The ILE Awards, Live And Direct From Classy Central London

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NB I am reading this thread, so post yer comments, live-via-sateillite acceptance speeches and general heckling

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

First Award: Rear of the Year, presented by Sarah:

Runner up: Emma

Winner: Mad Ally K of New York City

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Dream Date, Male. Presented by Carsmile.

Joint winners: Gareth, Mike Hanley, Ricky T

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best Posting Style, RickyT presents.

Runner up: Sarah.

Winner: Mark S

Prize

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Filthiest Poster, Emma presnts.

Runner Up: Mark C

Winner: Kodanshi

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Stevie T presents funnisest poster:

Rnner up: Nick D

Winner: The Boy Hanle y

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best Political, Pinefox Runer Up: Mark S. Winner: Nitsuh:

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Maddest Poster. Runner Up: Pinefox. Winner: Gale

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Katie G presents Best Post.

Runner Up: Tampon=Toast

Winner: Make Daddino, 11/9

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pete, Worst Word Runner Up: Twunt. Winner: I R. Fat Nick wins a pirate hat

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best ILEword. Fat Nick presents. Runner up R being Procrasturbation. Winner: Cockfarmer

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Most thought provoking poster, Toby.

Runner up: Tom. Winner: Nitsuh

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best Hair: Lixi's Tiger Hat. Runner up: Toraneko

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best ILM poster: Tom. Runner up: Tim Finney

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Poster You'd Most like to meet: Rainy. Runner up: Tom

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best thread: Runner up: Ass etc. Winner: Me vs Gurls

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Flirt of the year: Winner: Rainy. Runner up: Anthony, Jess

Best Cultural Poster: Winner: Mark S Runner up: Pinefox

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ego of the Year: Runner up: Suzy. Winner: Ally K

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Considering all the attention it's gotten, Gareths hair must be feeling really let down right now.

― Ronan, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best Double Act (Katie G). Runner Up: Ally & Ethan. Winners: Emma and Pete

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best Poster: Runner Up: Nitsuh. Winner: PunXor Mark s

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*ahem* I wish I could be there in person to shuffle offstage in the wrong direction and be redirected by 10-foot models in eveningwear (you do have 10-foot models in eveningwear, right?), but I'm currently on location working on my latest posts. I'd just like to thank Tanya Headon for making all of this possible, the IT guys at work for keeping the networks steady, the guy who called me "bro" that one time ... and everyone who would have voted for Tom as Most Thought-Provoking but was scared he'd rightfully win every good category and this whole thing would become a lot less interesting. Good night and thank you.

― Nitsuh, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*cue pained "Isn't that nice" smile as Mark accepts for Best Poster*

― Nitsuh, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I accept this award graciously and most humbley , and since she can't be here, I would just like to say I'm happily sharing my award with Mad Ally K . Someone is shouting at me that time is up . Thanks again. :) Gale with a nice curtsy & award in hand. Waving to y'all.

― Gale Deslongchamps, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Didn't Tim Finney actually win best ILM poster?? or was i not listening properly?

― toby, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Who won the nicest poster award? Hmmmm?

― Gale Deslongchamps, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, the ILM poster result is the wrong way round. Ned won nicest poster.

― Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I still can't even believe I was nominated! But thanks indeed to all. Now if I could only be there to enjoy the drunken fun. :-)

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i am deeply depressed , only one runner up and where is best cultural ?

― anthonyeaston, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's above, Anthony.

― Josh, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I R winning pirate hat and eye patch! arrrrrrrrrrr haha!

hang on...What R wrong with I R? eh? EH!

― I R winner!, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I was there! but b4 the awards!...nice to meet y'all!! :) (I'm sure there will be a synposis post tomorrow!)

Who got the chickenbear???

― james, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i wuz robbed. puffy...see...puffy's good. but jess...jess is for the children. jess has always been about the children and the streets. doin' for my people. oh, man...i'm just happy to be here. some motherfucker tried to shoot me down on the way here. but i'm here and yr all beautiful.

::cameras quickly cut to commericial as jess is ushered offstage by security and into the waiting arms of the police. rainy looks mildly confused.::

― jess, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What? Kate & garths hair are both cheated!

I think the votes be stacked.

― Mr Noodles, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yay - I in RAWK dispute mode. Tom will not live to see the dawn.

Otherwise, congratulations to all the winners, runners-up and contestants generally. Shorely ILE Awards = an event of mass cultural significance?

― Tim, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

surely surely, these votes -are- stacked. hanle y beating jess for dream date? pah!

