i want ilx's permission to be flaky

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if someone flaked on you pretty flagrantly, and then you make new plans for another day, but that day comes an you actually don't really want to see them anyway (in fact you were relieved when they flaked on you the first time because you weren't too excited about seeing them)--

ok never mind the hypothetical. what i'm wondering is, do i have ilx's permission to now totally flake on her? she called me just now, and i didn't pick up. she left a message wondering if we were still on for tonight. should i (a) call her back and make dinner plans so as not to be flaky; (b) call her back and invent some dubious excuse for not being able to go out to dinner; (c) just totally flake on her and not call her back (in the way she's done in the past on occasion, though in her case i doubt it was completely deliberate).

this isnt' a romantic thing btw. just an old friend from childhood who i had gotten back in touch with a year ago, and who i sort of dutifully see from time to time because i'm feeling guilty or lonely or something. she's nice but she kinda bores me honestly.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:04 (twenty years ago)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

do i have ilx's permission to now totally flake on her?

Are you treating the server like a magic 8-ball?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

i hate these situations, btw. thankfully they don't really come along too often for me.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

Just call her and say, I'm sorry I can't do tonight; maybe sometime later?" That way you don't have to deal with her tonight and when the inevitable "OMG I AM A DICK I AM SO SORRY" self-backlash occurs you haven't actually burned any bridges.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:08 (twenty years ago)

Shake shake booty flake!

Mmm, I don't see why not, even if it is a bit dishonest.

Are you treating the server like a magic 8-ball?
The magic meatball's more delicious.

― Ian Riese-Moraine has a grenade, that pineapple's not just a toy! (Eastern Mantr, Monday, 25 April 2005 21:08 (twenty years ago)

dan: but i don't want to make other plans with her, is the problem. how do i avoid making other plans?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

ask her if she wants to dinner in the age of the moshiach!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

Sure. Just tell her you forgot that Monday is your night for dusting your library or whatnot and reschedule for at least three weeks down the road. Repeat.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:11 (twenty years ago)

just be honest

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:15 (twenty years ago)

"Um yeah, about dinner; I think you're boring. Could we maybe never speak again?"

― The Ghost of The Best Policy (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:15 (twenty years ago)

you'll need a good lie

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

be a good friend and do what you said you would do. your life will get better!

― dan (dan), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:20 (twenty years ago)

http://www.cartoonbank.com/assets/1/25186_m.gif

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

seriously i know my advice is the worst ever and nobody would ever do it, but why not just be honest? if you were honest to begin with you wouldn't be in the situation. if you don't give enough of a shit about her to wanna spend any more time with her, then who cares what she thinks? you don't even have to do it in person, even.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

and you don't need our permission, obv.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:24 (twenty years ago)

If you want to never have to deal with her flakiness again, call her and say something like 'oh hi, gosh sorry, I forgot all about tonight... I met this really hot chick over the weekend and we've been holed up in bed until pretty much just now and she's actually there waiting for me now, so yeah, maybe another time...?'

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:24 (twenty years ago)

i give flaky people about 4 months of chances before I just give up on them, full stop.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

and stencil OTM. I was so fed up with a friends' flakiness that I called him one night and said "Oh, and just so you know, if you don't call me back I'm never going to phone you again." I KEPT TO MY WORD, too. Although I e-mailed him yesterday, so I guess I cheated.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:35 (twenty years ago)

basically what i'm saying is lying is only okay if it's someone you care about.

sheesh.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

i give flaky people about 4 months of chances before I just give up on them, full stop.

that many months? usually i only allow them a couple of fouls before i just don't have time for their shit anymore.

― my friend flicka (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:43 (twenty years ago)

but back to the advice-giving: amst, just be noncommittal when you talk to her. and sound busy.

― my friend flicka (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:44 (twenty years ago)

crumple some papers

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:49 (twenty years ago)

I have friends that I see because I like them, despite them boring me and quite likely vice-versa. It would be easier if they were flakes, because then I could just forget about them and not worry that they'll ever make an effort to do anything with me again! Alas, they're mostly dutiful.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:52 (twenty years ago)

Flaky needs permission. Crusty, not so much.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 25 April 2005 21:58 (twenty years ago)

fake your death

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Monday, 25 April 2005 22:04 (twenty years ago)

i chose option (b)

i said i had to work late, which was a lie

she probably knew it was a lie

but it's ok

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 25 April 2005 22:06 (twenty years ago)

Ah, fallen man, beware the tangled web and cleave unto the best policy, lest you, too, haul the shining ensign of truth through the ignominious mud. Bite through the sour outer crust of awkward feelings and taste the sweet inner oozings of self-respect. I could say more, but shall rest my case here.

― Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 16:32 (twenty years ago)

"This is the thread where we hope Amateurist's friend doesn't lurk on ILE."

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 16:34 (twenty years ago)

the sweet inner oozings of self-respect

i don't usually call those "self-respect" DRUM ROLL PLEASE

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

nothing like engaging in a little self-respect right before bed.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

I can't really respect myself without porn.

― Bnad, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 18:51 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

zomg just saw this post. hot chick waiting for me in my bed

― Annoying Display Name (ken c), Monday, 27 October 2008 11:56 (seventeen years ago)

So it's like in Fight Club?

― Tuomas, Monday, 27 October 2008 11:59 (seventeen years ago)

so I'll just say this...

― Ant Attack |=| (Ste), Monday, 27 October 2008 11:59 (seventeen years ago)

holy shit!

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 27 October 2008 12:18 (seventeen years ago)

Amateurist, you have my permission. Sorry it took me so long to respond but you know I was busy and stuff.

― Holdtransferanswerspeaker Featurerecallconfredail (Mackro Mackro), Monday, 27 October 2008 17:58 (seventeen years ago)

FLAKE AWAY!

― Autobot Lover (jel --), Monday, 27 October 2008 18:03 (seventeen years ago)

This is some of the best advice ever given on ILX right here...

I was so fed up with a friends' flakiness that I called him one night and said "Oh, and just so you know, if you don't call me back I'm never going to phone you again."

― post-apocalyptic time jazz (Masonic Boom), Monday, 27 October 2008 18:05 (seventeen years ago)

Dubious excuses are the BEST.

― polyphonic, Monday, 27 October 2008 18:05 (seventeen years ago)

i so called that

― highly theoretical, of course. (tehresa), Monday, 27 October 2008 18:06 (seventeen years ago)

^^ I know someone who wound up doing this to his best friend: he got sick of not being called back, so he spent about a month just not getting in touch with the guy, not returning calls, etc., and then pulled a big "now you know how it feels" moment. The result was that the guy has been near-religiously non-flaky ever since: returns calls, shows up on time. Scared straight!

― nabisco, Monday, 27 October 2008 18:07 (seventeen years ago)

If 'being flaky' means not responding to emails, not getting in touch, etc, then jeez, I know some flaky people.

In fact it is comical though unintentional that I am posting this below that post from Nabisco, who has not replied to a message from me since early 2005.

― the pinefox, Monday, 27 October 2008 19:32 (seventeen years ago)

If you want to never have to deal with her flakiness again, call her and say something like 'oh hi, gosh sorry, I forgot all about tonight... I met this really hot chick over the weekend and we've been holed up in bed until pretty much just now and she's actually there waiting for me now, so yeah, maybe another time...?'
― luna

^^^^good source for this type of advice

― omar little, Monday, 27 October 2008 19:34 (seventeen years ago)

oh gosh sorry i dont actually exist

― s1ocki, Monday, 27 October 2008 20:11 (seventeen years ago)

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