Science Proves No One Likes Ugly Kids

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EDMONTON — If you were neglected as a child or if your parents paid more attention to your siblings, take heart.
It might not be your fault. It might be because you’re ugly.
That’s what Andrew Herrell’s research at the University of Alberta suggests. Herrell, the director of the population research lab in the university’s sociology department, studied parents’ behaviour in grocery stores, where children often suffer minor injuries. He was trying to understand what factors contributed to those injuries.
What he found would stun most fair-minded parents — ugly kids were neglected more often than attractive ones.
“They’ll deny it,” said Herrell of most parents’ reactions, but adds that 426 observations in 14 local supermarkets are telling.
Herrell and his colleagues followed parents and their two-to-five-year-old kids around the grocery store for 10 minutes each. They checked if the adult buckled the child into the grocery cart seat, and how often the child wandered more than 10 feet away.
Only 1.2 per cent of the least attractive kids were buckled in, compared with 13.3 per cent of the most attractive kids. Uglier kids were also allowed to wander away more often than their cute cohorts.
Of course, ugly is subjective. Herrell and his research team judged it on a sliding 10-point scale, one being the Lyle Lovett of kids, 10 being Brad Pitt. In general, their scores matched each other quite well (the average score for all kids was 4.6).
“People are always amazed at how much they agree on who is attractive,” Herrell said.

― Huk-L, Monday, 14 March 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

there is nothing wrong with looking like lyle l0vett!

― Grell (Grell), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:02 (twenty years ago)

i mean, he has always has a cool haircut.

― Grell (Grell), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:03 (twenty years ago)

And Brad Pitt only had sex with Julia Roberts in the movies. LL got to in in real life.

― Huk-L, Monday, 14 March 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

It takes a clever man to make ugly work as well as Lyle does.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

looks fade, while cleverness goes on...

― The Argunaut (sexyDancer), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:05 (twenty years ago)

Cleverness fades, too!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:06 (twenty years ago)

ilx is proof of that.

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:07 (twenty years ago)

cleverness fades into bitterness well before looks fade

― j blount (papa la bas), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:07 (twenty years ago)

Lyle Lovett is a cutie patootie!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:08 (twenty years ago)

I should probably post the Jeffy picture again, but I don't have the heart. Poor ugly Jeffy.

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

It's not hopeless. Ugly men need to work on their charisma, and of course they need to cultivate a sense of evil. Also, they should try to become rich. Rich, evil, ugly men with charisma have a lot of success.

― moley, Monday, 14 March 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

Man, that article is depressing. But not surprising.

― Drew Daniel (Drew Daniel), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:16 (twenty years ago)

I hear Lyle Lovett's secret is his freakish Uncle Milty penis.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:16 (twenty years ago)

People waaaaay uglier than Lyle Lovett:

http://www.bfi.org.uk/showing/nft/interviews/borgnine/images/borgnine.jpg
http://www.successwhosmydaddy.com/content/3shawn_wallace.jpg
http://www.kfdx.com/temp/texclebs/ron_howard.jpg

― Huk-L, Monday, 14 March 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

I just realized I'm a self-hating baldo!

― Huk-L, Monday, 14 March 2005 20:19 (twenty years ago)

Whoo! Yeah, Ron Howard has a face like a soggy pile of pizza dough. Poor red-headed goober.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:21 (twenty years ago)

But, in his youth, he had disturbed apple pie good looks.

― moley, Monday, 14 March 2005 20:25 (twenty years ago)

ron, i think you're very normal looking.

― your friend, Monday, 14 March 2005 20:27 (twenty years ago)

... for a goober.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

I've never noticed Ernest Borgnine being especially ugly. Always just looked like Ernest Borgnine to me.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

Lyle Lovett is better looking than a lot of people

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

The day will come when he will be more attractive than Julia Roberts, and that will delight me to no end.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

Attractive men are superficial and sleazy.

― moley, Monday, 14 March 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

why is Wallace Shawn ugly?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

Don't forget Ernest is married to Tova Borgnine, cosmestics wannabe queen.

― Shatterproof Glass (dymaxia), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Lyle Lovett is already better looking than Julia Roberts. I like her more as a person, though.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Attractive men are superficial and sleazy

No. Superficial and sleazy men are superficial and sleazy.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

why is Wallace Shawn ugly?

"He's really quite devastating."
http://www.americanphoto.co.jp/photosearch/Previews/PLX050919.jpg

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 14 March 2005 20:39 (twenty years ago)

My favourite Lyle Lovett lyric (from "The Truck Song" on 2003's My Baby Don't Tolerate): “I went to high school / I was not popular / Now I am older / And it don’t matter.”

