty years ago)

Amst. OTM. For us, the decision totally hinged on the question, "Do we want to bring a child into this fucked-up world?"

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

I would hate for ILX to make this kind of decision! They'll probably tell to create a rockist bunnykitten in a lab to raise as your child.

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

And then you'll have to glue its anus shut and shape it in a glass for a week.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

i am often baffled at my own (involuntary) attitude toward having children, namely, that it's fundamentally some kind of "lifestyle choice."

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

andy and Leon have reduced me to tears.

(xpost and so has Michael)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

i think you should make ilx birth and raise the child also

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

we did a good job with ronan!!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:59 (twenty years ago)

ok ronan stop hittin me now plz

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 19:59 (twenty years ago)

If you have children, you had better have a giving nature, in more ways than one. You have to like giving things to other people. You have to like it a lot. You had also better enjoy ceding some of your independence of thought and action in return for love and companionship.

Marriage is a good warmup exercise for hiving kids. Having kids kicks it all into a much higher gear and there is no escape. If you can't hack a really close and committed relationship with a peer, then stay away from childrearing - it'll kill you.

― Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:01 (twenty years ago)

Do you have all the necessary materials to hand?

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:02 (twenty years ago)

Just make sure you didn't get a criminal's brain by mistake!

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:03 (twenty years ago)

I could donate some Playdough.

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

ronan, GET OFF MY LAP

ned, can YOU take him for once? jesus.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

"You have to like giving things to other people..."

Are you talking about buying presents for the neighbors' kiddie bday parties? I don't think I'd like that at all.

― andy --, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:05 (twenty years ago)

Somebody's gotta work on the farm.

― Matt Chesnut, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:05 (twenty years ago)

I think kids are probably pretty awesome.
I like the offspring of others.
I don't necessarily want my own for another five or six years, though.?

But, yeah, Amateurist is pretty much OTM. Though I think there's more to the pros side than just perpetuating the race--I bet having a child would be a wonderful/fulfilling experience. But do I want anyone to suffer that much?

― Ian John50n (orion), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:07 (twenty years ago)

"You have to like giving things to other people..."

Children as the ultimate STD.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:08 (twenty years ago)

ned, can YOU take him for once? jesus.

He's kind of a deadbeat dad, you know. Or was it a bigbeat dad?

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

Do you have all the necessary materials to hand?

this sounds halfway between a come-on and the FAQ for a graduate school admissions program

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:10 (twenty years ago)

Definitely have kids, it's fucking fun.

― mcd (mcd), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:11 (twenty years ago)

that jel's MO all over

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:11 (twenty years ago)

Just being practical dude!

Anyway, yeah, I think having kids is probably a cool thing to do.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:11 (twenty years ago)

Well, he is a librarian, bless : )

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:12 (twenty years ago)

Definitely have kids, it's fun fucking.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:12 (twenty years ago)

ned, can YOU take him for once? jesus.

Such insolence. I could take anyone. Er, wait.

He's kind of a deadbeat dad, you know. Or was it a bigbeat dad?

The correct terminology is 'dead beat descendant.'

Definitely have kids, it's fun fucking.

*wonders if Jaymc has a kid for every time he fucks*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:13 (twenty years ago)

It's a highly personal decision. Perhaps the other party to be involved should be the one to push you one way or the other.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

that reminds me that when my friend was pregnant she told me "it was really hard work to get pregnant."

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

jaymc is like junior kimbrough, he plays the blues and has fathered more than 30 children

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

Has anybody seen "Nobody Knows"? I saw it last night... a mother who doesn't give a shit about her kids! Great film.

― andy --, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:19 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I think the other party should be alerted to this thread so that she can voice her opinion here. I mean, I know she'd be new here and all that, but I think in these special circumstances she probably just about deserves as much of a vote as I do.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:19 (twenty years ago)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I like them so much, I had one of my own.

It's been unaccountably rewarding, often frustrating, frequently loud, sometimes smelly, always more amazing than I could ever have dreamt. If you have it in you to be patient and loving, even in the face of a 4 year screaming his lungs out, you can do this. Your life will change, sure, but rarely is there an event so insignificant that it doesn't change you somewhat. You do have to give up many things (sleep, a modicum of independence, always having your own music on the stereo or movies on tv), but in my experience, what you get in return is immeasurably more satisfying and rewarding.

