In case your wonder ing why I choose to remain anonymous.... I could never tell you shit like this if you knew who I wreally am!

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Tonight I've been drinking at home like a loser, of cousre On a saturday and for some reason after I posted that thread about "Nothing' Idecided that I really needed a cigarette even thouse I stopped smoking a long time ago ad really have no desire unless I'm drunk. I can't shake that habit! So, I figured it being all 3 oclock in the morning and everything I would sneak downastairs and get a butt from the lobby ashtray. When I did, it just so happens a group of kids starst walking into the building and the ashtry ais right next to the elevator where people go up and down so they see me with my figners in the ashtray and are looking at me like I'm an alien and there are giggles but I don't know who is laughing at me, so I pretend to make a big joke out of it and I say, "I'm not doing anything."

This makes the whole situation that much more awekward and ridiculaous because they think I'm trying to lie to them and I have no idea how to think on my feet and explain to them in a cool way that I am joking because it's not cool and I go tbusted being a loser. So, I seriously just look at them smiling for a while like a (must have seemed like a crazy person and I say, "HEH HEH HEH" really stupid as if I'm stilll jokeing. And i intentionally and dramatically start going thirough the ashtrayy adn pulling out butts. I grabged tlike 4 or 4 butts and walked away repeateding "HEH HEH HEH"...

Then, I start walkin gup the stairs because I walknt to get away from them as fast as possible, but I'm trying to look all swayve and like I don't care or something, so 'm going intentionally slow. Then I realize how stupid I am being and how obvious it is and I get freakout by wondering how I will face them in the fugure thought I've never seen then before in my life and I speed up-- AN DTHEN I THINK HOLY SHIT I AM REALLY OBVIOUS AND EMBARRASSING MYSELF--

NExt thing I know I am walking up stairs and I think someone is following me. I feel really freaked out and paranoid and look behind me. I don't see anybody so I keep going up the stairs. I forget where I am and what floor I'm on but I can clearly hear them like right in the room with me and wonder how ith the heck they are following me and where they are and... WHO IS IT? Is it the same group of kids from downstairs???!!?? AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Then, I realize it is my fucking BOXER SHORTS, by big ridiculous practically canvsa boxer shorts making the noise when I move my legs that sounds like people following me!!!!!

So I was in my lobby in my bboxer shorts stealing cigarettes from the ashtray. Not only that but is' on video camera!

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 06:57 (twenty years ago)

If you knew who I was, I could never share this with you!

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 06:57 (twenty years ago)

If you knew who I was, I could never share this with you! !!

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 06:58 (twenty years ago)

Why isn't this thread showing up? Im I in a time warp??? Have I been cushioned off into the netherworld?

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 06:59 (twenty years ago)

If that's of any consolation to you, I think we've all done something equally or even more stupid. God knows I have.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:03 (twenty years ago)

Sorry. Not a good story. Try again when you wake up bleeding internally and in great pain.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:04 (twenty years ago)

it is amazing how many type o's I just made. (I made about 400 more just now in one sentence and my little publisher parenthetical notaion just took me about another 400 minutes to spell check). This will be embarasing tomorrow. Like I said thank god you don't kiw who I really am.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:06 (twenty years ago)

Oh, I guess Slighliy and moe asubdued rally hates me and want sm e to be in bleeeding gut pain or something. Sorry dude, if you knoew me you'd probably liek be because I am very live and liv live.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:07 (twenty years ago)

I was caught on a security video camera in an elevator once, doing something enthusiastic with a 6ft 4ins drunken rugby player.

― C J (C J), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:08 (twenty years ago)

ashould I be less abmarrased than I am allready DRUNK NO LESS that I as in themain lobb in by boser shorts?!?!?!?

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:09 (twenty years ago)

aheam BOXDR shorts?!?

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:09 (twenty years ago)

Oh fuck it. I give up.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:10 (twenty years ago)

you may find this hard to believe, but i don't wonder about you, period.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:12 (twenty years ago)

what do you mean, who you really are? are you someone we should know?

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:12 (twenty years ago)

insult o rama.

Oops, all I've vere wondere daobu tyou was if you'are a birl or not An di vn then I didn't really ccae. I am not an egomaniac. I don't care waht peopl e thingk of me at all except in PEROSN IN REALITY... other wise live and let ilive. I just don't caer. I know everyone is fucked up but most are too ashamed to admit it because, well obviously, it's embarrassing.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:15 (twenty years ago)

Jaymc, I've been here since the first day of ILX. Literally first day.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:15 (twenty years ago)

are you that 'john' person that gave everyone the shits spamming the board with self-indulgent nonsense for ages?

