How will I know if he really loves me?

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I've been thinking about the recent (not terribley recent, though) SATC/Cosmo manta 'He's just not that in to you'. How do you really know if he is or is not? And how do you go about finding out without losing face? Throw a work connection into the mix and come back with suggestions!

(I feel a bit of a fraud for filing this is under 'Dates, Relationships etc' when it is pure animal lust that motivates me. Perhaps that's what the 'etc' stands for?)

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 16:48 (twenty years ago)

It's in his kiss.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

say a prayer, with every heart beat.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

If I was kissing this chap, I wouldn't be posting!

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)

then get him drunk and try to kiss him, duh.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)

I think that whole "He's just not that into you" relationship advice thing is a bunch of malarkey anyway. It's basically just "The Rules" recycled.

― Leon Future Coffee (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

Ahm, I have to get him out in order to get him drunk and that's no easy feat as he's a work associate. I don't usually get hung up on people if they seem a struggle but I had a very strong and instant attraction him. I want to hear of the wiles that ILxors have engaged in the past. Tried and tested methods, please?

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

why does everyone on ilx end up asking about being attracted to coworkers? does nobody have hobbies?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:06 (twenty years ago)

I don't fancy men who knit.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:07 (twenty years ago)

im not sure you can ever really know if someone loves you. you just have to worry about who/what you love and deal with that.

― ryan (ryan), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:09 (twenty years ago)

I only used the word 'love' because of the song. I am absolutely secure in the knowledge that this man does not love me.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:11 (twenty years ago)

...yet (?!)

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:12 (twenty years ago)

ryan otm

― youn, Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:15 (twenty years ago)

lure him into the lift and organise for it to break down?

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

He doesn't work for the same company, unfortunately. If he did I would be inconsolable from seeing him every day and not being able to touch him!

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

why the stigma against dating co-workers? how the hell else are adults supposed to meet?

― shookout (shookout), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

AT POOLHALLS UNDER COVER OF NIGHT

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:22 (twenty years ago)

Agreed. But in this situation I don't want to have to sit across a meeting table once a week for the next six months, blushing silently and trying not to make eye contact.

Perhaps I should just have more carbohydrates in my diet and stop thinking like a girl.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:24 (twenty years ago)

(Crosspost above, kind of)

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:25 (twenty years ago)

blount otm

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

If he's willing to give you babies AND marry you, that's a pretty good indication that he really loves you, although he might just be settling or in a weird place right now.

― Lemonade Salesman (Eleventy-Twelve), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

I'd happily settle for a couple of weeks of animal sex and saucy text messages.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

Was this fellow wearing black glasses and a bad brains shirt today?

― Lemonade Salesman (Eleventy-Twelve), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

Lara, tell him it is your birthday on saturday and that you are having a party around your place and he is invited. Don't invite anyone else. When he arrives, pretend to be all sad because no one has come around apart from him. Make blubbering noises about how no one loves you. Then he will either say "But I love you!" or else he will pretend to nip off to the toilet but actually climb out the back window and do a legger.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)

Then he will knife a hobo.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

*Genius* (Do you and Rener want to come round and watch from the shed??)

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

Two things: (1) Ned!!!; and (2) That last post could be rude.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

Just ask him out. Then, if you want to have sex, as him if he'd like to come back to your place. Guys are easy.

― Lemonade Salesman (Eleventy-Twelve), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

That's far too simple to work!

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

It only won't work if he's involved (and faithful) or is a big scared puss-puss. If he's a big puss, then he'll be kicking himself for what a dweeb he is.

Of course not all men think exactly like me, but I like to pretend we are all exactly the same deep down: horny.

― Lemonade Salesman (Eleventy-Twelve), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

That's far too simple to work!
No, it will. Lemonade Salesman's right.

― Ian Riese-Moraine. To Hell with you and your gradual evolution! (Eastern Mantra), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 19:37 (twenty years ago)

Simplicity wins the race.