― Huk-L, Monday, 14 March 2005 20:40 (twenty years ago)

if a photo of a howard was to be posted, surely it should have been one of Clint.

― ()ops (()()ps), Monday, 14 March 2005 23:44 (twenty years ago)

This seems like a very suspect study to me.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 14 March 2005 23:47 (twenty years ago)

I can't find it online, but there was an amazing b&w photo in the New Yorker last year of Lyle Lovett roping a steer.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 14 March 2005 23:49 (twenty years ago)

What do you want to bet that Mr. Herrell ain't much of a looker himself?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 00:00 (twenty years ago)

I couldn't find any evidence of his existence.
Which surely means he's too ugly for anyone to like him enough to take a picture and put it on the internet, even though he's some bigshot scientist in Edmonton, which is like the Switzerland of Canada.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 15 March 2005 06:32 (twenty years ago)

by the year 2067, everyone in baltimore will look like ernest borgnine.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 06:41 (twenty years ago)

...parents’ behaviour in grocery stores, where children often suffer minor injuries.

"Genevieve sha'ap or I'll smack you again!"

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 08:14 (twenty years ago)

"Genevieve cover up your hideous face or I'll smack you again"

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 08:38 (twenty years ago)

http://www.freehorsierides.com/images/article/116.jpg

― weather1ngda1eson (Brian), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 08:50 (twenty years ago)

is that your mum?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 09:13 (twenty years ago)

Could I please have a source for this article? I'd like to link it

― Jimmy the Clam, Tuesday, 15 March 2005 09:24 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, all the online versions I can find are subscription-only.

Wait, here's a free one.
http://www.canada.com/montreal/montrealgazette/news/story.html?id=398c2d3d-1867-47b7-b92d-1ea7838af85d

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

don't nobody be hatin' on wally shawn! you know i'd hit it.

― lychee mello (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

Hey, I wasn't saying he's not CLASSIC, but on a scale from Lyle Lovett to Brad Pitt...

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

I bet you any money Wally Shawn could get more pussy then anyone on ILX apart from Je4nne Fury and Spencer Chow.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

Well everybody knows that ugly men who are smart, funny or wealthy (sorry Calz) are invested into a secret society which beats it off with a stick. As opposed to us dumb, dull and broke-ass ugly men who just be--er, you get the idea.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

Neglect could lead to ugly children (or even just tendency to wander away, since that was one of the study's measurements). Malnourishment, lack of attention to child grooming from parent, that other factor we're not allowed to talk about.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

So it's an ugly chicken/ugly egg debate?

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 15 March 2005 15:41 (twenty years ago)

God I want a be--er.

― Fa Fa fa FA, Fa fa Fa fa FA Fa (poop), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 00:47 (twenty years ago)

There's no such thing as an ugly anything, just a conditioned response. So there, science!

― Eleventy-Twelve (Eleventy-Twelve), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 01:15 (twenty years ago)

yeah, agreed. but so how does that invalidate the point of the study? within the context, if most agree on a subject, and behave accordingly, then what does it matter if their agreement is based on some ultimate truth? the kid everyone ignores isn't going to be helped by the fact that their reasons aren't strictly correct.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 04:23 (twenty years ago)

That's untrue eleventy-twelve. I don't know if a pure Platonic (or whatever) aesthetic exists, but people's responses, to other people at least, have a large innate component that crosses cultures and environments, etc. Preference for symmetrical facial features, clear complexion, stuff like that. Not conditioned, I guess is the point.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

"My teacher tells me the real beauty is on the inside."
"That's just something ugly people say."

― ()ops (()()ps), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 08:32 (twenty years ago)

*is that your mum?*

I was flung fully-formed from Fyvush's frizz.

(ie, me=uglykid)

― weather1ngda1eson (Brian), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 08:59 (twenty years ago)

First of all, I was just being silly.
Second of all, responding to symmetrical faces or anything else is genetically imprinted conditioning and whatever isn't hardwired already is imprinted by society.
Thirdly, just because a majority agrees on something does not make it true, just popular opinion assumed to be true.

― Eleventy-Twelve (Eleventy-Twelve), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 13:43 (twenty years ago)

sixteen years pass...

good essay imo

https://justinehsmith.substack.com/p/in-defense-of-ethnoscience

― John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet (map), Sunday, 16 May 2021 16:36 (four years ago)

definitely interesting (certainly not what I expected when I clicked on this thread lol). Some bits toward the end were a little worrying ("identitarianism"?), but tbh I'm not familiar enough with some of the controversies he's alluding to to fully grasp where he stands

― rob, Sunday, 16 May 2021 18:50 (four years ago)

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