Who Will Be The Next Pope?

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Which Cardinals are likely to be in the running then? Will it be someone from pope John Paul II's inner circle?

And has anyone told Dubya he can't appoint the new pope?

― Rambo, Sunday, 3 April 2005 00:48 (twenty years ago)

Always wondered where each pope gets their name from. How is this decided? Obviously the next pope wont be John Paul III.

― Rambo, Sunday, 3 April 2005 00:49 (twenty years ago)

Dan Perry, and lock the thread/

― Remy Ulysses Fitzgerald (x Jeremy), Sunday, 3 April 2005 00:51 (twenty years ago)

A pope traditionally selects his own name.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 3 April 2005 00:51 (twenty years ago)

Pope Tony Scalia.

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Sunday, 3 April 2005 00:52 (twenty years ago)

Uri Geller.

Pope Uri.

At least he'll smell fragrant.

― Frogman Henry, Sunday, 3 April 2005 00:54 (twenty years ago)

There's a better chance than ever before for a Latin American or African pope - meaning it is still a very long shot, but not (as always before) entirely out of the question.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 3 April 2005 00:54 (twenty years ago)

Tony Danza

― Beth, Sunday, 3 April 2005 01:18 (twenty years ago)

bono

― keith m (keithmcl), Sunday, 3 April 2005 01:32 (twenty years ago)

And has anyone told Dubya he can't appoint the new pope?

Like he's ever listened before?

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 3 April 2005 01:58 (twenty years ago)

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2004/May-08-Sat-2004/photos/james.jpg

― Matt Chesnut (Matt Chesnut), Sunday, 3 April 2005 02:06 (twenty years ago)

http://www.ace-equals-god.com/images/7628.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 4 April 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

ORNALDO BLOOMPS!!!

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Monday, 4 April 2005 18:50 (twenty years ago)

http://www.setel.com/~ccprek/pics/popelol.jpg

― Zebra, Alpha Go! (cprek), Monday, 4 April 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

I typed "who will be the next pope" into google image search and then looked for the first pic of a person I recognize:

http://www.pitstopbooks.com/books-misc/andretti.jpg

― wetmink (wetmink), Monday, 4 April 2005 21:02 (twenty years ago)

Boris Johnson

― Franzipanmcphoner, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 12:03 (twenty years ago)

Gerry Adams

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

Has Martin O'Neill's name been linked with the job yet?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

No matter who they vote for, the Pope will always get in.

― A / F#m / Bm / D (Lynskey), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 12:08 (twenty years ago)

How the Pope is Chosen

Any poodle under ten inches high is a toy.
Almost always a toy is an imitation
of something grown-ups use.
Popes with unclipped hair are called corded popes.
If a Pope's hair is allowed to grow unchecked,
it becomes extremely long and twists
into long strands that look like ropes.
When it is shorter it is tightly curled.
Popes are very intelligent.
There are three different sizes.
The largest are called standard Popes.
The medium-sized ones are called miniature Popes.
I could go on like this, I could say:
"He is a squarely built Pope, neat,
well-proportioned, with an alert stance
and an expression of bright curiosity,"
but I won't. After a poodle dies
all the cardinals flock to the nearest 7-Eleven.
They drink Slurpies until one of them throws up
and then he's the new Pope.
He is then fully armed and rides through the wilderness alone,
day and night in all kinds of weather.
The new Pope chooses the name he will use as Pope,
like "Wild Bill" or "Buffalo Bill."
He wears red shoes with a cross embroidered on the front.
Most Popes are called "Babe" because
growing up to become a Pope is a lot of fun.
All the time their bodies are becoming bigger and stranger,
but sometimes things happen to make them unhappy.
They have to go to the bathroom by themselves,
and they spend almost all of their time sleeping.
Parents seem to be incapable of helping their little popes grow up.
Fathers tell them over and over again not to lean out of windows,
but the sky is full of them.
It looks as if they are just taking it easy,
but they are learning something else.
What, we don't know, because we are not like them.
We can't even dress like them.
We are like red bugs or mites compared to them.
We think we are having a good time cutting cartoons out of the paper,
but really we are eating crumbs out of their hands.
We are tiny germs that cannot be seen under microscopes.
When a Pope is ready to come into the world,
we try to sing a song, but the words do not fit the music too well.
Some of the full-bodied popes are a million times bigger than us.
They open their mouths at regular intervals.
They are continually grinding up pieces of the cross
and spitting them out. Black flies cling to their lips.
Once they are elected they are given a bowl of cream
and a puppy clip. Eyebrows are a protection
when the Pope must plunge through dense underbrush

in search of a sheep.

