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Read the Fuck off Vibes!

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Why can't some people feel your vibes, or read your body language?

For example - Someone sitting in the furthest corner of the canteen, away from everybody else, bent over a book, frowning in concentration and occasionally glaring round the room.

Would you assume they wanted YOU to go and sit with them? Start chatting inanely through mouthfuls of baked potato? No? Well congratulations, you can read the signs.

Taxi drivers too. Come on, you should be able to tell when someone doesn't want to talk.

Is it genuine innocent friendliness when people do this or is it a desire to push you to your limits and see if your pasted on painful smile will slip?

― Rumpy Pumpkin, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Actually taxi drivers round our way are pretty quick at figuring out whether you're in a chatty mood or not. ie 6:20am I am not.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:37 (twenty years ago)

For example - Someone sitting in the furthest corner of the canteen, away from everybody else, bent over a book, frowning in concentration and occasionally glaring round the room.

Would you assume they wanted YOU to go and sit with them?

dunno, the glaring round the room suggests some interest to the world. as if you were looking for attention but too proud to ask for it.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:40 (twenty years ago)

someone doesn't get your fuck-off-vibes? Crank it up a notch. works every time.

this is possibly also why i don't have many friends.

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

Some people are just fucking idiots who couldn't read "vibes" if you walked up to them, explained exactly what you wanted them to do or not do, and then waited a few hours. You could punch a certain type of person in the face and they're still going to do this, "How am I supposed to know that you didn't want me to come chat with you/etc"

Worst example of what you're specifically talking about that happened to me: I was on the train, READING A BOOK with a highliter (that's how you know it's serious business), with headphones on listening to music, in the DESIGNATED QUIET CAR OF THE TRAIN, and this man STILL wouldn't shut up babbling at me. I mean I wasn't even responding by a certain point, like entirely ignoring him in the most blatant fashion possible and he just kept going. What was funny was that he kept telling other people to shhhhh cos we were in the quiet car. It was kind of amazing actually.

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)

x-post

I look round to make sure there are plenty of other empty tables that folk could sit at. As soon as it starts busying up and it looks inevitable that I'm going to be encroached upon, I'm offski, looking for the next safe place.

― Rumpy Pumpkin, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:45 (twenty years ago)

by order and rule of the universe the DESIGNATED QUIET CAR OF THE TRAIN is by far the noisiest.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:45 (twenty years ago)

See! That is exactly what I mean Ally! Do you think that punk was getting pleasure out of pissing you off? Do you think he's perfected his chatty friendly person act so he can go home and gloat evily to himself about it?

― Rumpy Pumpkin, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:47 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I think I have some sort of weirdo magnet, esp. on trains/planes/buses, because they always talk to me WITHOUT FAIL even when I am sending off Back the fuck away signals.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:49 (twenty years ago)

Ste, that is actually entirely untrue unless you are on the Acela Express train, but that's more because everyone who rode on that before it disappeared was the awful type of self-important middle manager who had to shout phone conversations on speaker phone for all to hear to prove their worth to the world.

I think the person who was sitting next to me was just a moron, to be honest. I don't think he realized he was pissing off anyone. It was very strange.

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:50 (twenty years ago)

http://etab.ac-orleans-tours.fr/lyc-fournier-bourges/musique/photomusique/vibraphone.jpg

"HEY PAL, THIS F# SIGNIFIES FUCK OFF."

― I DESIRE...MACARONI NECKLACES AND SOAP SCULPTURES (Matt Chesnut), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

listen up, rump. here's a realisation i very recently came to. noone gives a fuck about your vibes. i think, in general, people believe that if youre friendly to someone theyll be friendly right back. add to this most peoples inability to be alone for more than a few minutes at a time, especially in public, and my guess is this person was more concerned with not eating alone than standing around summing up your mood before sitting down. repeat this often: 'no one really gives a fuck about me!' - it'll set you free!

but, yeah, i can dig wanting to eat alone. maybe you should try a not so crowded place next time and give the fuck-off vibes a rest.

― katharine (katharine), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

Rumpy, maybe they were trying to pick you up? That happens often with Acela train middle manager types as well.

― Bnad, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

i wish more people would disturb me while i eat.. my lunch hours are terribly lonely times

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:00 (twenty years ago)

Maybe you are all psychic and there are unfortunate vibeless non-telepaths out there. Be kind to them.

― Paul Atreides, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)


Who the hell needs 'vibes' when there is such a thing as manners?

― You Work For Irene (dymaxia), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

Sadly I'd have to go outside or lock myself in a toilet cubicle to get any privacy in here.

I doubt they are trying to pick me up, it's normally girls who come over wanting to gossip. Sometimes they sort of get the hint. "Oh, you're reading." I give them a tight smile, go back to the book, and the next minute they are tugging the fucking cover saying "What's this you're reading?" "What's it about?"

― Rumpy Pumpkin, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

Actually taxi drivers round our way are pretty quick at figuring out whether you're in a chatty mood or not. ie 6:20am I am not.

