A death in my family

If my mom had told me the same thing about her brothers Paul or Mark -- neither of whom I've seen for two decades and who I barely know anything about at heart, and who admittedly she's quite content not to keep in touch with (as opposed to her sister Cheryl), I would feel much the same way. I'd feel very sorry for those closest to them, but it's an abstract connection.

You'll be there for your mom -- that is the truly important thing.

of course you're not a heartless wretch. this reminds me of my grandfather's death - i was upset because of the toll it took on my father, but my grandfather was quite a cold man. i never really warmed to him, and we didn't have much a relationship. i can't say i've particularly missed him since his death.

i don't see why you should be expected to be massively upset at the death of someone you weren't close to - but best wishes all the same.

You also know you'll be there for your mum if and when she needs you, and that's the important thing. You could never be heartless, Luna, don't fret.

I hardly know my mom's dad, but I do know he was a horrible father. He drank, abused his two kids all the time, and was married TEN times. He has some terminal brain condition now and could die any day, but I care so little that he could be dead and we just haven't heard about it yet. It makes me feel bad for my mom, though, because she's tried so hard in the past several years to reconnect with him.

you're not being a heartless wretch by the way. i lost my grandfather but didn't cry so much for him as he put our family through so much misery.

-- Je4nne ƒury (jeanneƒur...), April 21st, 2005.

Precisely. To pretend to be moved to tears when you aren't would be worse. My condolences to you and to your mother.

now we know why they call it "bereavement"

i suppose this is as good a thread as any. I just found out that my uncle drowned yesterday morning while competing in a triathlon. I don't know how but somehow, they failed to notice he was missing until a couple of hours later when they realized his bike was the only one not taken. i wasn't that close to my uncle, but he was such a great guy - very funny, always the life of a party, I just can't believe he's gone. i'm also pretty close to his youngest son, my cousin, and I can't imagine what it must be like for him and his brothers right now. Those boys really loved their dad. and so did the rest of our family, my uncle was an amazingly cool guy - played a million instruments, dabbled in amateur photography, climbed mountains, and this was all after he retired. triathlon was just his latest thing - something he felt that could keep him fit as he grew older. he's 55.

Anyway, my parents didn't even bother to call me to tell me about this. I mean, maybe they didn't want to bother me as today is the first day of semester. granted, it's a pretty crummy way to start the semester but it just seems wrong not to inform me when a close family member passed away so unexpectedly. my sister was the one who told me about it later and more details arrived through the family mailing list (which is run by another uncle). I just rushed off an email to my cousin - I wish I could call but he lost his phone a couple of months ago and he never gave me his new number.

I'm just... kind of sad right now and a little annoyed with my parents for not telling me about it. and bummed that i still had classes and work to go to today, when all I wanna be right now is back in Malaysia with the rest of the family.

Oh Roz, what a tragic accident, thats awful, I am so sorry for your loss.

Roz, first of all, sorry to hear about this. :-( I am sure your parents meant well. Maybe not the right way to learn about the passing, but it's hard to know what is the right thing to do in these situations.

55 is so young. :-(

yeah i know. I suppose I should take comfort in the fact that this was probably the way he would have wanted to go, doing something really adventurous - that was always how he lived his life. Still, can't help feeling that this was way too soon.

I'm not really mad with my parents, just a tiny bit annoyed that they didn't think I could handle it, you know? I'm just trying to get through the day and probably call my mum later tonight, just to talk and stuff.

Thanks for the kind words, guys.

jeez that's so sad. i'm sorry.

Tragic news, Roz. My best to your family.

Oh. Roz! How terrible! What a vital guy, too! Shit! Hugs and hugs and hugs, sweetie. Try to forget about the ins and outs of how your parents tolds you. They're all twisted up, too. Nobody thinks straight at those times.

I haven't been able to reach my parents. I'm guessing they're still at my aunt's - she's my dad's younger sister.

It's so weird... it still hasn't quite sunk in yet. All I can think about is how full of life he was. New Year's Eve will never be the same after this - our extended family always spent NY at their house. He'd play guitar, with his kids on bass, second guitar, drums. And then cousins and aunts and uncles would take turns singing or telling jokes. Always a blast. That was just the kind of guy he was - always putting the family upfront.

Thank you all for the lovely thoughts, I really, really appreciate it. Beth, yeah, I know, I was being a little harsh - I'm not mad at them really... and thanks again.

So sorry for your loss, Roz. xx

God, that's tragic. So sorry Roz :(

best wishes to u and ur family Roz, i'm very sorry to hear about this.

My condoelnces, Roz.

I'm sorry to hear this, Roz.