The Ultimate Ned Characteristics

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There are the obvious things, of course. The hair. The MBV fandom. The brilliant predisposition toward understatement. The "Heavens!"

Somehow, though, these all seem light when compared to the Ultimate Nedness which is undeniably Ned. But what us this Nedness? How do we define it? Can we bottle it?

― MANTASTIC! (kenan), Saturday, 30 April 2005 05:26 (twenty years ago)

Don't ask me why... PLEASE don't ask me why, but this song makes me think of Ned.

― MANTASTIC! (kenan), Saturday, 30 April 2005 05:34 (twenty years ago)

Alright, maybe it's just too late to ask me why, and maybe you just don't care, but I'll tell you anyway. Because Carlos Gardel is sweeping, he is grand, as grand as Ned's hair. He is unashamedly romantic, but it is the rare romantic that can assuage and in fact deter all attempts to accuse him of too much romance. It's a feeling, it's not definable and it's certainly not defensible, but it's a romance that is, amazingly enough, truly earthy, not just pretending to be earthy, not just with its head stuck in the clouds while pretending that its mind is engaged with reality. A thinker, not a dreamer. A realist, not a hippie. Not a "moderate," oh no, nothing as crass as that, because "moderate" is such a calculated thing to be, as if you measured the midpoint between A and B and took that stance, letting whatever passion you have suffer for the sake of the peace, or the civility, or whatever. Not Ned, no. Ned is Ned, and it's not in his words, it's in his timbre. Like Carlos Gardel. You can't really say it in words, can you?

This is the thread for somewhat prosaic love of Ned.

― MANTASTIC! (kenan), Saturday, 30 April 2005 06:04 (twenty years ago)

The nature and extent of our current national crisis, as well as its causes and cures, are the subject of intense political struggle. I offer this letter as a contribution to that struggle and debate in hopes of helping to present a noble vision of who we were, who we are, and who we can potentially be. But first, I'm going to jump ahead a bit and talk in general terms about how we must keep our eyes on the prize. Then, I'll back up and fill in some of the details. Okay, so to start with the general stuff, Ned Raggett wants to get me thrown in jail. He can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but he does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I think that there is, because there are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent Ned has tried to create a global workers plantation overseen by transnational corporations who have no more concern for the human rights of those who produce their products or services than Ned has for his coadjutors. The other is whether or not I try never to argue with him, because it's clear he's not susceptible to reason. Every time Ned gets caught trying to shout obscenities at passers-by, he promises he'll never do so again. Subsequently, his buddies always jump in and explain that he really shouldn't be blamed even if he does, because, as they aver, effrontive mafia dons make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers.

If I had to choose the most venal specimen from his welter of putrid gabble, it would have to be his claim that violence and prejudice are funny. Ned's most recent musings are irreverent, in bad taste, and inappropriate. You might maintain I'm telling you this because I like to beat up on Ned. Really, that isn't my principal reason. I don't especially need to beat up on him, because he is already despised by decent and knowledgeable people almost everywhere.

He talks a lot about narcissism and how wonderful it is. However, he's never actually defined what it means. How can Ned argue for something he's never defined? Well, once you begin to see the light, you'll realize that I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is this: I, for one, oppose Ned's communications because they are insincere. I oppose them because they are bitter. And I oppose them because they will advocate Ned's imprecations amid a hue and cry as unruly as it is phlegmatic before you know it. Ned is a faithful student of Sun Tzu, the ancient Chinese strategist who advocated demoralizing one's enemy as the highest art of warfare. I know because I have experienced that personally. In closing, Ned Raggett's conniving hatchet jobs may have serious repercussions, even beyond the issue of nepotism.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Saturday, 30 April 2005 06:09 (twenty years ago)

Excelsior!

― MANTASTIC! (kenan), Saturday, 30 April 2005 06:30 (twenty years ago)

he's so sweet! i often wonder if a negative thought ever crops up! :-)

― nathalie in a bar under the sea (stevie nixed), Saturday, 30 April 2005 07:07 (twenty years ago)

The novel I have just started reading is called The Other, Darker Ned. I'll let you know if it has anything to contribute to this thread.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 30 April 2005 08:50 (twenty years ago)

heavens ;)

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 30 April 2005 09:12 (twenty years ago)

hells ;-)

― Masked Gazza, Saturday, 30 April 2005 09:17 (twenty years ago)

I saw this coming.

― RS_LaRue (RSLaRue), Saturday, 30 April 2005 10:04 (twenty years ago)

of course you did ;)

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Saturday, 30 April 2005 10:05 (twenty years ago)

*giggles deeply*

Also, Carlos Gardel rules! Yow!

Speaking of novels with my name in it, years ago I stumbled across a book from the twenties called Dead Ned, and it had this as an epigraph:

"And since it is only Ned
Who was alive and now is dead
There's nothing more to be said."

Might have to put that on the tombstone.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 30 April 2005 12:18 (twenty years ago)

Ned is not 100% sugar and spice. See: any discussion of Coldplay

― ronny longjohns (ronny longjohns), Saturday, 30 April 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

Or toss out "Gene" as bait, and watch Ned rise to Alex-in-NYC levels of vitriol.

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 30 April 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

i'm convinced that ned has a dark side, if only because the side he shows us seems a little too light for comfort.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 30 April 2005 15:16 (twenty years ago)

I could see him saying "Hurrah!" as he plunges the knitting needles through the eyes of his nemesis.

