Describe your housemates

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I live a hermitly existence on my own.

My flatmate just sits at home in her dressing gown playing Vib Ribbon all day. She is starting to smell.

One flatmate is called Jo, she provides me with playstation games, entertainment and videos. She likes coffee as much as I do and we also get to combine our fabric stocks and make fantastic clothing.

My other flatmate is called Amy, I used to draw her at life drawing so I am always tempted to put up pictures... :) She only just moved in. My last flatmates in her place were to actors/dancers/singers and thoroughly entertaining. Not of course, as entertaining as some other flatties I've had including toilet boy, but that is another story. BTW, living with three trombone players is my new definition of hell.

My Flatmate is gentle and sweet but works to hard and on occasion embarasses me ( cf This Board)

My housemates are my immediate family. FatNick you know, my mum is retired on medical grounds (she's only 48 and has crippling RSI) and spends her time at the gym or reading trashy crime thrillers and WUVS Destiny's Child, though currently is very keen on Alicia Keys. My dad is about to retire early (he's 50) from BT, nab his pension and probably go to another telecoms company. He developed an obsession with classical music after seeing 'A Clockwork Orange' back in the 70s (that's fucked up, I know) but currently thinks POP is thee way ahead. Don't ask him about So Solid Crew though, he agreed with a recent letter in the Telegraph from one Anthony Sanderson.

There is Sarah, of this parish. She's quite odd. Her room is a mess. There is Alice, who is an art student and very nice indeed, if a little disturbing when drunk. Her room is very small. and Dan, who I haven't seen for weeks, have hardly ever spoken to and is generally a mystery to us all. He also owes me 50 quid. His room has the worst wallpaper in the house, it being vertical stripes of blue and yellow, in slightly smudged rendering. No one in their right mind would want to live in there. He has odd friends, but then, so do the rest of us. However ,none of my friends always carry a banjo.

My flatmate is called Imogen, and is tall and pretty, and incredibly laid back. In almost 2 years we haven't had a single row (which, as people here who know me will confirm, is almost incomprehensible). She is, however, less tidy than me and sometimes this annoys me. She has a boyfriend whose voice is loud, and he always pees directly into the water into the loo which is next to my bedroom. He's the one who looks like BBC International Sports Personality of the Year, Goran Ivanisevic.

She's moving out soon and I'll miss her.

there is Dream Date RickyT who you all know and love. he neffah effah buys loo roll or teabags but is quite good at buying whisky instead. he has an "alternative" attitude towards cleaning - well anything, really but we have compatible music and film tastes. lately he has been spending all his time with the Dream Date-ette and so my boyfriend and i have had the place to ourselves, heh heh. i wuv boyfriend and so he is above criticism, unless it's to his face :p

My flatmate is called Mike, as Jonnie pointed out the other day he's one of the most well-meaning people in the world, but he does play really bad music really loud when I have a hangover, and dumps clean laundry on the floor outside my room, other than that he's a nice guy though....... for a Spurs fan.

i live by myself alone (tho gareth made a good bid to change that last night arf arf)

Is her surname Stringer?

It is, isn't it, Mark? I went to school with her. She is indeed tall, pretty and very nice. Say hello from me.

There's Oly, short for Olegario, a sweet-tempered research assistant at the campus with fondnesses for surfing, sports and keeping fit, and Ben, a more sharp-tongued but still very friendly assistant with the film screening program at campus who DJs and has a full set-up in the living room. It's all very friendly and cozy!

Pete who goes through my underwear when I'm out and talks to himself when drunk and Alex who is housesitting for a chum till January which means our flat will not be cleaned for a month. I am of course the perfect flatmate if a little weeny bit messy. Also my hair tends to block the plughole in the bath. Sorry.

sadly i can only say that i still do not know my housemates. we're rarely in at the same time, and both David and Franzisca often are absent for days. The only thing i know is that i'm stuck between the uber-tidy F (let's have a rota! or let's agree to wash up as soon as we finish eating) and the uber-messy D (leaves half-eaten meals in front room, leaves dirty pans til the next time he cooks, leaves open pack of bacon out all w/e!). urk.

