Why People Just Don't Answer, Instead Of Clearly Saying "Yes" Or "No"

I'm just frustrated and pissed off and need to vent. Why are people so flakey? Am I this flakey?

If you want something done, do you *really* just have to do it yourself?

Is this an English problem? That people are just afraid to say "NO"? Are people afraid of *me* - that I will blow up if someone says "NO"? I guess then people don't know me very well. I don't get mad if someone says "no" I get mad at just being left hanging.

How do you handle this? Do you confront people on it? Do you send polite reminder emails going "I'd really like a reply on this?" Or do you just write the whole thing off?

I'm trying to be people-focused rather than task focused and remind myself that all these things are supposed to be *fun* - but it ISN'T fun for me when I feel like I'm running around chasing after people. I'm trying to focus on not hassling anyone, and like I said, being people-focused, but at the end of the day, there ARE tasks to be done here.

There are people that say "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we..." and then forget about it.

There are people who go "Yeah, wayyyy..." and then regret it immediately.

Best to keep a list of who's who.

basically, yeah. i'm actually very surprised when people come through. and now with cell phones people have the ability to not make plans at all, just a vague "i'll call you." me, i like making plans. i don't want my time wasted. and i don't like being left hanging when someone says they're gonna show up and they don't and i'm standing in a club all alone looking like a frickin' loser.

Maybe I'm just being over-sensitive because it's the low part of my cycle and I need my anger managed some more.

I don't mind waiting if I'm at home, and I have a book to read or something, and I know how South London busses can be and all that. It's when you're at, say, a rehearsal studio booked for 6pm and you've been there since 5:45 so you can go in right at the start of your slot and set up so you can start on the dot, and everyone else kind of ambles in at about 6:15 - THAT fucks me off.

(The rehearsal After that one was blindingly good though...)

Not angry, or mad. But definitely disappointed.

This was one of the few creative things I'd actually cared quite passionately about in ages.

I've been just so *sick* of the music biz and music journalism for some time, perhaps it was a mistake to try and do it again. I have no interest in writing "book report" reviews and am just bored with reviving the deliberately provocative Fiona Fletcher stuff. I just don't *care* about the obsession with novelty that is demanded to be constantly cutting edge - I care about bands' second or third albums a lot more than their first.

I know from trying before that I don't really fit in with traditional comic book culture. But drawing is the big thing that gets me excited at the moment. I wouldn't even know how to pursue it any more.

With most people, "how are you?" is a purely social greeting ritual, and the expected answer is "Fine" or "Comme ce, comme ca" (or however you spell it.) But when friends ask me the question, I do feel like I can respond with what's on my mind, as I would expect them to respond with theirs. That's what *friends* are for.

But not in the ritual greeting thing, no.

I'm feeling this pain :(

I mean, I was offered a contract to do a comic book when I was a teenager, but they came to me, because I'd been putting out my own xeroxed comics for a year. I wouldn't even know how to go about researching it at this point.

But not in the ritual greeting thing, no.

When boss does it, be ritual. WHen mate does it, don't. There are two kinds of people . . .

I think it's just that people don't always know what they want. They might think your idea is interesting, but when it comes down to making plans they didn't realize all of the time and/or energy they would have to commit to it.

That'd be a 'ritual' one, right?

When you're just socialising, you can take that kind of laccadaisical approach and have people turn up when they turn up. (Unless you are the punctual person who always gets shat on by being by yourself in the pub for half an hour.)

However, when you are actually trying to plan something with an actual deadline - such as a gig, or a rehearsal, or, as in this specific case, EDITING A MAGAZINE - you *DO* need to organise and plan quite carefully or it doesn't work at all.

work relationships are like any, there's chemistry or not, good ones are hard to find, etc. etc. without chemistry or synergy of vision, (and if they are older than college age) i doubt you can realistically make work demands of people unless you are paying them.

I think this is an effective way of managing things. You don't have to word it exactly like that, but you do have to say a time frame and if you don't hear from a person within that time, they're out. You also have to be ready to either abandon the project or do it by yourself. I don't think you have to be paying them; if it's something of benefit to them, they've expressed interest in, it's reasonable to expect them to put some effort in.

Also, do this near the start. Too often one can get sucked in and have someone who doesn't really have the time or inclination hanging around on the edges of the project still wanting to be involved but making you wait 100s of hours for every comment, every meeting. This kills the whole thing deader than if you kicked them out at the start.

So are we doing this or not? (The answer is of course "Yes" because logically one of them is true)

Are you not coming? (FUCK YOU; learn one clarity)

I'm taking the magazine thing a lot worse than I expected - in a funny way, I'm actually more upset and disappointed over this than I was about losing my job. Probably because it *meant* more to me.

I just feel like the most sucktastic suckulator of suckdom. I know part of this is just chemical moodswing, but it's a bad time for it to have happened. I just feel like a total failure - can't hold a job, can't get a boyfriend, can't even do the one thing I've been passionate about since childhood - i.e. draw comics. Why do I even exist on the face of the earth, etc. etc.

When really I should just pick myself up and put myself back on my feet and try to find another place to publish them.

so, kate, last episode of nathan barley? video or vcd? 8)

I haven't forgotton your MixCD either - I've had to revise it twice cos I keep thinking all the choices are too obvious, but I'm still working on it. Honestly!

I've got this annoying song going through my head that goes "why should I bother? Why should I even care?" over and over and I wish it would stop but even computing prime numbers doesn't make it go away. Sigh.

There's another group of people who would *like* to do stuff, but not today, some other time....

Both groups see people who want definite answers to specific qs as control freaks.

Fri, 06 May 2005 15:34:45 -0500
Subject: You suck
From: "Steve Stone" Add to Address Book
To: masonicboom@yahoo.co.uk

It's a good thing that you guys broke up... You suck!

Great. I might suck, but at least I've got better things to do with my Friday evenings than email random strangers telling them that their bands suck.

I'm not feeling very capable. I can't organise my way out of a plastic bag at the moment and am just feeling frustrated by everything.

Last night I agreed to collaborate with D@vid L\/xemb0urg on a comic - basically illustrating his lyrics which I think would be pretty awesome. Today I'm having a hard time getting motivated because I can't concentrate and even reciting Pi out to as many decimal places as I can remember can't stop the thoughtworms. :-(

Kate, having HATERZ is one sign you've "made it" in some way, in my opinion