—James Tate

from his National Book Award-winning book, Worshipful Company of Fletchers

― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 13:52 (twenty years ago)

Is Martin Skidmore a Catholic? I could just see him with all the gear on and the wee hat 'n' that...

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 13:57 (twenty years ago)

Ian Paisley

― Masked Gazza, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

Rob Da Bank

― A / F#m / Bm / D (Lynskey), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

mike hanle y

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

Previous pope:

John Paul II

New pope

George Ringo I

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

third-longest serving pope = that joke is now QUITE old

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

http://www.phenomenologyonline.com/scholars/sartre.jpg

― A / F#m / Bm / D (Lynskey), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

http://www.chompy.net/blogs/jacob/images/belmondo.jpg

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:44 (twenty years ago)

Aimless WR

― Schwip Schwap (schwip schwap), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:45 (twenty years ago)

Paul Wolfowitz

― Cathy (Cathy), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:48 (twenty years ago)

There's a better chance than ever before for a Latin American or African pope - meaning it is still a very long shot, but not (as always before) entirely out of the question.

All kidding aside, I hope it's a very dark African from a poor country. It just may bring the Catholic Church a little closer to reality.

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:56 (twenty years ago)

They have somewhat larger (to them yes yes obv) goals in mind than dealing w/today's "reality", I think, Dave

― Schwip Schwap (schwip schwap), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

Except that an African pope increases the chances that the papacy will remain very conservative w/ regard to birth control and reproductive rights, which considering the reality of Africa right now, is one of the positions for which I will not forgive JPII.

xpost

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:59 (twenty years ago)

Didn't nostradamus predict that the last pope would be black? Not thast I believe any of that rubbish, obv.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 16:01 (twenty years ago)

Who's "They" ?..

I'm being a bit facetious, in the sense that I suggested that because it would send much of the church into a tizzy. On the other hand, having the perspective of a third-world country at the leadership may change the persepective about what's important.

And I don't see the church loosening up its stance on birth control or reproductive rights, no matter who they have as pope.

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 16:08 (twenty years ago)

seriously -- i think that they're gonna go all konstantin chernenko, and pick a "place-keeper," someone who will keep the place tidy and has some administrative know-how but doesn't rustle too many feathers. maybe this cardinal ratzinger dude -- a GERMAN pope?!?

the next one may be the "gorbachev" pope. or maybe not. i dunno what i'm talking about here!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

gorbachev pope = has mark of beast birthmark on head!!

(haha damien I)

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 18:08 (twenty years ago)

I wouldn't laugh too much about that, if I were you.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 18:18 (twenty years ago)

(Sorry to kill the buzz.)

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 18:18 (twenty years ago)

(But I didn't write the scriptures.)

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 18:18 (twenty years ago)

(If I had, there would been less Barrabbas and more Bathshebas.)

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

Didn't nostradamus predict that the last pope would be black? Not thast I believe any of that rubbish, obv.

According to the prophecies of St. Malachy, incidentally, the next pope will be the penultimate one, and his successor will see the destruction of Rome and the Second Coming.

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

Gee. Thanks, caitlin.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

Eisbar--Ratiznger is not, by anyones calcuation, a placekeeper--he may be the next pope, because he has been running the place for the last 15 years, but he is v. actively the opposite of safe and clean and no feather rustling.

― anthony, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 19:03 (twenty years ago)

Bring on the end times!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 19:03 (twenty years ago)

does the end trimes mean all the zealots get whisked of and we get the place to our selves.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 19:12 (twenty years ago)

Kirk Cameron will still be around, apparently.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 19:17 (twenty years ago)

Some Malachy-related End Times lunacy

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 19:19 (twenty years ago)

Kirk Cameron is the antichrist. If Dr. Gene Scott taught me correctly: JC + 1 = K(Ω)C = Mike Seaver

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 19:20 (twenty years ago)

Hilary Clinton

― Jack Ass (Jack Ass), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Pope Ditka I

http://cinemocracy.blogs.com/cinemocracy/ditka.jpeg

― wetmink (wetmink), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 22:52 (twenty years ago)

Argentine Jesuit Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio?

this would be COOL but won't happen, probably.

― kyle (akmonday), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 22:57 (twenty years ago)

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