I have hooked them both on Zelda by way of punishment. heh

James is another James recently arrive on these boards (cf. deltics on the Trains thread). He is lovely, sometimes known as army James or Farmer James, he owns the house we live in, or rather his mum does. He also owns (depite claims to the contrary) the rusting V8 Land Rover in the driveway. He is currently an unemployed archaeologist but is striving to become an unemployed musician. Hiss only fault is that he thinks thai curry should have good deal less coconut in it.

Josh and Mike are the computer nerds ho live upstairs work funny shift patterns and pipe bandwidth downstairs for us to use. Josh is very very lazy but nice enough, he could do the washing up more often though. Mike is a recent arrival in the house, he works at the same place as Josh, He won our hearts by arriving with a very beautiful if damaged acordian, which he bought because he saw it ina market for £40 and couldn't pass it up, he can't play it and probably never will.

I live in horrid student halls shared house wiv people I mostly hate:

• Asian(?) guy nobody has ever seen more than glimpses of. I once saw him at the door rummaging for his keys, so I gave chase to catch a glimpse of his face (imagine here I Know What You Did Last Summer scene: Sarah-M G banging on shop door). He suddenly finds his keys, slams the door behind him and by the time I've found my keys he's already disappeared into his room.
• Pierre - French guy. Eats a lot of noodles, whistles a lot, know little otherwise.
• Fadi - Itlaian. Smoov wiv laydeez, Smoov in kitchen, good at football. Unsurprisingly also a ladybeating juvenile mysoinist fuckwit with a massive superiority complex (Benifit of Google: Fadi Fatahi) who's banned any nice girl (inc Sara et al) whom the house powerclique has befriended (now on third set of female friends).
• Rowan, musician, looks like Prince William - Into IDM, hip hop, rubbish indie+rock. Nice enough, but makes rubbish wisecracks at TV that I never know quite how to repsond to.
• Craig - Nice scouser, torn between being nice and being part of laddish powerclique.
• Steve - Irish tosspot, never shuts up, wanders around in just impossibly tight boxers. Really rather scary (in all meanings of the word: Freaky, worrying, terrifying).
• Jon - More indie than me, but Embrace/Gomez/BDB/Strokes etc, and "offended" by BSB. But as I'm the one who answers the door, and he has a constant stream of lovely indie gurlies visiting, can't complain.
• James - Child of the group, wants to hang out with PC, but not up to it. Laughs too much at crap gags, repeats jokes off TV out loud. Annoying, and a lesson to us all.
• Mike - Eldest, ringleader. Cockney thug, enormous but quiet and serene. PC ringleader.

(PC = Powerclique = Mike/Steve/Fadi/Craig, occasionally Jon. I overanalyse this way too much)

Did you say before the Irish guy is a rugger type bloke? we have lots of those in college, they tend to be wankers.

Graham - you've reminded me of my first year Halls of Residence *shudders*. You poor man.

And mine.

Christ, Nick, are there any ways in which we're not connected (apart from cock-to-bum, but since I'm coming round your place tonight, that can be arranged)?

But I'll say hello.

I'll tell Lucy to leave space for inter-course intercourse

My Flatemate is my dear MOM. She's a caring wonderful lady and we get along very well. She can't live alone so I look out for her. I handle the heavy work in the home and she cooks, and does crafts,( as she is an artist). Please don't take this as bragging. I'm being just honest.

Emily, the absent goth. She evidently spends much time at house of twice-her-age boyfriend, who is repulsive-- toilet seat up, loud boorish voice, occupying the kitchen table for weeks at a time with in-progress STAR WARS JIGSAW PUZZLES. (His birthday is quite close to mine, and when I turned 30 I saw a 'happy 30th' Snoopy card on the table next to the door-- thinking it was mine, I opened it, and found it was addressed to him by her parents, a deceit intended to conceal how sleazy he is.)

That said, she is very polite and considerate when she is here, which is perhaps once a week, and always pays her share of the bills, and either does not have sex or does it noiselessly. I just don't want to have to see she and the boyfriend dressed up for a 'Matrix' themed party again.

I still live at home but I have really strong locks on my door, always have!

Bro: He's probably my favorite person in the house, although he is an artsyfart weirdo and calls me his "FLATMATE" when like DUH we live in AMERICA!!!