― Curious George (Bat Chain Puller) (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 30 April 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

Sufra y no llore, que un hombre macho no debe llorar.

― Ken L (Ken L), Saturday, 30 April 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

Oh, dear me.

TS: "A Love Song for Ned Raggett" vs. "A Love Song for Ned Raggett to Sing" vs. "Ned Raggett Recites Pi"

― Ian Riese-Moraine has a grenade, that pineapple's not just a toy! (Eastern Mantr, Saturday, 30 April 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

Rah for Ned!

― 57 7th (calstars), Saturday, 30 April 2005 22:41 (twenty years ago)

I could see him saying "Hurrah!" as he plunges the knitting needles through the eyes of his nemesis.

This is true. Gene is certainly a fine example. The Killers are a more recent one. Etc.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 30 April 2005 22:42 (twenty years ago)

I swear, I hardly ever post love songs to in internet in the middle of the night and dedicate them to other men. In Spanish, even more rarely.

― MANTASTIC! (kenan), Sunday, 1 May 2005 00:08 (twenty years ago)

Also, I believe my choice of a screen name was made in haste and poor judgement.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Sunday, 1 May 2005 00:09 (twenty years ago)

i have never seen his posts, so i have no opinion.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 1 May 2005 00:15 (twenty years ago)

My grandfather helped pull Gardel's body from the burning plane. Ned would just walk thru the flames, unscathed, smiling.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Sunday, 1 May 2005 00:20 (twenty years ago)

sometimes i suspect ned may have the skins of virgins drying in his attic

― strng hlkngtn, Sunday, 1 May 2005 00:21 (twenty years ago)

In particular the 6th pic down. Thats what Tupac thinks of these Neds.

― Andy Jay, Sunday, 1 May 2005 00:25 (twenty years ago)

How could anyone get aroused by Gene?

― elwisty (elwisty), Sunday, 1 May 2005 00:30 (twenty years ago)

sometimes i suspect ned may have the skins of virgins drying in his attic

No worries there, m'friend. I've no attic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 1 May 2005 04:55 (twenty years ago)

don't tell me you went the cliched route and thus have "special" "hand-crafted" lampshades?

― ()ops (()()ps), Sunday, 1 May 2005 04:58 (twenty years ago)

When I think of quintessential Ned, I think of Ned's fresh orange juice.

You may touch anything of Ned's that you want, but you must not touch his fresh orange juice.

It would be like eating from the Tree of Ned. You would become like Ned, and he would have to strike you out of his Garden of Eden.

"Eden" spelt backwards is "Ned", except with an E at the end. Think about that.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Sunday, 1 May 2005 04:59 (twenty years ago)

... thinking ...

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Sunday, 1 May 2005 05:02 (twenty years ago)

Ned backwards + E = Eden? eww

― ()ops (()()ps), Sunday, 1 May 2005 05:04 (twenty years ago)

Ned is the E

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 1 May 2005 05:08 (twenty years ago)

"Ned" with the "e" at the beginning and the "n" and "d" totally removed and a "v" in the middle and another "e" at the end is "eve." Think about THAT.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Sunday, 1 May 2005 05:10 (twenty years ago)

take "ned", reverse it, then switch the n and the d around and you have ned again!! ponder the fuck outta that one, chompy.

― ()ops (()()ps), Sunday, 1 May 2005 05:14 (twenty years ago)

Also, you can take "HITLER" and remove the "HITL" and move the "E" to the second letter position and add a "J" before it and a "SUS" after it and, magically, "HITLER" = "JESUS"

Think about it. In fact, stay up all night thinking about it. All semester. Write your thesis on it.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Sunday, 1 May 2005 05:20 (twenty years ago)

Don't forget the fresh orange juice when you think about it. They are vitally related.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Sunday, 1 May 2005 06:34 (twenty years ago)

You can't have "neden" without Ned!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 1 May 2005 11:01 (twenty years ago)

Spot the Raggett

― Dadaismus (Dada), Sunday, 1 May 2005 11:53 (twenty years ago)

http://kuci.org/~nraggett/nedwedding.jpg

Why did you turn away from me? Why was it so hard for you to accept? You know I did it for you. You came so close to me that night. I remember clearly what I felt when I heard your footsteps falling behind me. Pride. I thought it would keep us together forever. For me it was our finest moment. I can still see the flames.

― miccio (miccio), Sunday, 1 May 2005 13:57 (twenty years ago)

This is truly a better line than "Whoa!" I'll grant you that. Sounds like it should be the spoken word break in an Xtina hyperballad.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 1 May 2005 14:13 (twenty years ago)

heavenz i ned a hug ;)

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Sunday, 1 May 2005 19:05 (twenty years ago)

http://www.glasgowsurvival.co.uk/people/people.html

See "The Mad Ned."

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 1 May 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Oh, do not ask "Who is Ned?"
Just wake up and make your bed.

― Aaron A., Sunday, 1 May 2005 20:46 (twenty years ago)

i'm a bad boy -- ned as the messiah!

ihttp://www.causes-of-terrorism.net/images/index.html_txtphoto008_bigT.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 2 May 2005 18:13 (twenty years ago)

I'd have better taste in music for a start. (To begin with, I wouldn't actually sing.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 2 May 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

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