teleportation.

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I often think that I would be a much better person if I could halt time at will. I mean. I could organise myself better, that I would never let anyone down and I would always have things done by the time they needed to be done. it would make me a better person. everyone knows that stopping time is almost impossible. but what about teleportation? being able to teleport would mean I would rarely be late for appointments and I wouldn't have to spend valuable time, when nearing a deadline, running between the studio and my flat. I think it would make me a better person.

if you could teleport would YOU be better? or would you just become useless from not taking any exercise at all? worse yet. do you think you'd eventually use it for your personal gain and become evil?

would being able to be any place in space whenever you wanted make you sad like droopy? or would knowing the secret of teleportation make you grotesque like jeff goldblum in 'the fly'? or just. like jeff goldblum. you'd get to wear a neat costume like kurt wagner. not the lambchop one. you'd be able to play all positions in baseball like bugs bunny did. didn't he? or kick a penalty and save it like billy whizz did. did you ever notice how bitter billy whizz's little brother was?

this is question-heavy and not as pointed as I set it out to be. I guess what I want to know is: does anyone have hair like billy whizz?

― richard john gillanders, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If I could stop time I would sit on my arse all day. It wouldn't make me a better person! :-)

It would be handy to teleport, though. I was thinking that today as I borrowed 'In the Mood for Love' from the Barbican and realised I had to go to the bank at the other end of town at Angel before the end of my lunchbreak.

― Will, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

do you think you'd eventually use it for your personal gain and become evil?

Teleportation would make committing a crime much easier and crime detection very difficult indeed. How could you prevent teleportation being used for burglary? If certain area were made teleportation- proof, what would happen to the person who tried to teleport there? Would their teleporter just not function or would they be sent back from whence they came? I can imagine right-wing politicians calling for such teleport-proof areas to make anyone who tried to go there get instantly vaporized (or prevent them from being reassembled), especially government buildings and military installations.

Wouldn't the insurance for teleportation be prohibitive, given the repercussions of it going wrong?

― MarkH, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

do either of you have a hairstyle at all resembling billy whizz's?

― richard john gillanders, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

unfortunately, there's no photo of him here, so I've no way of knowing. It's helped me to think of another thing teleportation could help you do...cheat at sport!

― MarkH, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Alas Richard no. I had a spiky thing going on a couple of years ago, but I never had gel thick enough for that rigid wavy tri-strand thing! ;-)

― Will, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Do I get to tell the 'my mate's dad directed Rentaghost' story, now? That show used a lot of teleportation.

― Will, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oh.

I don't know how to set links to things so that they actually link to them. but. here:

http://www.paulmorris.co.uk/beano/strips/billywhizz.htm

― richard john gillanders, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Crikey, he had two hairs, not three! Funny old memory tricks...

― Will, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In the Harry Potter books they solve this by making you pass a test before you can Disapparate (read: teleport) and make you get a license, the same kind of thing as passing a driving test ie you can't do it until you can do it safely. When the hell is the next book out?

― Sarah, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Next spring, I think. Not soon enough.

― Sterling Clover, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I always thought Billy's Whizz's hair looked a bit like alien antennae. Perhaps this would explain his amazing speed.

Teleportation exists in Star Trek, yet there is supposedly almost no crime on Earth past the 22nd century or so.

― Ally C, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

OK everyone... STOP what you're doing and get hold of Larry Niven's essay _The Theory And Practice Of Teleportation_ which is absolutely essential reading - both for the technical/physical constraints that would need to be addressed and the resulting social conditions.

― Chris Barrus, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

once i slept with a guy who thought he could teleport. on my way to his home, he told me about it. he said that it took meditation. i asked him to show me and he closed his eyes briefly, then jumped forward a metre. i felt so sorry for him i clapped. then he said "if you think thats great, i can teleport myself 5 kilometers. but it takes five hours of meditation."

― di, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

although teleportation is a great idea because it would take the expense out of travel, i sort of prefer to be able to do little things like read a book on the way to work etc. it would take the anticipation and excited out of going somewhere. if you could teleport you would end up taking travel for granted.

― di, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I wouldn't trust myself with teleportation powers, I'd be forever arriving somewhere out of nowhere, wearing my pajamas and saying 'hello, you!' and scaring people so that they choke on their turkey sandwiches.
Sort of like on 'I Dream Of Jeannie'!

― rainy, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

When the hell is the next book out?

Harry Potter and the Home Alone Director -- the story of a nice young English boy and the Spielberg clone.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In Nicholson Baker's novel The Fermata, the protagonist has the ability to do exactly what you described. So what does he do? He stops time and undresses his coworkers and masturbates. It's a must read. Uproarious.

― R.S., Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

would you experience ill-effects if you teleported from a tropical to an arctic location, or from somewhere where it was day to somewhere it was night? Our bodies don't seem to cope with air travel across timezones, so wouldn't teleportation be a darn sight worse?

― MarkH, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I wonder what Shaggy would do with the power to teleport?

― Tim, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Di who was that man? I want his number. I could market him as a side show attraction

― Menelaus Darcy, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Menelaus, don't go and meet him. Make him come to you.

― Nancy Drew, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

OK, I will use my twin bibles, the RULES, and the secrets of fascinating womanhood and I will get him to come to momma. I just wanted his phone number so I could call him and he could teleport in...

― Menelaus Darcy, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Tell him it's just a 'hop, skip and a jump' to your house. That should reassure him, since he's obviously a crap teleporter.

― Nancy Drew, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well it wont be hard to catch him and put him in cage anyway. He's hardly going to run away...

― Menelaus Darcy, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Following on from the Schroedinger's Cat conversation, teleportation is indeed possible.

― Mark C, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Richard

"I don't know how to set links to things so that they actually link to them."

View the source

― David, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

no, menelaus, you don't want that guys number for several reasons, which i will outline to you in private.

― di, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

I liked di's story on this thread.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 02:45 (twenty-two years ago)

seven months pass...

Teleportation is not something to be captured, attained, studied, or even proven.

Rather it is to be lived, known, and understood. Who knows it? Who can live within it's guidelines? Who is it that is simple enough to understand?

Only they who when reading this, saw a glimpse of the peace required to train the mind, to relax the body, that when the soul is enlightened, self is left in place while you are gone to where you belong.

Teleportation is not about desire, nor is it about thought, rather it is confined to an understanding of the Greater Will. Find the Greater Will and out of efficiency for His cause He will send you where you belong in the moment of the designated time.

One might say I am limiting teleportation to the confines of a single Will. This is far from correct as, one whom has found the Greater Will and submitted to it will never have a desire go unfulfilled, as he who has found and retained this Truth will find that in submission of self...

Desire, attitude, matter, prescence, and life were replaced with something Greater, once having seen you desire the fulfillment of the Greater thus are...

― still, Wednesday, 17 September 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

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