the ned suggested oral sex thread

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because i am a pervert.

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

*rolls eyes* Here we go. Okay! Classic or Dud! Search and Destroy! Taking Sides! Bring it all on! Leave your shame at the door.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

i hate when my man uses his teeth .

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

up to the top because i want answers .

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I won't receive oral sex from a man, because they usually have no fucking clue what they are doing. It is not a chew toy, back the fuck off. The only good oral sex I've ever really got in my life was from a girl. She was far more... reverent.

Then again, I just don't like oral sex, so I'm not the best judge.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Have you heard the Leonard Cohen Song Light as a Breeze.
It contains the lines
: It don't matter how you worship as long as your down on your knees
So i knelt there at the delta , the alpha and omega, at the cradle of the river and the seas
. Like a blessing come from heaven, like something for a second i was healed and my heart was at ease.

Thats how oral sex should be .

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

oral sex is classic. giving and recieving. i dont really understand girls that dont like to go down on guys, i think its marvelous.

― amy, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I've been told repeatedly that I'm good at oral sex, to the point that it's the thing I'm best at. Which may be an insult dressed up as a compliment. Do they want me for me, or for my oral sex abilities?!

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I am also great at that holy act.
In fact i prefer it to everything else on the menu.

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I don't actually mind giving oral sex that much. I mean, it's funny because guys think it's this great power trip, that they can get gratification off the girl without the girl getting anything, when in truth, it's a power trip for the girl, that we get our TEETH so near something so precious.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I don't like receiving oral sex that much. I always feel uncomfortable, as if I'm subjugating the other person or something. Never really thought about the teeth thing to be honest, though it's pretty funny...

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

You have to give and get. Its the circle of life people

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

You people are all perverts.

― Ally, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Yeah, give AND get! While it can be a bit one-sided (while giving or receiving) (unless you're doing both at the same time), I think it's a good way to break up the monotony if you're not up for any other spicer-uppers. That said, I was in a relationship where the ratio of Cun:Fel was 1 bazillion:4+ (with minor foreplay included) (and I'm being generous). So I got the shaft (har har), but became pretty adept at my end of the bargain. Practice does make perfect.

Never understood the whole "letters of the alphabet" thing, though.

― David Raposa, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Start with normal flicking, slowing down with lighter flicks as she reaches climax. At the point of no return, stop and just gently blow.

― Jeff, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

does rimming count as oral, cos if so - fucking classic. periniums are fine places to place the tounge, and a swirl of the testicles is always a hoot - mind you, girls have a cooler taste a lot of the time, but i guess it depends on who/how yr feeling.

― Geoff, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Sorry to bring this up, but I'm confused. There seems to be some difference of opinion. Is Paul any good at it or not, Kate?

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Classic.

― Madchen, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Madchen and Paul in the tree t-o-n-g-u-i-n-g.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Kate doesn't know because she doesn't like it regardless, so has never found out.

Hang on, do I really want the world to know all this...? God, what if my parents are reading...?

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

As I said, *leave your shame at the door.* ;-) You post at your own risk.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Nick, you don't want to know anything about our relationship, but yet you want to know intimate details like that? Ooh, I'm flattered. I have just bought two bottles of wine and the makings of a curry in order to seduce Paul tonight, so we'll be in a good mood tomorrow. I might even put on a dress. I just thought you should all know that. Would anyone else like to comment on whether they will get laid tonight or not?

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'll be free once again this evening, my cunning linguistical skills going to waste. *sigh*.

― David Raposa, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

It all depends whether I run into a bloke called Emmanuel between the office and my sofa.

― Emma, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Not unless something very, very odd happens, as I am a) single b) staying sober and c) not going out tonight.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I have just remembered that in our old laddish house share (me + 3 boys), cunnilingus was referred to as 'gobble gobble down below'. How tender and romantic.

― Emma, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

And I thought I was getting a headache, as well...! Good Lord.

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Kate, I'm not interested in the romantic or day-to-day aspects of your relationship. But I am quite fascinated by the dirty sex.

I think it's very unlikely I'm going to get laid tonight. I'm just going for a drink with my friend Dave and I have never been known to pick up a girl in a pub. But if I do, you'll hear all about it in lurid detail.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oral sex: painful awkward hell or addictive peak experience?

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Paul, you are NOT getting a headache, or I'll phone up some dirty dronerock boys with large noses, hairless chests and fringes, who I'm sure would love to eat my curry, wacca wacca if you know what I mean.