On the other hand, if you decide against having kids, tell anyone who says you won't be a whole person without them to go fuck themselves in no uncertain terms.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:20 (twenty years ago)

Has anybody seen "Nobody Knows"? I saw it last night... a mother who doesn't give a shit about her kids! Great film.

the plot of that one is eerily similar to the plot of a recent french film i saw, 'demi-tarif':

Three children in a big city. A brother and two sisters. They wander. Their mother is not around. They share a bond, a secret and a will to live freely, to do as they please, without adults. This DV-shot debut feature from 22 year-old actress Isild le Besco has been called "the greatest debut since Godard's A bout de souffle" by Chris Marker and captures the siblings "being children" like no other fiction film before it. A truly unique experience.

xxxpost

how does one fuck themselves in certain terms?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:21 (twenty years ago)

i think you should totally have a kid if not just so that in ten years time you can tell him the story about how a bunch of random librarians and record geeks willed him into existence.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:22 (twenty years ago)

and we can come over and cheer you on if you need support!

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:22 (twenty years ago)

It's tough. Especially if you're not a natural and the smell of runny shit makes you retch uncontrollably.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

You know what I meant.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:24 (twenty years ago)

It's amazing how many people don't see NOT HAVING KIDS as an actual, viable choice.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:25 (twenty years ago)

it IS a choice, but i think that the fact that it's a choice has funny implications

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:26 (twenty years ago)

As a Californian, it seems like children are the first step towards an inevitable divorce. Maybe in 8 months, maybe in 12 yrs., but sure as shit: Having a family leads to the destruction of the family.

― andy --, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:27 (twenty years ago)

Maybe I'm being dense, but what has that got to do with being Californian?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:28 (twenty years ago)

California still has the highest divorce rate in the union, hovering around 65% or so. If your folks are still married, you're a freak.

― andy --, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

unrelated to californianismo:

this is perhaps the ultimate LADY IF YOU GOTTA ASK question of all time

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

I was about to say, THAT'S a stretch. And I'm in California and my parents have been happily married since the mid-sixties and etc.

I have definitely been witness to a marriage that has been made all the more tense with the arrival of a child, thanks to a coworker who was adamant he would never have kids and now has a baby daughter. But the tensions there predated the pregnancy, and it would be foolish to claim that the child caused the problems in the marriage.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

I'm a perpetual source of misinformation:

"The states with the highest divorce rates are Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina and Texas. The states with the lowest divorce rates are: Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Vermont..."

BLUE STATES STAY TOGETHER! RED STATES HATE THEIR ASSHOLE HUSBANDS!

― andy --, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

DON'T DO IT ANDY THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCES

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 22:54 (twenty years ago)

this thread immmediately reminded me of that infidelity thread.

my parents were married 27 years [til my father died] and they both cheated! three daughters and at least as many partners outside the marriage.

― jane (jane), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 23:20 (twenty years ago)

Nobody Knows is awesome!!! Where is it playing Andy???

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 23:26 (twenty years ago)

Sheesh. And I thought asking this board to name my dog was fucked up.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 23:32 (twenty years ago)

Feel free to ask us to name any future kids, Pleasant Plains...

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 23:36 (twenty years ago)

I'll just take 'em from the same list as the dog.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 23:39 (twenty years ago)

The hardest part will be explaining to your kid that his name comes from a reject pile of dog names.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 23:43 (twenty years ago)

xpost - I saw it at the Opera Plaza in a theater slightly larger than a gas station bathroom.

― andy --, Wednesday, 9 March 2005 23:44 (twenty years ago)

Haha!!! I just saw "Days Of Being Wild" in that same crackerbox a week or so ago.

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 9 March 2005 23:58 (twenty years ago)

ADOPT!

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Thursday, 10 March 2005 02:26 (twenty years ago)

I highly support adoption.

and the movie being described above being called awesome kind of makes me feel ill. I haven't seen the film but can assure you from what's being said that that is many people's actual lives and it isn't awesome at all.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Thursday, 10 March 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

Miss Misery the most OTM of anyone here on this thread.

― Surreal Addiction (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 10 March 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

(i.e. if you and your significant other decide you two want a child, please consider adoption. If the both of you end up not wanting children, however, hey, it's your call, and humanity SHOULD be cool with it.)

― Surreal Addiction (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 10 March 2005 03:52 (twenty years ago)

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