Funnies (i.e. Jokes or True Stories) where the punchline is an ILXor...

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One time, we picked up Alice from nursery, she was holding her hand and saying that a little while before, Sam had driven over her hand while riding his bike.

"What was your hand doing on the floor?" asked Dawn.

"Hurting" answered Alice.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 07:59 (twenty years ago)

"......so anyway the upshot was I was covered with semen!"

― Frogman Henry, Tuesday, 12 April 2005 08:05 (twenty years ago)

what did john cena say before he started a fight with a particular ilxor?

"you, ken c, me!"

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 12 April 2005 09:38 (twenty years ago)

come on!

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 08:24 (twenty years ago)

Just remember, you begged for it.

Bob: "Who is your favorite inventor?"
James Cagney: "The guy who invented 2000 Flushes, see."
Bob: "What's his name?"
James Cagney: "Al Eisen, see." (Kinda sounds like Alex in NYC)

Is this the kind of lame-ass joke you want?

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 11:40 (twenty years ago)

what do fingerprints and an ilxor have in common?

They both trace a hand.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 11:46 (twenty years ago)

wow!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 11:48 (twenty years ago)

Q: What do you call that stuff that gets on your bathtub tiles?

A: (mark) grout.

― Amon (eman), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 11:58 (twenty years ago)

Jane: "Steve!"
Steve: "what?"
Jane: "Steve!"
Steve: "what?"
Jane: "Steve!"
Steve: "what?"
Jane: "Steve!"
Steve: "what?"
Jane: "Steve!"
Steve: "Stop that!"
Jane: "Steve!"
Steve: "if you say my name one more time, I'm going to punch you in the mouth"
Jane: "Ste"

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

Chap walks into the Post Office on Saturday morning. Doesn't see the line of people behind him and heads straight for the counter before someone taps him on the shoulder.

"Dave, queue," he quipped.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:08 (twenty years ago)

Right, so there's this girl called Lynne who wants to sell a car. Her friend called Mar says oh hang on the phone's ringing...

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

Two Amish are trying to transport a heavy-ish object from a field to their home.

One thinks they should both push it up the hill.

The other disagrees.

He says 'Nay! Drag it!'

― scotstvo (scotstvo), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:14 (twenty years ago)

hey, i nearly posted saying "i want to be a joke". then the irony hit me. someone help me up.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:27 (twenty years ago)

Chris was at the grocery store when Joe called him on his cell phone.

"Are you shopping?" said Joe.

"Yeah."

"Let me guess what you just bought," said Joe. "Is it either a) paper towels, b) ice cream, c) carpet cleaner, or d) waffles?"

With a box of Eggos in his hand, Chris said, "Well, Joe, D, but frozen."

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

The Rock once had a pet emu, and The Rock really liked to feed the emu pies. The Rock's friends John and Paul went to visit The Rock, John saw what The Rock's been feeding his emu, and asked, "gosh, are you sure your emu like pies?"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER EMU LIKES PIES", said the Rock.

John thought "hey maybe i should feed my pet eel some pies too!"

Paul wasn't convinced. Three months later, Paul told the story about John and The Rock's pets to a friend.. and his friend asked "so what happened to those pets?" Paul replied

"Well, I don't know about John's darn eel, but sure enough The Rock's emu's sick!!!"

i thank you all.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)

What do you call a man with a bag of soil on his head.

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

Pete.

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:48 (twenty years ago)

I said that.

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

Repeat.

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 13:03 (twenty years ago)

There's the Cheech and Chong routine with the "Dave's not here" gag, if that's allowable.

― Ken L (Ken L), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 13:07 (twenty years ago)

oh just laugh at it for pete's sake.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

~~There's the Cheech and Chong routine with the "Dave's not here" gag, if that's allowable.~~
Dave's not here, man.

― Ken L (Ken L), Wednesday, 13 April 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

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