Am I Just Unemployable? (Sacked. Again. Part Three.)

The head of the department called me into his office. I was in a complete state of flap, said I wanted to resign, then tried to pull back and say that actually I didn't think that Alpha Female was an effective manager for me, could I report to someone else. He took it as an ultimatum and sent me home.

The irony being, that in the mean time, I did some very deep thinking, decided to act like a grown up, confront this head on and not let it spoil a good job, and rang Alpha Female and asked to meet her for drinks and try and talk it out and resolve it so it didn't happen again. She agreed, was perfectly willing to work on things, and I said I would resume work the next morning.

I get home to find a couriered letter waiting for me, telling me to turn up the next morning for a meeting with HR to "discuss the potential termination of my contract." I rang Department Head and asked him, "Is this is disciplinary hearing where we are going to talk this out, or have you already decided to sack me, and this is just a formality?"

He said "we're not technically sacking you, you're still in your probationary period so we're terminating the contract." I told him I wasn't buying a travelcard and hauling myself out to Hammersmith for that, he could sack me by post and hung up.

The worst thing was, if he'd just been freaking honest about it, and said that he was sacking me for my attitude, for my moodswings, for anger management issues, I'd have been "yeah, OK, fine". But he started casting aspertions on my *work* because I don't like to use the phone, I prefer to contact clients by email (firstly because I know I have a terrible phone manner, and secondly, so I have written documentation of everything that has happened.) I told him "you know, frankly, I'm not exactly happy with this role - I feel like I was missold. That I was hired as a database designer who happened to have some marketing experience, and they had me working essentially as an account manager who occasionally mucked about with a database.

I really don't understand how things have spiralled out of control so quickly. I thought I was doing well at this job.

I'm also quite scared to have had such an uncontrollable rage attack. It almost seems like, although they've done a lot to help my *depression*, if anything the medication has actually made my moodswings and unpredictable behaviour worse. This was a surprise to me. I've got an emergency appointment scheduled with my Dr. tomorrow but right now I'm completely freaked out.

There have been places where I've never had a problem. The last ad agency, we swore at each other all the time, went off and had a pint, and were fine the next day. At the NHS and the Nutricionist, I felt respected and appreciated enough that I never *had* rumbles with anyone.

Does this mean I just shouldn't work in the private sector? Or should just work part time/contract? I'm just at a total loss to understand my own behaviour.

there's something to be said for getting a job in the public sector-- really seems they hate to fire people. i don't know, i've shouted at people at my job and it turned out ok.

i wonder if the timing was just weird in this situation. i mean, if you'd spoken to the alpha female directly and sorted things out, maybe HR/department head didn't know that? i guess it's too late now, but yeah, i probably would have explained that you'd sorted it yourselves and see if that improved the situation.

in any case, good luck finding something you like!

Here are the symptoms 5-HTP basically cured for me: inability to focus, which led to frustration, anger and depression, not to mention social problems in general. I also stopped feeling the need to drink my troubles away during the week. At this point, I basically only drink around the holidays (and I've noticed I don't like alcohol because it fucks my head up and makes me moody).

5-HTP must be "all natural" because I buy it online with no perscription. It takes about a month to kick in. I have no idea about coming off other meds, though. I bet your doctor will not recommend it. From what I hear, they don't like 5-HTP because you don't need a prescription and can bypass them completely.

While it is mild, I recently stopped taking 5-HTP and noticed that my mind felt like shit after about a month. I finally put 2 and 2 together and now I feel good again just a few days back on the stuff. (That worries me, but fuck it, as long as I don't wake up and feel like killing myself, right?)

The timing was really shit. I should have spoken to AF before DH, but he collared me as I came back from taking five on the riverbank to calm down after the blowup. By the time I had spoken to AF, DH had contacted HR and agreed on termination.

I asked to speak to HR privately and confidentially after the conference call where I was sacked (yeah, tacky). And asked her to please state the reason for dismissal was my conduct, and unpredictable behaviour/moodswings, rather than the quality of my work (which is bullshit and they know it). Because that way I can at least take the termination letter to my doctor and say "look, this shit is fucking up my life, it is seriously affecting my ability to hold a job, sort out my medication, refer me to a psychiatrist, or get me some kind of anger management counselling or something."