― gem (trisk), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:18 (twenty years ago)

I was caught on a security video camera in an elevator once, doing something enthusiastic with a 6ft 4ins drunken rugby player.

Sharing pecan pie recipes?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:18 (twenty years ago)

I am also An incredibly large liar. NMo, notthte first tday, but I've been throguh a variety of names and people like me by other names. I've segmented aspects of my personality out andyou'lll never know who I really am because it's all acting, really.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:18 (twenty years ago)

Honest: some of you who really despise me in my carious characterizations of aspects of myself have stuck by me through thick and thin under more reliable names. And I am not about to share that wilh you.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:20 (twenty years ago)

only an egomaniac would take that as an insult

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:25 (twenty years ago)

BUT as my name suggests: I AM RESULTUE NOT TO GE A PRICK ANYMORE.. or fuck it however you spell it. I am drunk now and I still think I'm doing a very goo d job abou tbeing up fron tand honest, despite the fact that I'm using a really old enemy as a proxy if it is still him (and by the way, he's not really an enemy anymore). I'm being ahonest about what I feel AT THE MOMENT, despite how schizophrenic it might seem to people who are more content to only shar e ONE ASPECT OF THEIR PERSONALITY.

I am not content until EVERYTHING is out in the open and I CAN SEE HOW PEOPLE RESPOND to the THINGS I THINK, even if they are only PASSING THOUGHTS.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:29 (twenty years ago)

but the thing people don't get is they are ONLY passing thought. THey are not really me any more than drinking coffee in the morning is really me. I throw shit at the wall to see if it sticks.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:31 (twenty years ago)

you sound like what'shisnuts...Scaredy Cat.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:34 (twenty years ago)

And... what people who love me by one name but hate me by another REALLY won't understand is: I *REALLY* LOVE YOU PEOPLE and I feel bad when you post things about how you hurt and I try to entertain you and make you feel good and normal and share with you how "normal" I think you are. The SAD part is that I feel TOTALLY ABNORMAL for obvious reasons, but I still do it under various names and circumstances.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:37 (twenty years ago)

i think it might be time for you to have a bit of a lie down

― gem (trisk), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:38 (twenty years ago)

I'm not a brave cat, but I am not always so obvious or pidgeon-holed.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:39 (twenty years ago)

AND the most important thing to remember is really something that will knock your socks off: When you all meet each other at various ILX Meet-Ups when you do that thing you do and have a really good time... you are all hanging out with ME. An dnoone of you noticed me smoking left over butts in the ashtray.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:41 (twenty years ago)

hi, pinefox.i won't, tell

― charltonlido (gareth), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:45 (twenty years ago)

what people who love me by one name but hate me by another

Lord Custos is an alter-ego of Nabisco?

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:46 (twenty years ago)

Nah, I'm sorry I can't even try to stir up any controversy anymore. I was just trying to connect ILX in a weird way with everyhint ILX ever did and be all David Lynch-y and I suspected you knoew What I was doing, but having fun in th eprocess. I'm just drunk making shi t up as I go along. But thta tnothing thread is weird, please read it smart people and I 'll check it out tomorrow to see what intelligent people think.

I hoipe it was not construed as "prick-like" behavrio because I have swoarn not to be one of those!

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:47 (twenty years ago)

Sdrioudly, I am sorr if I was rude, but like I said I AM DRUNK and I seriously hope you realise drunk people can be idioticly ridiculous. Although, actually this thread tsarted out really honset that was actually the WHOLE FUCKIN BPOINT! You gues are a bad incluence, amn!

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:49 (twenty years ago)

its ned isn't it? hi ned!

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:53 (twenty years ago)

Gem OTM.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:54 (twenty years ago)

i knew it was tuomas!

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 07:58 (twenty years ago)

It's 11:58 AM in Finland! Why would I be drunk at such an hour?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 4 June 2005 08:00 (twenty years ago)

you tell me, mister!

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 08:04 (twenty years ago)

I just went tot the corner store to get more beer. I plan to take it to the limit one more time before I undergo deadly surgery. YES, DEADLY surgery. YOu may get your wish. I have a 60-70$ cahnce of success, which means a 30% chance of death.

But, since all this nonsense has come to pass like the George Harrison Album, let me tell you some weird shit that has happened to me lately:

I woke up with a translucent creature on my chest. It felt like both sexes and it seemed to be trying to kill me. No shit. I was sober. I don't expect you to believe me. I was temporarily paralyzed and when I came "alive" again, I had a strange full-body tremor that woke up my mate and I could not stop as she was asking, "What's wrong?"