― nancy b., Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(shd also note that the award Ceremony itself achieved real-life Tash of the Year, when who shd walk in — for other reasons entirely — but mad bad B*N W*TS*N of The W•re, not five minute after the pinefox had announced – somewhat drama-queenishly – that if BW ever discovered the boards and began posting, he pf would have to leave)

Oh, and k-blimey oreillyXoR as regards the winning and stuff… YOU RILLY LIKE ME YOU RILLY LIKE ME YOU RILLY LIKE ME YOU RILLY LIKE ME YOU RILLY LIKE ME YOU RILLY LIKE ME YOU RILLY LIKE ME *is gently ushered off weeping*

― mark s, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes yes yes, Mark S, but what does it MEAN? And how come you never responded to my e-mail, or are you lurking? ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i got caught up in stuff ned and it languished ("stuff" = short for "ballot- STUFFing" haha)

erm graham you forgot to announced MOST LOVE TO HATE so i shall announce that regular poster [z] refused to believe you were a boy even after repeated tellings: the phrase "You mean the American blonde?" was used at one point.

― mark s, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ally do you want to help me kick the hell out of pete and emma and steal their award?

― ethan, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Congratulations Ned :) You are a nice poster!

― Gale Deslongchamps, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This is completley silly but i am really really down about this, in all honesty i am hurt for no rational reason .

― anthony, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

For what it's worth Anthony, I voted for you for Filthiest Poster (and perhaps another category, memory's a bit fuzzy now); you are a classy purveyor of smut, and I have to admire that.

Look at this way, at least you were nominated -- a nonentity such as myself doesn't even get that kind of recognition (nicest poster is kind of a backhanded compliment at best).

― Nicole, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned's gonna kick your ass for that, Nicole.

― Nitsuh, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I maintain that I have a superior rear and fould posting style. Next year my pretties, next year...

― Menelaus Darcy, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Cheer up Anthony! Dude, you got a lot of nominations! I voted for ya in cultural poster!!!!...

― james, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

For the record, I have NEVER cheated on Gareth's hair, and I take offense at the insinuation, Noodles!

(Not counting the 30 seconds of walking past the Oddbins on Upper Street and drooling yesterday afternoon.)

I would feel slighted at not winning Ego of the Year, but hey...

Enjoyed all 20 minutes between soundcheck and doors that I actually got to spend at the awards, even if they'd all already been given out by the time that I got there. :-(

― kate, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the Chickunbear is now residing on our mantelpiece. anthony, i am concerned as said Chickunbear does not appear to have a penis. or maybe my zoology isn't as good as it used to be! top night everyone, and nice to meet y'all!

― katie, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Who won the dream date-female?

― stevo, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I wuv the Tiger Hat.

― rosemary, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 15 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

are you referencing jokes that haven't been made yet?

― ethan, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i am referencing jokes that will NEVER be made!

― mark s, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

So what does my ass win?

And yes, Ethan, we could easily take Pete & Emma, let's go. Unless their prize is crap.

― Ally, Sunday, 9 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark S -- you are insane. I approve.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Anthony, now that I'm recording less and have have more free time, I've become a lawyer, and I'd be more than happy to help you contest the ILE awards decision, pro bono!

Like said on my hit song 'Doin' It' a few years back, I "represent Queens!!!!"

― LL Cool J, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally and Ethan might want to bear in mind that the prize for Double Act was a copy of Emerson Lake and Palmer's album "Tarkus".

It should also be said that EVERYONE nominated in every category got at least one vote (except Momus in Biggest Ego!!) and most of the categories were very close.

― Tom, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

if ethan likes gilles peterson he will surely wuv tarkus, tom, for its jazzy keyboard stylings

― mark s, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Indeed, Tarkus is the ideal accompaniment to 'Can you keep it up for a week'.

If anyone picked up my fags can I have them back please? Though I suspect they just fell out of my pocket when I ran for a bus.

― Emma, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey! I won female dream date! BERLIMEY blush swoon ect ect! For my dream date I would like to visit the AFFLUENT COMMUTER HAMLET (possibly) of CHILD OKEFORD in the even BETTAH named uh, BLANDFORD FORUM, Dorset!! We can sup a cream tea and scones in a charming little caff and then take a long walk along the beach, or something. ACTUALLY Dorset is also home of LLAMA TREKKING so we could do that too! Corrrr! Or am I mixing up Dorset with Devon like how I mix up Brighton with Bristol...

A good night was had, at least on my behalf. Cheers for turning up everyone!

― Sarah, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ALso beware of Emma at the moment with her bling-bling Ninja nails.

― Pete, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Beware of me in general in fact. I would also like to point out that I won Soup & So Solid Crew round-the-table. Bling!

― Emma, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I won the Best Award award with chickenbear, the prize for which was chickenbear. So Katie now has him/her as compensation for being harassed by me all night, and being a fluffy vegan she will look after him/her better than I could (and she needs to start her ROCKSTAR private petting zoo somewhere).

