A Question for the mothers of ILE

I hate it when you do this. All the time, speaking for me. Makes me _so_ mad.

Thread hijack.

it's still not for everyone, though.

I don't miss being alone, though.

Once you have a child, that child is a part of you forever. No matter what. You may be 70 and they may be 50, but they'll still be a part of you. I'm not sure you can ever be entirely apart from them.

Alone, yes, eventually and sadly. Apart - completely separated - no. Not unless there were... ::duh dunh dunh:: ... Issues.

How very true. The "not having a minute to yourself" bit does get easier with time, but even though both my girls are now school age, they're in my thoughts all the time. Their health, well-being, safety, happiness and education are my uppermost priorities. Motherhood was something which I chose, and my children are the centre of my world - they're an absolute joy, not an irritation which prevents me doing anything else. I'm not resentful of the time I invest in them - quite the contrary in fact.

Occasionally The Bloke and I will manage to talk the grandparents or godparents into looking after the kids so that we can have a weekend alone, just the two of us, where we can remember what it's like to be carefree grown-ups unencumbered by parenthood. At last! The house to ourselves! And we invariably look forlornly around the place because it seems so empty without our children, and promptly spend the entire evening talking about them over dinner.

Wouldn't change a thing :))

Moms I'd Like to do Everything with

Now I do feel like I'm being selfish when I take time for myself, because I only see Rufus about 3 hours a day when I'm not working. With another baby on the way soon (1 more month!) and my memory of how my siblings and I competed for my mom's attention, I'm sure the tug will only be stronger.

But I also find that often the thing I'd most like to do anyway is spend time with my kid. It used to feel like harder work to hang with him, when he was more likely to choke on something or get hurt the moment you turn your back. Now it's getting more and more fun to just be with him.

Soon we'll be back in the hard work phase. You can't take your eyes off a little baby or let them out of your sight; I have no idea how people still pay attention to their other child while doing that.

Sometimes it feels frightening to think of another couple of years of constant vigilance before getting to an age when the kids will be less demanding. On the other hand, the past 2 years with Rufus now feel like they've flown by.

People always say "cherish this time; it will be over before you know it!" I have thought I can't wait for this time to be over so I can go to movies again and have time to myself, but I think I know what they mean.

Having a kid and giving up your freedom to be individualistic or reckless or broke or drunk or aimless or lazy or all the other things you can do when you're just looking out for number 1 is worth it.

And this is why the death of one's child is pretty much the most agonizing thing one can live through, as such a substantial part of you is just GONE. It rips every tendril of your soul apart from your devastated mind, throwing large shadows of haunting emptiness over the rest of your life - whatever you may do, wherever you may go. A part of you is missing

i got very emotional just reading this thread

Thx for saying hi.

Let no one fear children for the freedom one may lose; rather fear the unwanted freedom you may encounter if your child is ever forcibly lost for good. nothing can replace the unconditonal love of a child, and nothing can fill the void if it's ever taken away

people just generally start sucking after age 11. enjoy them in alltheir madness beforehand

What if I do have kids and all I want is to be alone? Surely it's better to not have kids than gamble with their happiness. Is it worse to be a child with an unhappy mother or to not exist?

DING DING DING.

Not all the time with me, of course, but as time passes I'm quite amazed and moved at how my mom, who similarly has a need and joy in time for herself, put up with having me and my sister.

the thing that's hardest to deal with is the lack of sleep and the effects of exhaustion; the lack of solitude is certainly significant, but it becomes more pronounced when you are tired. And you're tired a lot. Years on end. As I like to say, many of the world's problems would probably disappear if everyone could get 9 hours of solid sleep every night.

I might add that children create a competing problem between solitude and spouse. By the time you get around to remembering that you even have a spouse, you're too tired to give a shit half of the time. Your kids draw you together and yet they will always remain between the two of you. And there are times when this relationship is very straining.

There's a lot more time in the world than most people think, if you refuse to give work more than it deserves, turn off the TV and cut way back on movies and any not particularly rewarding time-killing habits.

Maybe it would have been nice to be a full-time mom, but I don't think so. I think, for me, the balance between in-home and out-of-home was essential. So in that sense, you do spend time away from your child. Out of sight. Never out of mind, though. If you ever doubt it, just see how fast you leave work without a damn what *anybody* says when you get a call that your child has a 104-degree temperature and can't be roused.

Work suddenly doesn't matter. You know in your heart what matters. That's what being a parent is about. Anybody can do it.

Of course, I went crazy, but I'm pretty sure that was unrelated. :D