ANother thing: a coworker of mine was telling me about this person who was "hitting on her" and "really bothering her" and for some reason, I could tell what she really meant was that she had cheated on her husband and before I knew it there was a pause and I asked, "Does your husband know?" and she looked at me funny and said, "No" and then the truth came out. And she was obviously freaked out by me and didn't want to be around me.

Another thing: We ordered to pizza rolls and after 10 minutes, which is not really enough time to be suspicious about your delivery, I picked up the phone really without thinking and hit "redial." When the man picked up, I said, "I just wanted to make sure there was no problem with my order. It's 3-G, as in Godzilla, remember?" and he laughed and said, "Holy shit! He's in your building right now. I forgot about that!" I said, "yes, something funny so you'd remember." He said, "Why was I thinking '3-J as in John?'" I knew, for some reason, "Because it's the opposite?" And he said, "Yeah, you're right! That's crazy! I'm so sorry!" I was a little taken aback because of the surprised emotion and said it was no problem and a moment later my buzzer rang and this guy outside started to sing -- AND I JOINED HIM MIDSONG --- "stories high: GODZILLA!" I have barely any recollection of the cartoon, but I know it's the themesong to a Godzillar cartoon.

Also, before I opened the bad, I knew they forgot the sauce, which they said over the phone when we ordered "came with it, anyway" and we said, "well, just give us extra sauce, then, because we like lots of sauce!" As I paid the delivery man his tip, I thought, "there's 2 dollars wasted: they forgot the sauce and the apartment number-- if it wasn't for me, I wouldn't get this shit at all." I opened the bag and there it was: no sauce at all. Then I realized: how did I know they forgot the sauce already?!

So, anyway, I am pretty sure I am going to die.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 08:35 (twenty years ago)

Sleep paralysis dude, we've done that thread before too.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 4 June 2005 10:07 (twenty years ago)

Hey ReNTboy, the sauce clairvoyance post was hot. You'll be okay, just get some sleep. In exchange for this compliment, which you should cherish like everlasting ice cream, can you predict if I will ever be a fireman when I grow up? Because I'd hate to be a fireman.

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Saturday, 4 June 2005 11:06 (twenty years ago)

http://www.garmentdistrict.com/store/popculture/southpark/magnets/southj.jpg

― M Philip O'Nyman (Ferg), Saturday, 4 June 2005 11:20 (twenty years ago)

Anyway what dyou mean anonymous? Yer still logged in - so, youve been prankster, lemonade salesman, eleventy somethin or other, and god knows what else. Are you trying to suggest you're also Aaron Zanders or Ned or me or god knows who?

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 4 June 2005 11:49 (twenty years ago)

well, i thought it was funny.

― jed_ (jed), Saturday, 4 June 2005 11:59 (twenty years ago)

surely he's just trying to take the piss out of the whole anonymous confessional post thing. i find that original post pretty hilarious.

― jed_ (jed), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:01 (twenty years ago)

Ahyeah I guess.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

i mean i just think it's funny that it's called "I could never tell you shit like this if you knew who I wreally am!" and every post is signed. maybe my sense of humour is lame!

― jed_ (jed), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:14 (twenty years ago)

ah now you've explained it its not funny any more

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:15 (twenty years ago)

its ned isn't it? hi ned!

Hey!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:17 (twenty years ago)

ARE YOU JIMMY RAY?

― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:20 (twenty years ago)

Ned Ragget just out of bed or not in it yet? surely it's around 6.am. where you are?

― jed_ (jed), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:27 (twenty years ago)

I just got out of bed. I'm an early riser on weekends, but I suspect I'll rest again for a bit yet.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

(And please, I beg of you...there are two t's in my last name.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

he gets up, checks new answers, then returns to bed.

with his laptop.

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:29 (twenty years ago)

I'm not *that* crazy. I have no laptop.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

it was a typo this time!

― jed_ (jed), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

I have on insight as to the identity of the questioner but I thought I should drop in and say "hi" from the corner of bedford and north 6th in sunny Brooklyn. Boy my WAP program is tedious! Also, logging in does not work from my Symbian shone, but other sites requiring cookies work fine. Hello!

― J W, Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

on insight? one? no?

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:42 (twenty years ago)

this guy sucks

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

"no" even. Stupid predictive text. Xpost

― J W, Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

I have on insight as to the identity of the questioner
Don't you think you mean maybe the Questionizer, Jon? No, that guy never logs in and at this point I kind of like him better than this guy. Although there are certain things that make them sound mighty alike.

― k/l (Ken L), Saturday, 4 June 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

CJ, is it true about rugby players balls?

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Saturday, 4 June 2005 14:42 (twenty years ago)

Funny shape? Yeah.