It's not the demandingness of the job - that's never been a problem. It's *always* been personality conflicts.

I think the public sector would be a more understanding and more socially valuable use for your many skills and what's more, attitudes to mental heath issues have to be absolutely by-the-book or else it's hello constructive dismissal tribunal.

Although I do have a few questions:

... I really had high hopes for this job, and was really pleased with it, ...

...frankly, I'm not exactly happy with this role - I feel like I was missold...

Is there a good reason for this contradiction?

I'd like to think it was because she genuinely cared, but I think it's more likely she fears a handicapped discrimination lawsuit.

She asked "why didn't you tell DH this? I'm sure he would have been more understanding of your behaviour yesterday"

I told her "I specifically didn't tell him because if I had, I wouldn't have been hired, because people avoid the mentally ill for precisely that reason." Also, I did not want to play it like some kind of sympathy card or "get out of work free" card. The LAST thing I want is pity, or special treatment.

all the best!

So if the HR lady was sypathetic, what is she going to do about it?!!

This definitely does not mean you're unsuited to the private sector or to full time work or anything like that. Everyone has mini-fights with colleagues now and then, especially at my office. It's tough not to take this personally but they didn't necessarily fire you cos they didn't like you even if they make noises about personality clashes. People can not get on and still work in the same office.

Good luck looking for the next one (and at the doctor too).

Try not to deconstruct/decipher the events leading up to the firing, it smells like a set-up from the start. Something similar once happened to me, a decision to sack was made months in advance and my supervisor just bided his time until my usefulness was depleted and he got the go-ahead. When it happened the reasons given were similarly absurd micro-managing stuff like "you yelled at a temp."

I'm afraid, too, that raising your voice is a sackable offence in many offices so you do have to watch it.

Is there a good reason for this contradiction?

Not actually a contradiction. Changing attitudes to a job as it develops. I had high happy hopes for the job when I started it. After being told at a disciplinary meeting "we're unhappy with your work because you never use the phone, and you email the clients rather than calling them when there are problems" I felt the need to say "I was not HIRED as a client handler and I was specific to my agency that I didn't do phone work."

multi x-post now

In fact even though you sound fairly justified in your own outburst you just have to accept that you're just not allowed to say these things in business.

that's 100% otm. it's unfair, it sucks, it's often based on discriminatory policy or office double-standards, but one of the most important things in a job unfortunately is holding your tongue. especially with superiors.

But anyway. As soon as I had calmed down enough to speak without crying my eyes out (I hate that - when I get angry, I cry, which people see as some kind of ploy - it's an uncontrollable physical reaction) I tried to talk to the head of the department and say "there is a personality problem, can we do something to get around it, like change my chain of command?" and then again, after he said "no, I'm not changing your management, the ball's in your court" that's exactly what I did - went and tried to resolve it.

I *know* from experience that I'm not the easiest person to get along with. That's why I've spent years contracting, working part time, using email or alternate supervisors as a buffer.

But...you know, I've been working there for 6 weeks. I don't know her. I don't *get* cruel senses of humour. The observation that *I've* developed of her is that she is a bit of a princess and she bullies her way into getting things done. So we can say "oh, it's a misunderstanding" when she explained "oh no, I wasn't hassling you, I was actually trying to help you" but I do think there is a fundamental difference of style there.

My boss told my coworkers that I am dating a clueless Franz Ferdinand / Killers fangirl!

There is of course the possibility that from the company's POV, since you are still on probation, it's much the easiest thing to get rid of you rather than try to solve any problems.

It's true about the public sector, btw, it's damn near impossible to get fired!

Some people ARE "unemployable," in a very modern sense. It's not a bad thing, it just means they have to work extra hard to find a steady job that's a good fit.

As for the sacking situation:
Any manager worth their salt can appreciate when someone is making an effort and to continually pester someone about a task you know is already in hand is simply bad management.

That said, you say it has happened before and may be connected to your medication and/or depression. Without actually witnessing the shouting match it's difficult to say how (dis)proportionate your reaction was to the situation.

What I'm trying to say is that just because you have had "rage attacks" in the past doesn't mean this one wasn't justified. 'exploded into a shouting match' sounds to me like you weren't the only one to lose control. You attempted to deal with the situation head on afterwards and your management look to have handled it with less maturity than you did.

