Hooray! The New T.V. Guide Fall Preview Issue Is Out! Oh Wait, It's From 1978.

hmmm, daytime kidz programs look pretty good, a pint-sized 60 minutes called hilariously *30 Minutes*. Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha!!!! I think I'm gonna like ABC's magazine show better, it's called *Kids Are People Too*. (Okay, I can't pretend. The first season of Kids Are People Too, which took it's name from Wonderama's theme song -"wocka doo wocka doo wocka doo!"- was excruciating cuz Bob Mcallister was too old and out of it for a newfangled format. Plus, he wore a holster that contained small rubber balls in it. WTF? they canned his ass pretty quick. i still miss wonderama's disco bandit who would ride his fake pony into the studio holding the latest and coolest disco 45!) Let's see, Tarzan and the Super Seven (Including Web Woman!), The All-New Popeye Hour (Yawn), The Fabulous Funnies (Oh great, Broom Hilda. Thanks a lot!), Fangface (That's more like it), The Fantastic Four, The Godzilla Power Hour, Yogi's Space Race, and the Metric Marvels. Plus, Krofft Superstar Hour now has the Bay City Rollers as host!

The mini-series this season look good. Backstairs At The White House, Brave New World, Centennial, From Here To Eternity, Haywire, Roots:The Next Generation, Scruples. T.V. Movies look promising too. "Clone Masters", "Are You In The House Alone?", and "Devil Dog:The Hound From Hell" will all be on my "must watch" list.

As for new series, hoo boy, there is a lot to choose from:*In The Beginning* looks great! McLean Stevenson plays a priest and priscilla lopez plays a rebellious nun! Contoversial topics like gang warfare and sex education will be tackled. Hilarity ensues! *Apple Pie* also looks like a winner. Starring Rue McClanahan, Jack Gilford, and Dabney Coleman, it is a comedy about a DECIDELY unconventional family! *The American Girls* starring Priscilla Barnes is all about an intrepid -and sexy- t.v. magazine crew who uncover white slavery rings and the like in their bikinis. Can you say Emmy? *Battlestar Galactica* looks like another ho-hum Star Wars rip-off. Lorne Greene? Please spare me! *Mary* is more up my alley. America's first lady of television joins forces with Dick Shawn, Swoosie Kurtz, David Letterman, Michael Keaton, and Judy Kahn to entertain the nation with spoofs, skits and more! *The Eddie Capra Mysteries* starring Vincent Baggetta(?) looks hard-hitting. *Kaz* looks interesting as well. Ron Liebman stars as Martin Kazinski, a rumpled crime-fighter who...zzzzzz.....*WKRP In Cincinnati* looks like a definite flop. The adventures of a "wacky" radio station crew in Ohio? I don't think so. Also a dud, *Mork & Mindy* about a space alien and the woman who befriends him. Um, *My Favorite Martian* was on a long time ago, but I'm not sure we are ready YET for another silly alien show. More refreshing is *People* a news magazine put together by the ace staff of People magazine and which features in-depth profiles on such stars as Margaux Hemingway and Margaret Trudeau. Wow, there is so much to choose from. *Taxi* a show about disgruntled New York City cab-drivers, *The Paper Chase* a show based on the popular law-school drama, *Dick Clark's Live Wednesday* where you will see a guy jump off the top of a building into a wet rag!. *Lifeline* looks boring. It's a weekly one-hour "reality television" look into the lives of people who work in medical centers across the country. Reality? Ugh! Count me out. I'll be watching *Grandpa Goes To Washington* instead. Cranky grandpa, played by Jack Albertson, becomes a senator and is turned off by his daughter-in-law's cooking which consists entirely of kiwis, mangoes, and rutabagas! Yuccch! *Vegas* looks decent. It's all about a gay private eye played by Robert Urich. *W.E.B.* looks intriguing. An ahead of its time look at the dirty dealings that go on behind closed doors at major broadcasting companies. It will only be on for a week, so don't miss it. Things just get better though. Joe Namath plays a washed-up sports star (hah!) turned basketball coach in *The Waverly Wonders*. *Flying High* starring Connie Selleca is all about swinging stewardesses. Marcy played by Pat Lous is a sketch. Here's a sample: "Lahk Mah daddy always says, you cain't teach a mule to lay aigs, but you can always make a pig squeal by twisting his tail." *Who's Watching The Kids* is my sure bet for the season. It stars Scott Baio and has something to do with baby-sitting and showgirls, but i'm not sure what. *Sword Of Justice* starring Dack Rambo also looks to have the goods. Dack, imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit...okay, maybe not, but I'd watch it right now in a heartbeat! Also check your local listings for the Hee Haw Honeys.