I always want to talk in taxis and they NEVER TALK TO ME. See also: haircuts! I am clearly 5'11 of floppy-haired intimidation.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:10 (twenty years ago)

"Oh, you're reading." I give them a tight smile, go back to the book, and the next minute they are tugging the fucking cover saying "What's this you're reading?" "What's it about?"

aww! they like you! give into the love!

or, you know, tell them to go fuck themselves. whichever works for you.

― katharine (katharine), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)

i wish fuck off vibes applied to people on the internet!

― no way jose, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

Still convinced they're out to crack me.

― Rumpy Pumpkin, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

Lunch time is sacred ground around here. To interrupt someone while they're eating lunch with an "Oh, what didja bring today?" or a "Whaddya readin'?" is an invitation to be told, in no uncertain terms, where to go.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:30 (twenty years ago)

Katharine otm...some people have a phobia about eating alone and would sit next to their worst enemy to avoid it.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:31 (twenty years ago)

this always happens on long-haul train rides and bus rides. understandable since even the most scenic routes can be deadly boring after a while, but still, if i have headphones on, that's generally not a sign that i'm up for a chat at that moment.

― my friend flicka (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

i dunno, i rarely had problems on the amtrak quiet car -- then again, i tended to travel late at night (gen. after 11 PM), so maybe people were tired. only incident that i remember was some japanese businessman yapping on his cellphone, which i chalk up more to his lack of understanding english than being an asshole.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

i remember being on a bus late at night when all the passengers had gone to sleep or just quieted down and settled in for the evening, except for one guy up front who was HAVING A NICE CHATTY CONVERSATION WITH THE DRIVER AT FULL VOLUME. and he wouldn't shut up.

― my friend flicka (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:46 (twenty years ago)

that said, until a few months ago i was forced to share space w/ the BIGGEST, NOSIEST, DUMBEST YENTA ON THE PLANET. how this bitch managed to make it through law school -- note: she did NOT pass the bar exam* -- is a mystery to me. a greater mystery is how i managed to last as long as i did (almost 2 months!)

(* -- the reason why this dumb yenta didn't pass the bar was b/c she decided to go to rio a week before the bar to relax. i kid you not.)

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:46 (twenty years ago)

did the yenta get any studying done in rio?

― my friend flicka (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:49 (twenty years ago)

no -- that's why she flunked. the MOST amazing thing -- her dad paid for the bar exam review course and filing fees, her expenses when she should've been studying, AND for the trip to rio. all of which i found -- in excruciating detail -- precisely b/c she was a nosy, yapping yenta who could NOT read my VERY clear fuck-off vibes!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:52 (twenty years ago)

i don't necessarily think a vacation before a big stressful test is a bad idea -- it can be helpful to get away from the ambient anxiety back home. but it only works if you actually come back prepared.

― my friend flicka (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 15:56 (twenty years ago)

that's the point -- normal people spend the last week before the bar exam studying, esp. something like the NY bar exam that has half a zillion subjects. normal people don't frolic around rio and totally neglect studying, and on their daddy's dime to boot.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 16:02 (twenty years ago)

Is it genuine innocent friendliness when people do this
I always find that I'm genuinely intrigued by the people in the corner of the room, but I'm not an unnerving middle-aged businessman or someone like that, thankfully.

― Ian Riese-Moraine has a grenade, that pineapple's not just a toy! (Eastern Mantr, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 16:06 (twenty years ago)

I could read the vibes.

I guess I often feel anonymous, and random people or people at work don't strike up conversation with me. So, maybe pretend your invisible, and don't look up or make eye contact.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 16:11 (twenty years ago)

(damn, I'd love it if people came and talked to me like that, apart from random weird drunks)

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

I think some very extroverted people just don't understand that not every is as social as they are. A subtle 'vibe' has as much effect on such a person as BB gun on a rhino.

― Trey Jelson, Tuesday, 26 April 2005 17:07 (twenty years ago)

It's genuine friendliness and I usually don't mind, especially since it's usually acquaintances rather than strangers. But I do mind when I say something like "ok, i have to get back to work now" (when I'm doing homework) or "okay, good talking to you, see you later" and people don't get the hint. I mean, that's saying GO AWAY!

― Maria (Maria), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 17:11 (twenty years ago)

I was asked to stop talking when I was in the quiet coach on a GNER train once. I was trying to explain Gödel's Theorem to someone, and not managing very well.

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 18:47 (twenty years ago)

On what alternate world does "reading a book" = "please come and talk inanely at me"?

I find a terse, low-key "Fuck off" hissed through gritted teeth, plus a look of barely-restrained psychosis directed straight at their cerebellum does the job of getting the message across.

Or you could always silently stab them with your fork.

― Failin Huxley (noodle vague), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

some people just CAN'T shut up. talking is their nervous tic.