God good, I KNEW it. The reason you all spurn our posting of PDAs is coz none of you are gettin' any yerselves. I hated couples until I was part of one. Now it's all... aaawwww, ain't they sweet. Dammit, maybe we should break up so I can go back to my total and complete misanthropy and stop smiling at babies.

We're too old and too married to have dirty sex any more. I mean, back when we first met, it was all vodka bottles and wigs and cross dressing and madness, now it's "Oh, sorry, honey, law has given me a headache." Sigh.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

"We're too old and too married to have dirty sex any more. I mean,back when we first met, it was all vodka bottles and wigs and cross dressing and madness, now it's "Oh, sorry, honey, law has given me a headache." Sigh."

That's what you think, Kate. Wait 'til I get home... Do you need me to pick anything up on the way there...? Actually, mail me privately on that...

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

No, dear, there are condoms under the bed. We're fine.

― masonic boom, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Hell - I meant honey, whipped cream and fruit. But guess we need those too.

I just know my boss is reading this. Still, there's someone in the office opposite playing Quake and he has no idea I'm onto him...!

― Paul Strange, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I can't answer this question as a)I'm too shy and b)sex is something that doesn't seem to happen to me. Sigh.

― DG, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Jeez!!! Enough already!!! (blushes, peers out thru fingers etc)

xoxo

― Yorman Nay, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

DG the proper answer to this is, 'I am a gentleman and as such would never discuss such things'

― Ed, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

That too.

― DG, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

If I were going to have sex tonight, there would be problems. Not necessarily with the sex itself, but the fact that my girlfriend is thousands of miles away, and would be rather annoyed with the fact.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I assume we're talking about sex with another person, right? If not, then my chances of getting lucky skyrocket to a snowball's chance in hell (as opposed to a snowflake).

― David Raposa, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

There was a programme on telly last night called "sex tips for women", it taught men and women how to do oral sex,...it was educational, but probably of no use to stay at home person like myself, oh well!

― james e l, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

You could always get on of those latex pudendas to practise on, James.

― Nick, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

*yuck*...

― james e l, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I will not get laid tonight, especially as I'm going to work very soon. OS = classic, giving more so than receiving.

― Ally C, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Its too bad bananas have a habit of breaking off in the vagina. No one wants a womb full of nana.

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Nana = My venerated old grandmother. You have disgusted me to the core...

― Pete, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Well, would YOU want a womb full of grandmothers? Hmmm?

You people are freaks, and I'm not saying that because I have no chance of getting action tonight, cos that isn't true in the least, I do. I'm saying this because GOOD GOD LATEX BITS?!?!?!

― Ally, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Teeth are to oral sex what the triangle is to orchestral music: must be utilized w/sparing and precision.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

The Mujamni women of Sudan have to learn how to insert their tongues into the urethra of their lover. They see it as a fertility thang.

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I got laid this morning and it was all streaming light thriugh the window, delicate warmness and did not involve Brits, Bananas, Grandmothers, Latex, or oral.

― anthony, Friday, 13 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Goddamn it I thought I had my pre-Paul thing for Kate under control until this thread.

― chris, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

anthony - how can you have sex with a streaming light? are we talking golden showers here, cos if so, that's another thread...

― Geoff, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oral sex? Yes, please. (Old joke #298,493,421,532,129)

― Dan Perry, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

We live in a loft thing so we have glass on four sides. the light streams.

― anthony, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

five years pass...

oh dear

― HI DERE, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:22 (seventeen years ago) link

haha dan did you go searching for "sex" too?

― strongohulkington, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:23 (seventeen years ago) link

haha Dan is going to revive every sex thread ever this Friday. STAY TUNED.

― kenan, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:23 (seventeen years ago) link

haha I read this as the "ned suggested oral sex" thread, I expected the first post to be like "Heavens! Might I suggest a bit of the ol' blowjobbery? ;)".

― nickalicious, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:26 (seventeen years ago) link

ugh, oral sex from ned

― strongohulkington, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:26 (seventeen years ago) link

i mean uh how delightful

― strongohulkington, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:26 (seventeen years ago) link

haha dan did you go searching for "sex" too?

hahahaha BUSTED

― HI DERE, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:32 (seventeen years ago) link

actually you'd be busted if you were searching for "ned oral sex"

― Edward III, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:40 (seventeen years ago) link

i dont think you have to search too hard for that

― strongohulkington, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:42 (seventeen years ago) link

The threads for "ned oral sex" are even odder!

― HI DERE, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:46 (seventeen years ago) link

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