This is hard. I hate to bore you all with more problems of my so called love life and I feel especially pathetic when I see other people here have far larger problems but basically, I'm a mess at the moment.
As you may know I have had a minor imfatuation with a girl from my class in Uni. We get on really well, she's amazing, I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with. I don't know if she feels the same but I know she feels something because we have now been together on a once off basis about 4 times. At first I thought I could handle her constantly telling me she was "not a relationship" person. She sensibly pointed out the potential horrors of starting a relationship with someone from the same class.
It seems like just when I'm trying to get used to the idea of us being friends, which is hard enough, we get together again but with the same conditions, no commitment, no follow up, back to being friends the next day. I know I'm being treated like shit, I feel like shit, I don't think she intends to do this to me when we get together, and I like her too much to tell her "we can't do this unless you're going to commit". Last night was absolutely fantastic, and then we left the club at different times and today it's all back to normal. I know she likes me, I am sure of it, and it's so frustrating.
The result of all this is that I am miserable, completely. I can't do work, I have loads of assignment deadlines that I'm missing and coupled with some family stuff at the moment I don't know what's happening me. I'm completely cranky and snarky to lots of people I like lately, and then to others I have to be my usual happy crazy self/ It's like these big rushes of happiness and then this shit comedown feeling for a week, then the process repeats. My friends have mixed advice, some of them say I should just give it up, and others say she's just scared of a relationship and if I keep on as I am it will happen.
I know this seems like complete rubbish to most of you, and like I say I feel so arrogant posting this in the midst of some peoples threads about real problems, but I just need advice or support or something.
― Ronan, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)
all problems are real, Ro, don't think yours aren't valid too. i'm
not too good at stuff like this i'm afraid, but i do think that if a
certain situation is suiting this girl, she may not see any reason to
change it (which would, of course, be to your detriment). i would,
howver, be very wary about trying to force her hand. she may go,
yeah, well, whatever. i'd be careful about things that approach being
an ultimatum, but a power balance has to be equal (i don't like the
terms power balance but you get what i mean)
if she knows for definite that you are keen for more, and she isn't
giving, then maybe you should cool off a bit, a) just for effect, and
then b) for real. (if necessary). if she doesn't know, maybe she
should know?
― gareth, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)
Ultimatums are bad, like Gareth says. But chasing in a
nice/impressive way might turn the situation more to your advantage.
― Tom, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)
Alternately, just keep things the way they are. Give up implies stopping with the on-off funtime.
― Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)
"Give up" implies perhaps witholding the on-off funtime, i.e. putting
the ball(s) back in her court. Cos currently the on-offness is
tearing Ronan apaaaaarrrrrt, the way he tells it. It's a "use it or
lose it" strategy without the ultimatum.
― Tom, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)