― my friend flicka (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 19:05 (twenty years ago)

What is so difficult about calmly, politely, and directly telling someone that you are busy, or that you simply do not feel like having a conversation? I don't see why a minor annoyance like an overly friendly stranger should bring out the kind of rage exhibited on this thread. Choose your battles, maybe?

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 19:11 (twenty years ago)

(I should clarify - I was talking to a friend I was travelling with, when a random stranger asked me to shut up because it was bothering her)

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 19:17 (twenty years ago)

some people are so dense, though, that when you tell them "i'm busy" as a subtle way of saying "FUCK OFF ASSHOLE!" they don't see the subtle message and come back talking their dumb shit when they think that yer NOT busy.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

some people will just think you're shy and mysterious. every buddy movie or romantic comedy that started out adversarial to thread.

maybe this thread should get paired up with all the ones about trying to pull someone, persisting despite all evidence the person just wants to be left alone. i wonder if ilx threads are actually the different parties in the same situation all argueing their side.

― lolita corpus (lolitacorpus), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 19:29 (twenty years ago)

http://www.stinktierbuch.de/pepe_le_pew_07.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 26 April 2005 19:32 (twenty years ago)

I get the opposite of this often! I'm told I look like I want to be alone, or I'm upset or cranky, and get left alone, when sometimes thats the last thing I want (bored at a nightclub say, for example). I guess I just have one of those faces :/

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 00:54 (twenty years ago)

I recall both Martin and Marcello mentioning a "don't try it" face they'd perfected; I wonder if any sallies ever found their way through the net despite it?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 02:23 (twenty years ago)

Politeness is what makes this such a hassle in the first place, cause if the fuck-off-er weren't always so "polite" then the fuck-off-ee would get the message straight away and everyone would be saved lots of trouble.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:57 (twenty years ago)

I have the opposite problem. I have an overdeveloped sense for the fact that I could be bothering someone. So I will cut down my work conversations short bc I am afraid that people need to get back to work.

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:18 (twenty years ago)

Yeah like Trayce I think I put out these vibes without wanting to. :\

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

On the bus today, a 60-something man sat down beside the 30-ish woman in front of me, rubbed his hands together, then turned to the woman and said, "Are my headphones too loud?" The woman looked up from her paper and said, "No." Back to the paper. The man then said, "Well, that's good. Especially if you don't like Mozart." The woman, who clearly seemed uninterested in having a conversation, then sighed and said, "Well, it's fine." There was a pause of roughly ten seconds, then the man said, "The only thing better than Mozart is Springsteen. Springsteen is an American poet, eh?" The woman, who, judging by the growing redness of the backs of her ears, was by this time more than a bit irritated, said, "Sure, yes." She then turned the page noisily and sort of snapped the paper in what I read as a 'leave-me-alone-now-I'm-reading' gesture. The man then proceeded to take off his headphones and offer them to the woman. "This pianist overcame crippling arthritis of the hands. He recorded all of Mozart's greatest piano concertos. Want to listen?" At this point, I was sure the woman was going to say something along the lines of "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm trying to read the paper and I don't feel like talking to you or like putting on your gigantic headphones and listening to an arthritic man play Mozart's piano concertos. Thank you, anyway." But she did not! She sighed again, folded up her paper, and proceeded to engage in an audibly reluctant conversation about Mozart and Bruce Springsteen with this man for the seven remaining minutes of my commute.
I think that maybe this is the effect this man usually has on strangers he approaches, so he knows that if he keeps talking, eventually the pretty 30-ish woman will fold up her newspaper and talk back. But someone has to break the chain! And the man seemed nice enough, so I was glad the woman didn't say anything rude to him, but I felt like by giving in, she was only making it worse for a future stranger. This is why Directness is Good. The End.

― kirsten (kirsten), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 20:02 (twenty years ago)

That said, some of the most interesting wackos I've ever met (a Patsy Cline-obsessed one-man-band from Ukraine, a 17-year-old boy in a bunny suit who had an extreme sexual attraction to Garrison Keillor, et al) have been people who "bothered" me while I was trying to read.
I simply cannot get away from this thread. I apologize, I guess.

― kirsten (kirsten), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

Every now and then we get calls from people who are less interested in buyng a system than they are in talking to a living, breathing human being.
Some of them are desperate for someone to talk technology with them, others are just lonely shut-ins. I've gotten really good at excusing myself from conversations with these people - they're total psychic vampires.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

Katharine OTM up there...

Moreover, I'd have so many less stories to tell if I didn't have people just come up and talk to me about shit. Then again, the people in this city who do that tend to be rather gentle about it, and if they see I'm wearing headphones, they'll get the hint.

― donut debonair (donut), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 21:51 (twenty years ago)

Either that or I just learned to deal with it, since i encounter this pretty much every day.

― donut debonair (donut), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 21:52 (twenty years ago)

(Then again, I'm a guy. The stakes are a bit riskier when women are the targets, I'll agree.)

― donut debonair (donut), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 21:52 (twenty years ago)


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