This is a thread for sick non pc, possibly offensive jokes

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I'll kick off with a Michael Jackson 'howler';

What's the difference between Arthur Scargill and Michael Jackson?

Arthur Scargill hasn't seen a minors helmet for twenty years.

Boom boom.

― Rumpsy Pumpsy (Rumpie), Friday, 25 March 2005 07:45 (twenty years ago)

what is michael jackson's favourite chord?

a minor omg wtf!!!!!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 25 March 2005 08:28 (twenty years ago)

Jeremy Beadle has a small willy.

But on the other hand it's quite big.

― Rumpsy Pumpsy (Rumpie), Friday, 25 March 2005 11:07 (twenty years ago)

Terrible ones I've heard at school...

Did you hear about the lady down the street with all the cats? She kills them and uses their skin to make coats! She's got names for them, too...Pocket, Sleeve, Collar...

What's the difference between a sorority girl and bowling ball?
You can't fit a sorority girl in a bowling ball...

What's the best thing about five-year-old girls?
Cut their hair and they look like a five-year-old boy.

What's the best thing about sex with six-year-olds?
Hearing the pelvis crack.

"Did you hear about the new Hitler? He said he's going to kill a million Jews and one clown."
"Why?"
"See! Everyone always asks about the clown! Nobody cares about the Jews!"

― What we want? Sex with T.V. stars! What you want? Ian Riese-Moraine! (Eastern Ma, Friday, 25 March 2005 14:32 (twenty years ago)

What's an old woman got in common with a pork pie?

First you bite through the crust, then the jelly, then finally you get to the meat.

― Webb Friendly (Webb Friendly), Friday, 25 March 2005 14:37 (twenty years ago)

This one is better told than typed: (with a disgusting leer) What's 20 inches long, has a swollen purple head and makes the ladies scream? (drop the leer) Crib death!

What's the best thing about sex with twenty-seven year olds? There's twenty of 'em!

How do you starve a Mexican to death? Hide his food stamps under his work boots!

― Austin s (Austin, Still), Friday, 25 March 2005 14:42 (twenty years ago)

what's the difference between 100 dead babies and a corvette?

i don't have a corvette in my garage.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Friday, 25 March 2005 23:30 (twenty years ago)

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already done told her twice.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:33 (twenty years ago)

What do you do if the dishwasher stops working?

Slap the bitch!

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:33 (twenty years ago)

Why do chicks have two holes so close together?
So you can carry 'em like a six pack.

― Craig Gilchrist (Craig Gilchrist), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:35 (twenty years ago)

What's the difference between Paula Radcliffe and Hitler?
At least Hitler tried to finish a race.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:36 (twenty years ago)

What's the definition of Jewish foreplay?
A trip to the jewellers followed by two hours of begging.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:37 (twenty years ago)

What's worse than letting Michael Jackson put your kids to bed?
Letting Ian Huntley bathe them first.

― Craig Gilchrist (Craig Gilchrist), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:38 (twenty years ago)

Stolen from a newspaper I read recently:

What's blue and fucks grannies?
Me in my lucky blue coat.

― Craig Gilchrist (Craig Gilchrist), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:40 (twenty years ago)

What's the difference between a sorority girl and bowling ball?
You can't fit a sorority girl in a bowling ball...

I always heard this as...

Wha'ts the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.

This, I am not proud of.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:45 (twenty years ago)

how is [person you hate] like a tampon?

they're both stuck up cunts.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:58 (twenty years ago)

what's the first thing that goes through a baby's mind when you rape it?

your dick!

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 26 March 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

what do george michael and wellington boots have in common?

they both get sucked off in bogs.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:00 (twenty years ago)

wrong thread

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:01 (twenty years ago)

How can you tell a polack invented the lower half of a woman's body?

Who else would put the shithole so close to the snackbar?

― @@r0n h. z@nd3r$ (AaronHz), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:03 (twenty years ago)

How did the IT department know something was wrong in the World Trade Centre?
Windows crashed.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:08 (twenty years ago)

What have being in the Mafia and cunnilingus got in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:09 (twenty years ago)

What do you call a bunch of rich rednecks?

Ritz crackers.

― Stupornaut (natepatrin), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:14 (twenty years ago)

remember the one about Sally Ride the kids at school told you?:

How did they know which shampoo that female astronaut from the Challenger [we didn't know her by name] used? They found her head and shoulders on the beach.

― ()ops (()()ps), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:19 (twenty years ago)

Two necrophiliacs. #1: What happened to that girl you were seeing?
#2: The rotten cunt split on me.

I'M SORRY.

― twist tie, Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:26 (twenty years ago)

what do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
an erection.

what color were krista mccauliffsfdfd's eyes? blue. one blew this way, and one blew that way.