― Ian Riese-Moraine. To Hell with you and your gradual evolution! (Eastern Mantra), Wednesday, 20 April 2005 19:37 (twenty years ago)

OK Well how about this (sorry Lara)
I have a crush on a guy at work (he has gf)
I think I invite him out for drinks say 3 times?
no.
hint gotten.
Leave company
today TEXT from him. 4 months later. WHY.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:01 (twenty years ago)

He has broken up with girlfriend and wants a piece of the dating game again?

― Hanna (Hanna), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:03 (twenty years ago)

sometimes you don't want to date someone who's still in the same work as you.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:13 (twenty years ago)

I have another plan! send a text to him "by mistake" as though it was to a friend of yours, about how you really fancy him. Make sure it is clear who you are talking about.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:14 (twenty years ago)

Lemonade OTM. It probably is that simple. You've seen you, right?

― Ally C (Ally C), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:23 (twenty years ago)

Well this is what happened.

HIM: HI
ME: HI (phone not recognising the number because i had just deleted it LAST WEEK after realising that nothing would ever ever happen)
HIM: Hi Nat, how's it going?
ME: uh, this is Nellie who's this?
HIM: it's ***
ME:oh, good to hear from you, how are you?(realising that this is the reference to the time he called me Nat when I was wearing a MOTHERFUCKING nametag and about the same time i realised that he was totally not into me)
HIM: Long time no see (yeah, no shit i left the company 4 months ago)
We should catch up.
ME: Yeah, let's have a beer sometime.

SILENCE SILENCE SILENCE.
WTF?
BOYS? WTFFFF?
Not that I care. of course.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:24 (twenty years ago)

Did he hang up on you?

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:29 (twenty years ago)

No, it was texting. He text hung up on me.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps he sobered up.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps he's a dick!

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:31 (twenty years ago)

Maybe he ran out of credit or dropped his phone down the jax

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:31 (twenty years ago)

Maybe he passed out

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:31 (twenty years ago)

I think he's just not that into me.
But who the fuck remembers an incident like the wrong name thing if they don't care?

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

fuck it.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

Why not just ask him? "Hey by the way, how come you texted me? It's been so long!"

― Hanna (Hanna), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:39 (twenty years ago)

OK I'll need at least three other ILX members to agree with you before i take that course of action

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

If you still like him, I'd second that.

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 21 April 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

All I can hear is awkward silence

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:00 (twenty years ago)

Hey, he took the first step, you can't lose here, only win. It's not your dignity that's on stake!

― Hanna (Hanna), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:01 (twenty years ago)

I third Hanna's plan. Unless he was accidentally texting your number but trying to contact someone who is ACTUALLY called Nat.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:02 (twenty years ago)

Ok, I'll do it, because I really don't care and now this is a social experiment. Should I phrase it like that?

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:04 (twenty years ago)

NO. It's obv a ruse.

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:05 (twenty years ago)

Haha wait like yr post or Hanna's?

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:06 (twenty years ago)

Avoid adding lots of winking emoticons and kisses and calling him Studly.
xpost YES the worst thing that can happen is you meet for a drink and he's not as alright as you remember.

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:06 (twenty years ago)

(I meant Archel's, fuck I am unused to posting quickly)

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:07 (twenty years ago)

Why not just ask him? "Hey by the way, how come you texted me? It's been so long!"
-- Hanna (hanna.fah...), April 21st, 2005. (later)

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:07 (twenty years ago)

Hmm. I'd prefer to get "so did you want that drink or not" or something similar in impressedbyagirl terms

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

yes, but it's 12am here.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

Do it tomorrow. Serious. You replied last.

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:10 (twenty years ago)

Fair call. I still don't want to reply. I know what I would think if someone 'overreplied' to my text.
thanks for your help everyone.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:12 (twenty years ago)

I still think he's a dick for not replying, btw.

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:14 (twenty years ago)

yea, if i was keen.. id be making plans.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:14 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, actually, don't listen to me, I'm so bad at that sort of thing. I always get all "hey I'm too old for all that game-playing so fuck it if he thinks I'm too keen" and then I fuck it all up in the end because everyone else is obviously all about game-playing. :-(

― Hanna (Hanna), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

guys, you've ruined the jape of the year.

obv the thing to do after nellie's text post was to not post anything on this thread for days.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:24 (twenty years ago)

I'm not British, I don't like "japes"

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)

i would cry.