(There was buy one get one free at the Chickenbear Shop, so I got myself a beautiful tigXor that I have called Liquorice, or Lixi for short. Awwww)

― Graham, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

chickenbear : Have you ever had guests that are pleasant on screen but are real pains off screen?
Sara Cox : B*witched. Nice but narky.

Blue chickenbear

― Nick, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Taken from official Channel 4 site (14/10/99).

Fuck you, Hanle y "Deus".

― Graham, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sarah, you do not want to go anywhere near Blandford let me assure you. On it's town sign it says it is an "Interesting Georgian Town". That is a downright lie.

― Jonnie, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I still want to know what my ass won. Don't think you aren't sending me that prize, even if it's something wretched, like a Magnetic Fields album.

― Ally, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

nitsuh i have yr prize to send on (best political: clearly a tammany-hall type thing) email me yr address and i will pick whichever one i want from the four-count-em-four trophies which are all ALL RIGHTFULLY MINE SURELY and ensure it gets "lost" in the xmas post heh

― mark s, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

um, was there a prize for dreamdate? do i have to share it with jess and rickyt? hee hee!

i would definitely have come but i did have a prior engagement. is a shame because i would like to have been there.

― gareth, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

mike, not jess. sorry

― gareth, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally your ass won a book about Hare Krishna which I suspect was not bought but given to the person who brought it along for free. I am too poor to send it so suggest that instead you find some NY Hare Krishnas and ask them for a book.

― Emma, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am not sharing myself with ALL of the male dream dates.

― Sarah, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Jess did get one more vote than the chickenbear in the end, so it was not for naught.

― Tom, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I've never even *been* to Blandford. I'd give Child Okeford a miss if you believe in modern education ...

― I like Wimborne Minster, though!, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Chickenbear can be referenced back to 1999, because Hanle y Deus will create a time machine in the non-too distant future, and appear on this interview as Chickenbear on the 14/10/99

And chickenbears were first spotted in the 18th century!

― james, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hare Krishnas? What the hell kind of prizes are these?

― Ally, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Who won the ray gun I donated???

― james, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My cousins lived in Blandford Forum at one point. I did not see any llamas when I visited. Other relatives live(d) in various other places around Dorset, and I haven't seen any llamas in any of those places either. There's a llama farm near Wootton, Oxon, two minutes' drive from the former location of PJ Harvey Family Butcher (threadmerge threadmerge), though, if that helps, and I have sat upon a donkey and been dragged across Weymouth beach before now. Perhaps if you asked nicely the Weymouth donkey people would hire a llama from Wootton for you.

― Rebecca, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey Ally, give my congratulations to your ass.

― Wheeler, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't send Ally the Hare Krishna book.

It would be a tragedy of the highest order if such a magnificent ass ended up hiding its light under a saffron robe.

― Nancy Drew, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think I'll pass on that option, Rebecca ...

― Robin Carmody, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

A wise idea, aged five I found the donkey quite terrifying enough.

― Rebecca, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

raygun = rainy's i think, but doubtless snaffled by wannabes

― mark s, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Come give your congratulations in person, cowboy.

― Ally, Monday, 10 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think I really need the ray-gun, can it be arranged?

― rainy, Tuesday, 11 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

I'm still waiting for my Hare Krishna book. :/

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Pete might have it as I'm fairly sure I didn't pack it when I moved out. Pete send Ally the book please.

― Emma, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I forgot that jess used to be flirty.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

fuck you.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

so, you wanna get a cup of coffee or what, you shithead?

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

The silver tongue is back!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

i am still bitter i lost dream date to a fictional mutant animal

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

tho i am still amazed there was a time i was so beloved of ilx i could even be nominated

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

You'd still get nominated.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah the new cliquism says you'd get nominated for "Grouchy bear kisses" or something like that.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah then when i go in for a grouchy bear kiss they come back without a nose

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

four years pass...

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/030318/143217__9brando_l.jpg

― Dom Passantino, Thursday, 8 May 2008 00:23 (seventeen years ago)

Who is ILX's Colonel Kurtz? N*de Sp&ck?

― Mark G, Thursday, 8 May 2008 12:41 (seventeen years ago)

Winner: Me vs Gurls
-- Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001 01:00 (6 years ago)

― DJ Mencap, Thursday, 8 May 2008 13:36 (seventeen years ago)

Kurtz = DG

― MPx4A, Thursday, 8 May 2008 13:39 (seventeen years ago)

Best Cultural Poster: Winner: Mark S Runner up: Pinefox
-- Graham, Saturday, 8 December 2001

This is inaccurate - I won it! I know because I still treasure my prize, bought for me in Hamley's by doc Ewing: it sits atop my TV.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 8 May 2008 13:56 (seventeen years ago)

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