Dad: He hardly ever speaks these days, but in general he's pretty cool and he stays out of my face. Sometimes though, when he's drunk or 'luded out and the house's environment-control computer goes all screwy and dims all the lights, he mistakes me for his favorite prostitute Ashleigh from the "Tenderloin Track" (who looks EXACTLY like me, like who-oaa!) and he sneaks up behind me, gives me a slow frontal wedgie and grabs my face and opens my mouth and spits hard into it, before I have to yell, "FUCK OFF, DAD, IT'S ***ME***!!! Like DUH!!!" I can't be mad though because he just bought me a Jaguar XK8 and an SP-12 which I make the deadliest beats on! He's so silly!

Mom: She also hardly ever speaks these days, and her facial expression is like that of a small, tense rodent thanks to too much tanning bed and chemical peels! Nice one, mom! Gah! She installed an outrageously expensive softening AND triple-purification system for ALL the water in our house, even the bathwater, as well as this walk-in chamber that sprays her with $500/gram Belgian quick-absorb moisturizer like an automatic car wash or something, but that didn't help much because she also has another chamber that does the exact same spray thing except with pure base cocaine.

Britt: would you happen to know or be related to a girl named Chasmino?

I live with my boyfriend. He racks up $215 phone calls to Montreal for no apparent reason. Still an improvement over the last two. If I bought an XBox, Wheeler would move in.

Isn't that like 2 Jack Trippers? That's not supposed to work in the sitcom universe.

arf. we all moved out today. meep meep. but they are so exquisite I must talk about them.

Kirsten is one of the most charming people on this planet. She laughs really easily and makes other people laugh too. Her laugh was my alarm clock. She has long blonde hair and green eyes. She has an incredibly sweet tooth, it's really quite a phenomenon. Her favourite things are dates, honey, licorice, sweets, and wine. She is a printmaker. She makes gorgeous woodcuts in the reduction or 'suicide' method, of New Zealand landscapes in hues of blue and green and ochre and grey. They sell like crazy. Her nicknames are: Jerkin, Berkin, Berky, Perkin, Perks, Perkinstein, Ole Man Berkin, Sweet Little Ole Man Berkin, Berkinstocks.

Katharine is also blonde with green eyes. I call Katharine: Poppett, Moppett and Monster. And also lately I have started calling her Kat- Weazle. With not such a sweet tooth, she prefers delights from the deli and antipasto extravaganzas. When Kat finds somethng very funny she has this special over-drive laugh. Her eyes turn into screwed up half moons and she laughs a special laugh that sounds like she is not going to stop laughing ever. Ktharine is a photographer and this year she has been researching the colour of light. She made six light-boxes for her end of year show and they are honestly the most wonderous things. I am lucky enough to own one.

When Kat and Berkin and me walk down the street, Kat is always on my left with her hand in my pocket and Berky is on my right with her arm around my waist. I love them both very much.

ben you room with a fifteen year old?

The ages are 21 and 41.

J*** & R****** are even bigger fuckin losers than me, well maybe. No they're not, they are scientists so at least they have a "career path". But everything is broken or in the pawn shop or whatever & the place smells like dog pee.

I love them very much.

I've been living in my new gaff for over a month now and probably haven't exchanged more than five words with either of my "flatmates." Admittedly I'm out most of the time and when I'm in they tend to be out, but when we are all in we tend to have a silent understanding re. bathroom, kitchen, etc. and so avoid each other 99.9% of the time.

Doesn't really bother me as much as I thought it would. I NEED some solitude at the moment in order to try to sort my life out, without distractions.

my flatmates are 3/4 all male anal d&d types. they are loud and they don't know any women except for me. the other is this sporter guy whose only redeeming feature is that he has a king loser t-shirt. in a wierd kind of way. i really like them. they're surly and its so easy to piss them off that i can't help but like them. i deliberately decided not to flat with my friends this year. BAD experience in 1999 made me come to that decision. i'd rather fall out with people i don't know than friends.

Weird housemate thing at this time of year = giving each other Xmas cards (thanks for mine Pete yours is in the post plus I seem to have chucked your card down the back of my bedside table thing in a drunken fit last nite). One year when there were 4 of us we had shit loads of cards all from each other so we looked artificially popular. Not that we weren't all very popular with people other than each other of course.