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 21 April 2005 13:26 (twenty years ago)

And that would be bad. I think after posting and making my thoughts public on the board, I might be over the worst of it! The fear of him coming across this thread has sobered me somewhat.

Having said that, Nellie, I wouldn't waste the opportunity that has presented itself to you! Report back!

― Lara (Lara), Thursday, 21 April 2005 16:40 (twenty years ago)

How could he not? You are beautiful.

― Mary (Mary), Thursday, 21 April 2005 17:10 (twenty years ago)

If I was kissing this chap, I wouldn't be posting!
Oh God. I read that as "kissing the clap!"

― Ian Riese-Moraine. To Hell with you and your gradual evolution! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 21 April 2005 18:44 (twenty years ago)

What a great, woman-y thread!

― European Samuel Glickstein (nordicskilla), Thursday, 21 April 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

He will make you a mix CD with ONLY "Damaged Goods" on it

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Friday, 22 April 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

you know what, I like him but the last thing i need right now is a boyfriend. Really.
It's good to know the affection wasn't entirely one sided.
I'm going to leave it, and when he's ready he can come and get me, cause I already did all the asking.
& Lara (again apologies for the hijack) at least ask him out for a drink!

― Nellie (nellskies), Friday, 22 April 2005 03:04 (twenty years ago)

lemonade is right. don't be scared of rejection, it really isn't that big a deal. afterall, he might be sitting around thinking, "oh man i wish that hot girl would ask me out, but i'm too shit scared to do ask her out cos she might say no". getting drunk and kicking crushboy in the bum several times in a desperate attempt to get his attention is a strategy that has worked for me, but i wouldn't recommend it.

― di, Friday, 22 April 2005 03:32 (twenty years ago)

Oh yeah Lemonade's so right!

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Friday, 22 April 2005 04:40 (twenty years ago)

Nellie, I wish I had you resolve! I'm leaving mine to a waiting game. He knows I'm up for a drink sometime so we'll see what happens.

― Lara (Lara), Friday, 22 April 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

oh yea, resolve she says as her head spins around.
I cannot believe what i did last night.
but at least i didn't text him!

― Nellie (nellskies), Saturday, 23 April 2005 01:18 (twenty years ago)

I have decided that my crush might be a bit boring actually. And I don't usually like blonds so *clears throat* IT'S OVER! Boredom can do strange things to a body.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 08:39 (twenty years ago)

(attempts not to make joke about Lara not being bored, enough, lately)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 09:02 (twenty years ago)

You disgust me.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 09:49 (twenty years ago)

Shall we marry in the spring?

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 09:50 (twenty years ago)

Get this filth off your sweet thread

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 09:52 (twenty years ago)

I would advise against Nellie texting this guy again. In my experience, guys only contact you after that length of time if they are board & going through their mobile or have just split with their ex & need an ego boost. I hope I'm really wrong on this one Nellie, as I'm sure you are lovely. The guy is totally a dick though!
Lara - You got to try to ask this guy out!!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 10:31 (twenty years ago)

as you met this fellow in a business environment, he might be afraid to ask you out even if he thinks you'd be up for it as it could be viewed as inappropriate. so perhaps it's up to you to push the boundaries.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 10:36 (twenty years ago)

I have not texted him again PinXorchiXoR because I agree with your verdict.
I think I have to get some soon cause I had a dream last night that I was hugging my (gay) roommate and getting progressively more aroused.
The entire episode has just made me happy in that he remembers calling me the wrong name because I was so furious at the time.

― Nellie (nellskies), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 12:08 (twenty years ago)

Lara, I know how it feels when you get a crush on someone and then after a week go, what the fuck was I thinking?
The only reasonable thing to do, is of course punish him. Give him dirty looks and look at him then whisper something to a colleague and laugh. After all- this is his fault.

― Nellie (nellskies), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:04 (twenty years ago)

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