DON'T POST WHILE COOKING!

i know at least one major poster who must remain forever silent here heh: actually i flew and caught my turmeric rice EXACTLY in time, just between boiled dry and burnt, so the turmeric was exactly caramelising, tripling the yummy flava — this was a good omen, PROVIDED I POST NO MORE TODAY :(

Not so much cooking related but some time while my parents were away I got a chinese take away and as was my habit at the time I took it upstairs to eat while on ILE, however while reaching for the mouse at some point I spilled it all over myself, soup, rice, black bean sauce and water, the whole tray.

I rang for another chinese, needless to say.

Leaving a dinner plate on an electric range coil mistakenly turned on by a youthful, sporadically attentive ten year old. The plate EXPLODED - woo! (And, thankfully, no one was hurt.)

Also - putting an unwrapped package of Pop Tarts in the microwave, for whatever reason. (Silly ten year olds.) The tinfoil-like wrapping EXPLODED - woo!

One time I was so busy formulating a post, I forgot I had ramen noodles boiling in the kitchen. Alas... they overcooked and all subtlety and texture was lost.

in the post or in the noodles?

Noodles. They were very insecure and it was pretty joyless.

putting an unwrapped package of Pop Tarts in the microwave
ever eaten them un-waved (har har)? i have. it's crap if it ain't warm, i can tell ya.

I do that all the time, Honda. And end up getting water spilling all over the stove.

Worst cooking disaster...burned myself a couple times enough to raise some nasty blisters, yech. Thankfully the last time that happened was in the eighties.

Anything that I cook beyond Level 1 cooking is a disaster.

I spilled a pot of boiling spaghetti all over my feet once. That was NOT VERY NICE.

Oven-related mishaps? No idea what you're talking about mate.

(My cooking yesterday went very well though given my girlfriend fell ill momentXoR after eating it maybe I should not be so quick to boast.)

closest to party-related mishap yesterday = massive turmeric stain on the floor which i left for maybe ten mins while juggling hot pans and discovered it had already seeped down into the water-table

(when you squirt mr muscle floorcleaner on turmeric it goes the colour of TIKKA?!)

spies report back that despite a cooking related disaster, the food was delicious and that you, mark s, have a turquoise toilet door and a zebra sofa

I was a pretty precocious cook as a kid. I made my first muffins unaided when I was eight or nine, I think. Within a few years, I was making reasonably complex things like bagels and sorbet and roasts and tempura and California roll and bread. But there were certain things that I didn't really understand as a kid, like how yeast worked, and that left me open to some early failures.

I was about nine or ten when I tried making rolls using a packaged kit. The kit was maybe five years old. So was the yeast, but what did I know? The rolls ended up being these rock-hard little lumps that -- my father never ceased to remind me -- the birds outside wouldn't even touch.

Croissants. Everytime I tried them the chilled butter would melt as I was folding over the dough, turning it into a gloppy, unworkable mess.

It was when I tried making pralines that I discovered it wasn't really a very good idea to dump boiling sugar-water into a sink.

I once stir-fried some mushrooms that were waaay too old and sure enough I was on the bathroom floor, hours later.

There was this weird lo-cal broth-like fondue I was really keen on making one Christmas for God knows what reason. I put the heat on, went to find my mom who was of course too distracted by guests to notice me, I come back down and the fondue had already boiled over and crusted over the pot, even though it seemed like I was only gone for about two or three minutes.

spies were not v. observant and/or memorious: toilet door = colour of wood (which it is after all made of: doorframe = turquoise however) and my sofa = (funfur) SNOW TIGER

oh the BIG salad w.bitso chicken in was the legendary medieval SALMAGUNDY: tasting the remainder two days on i realise it shuld have had a bit more demarera in the dressing (mmm, chicken and sugar)

i also made vector-of-the-totality cheesy blobs, but wussed out on the final exponential double of fat-based ingredients this time!

A white tigerstripe fun-fur sofa? I think this may be the best thing ever. I am in awe. I already wanted stripey fluffy cushions (suzy will probably now point out that these are very 18 months ago and not to be attempted by anyone over the age of 15, but hey), but wow, a whole sofa...

We want photos!