How to deal with a friend who always drinks too much?

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I never want to answer the phone after 7 pm when she calls cuz she's usually smashed by then and when she's smashed she's boring and annoying. It makes me feel like a bad friend to avoid her calls.

I see that the long-term alcohol overuse has dulled her.

She's an old friend who I love dearly and who is brilliant when sober.

I've confronted her about drinking before but it didn't seem to help things.

When she comes over, I'm always scared things are going to end badly. Sometimes she gets so drunk she just cries; sometimes she gets mean to my friends or family; sometimes she gets reckless.

I don't want to write her out, but so often I end up feeling really yucky after encounters with her.

― logged out cuz she lurks here, Sunday, 17 April 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

Um - you might want to find a mod and ask them to anonymise you a bit more.

― caitlin (caitlin), Sunday, 17 April 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

I had a friend who drank a lot and could get like that (aside from crying). I used to tell him regularly he needed to slow down but I don't know what effect that had. He came to realize, after him and I got into a fight (while he was drunk), that he was loosing his friends and fucking up his life and he curbed things after that. But it took a fist fight to do it! I would not recommend this mind you, but something extreme might have to happen before your friend smartens up.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Sunday, 17 April 2005 16:03 (twenty years ago)

I second what caitlin said about alerting a moderator, but in a way, maybe her accidentally reading this thread wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Sunday, 17 April 2005 16:05 (twenty years ago)

I've anonymised the first post now.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 17 April 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)

First thing to realize, you have absolutely no way to change that friend's drinking habits. All you can do is give her information. The chances that she doesn't know that drinking can be a problem are just about zero. The chances you can convince her she has a drinking problem are quite small.

What she can't know without your telling her is what you think, how you feel and what you intend to do. After she has that information, she can do whatever she wants with it. It might shock her into doing something about her drinking. It might not. You can never tell.

Recognizing her for who she is is not 'writing her off'. Knowing your own feelings and fears is not 'writing her off'. Do what you have to do. The rest is up to her.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 17 April 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to let her know that she went too far and made several people angry.

― logged out now thanks for anonymising me, Sunday, 17 April 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

But that's what makes drinking so great!

― Mal Adapted (noodle vague), Sunday, 17 April 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

if she reaches blackout zero memory levels-video her and mail the tape in a plain brown envelope

― kephm, Monday, 18 April 2005 00:02 (twenty years ago)

Even if she doesn't black out that's not a half bad idea. Cold and mean, for sure, but probably effective.

― happy fun ball (kenan), Monday, 18 April 2005 00:51 (twenty years ago)

www.al-anon.alateen.org

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 18 April 2005 00:56 (twenty years ago)

oh it works for a start. also: rub vomit in her hair and throw away her favorite clothes and blame it in her pissing herself. does she have a cat? steal it and keep it at your house and play like she left the back door open. trash her record collection. "oh you don't remember' figure out how to get to her. material goods can be bought again.

therapy, sponsors and pot also work wonders. it's really up to her. all you can do is shove her down the hill a little quicker really

― kephm, Monday, 18 April 2005 01:01 (twenty years ago)

if you want to continue a friendship with this person, then al-anon is a good suggestion.

― sugarpants: bea arthur's secret lover (sugarpants), Monday, 18 April 2005 02:17 (twenty years ago)

rub vomit in her hair and throw away her favorite clothes and...

That's too much. But I would probably be HORRIFIED to watch a tape of myself when I was really drunk.

― happy fun ball (kenan), Monday, 18 April 2005 02:28 (twenty years ago)

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