As you said, the job was missold to you anyway, so maybe it was for the best to get out now before the strain of doing something you were uncomfortable with became unbearable.

often, i think the problems can occur if you are invested in the kind of work you do (which is what you get if you have an interesting job!). i have no investment in mine, i like to keep a low profile, and i never show any emotion here, but thats easy for me to do...because i dont care what happens here (flipside is, i dont really get anything out of work other than cash)

suXoR tho

I was asked at the interview when I was hired, what motivates me - I responded 1) praise - I like to be told I'm doing a good job (they never did) 2) sense of satisfaction, that I think I'm doing something worthwhile. I just couldn't get my care on for discount long distance phone companies and insurance.

Jody, what you say is useful, and I think I should be more honest in the future about what I will/won't do up front. I thought I *was* being very plain about it.

Or, if I am muttering and growling, and saying "I'm working on it, can you wait a moment!" then they might figure out I'm peturbed about something.

(Though I suppose I growl so much at the computer anyway it might be hard to tell.)

Perhaps she might have told me that, rather than just assuming that her nattering randomly to the top of my monitor while I tried to work meant we were having a conversation, rather than her pestering me.

This sucks big time.

I know what my "problem areas" are and I know that I do excellent work when I'm allowed to sit there and focus on the actual thing that I was hired to do instead of doing bullshit multitasking.

Oh, how I relate to this. I'm terrible at anything even remotely administrative. I can organize my own work, but I could give a shit about organizing anyone else's. And I don't like to deal with people. I'm bad at sales, bad at customer service, bad at walking down a crowded street some days. And I have a problem with authority. And I don't take direction well. I'm a pretty bad employee from a conventional corporate standpoint, truth be told. What I do really well is sit quietly in front of a computer all day, undisturbed, and complete tasks that no one else in the office understands how to complete. Someday my job will consist exclusively of that. God willing.

unless of course you work in an industry that's been downsizing a ton lately. in which case, this sucks.

Anyway, Access is easy, Kingfish. Piece of cake.

and now the oregon unemployment folks are telling me that i can't get benefits until i straigten shit out with the michigan unemployment folks that i had to talk to last year. oh such fun.

ouch. (and thank you sir, may i have another?)

The things I've gotten yelled at are the little things, getting to work 5 mintues late the one day the boss comes in on time, leaving the coffee can out on the sink, not writing down the phone number of a friend who calls (who calls every day and is a best friend). . . . Which is hard, because if I got yelled out for forgetting to do something important, I could understand, but getting yelled out for little things just causes me to lose all respect for the yellee.

also, the temp lady called today with another loan processor gig at another local lender. i wonder if it'd be best if i should take what i can get immediately just to eat, or hold out til i get a full underwriter gig again which would more than cover all my financial problems for the time being.

two tomorrow, one on thursday. plus two "teaching auditions" for the two main college test prep places. here goes nuthin'.

plus, i've made a big spreadsheet on excel/open office to track who i talk to, for what positiong, when, and when to call back.

so far, i'm still in the easy part. the guy i interviewed with last night wants me to start tomorrow, but i'm holding off since i also have an interview for a full-on underwriter gig tomorrow as well.

Hahaha, I'd totally stay if that was the case! =)

best of luck though with seeking re-employment/meeting the friendly advisors down the local job centre (if thats where youre headed, i mean)....!

*groan*

of course, i have difficulty following my own advice, but it's there for what its worth.

i need to find an engineering job again, but i am probably short-changing myself for what i can do. i know i'll get one eventually, but it's all in the details on how to get there.

plus, i still have problems calling people cold to follow-up about my own resumes. i.e. am i worth putting myself forward?

i've worked at mega-huge mortgage joints, and also little 5-10 person offices. one place was effectively a cattle call for 2000 people in a cube sea, and the tiny places my bosses were either bass players for local bands, or were quoted as saying "If i gotta be here for 10 hours, then i'm coming in wearing shorts." Which effectively ended any sort of dress code.

the environment can be pretty key to a lot of things, and can make the work you're doing go down a lot smoother.

for the first time in 4 years, i have a tech job again.