Oh my word! Well, you have to say that's magnificent.

If you hate sport, describe times when you out-witted a slack-jawed jock. New answers.

My self and 8 others winning the junior 14s Schools head of the river race in an octuple scull. (Schools head is 2/3rds of the oxford and cambridge boat race backwards)

Age ten, in goal for Lathkill pack cubs 5 a side team in the Chesterfield regional final, it goes to penalties, I let in the first and third pens, but the second I catch easily, the fourth, I tip onto the bottom of the post at full stretch. So I have to take the last penalty, straight into the top right corner, sweet.

that or the time I scored with a corner playing Sunday league, again, top right corner, I think a gust of wind may have helped, but I'm still saying it was the wicked swerve I put on it!

This is going to sound really sad but I was so crap at sports my greatest sporting moment was finishing 3rd out of 4th in a Sports Day swimming race (breaststroke heats I believe). I couldn't believe I'd beaten *anyone* and was just ecstatic.

Coming 13th out of 13 in the 100m or something, I can't remember. I would have been great if it was the 13th as well.

a) Being part of the sinister 5-a-side team that demolished the NME in the final of the ATP2000 football tournament. Tony Parsons! Julie Burchill! Danny Baker! Your boys took one hell of a beating!

b) Winning the Stevenage Minor League 5-a-side tournament with Stevenage Colts in 1980, and being presented with winner's medal by LUTHER BLISSETT!

Under 13 football, I had not been getting many games then lo and behold I am started some random saturday. It was "fairytale stuff" then, to use a cliche, when I scored a sweet hat trick all in the first half. As I recall the third goal happened when they had a free kick for offside and their keeper had a fight with the defender over who would take it which culminated in the keeper blasting it at the defenders back, the ball fell to me miles out and I lobbed him. I never bettered the goal, and although I got my game forever more after, I got glandular fever later on in the year and eventually quit cos of it. Awwww.

two moments of glory- walking the fth form cross country, the entire length of the run despite the urgings of teachers to cut corners. I was taking a leisurely pace and some passers by asked me if I was actually entered. I got a standing ovation when I strolled over the finish line

The second- my six? yr old poeam I HATE SPORT being published on the back of the school magazine

i played hockey AND ran 100m for my school at district level. i was pretty fast over 100m!

So was I!! then I discovered beer. Mind you Martyn Holliday was always better, was first reserve for the England team or something and so was always the best at school.

Not quite up to Edna's level, but I was self-appointed captain of the Looper Bowlie 5-a-side team which narrowly lost to Camera Obscura on penalties in the final. And I scored our first goal against Radio 1, which was nice. Though I did play in an 18-0 defeat once.

The only prize I ever got was for 2nd place in the U12 high jump at school.

I was also selected for the London Borough of Merton U16 badminton team, only for them to discover I didn't live in Merton and was therefore barred. The buggers.

However, at school I was in the house quiz team in each of my years there, and we came 1st, 1st, 1st, 2nd and 1st, which was nice. Does that count as sport?

1.Football

1994 : Keeping Goal for the Work 5-a-side team which played in a massive tournament at Highbury and won 3 out of our 4 games. I broke a finger in the first match too!

1988 : Saving two penalties as we won the final of the King's College London departmental football tournament.

1997/8 : 13 Goals as target man in the work 11-a-side team.

2. Cricket

1988 : 14 not out (opening)in a total of 52 as King's College Chemists were thrashed by Physics.

1990 : a quickfire 19 for the work Cricket team v ICI in the Thames Valley League. This included 3 fours off consecutive balls from the *fastest bowler I have ever seen*. My innings ended when I top edged a bouncer onto my head and was caught at short leg. Exit a bloodied and dazed Dr. C

3. Darts

November 14th 2001. A 147 checkout! Treble 17, treble 20 double 15.

Dr C you are my new hero for that Checkout. I did forget my best cricket moment though, playing for my work team against head office (featuring a ringer who used to play for Durham). Batting not so good, went in, after team lost 3 wickets for very few runs so stuck around to make 15 including a lovely square cut 4 before losing patience completely and swiping out at a wide and getting caught.

Then bowling, took 4 for 11 off four overs including two in two balls the second being a caught and bowled which the batsman gave a right wallop, I just stuck my hand down low to the right, felt a lot of pain and realised that the ball was still in my hand! I've no idea whatsoever how I caught that ball! We won by two runs after one of our bowlers managed a maiden in the last over.

'Trebles for show, doubles for dough.' - Bobby George.

Hmmm...the best moment came when I tried to sidefoot the ball into the bottom left corner but I hit it so well that I curled it to the top right corner, and hit the damn crossbar!!! Everyone applauded the skill involved!...I only ever managed to score one goal in my entire high school PE lessons. Even though I was an ace goal hanger at break time...

Just recently I played 5 aside footie and scored 7, this weekend I shall score at least 10!

I'm not much for sports either so mine are pathetic and all from eighth grade track. Once was the first time I ran the 1500 m race and won it (out of all 3 of us in it), and the second was when I broke 7 minutes (6:55, I was SO proud). Only after that I got some kind of muscle inflammation and couldn't run properly for weeks, so by the time I was back in I couldn't run quickly and stopped improving.

My first school had a swimming gala once. On the day it was held I was coming down quite swiftly with measles and none of the teachers thought it was a good idea to send me home. The shitters forced me to participate. I was so ill and feverish I couldn't swim, and when I got in the pool I would just walk from one end to the other.

When I was about 11-12 Y/O, I did very well in gymnastics if I could have continued I may have been a teacher now. I'll never know though. I also loved skating & singing but both were dropped a s well. C'est la vie so they say!

I ran a classic 800m race when I was 12. I started tucked in at the back, then after 300 metres I started to make my way up the field. Between 500 and 700 metres I was on the shoulder of the leader, putting on the pressure. We turned into the home straight and I sprinted, she sprinted, but I pulled away, threw my hands in the air as I crossed the line and enjoyed my moment of glory. The best bit was that all the boys were cheering for a girl called Samantha but they all gradually changed their allegiance as they saw what I was up to. These days I puff round the block for a few minutes before collapsing in a queasy heap.

i canoed 1000k from dixon dam to sakatoon at sjsa. i canoed 450 k in bogs and mud holes and rain lakes and half rivers and marshes and rapids from ille de la crosse to le ronge. those trips were so signifigant, they made me a man .