― C J (C J), Saturday, 4 June 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

I woke up at 12:47 today with quite a start. I was dreaming about supergluing sweedish fish to a tin and sticking the filter of every cigarette in a brand new pack up my butt and then placing them back in the box and then super gluing the whole pack to the tin. Then, placing the tin outside on the sidewalk in front of an apartment building stairway in Manhattan with a little ceramic guy holding a sign that says "FREE! Take One!" using the apartment complex's door camera to watch the entertainment. That was my actual dream. I had some guilty feelings but it was like I couldn't stop myself. At one point, I was thinking about the afterlife and what if cigarettes up my butt made someone sick, like hepatitis or something? But, I couldn't stop myself I wanted to see people make the "yuck" face so bad.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:05 (twenty years ago)

Anyway, I did it all for youse.

― ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (Unfortunate Prankster), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:21 (twenty years ago)

four years pass...

another gem using random thread function.

― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 8 July 2009 21:43 (sixteen years ago)

saragershel

― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 8 July 2009 22:11 (sixteen years ago)

what the teetotal fuck?

― Why? I forget what biologists have suggested. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 8 July 2009 22:13 (sixteen years ago)

sorry for bumping this ... I just was thoroughly entertained by the fact the guy kept going ...tza and enbb's random thread bumps were better than this one.

― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 8 July 2009 22:16 (sixteen years ago)

reason #1 for lurking and random posting is this.

― dice in my pockets (csa), Wednesday, 8 July 2009 22:49 (sixteen years ago)

This was ScardeyCat wasnt it?

― lolsbury hill (Trayce), Thursday, 9 July 2009 00:18 (sixteen years ago)

This is a great story actually. Reminds me of when I was younger and broke and had no money for cigarettes. I would do exactly the same thing, go down to the lobby and steal half smoked cigarettes out of the ashtray. I would chop the end off the filter or wrap it in paper to avoid germs. Yechh I know but sometimes I was poor and ran out of money for cigarettes.

― Department of Energy Department (u s steel), Thursday, 9 July 2009 00:46 (sixteen years ago)

I plan to take it to the limit one more time before I undergo deadly surgery.

^^^michael mann posted to ilx?

― enbba champions (omar little), Thursday, 9 July 2009 00:55 (sixteen years ago)

So I was in my lobby in my bboxer shorts stealing cigarettes from the ashtray. Not only that but is' on video camera!

^^^^will use as opening lines to short story in the near future

― I understand that the romantic interest route is very popular. (stevie), Thursday, 9 July 2009 09:40 (sixteen years ago)

go down to the lobby and steal half smoked cigarettes out of the ashtray.

Do American apartment houses regularly have a lobby where you can smoke? Because we don't have those in Finland. Or do you all live in hotels?

― Tuomas, Thursday, 9 July 2009 11:34 (sixteen years ago)

we all live in hotels Tuomas.

― Why? I forget what biologists have suggested. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 9 July 2009 13:59 (sixteen years ago)

I'm gonna imp out on y'all and confess... I've masturbated to completion over WDYLL photos of 3 different ilxors. Am soooo tempted to name names but guilt is setting in as I type so I won't.

― the question, Thursday, 9 July 2009 16:39 (sixteen years ago)

You know, you really can't post a revelation like that without actually saying who! It's just not right.

Also . . . "imp out" LOL.

― $^o$ (/o^)/ (ENBB), Thursday, 9 July 2009 16:42 (sixteen years ago)

Henry would like to register his concern

― Bo-rad Crewcial Overdrive (jjjusten), Thursday, 9 July 2009 16:44 (sixteen years ago)

hahahahahahaha

― $^o$ (/o^)/ (ENBB), Thursday, 9 July 2009 16:44 (sixteen years ago)

"to completion"

― Why? I forget what biologists have suggested. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 9 July 2009 16:56 (sixteen years ago)

what a polite way of saying this! Thank you anonymous poster!

― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:43 (sixteen years ago)

not even the best stupid euphemism for it imho

― thomp, Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:56 (sixteen years ago)

http://d21c.com/rainstorme/gifs/pretty_face.gif

DO I ENCHAUNT YOU?

― homosexual II, Tuesday, 14 July 2009 04:04 (sixteen years ago)

not creepy at all.

― ian, Tuesday, 14 July 2009 04:29 (sixteen years ago)

six years pass...

who was dis

― Neanderthal, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 20:51 (nine years ago)

dis was old ilx

― And the cry rang out all o'er the town / Good Heavens! Tay is down (imago), Wednesday, 4 May 2016 20:53 (nine years ago)

inscriptate

― And the cry rang out all o'er the town / Good Heavens! Tay is down (imago), Wednesday, 4 May 2016 20:53 (nine years ago)

craig steven wright?

― Sufjan Grafton, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 20:55 (nine years ago)

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