― Ian John50n (orion), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:42 (twenty years ago)

(wait, krista was the teacher who went to space, huh? STILL don't know her by name)

― ()ops (()()ps), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

why couldn't helen keller drive?
because she was a woman.

― Maria (Maria), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:55 (twenty years ago)

why does mike tyson cry when he's having sex?

mace.

― Shmool McShmool (shmuel), Saturday, 26 March 2005 01:57 (twenty years ago)

What sound does Helen Keller make when she climaxes?

You know, there's an actual punchline to it ("She doesn't. She moans in sign language."), but personally I think the question itself is the (superior) punchline.

― What we want? Sex with T.V. stars! What you want? Ian Riese-Moraine! (Eastern Ma, Saturday, 26 March 2005 02:27 (twenty years ago)

there's a zen koan that's new to me.

― ()ops (()()ps), Saturday, 26 March 2005 02:40 (twenty years ago)

What do a sneeze and a virgin have in common?
Gezundheit

When Helen Keller was a little girl, how did her parents punish her?
by rearranging the furniture

NEXT!

― jim wentworth (wench), Saturday, 26 March 2005 02:51 (twenty years ago)

q. what's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?

a. you can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork

― a banana (alanbanana), Saturday, 26 March 2005 02:56 (twenty years ago)

Q: What have Gareth Gates and Harold Shipman got in common?
A: Neither of them can finish a sentence.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 26 March 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

How can you fit 7 astronauts into a Volkswagon Beetle?
In the ashtray.

What's the difference between Marianne Faithful and a Kit-Kat?
You only get four fingers in a Kit-Kat.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Saturday, 26 March 2005 03:08 (twenty years ago)

How do you make a 5-year old cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock on her teddy bear.

*goes to hell*

― Simon H. (Simon H.), Saturday, 26 March 2005 05:26 (twenty years ago)

How do you stop a prostitute from drowning?

Take your foot off her head.

― Simon H. (Simon H.), Saturday, 26 March 2005 05:27 (twenty years ago)

When Helen Keller was a little girl, how did her parents punish her?

Make her read the waffle iron.

What were astronaut Krista Mcauliffe's last words to her husband. You feed the dog, I'll feed the fishes.

― nickn (nickn), Saturday, 26 March 2005 05:31 (twenty years ago)

What's better than sex with a ten-year-old girl?
Sex with a seven year-old-boy.
What's better than sex with a seven-year-old boy?
Sex with a five-year-old girl.
What's better than sex with a five-year-old girl?
Nothing!

*proceeds to seventh circle*

― Simon H. (Simon H.), Saturday, 26 March 2005 05:33 (twenty years ago)

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can finish coming in its mouth

― DJ Mencap0))), Saturday, 26 March 2005 05:46 (twenty years ago)

I gotta good one about the Jonestown Massacre, but I won't type it out here: the punchline is too long.

― Austin S (Austin, Still), Saturday, 26 March 2005 05:52 (twenty years ago)

OMG

― Austin Swinburn (Austin, Still), Saturday, 26 March 2005 05:56 (twenty years ago)

How do you get a dead baby out of a blender?

Corn chips.

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Saturday, 26 March 2005 06:02 (twenty years ago)

i always heard that helen keller's parents punished her by stomping on her homework with golf shoes.

maybe they used different punishments, at different times.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 26 March 2005 07:55 (twenty years ago)

Q. what's black and white and can't get through a revolving door?

A. a nun with a spear through her back.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 26 March 2005 07:56 (twenty years ago)

y'know, i always wanted to start a thread comprised of nothing by helen keller jokes, but i just never found the time...

― kingfish van pickles (Kingfish), Saturday, 26 March 2005 07:57 (twenty years ago)

"What sound does Helen Keller make when she climaxes?"

The punchline to this should just be waving your hands around frantically.

― James.Cobo (jamescobo), Saturday, 26 March 2005 21:01 (twenty years ago)

composed of nothing but hellen keller jokes i think you mean

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 27 March 2005 00:53 (twenty years ago)

why couldn't helen keller drive?
because she was a woman.

But why can't she ride a bike?
Because she's dead.

― Fa Fa fa FA, Fa fa Fa fa FA Fa (poop), Monday, 28 March 2005 07:30 (twenty years ago)

The mike tyson joke make me chuckle.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 28 March 2005 07:44 (twenty years ago)

made.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Monday, 28 March 2005 07:44 (twenty years ago)

Q: What did the gay deaf mute midget get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Monday, 28 March 2005 08:16 (twenty years ago)

Did you hear about the gay midget who came out of the cupboard?

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Monday, 28 March 2005 08:17 (twenty years ago)

What do a sneeze and a virgin have in common?
Gezundheit

help! i don't get this! someone explain it to me...

― stevie (stevie), Monday, 28 March 2005 09:22 (twenty years ago)

http://durrrrr.blogspot.com/

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 28 March 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

ps don't read the comments though

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 28 March 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

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