New Approaches To Everyday Things

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Next time someone sneezes say, "God damn you to hell!" instead of the more popular "bless you" or "gazundheit."

― Lemonade Salesman (Eleventy-Twelve), Friday, 1 April 2005 03:10 (twenty years ago)

how novel.

― Kim (Kim), Friday, 1 April 2005 03:37 (twenty years ago)

Pedestrians. Lighten the day of a passing driver by jumping out on front of their moving car and yelling "APRIL FOOL APRIL FOOL OMG APRIL FOOL"

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 1 April 2005 03:41 (twenty years ago)

Instead of putting your money in your wallet or your purse, just shove it right up in your ass. All up in it.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 1 April 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

And with all that empty space in your wallet, you have plenty of room for your heroin-filled condoms

― Stupornaut (natepatrin), Friday, 1 April 2005 03:50 (twenty years ago)

Next time you feel like being a smart ass, shut the hell up.

AND

When you have a good idea for a thread, post something like this instead.

― Lemonade Salesman (Eleventy-Twelve), Friday, 1 April 2005 04:07 (twenty years ago)

Shave entirely with upstrokes using Elmer's glue instead of shaving cream.

― Lemonade Salesman (Eleventy-Twelve), Friday, 1 April 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

instead of c'ing on t's, try c'ing on the cat.

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Friday, 1 April 2005 04:12 (twenty years ago)

This is turning rapidly into a Viz Top Tips column. Which is a good thing! I think.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 1 April 2005 04:13 (twenty years ago)

When life gives you lemons, make coffee.

― VegemiteGrrl (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 1 April 2005 06:00 (twenty years ago)

[Chorus]

Increase with the golden showers surprise there's nothing more than
A pretty woman wantin sexy men to piss in her eyes
Fuck you standard gentleman nigga, you fuck it up for the real guys
Big jeans don't matter, you gotta fuck in the bathroom with robes
Cum all between her ass cheeks
With the suits and ties, take a break for ginseng
Feed the dimepiece, give her some TV dinners
Share your French fries
Be honest in your underwear, never tell her lies
Cuz she's wet already, all freaks love to smell your scrotum
It's no surprise
Strawberry cakes, cover the panties with milkshakes

[Chorus]

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Friday, 1 April 2005 07:01 (twenty years ago)

Next time someone sneezes say, "God damn you to hell!" instead of the more popular "bless you" or "gazundheit."

I prefer and regularly use the Seinfeld method: "You're SOO good looking!"

― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Friday, 1 April 2005 07:35 (twenty years ago)

Think less. No wait - think more! No wait - think less! Oh, I don't know. . .

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Friday, 1 April 2005 07:46 (twenty years ago)

I prefer and regularly use the Seinfeld method: "You're SOO good looking!"

Yes, but you see, "damn you to hell" is the exact opposite of "bless you." Seinfeld's whole concept was... to say something somehow more useful?

― Lemonade Salesman (Eleventy-Twelve), Friday, 1 April 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

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