Both of my housemates are about 4 years older than me. One watches TV all day and talks back to the cast of "Friends". He annoys me a little but not as much as his ringtone set to an ATB track. The other is a gay dramatic arts student whose boyfriend likes to talk to me for some reason. I don't really have any relationship with my housemates outside of paying bills.

i live with two girls who TAKE THE PISS OUT OF ME all the time. one loves dub and has a shrine to lee scratch perry. the other has a boyfrind in tenerife who she speaks to in fluent spanish. he has a squeaky voice and i hev to say 'momento' when he rings up. i made that up and am very proud of it.

being girls they work very hard while i sit in the kitchen or do some mixing. we have a russian poster for a exhibition of soviet underwear. hannah (dub girl) used to go out with bloke who allegedly set up warp records. or at least produced the first ten tracks (forgemasters/sweet exorcist etc).

as far as i can tell rachel likes the fun loving criminals. she really liked my cassetteboy record ('dodi and di do die')

we get on pretty well, throwing satsumas at each other etc

I would just like to announce that I've been pretending Nicole did not mention Jack Tripper at all.

I live alone with my cat. I don't like to have flatmates as I am not easy going and I am very anal and my way is the right way. It really annoys me when people don't put things back exactly where they found them - such as herbs, condiments, shampoo etc. with the label facing the same direction. There is a right place for everything and a right way of doing everything. Unless I can loosen up a bit I will have to continue to live alone because I find it far too distressing to live with people who can't read my mind. My mum once cleaned my house for me when I was really sick and it was a very distressing experience because she didn't do it right and I would have rather it had stayed messy rather that be tidied the wrong way. I had to grimace and thank her though because she did it out of love of martyrism.

I have interesting neighbours though, mostly Hindi's who cook delicious smelling food and a man over the fence with a cat called Hedge who "looks like she got hit in the face with a truck" - his words. Hedge is a blue persian.

well ed has already outlined the people who he lives with, and by defenition the people i live with. what can i add? ed is moving to london for a while although he will still have his room here. i am heartbroken by this! not only does ed get me up in the morning, make loads of amazing food, play loads of amazing records, badger me about what i have failed to get done of a day in a vain attempt to get the wiring/motorcycles/cleaning/whatever done, but he is also simply one of the loveliest, most intelligent, well balanced and friendly people i have ever met. moreover, i am not just writing this because i know he will read it.

josh and mike are cool, the funny shift system that they work to does mean strange waking hours though. without ed living here i'm sure i'll be sleeping shift patterns in order to be sociable. They are computer men as ed has said, and it is nice to have a huge pile of expertise available when ever my machine packs up. their latest project is to get a sisco (spelling?) router and link two cable modem connections, possibly only so it is faster than a work colleagues adsl hook!

i don't live with him anymore but a chap called ben was the best housemate ever. we lived in a cruddy little flat in central sheffield and never argued once. true we used to hit each other with big sticks, but this was all in the name of fun. unfortuantely it doen't always work out like that, and ed, josh and i were very upset when our original housemate, a girl called sally, for want of a better expression went wierd and left. this is the danger of living with friends as di points out, because before sally was pretty much my closest companion, and now she would rather face a wall than look at me.

I have to LIVE with them, why do you think I would want to TALK about them? Har.

Nooo no no no. I live with Alix, who despite liking mayonnaise too much is a GRATE CHUM, Alice who is an art student who scares me half the time and seems to have somehow buggered my phone extension ah well, she is nice too, and THEN there is New Boy Dan who despite having lived with us for ages I have seen about five times and spoken to about three times. He had loud sex with his GURLIE once but I have never heard them since. I think he is a DJ. He said something once about doing a PCGE. Alice speaks to him more often than I do. He sometimes has MCing and SCRATCHING sessions with his mates. And by this I do not mean he raps whilst getting in contact with his APE BRANE. He has LOTS of vinyl (which he doesn't keep in the sleeves!! NGG!) but I am too scared to go into his room and nick any of it. He's very tall.

oh yeah, don't know how i forgot to mention it but ed in the comunal house living space is tidied and ordered (with the notable exception of mass turkey and ham cooking). in his own room he is increadibly messy. if i could do that in fancy italic, bold or a funny colour, or even an html link to a dictionary definition of increadibly i would.

that messy. bless.

He has a dog named Charlie. He cooks very good food. He buys acid from strange sweaty boys who live on our block. Sometimes he's a little bugged-out, but he's generally a pacific sort.